Carpet Diem

  “Ah yes, Calderon. What shall we do with him?”

  “I don’t care. Use him as a bloody ornament.”

  Faunt snorted. “There is a certain appeal to that, yes. I’d certainly know where he is and he couldn’t accuse me of violating our mutual non-interference pact. Of course, he’d be free to leave whenever he liked…”

  Cassandra laughed.

  “But seriously, why am I here? You planning to ask me to lift your curse?”

  “You told me not to bother when you cast it,” said Faunt. “Have you changed your mind?”

  “Not really. Just curious if you’re tired of it, yet.”

  “The transformation is … inconvenient, but I can live with the rest. In fact, I’m not sure what I’d do with myself if I didn’t have the curse, now. I’m not much good at anything but this and Yahtzee.”

  “OK, so what then?”

  “I need you to deliver an invitation,” he said.

  “An invitation?” Cassandra looked incredulous. “Is that all? You went to all this trouble to ask me to be a courier?”

  “Essentially.”

  “You could have used anyone for that. Your teleporter could have done it days ago!” she protested.

  “Ah, but you don’t know what the invitation is to yet. Or who it’s for…”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  Simon woke up leaning on the palm of his hand. He couldn’t tell if he’d woken naturally or with a snore. He could, however, tell that he had drooled on his own hand, which was undignified at the very least. He ‘casually’ wiped it on his thigh. Also, since he’d been leaning close to his left eye, it felt weird and wasn’t focusing very well, which meant his balance was a little off kilter. As his mind cleared he realised he had no memory of arriving at, or going through, the airport. In fact, he felt entirely discombobulated.

  He looked around. First Class. Lovely.

  Daniel and Lily sat across the aisle from him. Harriet and Sean were nowhere to be seen, but judging by the gentle, repetitive rattling of the toilet door, he had an indecent idea where they were.

  Other than them, First Class was empty. Simon wondered whether they had booked out the whole section, or if those who had held First Class tickets for this flight had been convinced of the error of their ways and chose instead to travel in the back with the rest of the hoi polloi.

  He could hardly blame Harriet – in this instance at least – for her carnal impatience. After all, how much longer was she going to get as her youthful self before Daniel and Lily changed them back? He couldn’t help but feel sad at the thought that such a perfectly matched couple were on the verge of being separated when one of them involuntarily aged 60 years. He also felt guilty about bringing Sean, who would begin aging at a normal rate again, now he was off Priest’s island.

  Hang on.

  Why did it have to be that way? Simon had a little leverage right now. What harm would it do to use it a little?

  “Excuse me,” he said, clearing his throat.

  “Welcome back, Mr Debovar,” Daniel answered. “How are you feeling?”

  “OK, thanks,” he lied.

  “That’s nice, honey,” Lily looked up from the in-flight magazine she was reading.

  “You know how Harriet and I are … well, younger, at the moment?”

  “Ah yes, of course. You’d like us to put you back. No problem.” Daniel began to gesture, but Lily grabbed his hand.

  “Not now!” she yelped, nodding towards the vibrating toilet door.

  Daniel smiled. Simon had a sneaky feeling he had known exactly what he was doing.

  “Actually, no,” Simon continued. “I wondered if, well, when all this is over, I wondered if you could … sort of … leave us this way?”

  Lily looked at him in surprise. Daniel raised an eyebrow.

  “I’m surprised you ask,” said Lily. “You were so against the idea.”

  “As am I, Mr Debovar. I have to say, despite our differences, I have taken you to be a man of some conscience; the kind of man who believes in earning his rewards,” said the angel.

  Simon sat upright in his seat.

  “Earn it? You don’t think I’ve earned it?”

  Daniel recoiled slightly.

  “Have you been asleep for the last week?” Simon ranted. “Have you not noticed the number of times I have nearly been killed just to get you my carpet? What is it that you need me to do to earn it? Hack off a limb? Cough up an organ?”

  Simon cricked his neck. Whatever came of it, that had felt fan-bloody-tastic.

  “He’s got a point,” Lily said to Daniel.

  The angel shrugged.

  “Whatever,” he said, dismissively. “You can stay. You’ll still age and get that spare tyre back if you keep to your normal diet, though.”

  Lily had gone back to her magazine already.

  “Thank you,” Simon said – but it wasn’t them he was thanking. It was the universe, which he felt had finally realised that karma was more than a little out of balance in his case and, in fact, he was perfectly entitled to something nice about now.

  He tried to convince himself that his delight was entirely on behalf of Harriet but, really, he was happy for himself too.

  Which was nice.

  ----

  Sean was missing something. He didn’t know what, but it was, apparently, pretty bloody good.

