by E. L. Todd
FRIDAY
E. L. TODD
This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this novel are fictitious or used fictitiously. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher or author, except in the case of a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.
Fallen Publishing
Friday
Editing Services provided by Final-Edits.com
Copyright © 2016 by E. L. Todd All Rights Reserved
The Fool
Marie
I never felt so stupid in my entire life.
When we were in bed together I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was doing what I always did—feeling. Every time he moved inside me and kissed me, I felt something. It was more than just physical desire or a pleasurable touch. It meant something so much more. I was a flower and he was my sun. I was the lamb and he was the wolf. Maybe I shouldn’t have said what I said but I couldn’t help it.
I meant it.
I never expected him to get up and leave like that. He stormed out and didn’t look back. When I asked him to stay he refused. For some idiotic reason, I thought he felt what I did. I thought something developed over these past few months, and not just something insignificant.
I thought he loved me too.
Not only was I embarrassed for putting myself out there like that. But I was also hurt.
Actually, I was broken.
I went to class like everything was normal and concentrated on my schoolwork. When I was at The Grind I focused on making coffee and keeping the place clean.
But of course, my mind drifted to him.
What did this mean? Were we done? Just like that?
A whole week went by and I didn’t hear a peep from him. Since he was the one who left I refused to contact him first. I may be heartbroken over what he did, but I wasn’t so desperate.
Axel was an honorable man who was always honest. If he didn’t love me, he wouldn’t say it just to make me happy. But I didn’t think he was the type of guy to take off without saying another word. It was cold, to say the least.
With every passing day it was difficult for me to put on a brave face and pretend everything was all right. When I was around Francesca I did my best to appear normal. I didn’t want to dump my emotional shit on Francesca—especially when it was about Axel.
Francesca just pulled out a batch of muffins from the oven. They smelled like apple cinnamon, and they made our house smell like a bakery. No matter how delicious their scent was, it couldn’t mask the stench of my pain.
She set the pan on the counter and waited for them to cool. “It’s weird not seeing Axel around.” She picked the top of a muffin and popped a chunk into her mouth.
“Yeah, he’s busy.” I sat at the kitchen table with my laptop open. I had a ten-page paper due and I only had a single paragraph done. And the introduction was always the easiest part.
“Too busy for you?” She chuckled like that was absurd. “Not possible.”
Axel used to be so sweet to me. He was at my beck-and-call, and even when I needed a break he refused to leave my side. He slept with me every night and found any reason to kiss me. I missed the way he looked at me, like I was his whole world.
How did I misread him?
Francesca scooped out a muffin and set it on a plate before she passed it to me. “Something wrong?”
“No.” I said it quickly and kept my gaze averted. I pulled the muffin toward me because I was in desperate need of comfort food.
Francesca continued to stand at the table, and she tilted her head slightly to get a good look at me. “Are you sure? You’ve been super quiet lately.”
“Just stressed with school…semester is almost over.”
Francesca knew me better than anyone, so she knew when I was full of shit. “Seriously, what’s wrong? You’ve been weird lately and I thought you were just tired or something but it’s been going on a while…what aren’t you telling me?”
I didn’t want to keep it from her. I told her everything, and having that kind of friendship always made me feel better. But since Axel was her brother it was just awkward. “Nothing.”
She pulled out the chair and plopped down into it. “Don’t bullshit with me. What is it?”
I picked at the muffin and felt the crumbles in my fingers.
“Girl, tell me. I can tell there’s something on your mind.” She stared at me hard and waited for a response.
“It’s Axel…I think we broke up.”
She couldn’t hold back her gasp. “What? Seriously? How?”
I shrugged. “He walked out and that’s the end of the story.”
“He walked out? What does that mean? Marie, start from the top.” The TV was on in the background but we both forgot it was there.
I sighed and kept picking at the muffin. “It’s awkward…”
“You can still tell me. I won’t be weird about it.”
“Well, it should weird you out.”
She snapped her fingers in my face. “I’m a mature adult. Marie, you’re my best friend and I need to know these things—even if it concerns my brother.”
“Well…we were together…”
She knew exactly what I meant but didn’t make a face. “Okay. What else?”
“And I said something I shouldn’t…” I was mortified at the memory.
“What did you say?”
“I love you.”
Her eyes widened. “You did?”
I nodded, feeling dumber by the second.
“And what happened? He didn’t say it back?”
“He stopped what he was doing, got dressed, and left.”
Francesca cupped her mouth and gasped so loud it was practically a scream. “Oh my god.”
I pushed the muffin aside because now I had no appetite.
“Are you serious?” she snapped. “He just left? He walked out on you?”
I nodded.
“That fucking asshole.”