  When the pilot had announced they’d be landing in Edinburgh soon and that the toilets were no longer in use (which, at that precise moment, had not been entirely accurate), he and Harriet had emerged to re-take their seats and Simon had gestured Harriet over to him.

  He’d whispered something to her that had clearly been unbelievable, as she had immediately turned to Daniel and Lily for confirmation. When Daniel nodded in affirmation, she had nearly torn Simon out of his seat to hug him, kissed him somewhat more passionately than a sister should kiss her brother, told him he had always been her favourite, then dropped him and did much the same to Daniel and Lily, who both looked a little disconcerted by the whole thing.

  When she’d returned to sit beside him, he’d asked what was up and she had simply answered, “Later”. But the smile she said it with and her entire attitude made it clear to him that, whatever it was, it was the best news she’d ever had. And he had seen her pretty happy. She wasn’t even bothered when the stewardess refused to bring them a bottle of champagne because they were about to land.

  And something was fundamentally different. From the time they’d left the island, there had been a melancholia about her. He’d been prepared for her to tell him at any time that the game was up and she wasn’t interested in making any more of this than they already had. Which would have been a shame, but he’d certainly have survived. He was an old man; he’d been rejected more than once. Not much more than once, but still…

  But now, for the first time he could remember, she was holding his hand; and stroking it; and smiling.

  Whatever Simon had done, he was pretty sure that he owed him a pint.

  ----

  “Hurry!” Gabby called frantically up the ladder.

  With the boat sunk, they had chartered a helicopter off the island. When their flight home was delayed, it had almost been too much to bear. They were running out of time.

  “I’m coming!” Luke’s voice echoed in the attic above her. “But this thing is heavy, remember?”

  “I know, I’m sorry. It’s just…”

  “I know.”

  Accompanied by much grunting, the edge of the Holy Rug of Djoser appeared in the hatch, sprinkling dust down into Gabby’s face.

  She sneezed.

  “Sorry!” Luke called. “You ready?”

  “Yes,” she answered, bracing herself.

  Luke’s head appeared next to the Rug.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Getting ready to catch it.”

  “What?” he asked.

  “What?”

  “It’s far too heavy. It’ll crush you
!”

  “Oh. Well, why did you ask me if I was ready, then?”

  “I was checking you were out of the way. So it doesn’t crush you!”

  “Oh,” she answered, stepping out of the way. “That does make sense.”

  With further grunting, the Rug tipped and slid down the ladder into the hallway, landing with a thud. Luke peered down from the gloom to see Gabby spluttering in a cloud of dust.

  Oops.

  “You’ll need to tip it over, so I can come down the ladder,” he called down.

  Gabby nodded and, with one hand over her nose and mouth, shoved the thick roll until it fell free of the ladder. As it landed with another dull bang, it unrolled slightly, and Gabby could see the edge of the intricate patterns.

  It really was very pretty.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  Simon wasn’t sure what he had expected to see when they turned into Dorchester Avenue. He had been overcome with a nervous kind of nausea as they approached. He was not good with conflict, and he had a feeling that conflict was unavoidable here.

  At the same time, he was curious. Who were his carpet-thieving neighbours? And, now he came to think of it, how had they known to steal it just then, at the very point where he would otherwise have given it to, in all likelihood, Lily? It was really rather improbable. Unlike the rest of the week, of course.

  What he had certainly not been prepared for was to pull up in front of the house to find a couple frantically trying to put what he could only assume was his carpet on top of a car that was barely bigger than the floor-covering itself.

  “What in heaven do you two think you’re doing?” Daniel demanded, getting out of the car.

  “You can’t have it,” the man replied forcefully. “Back off.”

  Simon was extremely confused. There was something vaguely familiar about the pair. In fact, he was relatively certain he’d seen them recently, but he didn’t recognise them at all in the context of here and now.

  Lily walked over to the car, which the woman was desperately trying to start.

  “Stop that,” said the demon. “You know it’s not going to start.”

  The woman looked pleadingly at her and kept turning the key. The engine made a deeply unhappy grinding noise and spluttered into absolute quiet. She put her head on the steering wheel.

  “I’ll ask you again: what are you doing?” Daniel repeated.

  “We’re stopping you. And them!” he answered.

  “I’m sorry,” Simon interjected when it became obvious nobody was going to explain anything to him. “Do you know each other?”

  Daniel turned as if he’d forgotten Simon, Harriet and Sean were there. “Ah, of course, Mr Debovar, how rude of me. Allow me to introduce you to two old friends of yours.”

  “Of mine?”