Despite how upset I was I couldn’t call him that.
“Have you spoken to him?”
I shook my head. “I haven’t called or texted. He hasn’t either.”
“How long has it been?”
“A week.”
“That’s unbelievable.”
I nodded, unsure what else to do.
“I still can’t believe that. You tell him you love him and he takes off? Jackass.”
He definitely didn’t look good.
“And he doesn’t call or explain himself? That’s it? It’s just…over?”
“I guess.” There was always a possibility this relationship would fail, but I assumed it would end better than this. What we had was too meaningful for a wordless goodbye. He dropped me like I didn’t mean anything to him, like my feelings didn’t matter. My heart had never been broken like this.
“Wow…I’m going to give him a piece of my mind.”
“I appreciate it but stay out of it.” There wasn’t much to stay out of, actually. “I feel stupid for ever thinking we would go somewhere. I thought he was different but it turns out I was wrong…he never changed.”
When Francesca saw the sadness in my eyes she scooted the chair closer to me then wrapped her arms around me. She gave me the affection I needed, the embrace I’d been longing for. “Marie, it’ll be okay.”
Now I understood how Francesca felt when Hawke left. I wasn’t losing my mind or becoming suicidal but I was devastated. I knew how I felt about him before he left, but now that he was gone I understood something else.
He was the love of my life.
&
nbsp; Hate
Axel
That memory was forever ingrained in my mind. With my dick still wet I shoved it into my jeans and took off like a coward. The weight of everything combined hit me like an anvil in a cartoon and I did the only thing I knew how to do.
I ran.
Marie was important to me and deserved better, but I couldn’t cope with what she said. Those were words I wasn’t ready for. Everything was moving too fast. I didn’t think we were a fling but I didn’t we were serious either. She knew how I felt about my father and my sister. I came from a line of people with serious emotional problems. I couldn’t be the man she needed.
I would never be the man she needed.
A week had come and gone but I still didn’t contact her. Every time I thought about it I chickened out. What was I supposed to say? That I didn’t love her? That I would never love her? Wouldn’t that make it worse? Shouldn’t I just leave it alone?
But saying nothing was just as bad.
Eventually, Marie would tell Francesca. And she would march over here and smack me upside the head. The sad part was, I wouldn’t stop her. In fact, she should bring a huge bat with her.
Everything was so messed up.
I went to work every day and didn’t really pay attention to what I was doing. I kept thinking about the last time I saw Marie. She was naked under the sheets, horrified by my departure.
I saw the heartbreak.
But I didn’t know what else to do at the time. The English language didn’t help me this time. In fact, it was obsolete. All I relied on was my ability to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible.
Ugh, I hated myself.
***
Hawke answered the phone. “What’s up?”
“What are you doing?”
“Hello to you too.”
“Answer the question.”
“Just got off work. Why?”
“Can we meet at that bar we went to last time?”
“Hold on,” he said. “Are you in the city?”
“Yeah.”
“Shit, what happened?”
“Just meet me.” I hung up and set my phone on the table. My beer sat in front of me but I hadn’t taken a drink. The bubbles still floated to the top and the glass was covered in condensation. On any other day it would have looked irresistible. But today, it was my ticket to sit in the booth.
Hawke slid into the seat across from me twenty minutes later. “You have my attention, Axel. And my concern.”
“I’m in some serious shit and I don’t know what to do.”
“Like, homicide shit?”
“No. Marie shit.”
“Girl problems…okay.”
“She and I were having sex last week and she told me she loved me.”
Hawke stared at me blankly like he expected more.
“Did you hear me?”
“Yes. But what’s your point?”
“She said she loved me.” I slammed my fist on the wood. “What the hell was I supposed to say?”
“Are you telling me you didn’t say it back?”
“No.” I’d never said those words to a woman in my life.
“Then what happened? You just kept going…?”
“No. I got dressed and left.”
“That’s it?” he asked incredulously. “You didn’t say something to her?”
“I just told her I had to go.” Now that I was saying this story out loud I realized how bad I looked.
“Are you joking?” Both of his eyebrows were pointed toward the ceiling.
“No.”
“When did this happen?”
“A week ago.”
“And you haven’t said a word to her?”
I shook my head.
“Axel…are you an idiot?”
I shrugged.
He rubbed his temple and sighed. “Axel, this is bad…like really bad.”
“I feel like shit.”
“Imagine how she must feel.”
I cringed.
“You need to talk to her. You’ve already waited too long and may have missed your chance. You need to make this right.”
“How?”
“Go back and tell her you got scared for a second, but you love her too.”
“Okay, I’ll do—” I stopped when I realized what he said. “But I don’t love her.”
“Cut the shit. Yes, you do.”
“I don’t.”
“Axel, now isn’t the time to hide your cards. I know how you feel about her. I knew from the beginning.”
“Look, I really care about her and I think she’s amazing, but no, I don’t love her.”
“Bullshit.”
“If I loved her, I would know.”
“Maybe you’re just in denial. Being in love isn’t a bad thing.”
“I never said it was. But I’m not there yet.”
Hawke rubbed his temple again. “Axel, I know it’s crazy but you have to embrace it. You love this woman. I can tell you that right now.”
“I don’t.”
“Do you want to be with anyone else?”
I rolled my eyes. “That answer is irrelevant.”
“No, it’s not,” he snapped. “Do you want to be with anyone else? Answer the question.”
“No.” I couldn’t even picture myself with someone else.
“Do you think about her when you aren’t with her?”
“Yes.”
“How would you feel if she were with someone else?”
Absolutely sick. “I wouldn’t like it…”
“You love her.”
“Hawke, that’s not what that means.”
“It does.”
I’d never been in love before so I might not recognize it if it were right in front of my face but I knew that wasn’t how I felt. Marie was special to me, but that was as far as my feelings went.
“Whether you get the balls to go tell her or not, you need to talk to her. You can’t just walk out on someone like that.”
My nostrils flared and I wanted to choke him. “You’re one to talk.”
He took the hit without reacting. “Totally different. I didn’t leave and then end it. I talked to her face-to-face and told her what was going on. I didn’t act like a pussy—which is exactly what you’re doing now.”
“I’m not a pussy.”
“A whole week has gone by and you haven’t said anything to her.”
“She hasn’t said anything to me either.”
He gave me an incredulous look. “What’s she supposed to say? Is she supposed to call and ask why you didn’t say it back? She’s smart enough to figure it out on her own.”
I knew I was just looking for excuses.
“If you don’t talk to her soon you’re going to lose her.”
“I already did lose her.” How could we ever come back from what happened? I couldn’t be with her if she felt that way, not when I didn’t feel the same way back. Those emotions were too intense for me. She wanted to go to a place where I could never follow.
“What?” He narrowed his eyes on my face. “That was your way of breaking up with her?”
“No…but we can’t move forward now.”
“Why not?” he asked. “Just talk to her.”
“I can’t be with her if that’s how she feels—period.”
“But you feel the same way.”
“Shut up. I don’t.”
He rolled his eyes. “Whatever, man. You’re going to lose the best thing that ever happened to you just because you’re stubborn and ignorant.”
“Again, you’re one to talk.”
He looked away, his jaw clenched. “Not the same thing. We both know that.”
“I don’t see a difference.”
He turned back to me, his eyes betraying his anger. “Then learn a lesson from someone who lost the one thing that he actually gives a damn about. I lost her, and I’m completely miserable now. I’ll never be happy again. Sometimes moments of joy enter my life,
but they’re superficial and hollow. They disappear like the passing wind, and then it feels like it never happened at all. My existence is crippling, and every day I just wait for the pain to end—even though I know it never will.”
Speechless, I just stared at him.
“Axel, get back to town and fix this. You don’t want to end up like me.”
If he really felt that way why didn’t he want her back? Why was he spending his nights with random women? Why was he living in a city different than the one she lived in? “Marie and I aren’t like the two of you.”
He shook his head. “That’s what you think.”
“Marie wants something serious and I can’t give it to her. I just had dinner with her parents, Francesca made a comment about us getting married, and then she tells me she loves me…it’s just too much. I’m not a family man kind of guy. I’ll never be a good husband and father. I told her all of this already…but she didn’t believe me.”
“Because she knows you’re wrong.”
Then she doesn’t know me well enough.
“Axel, I’m warning you. Make this right or regret it for the rest of your life.”
I stared out the window.
“Seriously, take my advice.”
“I have to let her go.”
He shook his head. “At least talk to her about it. Don’t go on pretending nothing happened. That’s the worst thing you can do.”
How could I face her and repeat those same words without saying them back? I didn’t think I could.
Hawke gave up when he realized he wasn’t getting anywhere. He grabbed my beer and drank half of it in a single gulp. Then he slammed it back down on the coaster and spilled a few drops. The look of disappointment he gave nearly killed me. “It’s your funeral, man.”
A Visitor
Axel
Someone started banging on my door. “You piece of shit, open this door!”
I knew who it was.
Francesca.
“Open this door or I’ll break it down, I swear.” She slammed both of her fists against the door again.
I didn’t want to deal with her, not after getting an earful from Hawke the other day. But if I didn’t face her she would keep pestering me until she got her airtime.
I opened the door and walked away. “What?”
She came in behind me and slammed the door. “What do you mean what?”