  “Indeed. This ‘gentleman’,” Simon could hear the quotation marks in Daniel’s voice, “is Lucas, and the lady in the car is Gabrielle.”

  “Em, OK. But I don’t know them.”

  “Hang on,” Sean interrupted. “I do. You were on the island.”

  “Were they now?” Daniel asked, turning to Luke.

  “So?” answered Luke.

  Daniel smiled at him with a malevolence that sent a chill down Simon’s neck.

  “Honey, the thing you need to know about these two is that prior to Daniel and I being given the Holy Rug of Djoser to find, Lucas and Gabrielle had been looking for it for a long time,” Lily finally explained.

  “Why?” Simon asked.

  “Because, Mr Debovar, until about 15 years ago, Lucas was an angel and Gabrielle a demon. Just like us,” Daniel finished, with a clear sense of satisfaction. “Unfortunately for them, Lucas broke some rules in the search and was punished. He was made mortal.”

  The final word dripped with derision.

  “And I’m grateful every day.” Luke stepped toward Simon, but paused when Daniel held up an arm in warning.

  “Simon … Mr Debovar … you can’t give them the Rug. If you do, it’s the end of everything,” Luke said, pleadingly.

  “What are you talking about?” Lily asked.

  “You know what will happen when this is over!” Luke was shouting now. “Once one of them wins the bet, it’s over. They’ll forget this planet even exists! And without them to hold it together, the planet will die in - what - a decade? Less?”

  He turned back to Simon.

  “If you give either of them that Rug, Simon, it’s the end of the world. Literally, the end of the world.”

  “You don’t know that,” said Daniel, dismissively.

  “Yes he does and so do you!” Gabby had climbed out of the car. She turned to Lily. “She hasn’t even bothered to send Her envoy, has She? She was due in 2000. Where is she?”

  “She’s here,” Lily answered, evasively.

  “But does she know who she is? Does she know why she’s here? Has anyone bothered to tell her?” Gabby was barely pausing for breath now.

  Lily looked back darkly. “That’s not my decision to make.”

  “But doesn’t that tell you everything? If She’s not interested in her, then how interested is She going to be when this is done?”

  Lily looked at Daniel, who rolled his eyes.

  “Sorry, who are we talking about?” Harriet asked.

  Gabby approached her, pleading.

  “Mother! She gave Him a 2000-year head start. Her envoy was supposed to reveal herself in 2000. But she didn’t. That was when Luke and I were sure. Sure that this Rug,” she pointed back at the car, “is the only reason the world still exists. Without this bet, without a reason to compete, they’ll move on to a new playground and leave Earth to collapse into the Sun!”

  Simon looked at Luke, who nodded in confirmation.

  “It only works because they make it work,” he said. “The reason physics doesn’t make sense in space is because they’re forcing it. Without them, it collapses.”

  “Fuck me,” said Harriet.

  “Jesus,” Sean added.

  Simon swallowed hard. Suddenly it was so much worse.

  “You don’t know that any of that is true,” said Daniel, walking towards the Rug. “And anyway, it’s all redundant. Mr Debovar has already agreed to give it to one of us, once we make him our offers. Your arguments are academic.”

  “No,” Luke looked piteously at Simon. “Please, no.”

  “Mr Debovar,” Daniel said, lifting the Rug free of its ropes with one hand and balancing it on his shoulder, “it is time for us to adjourn to your house and make you offers for this relic, and for you to make a decision.”

  … “No,” said Simon.

  “I beg your pardon?” the angel asked.

  “No. I won’t give it to you.”

  “Is that right?” Daniel put the Rug on its end. “Perhaps, as you are so keen to trust the word of your neighbours, you should know exactly why it is that they are no longer in the employ of our Parents.”

  “No,” Gabby begged, tears streaming down her face. “Please, no.” She looked at Lily. “Don’t let him. Please. It’s not fair. He won’t understand.”

  Luke was pale and trembling slightly.

  “Wait a fucking minute.”

  Harriet stepped in front of Simon.

  “Wait a fucking minute. Fifteen years ago? You broke rules?”

  Harriet’s voice was gravel on glass. Simon had never seen her so angry. What was wrong with her?

  Daniel smiled. “I think she’s figured it out.”

  “What rules did you break?” she looked at Daniel. “What fucking rules did he break?”

  Simon and Sean exchanged a confused look. Sean shrugged.

  “Fifteen years ago,” Daniel spoke slowly and calmly, “Lucas murdered your family, Miss Debovar.”

  Time stopped.

  ----

  Simon’s head was spinning. Had he blacked out? He still appeared to be standing up. There was a noise, like screeching. He shook his head slightly to see if it cleared. It didn’t
. After a moment, he realised it was coming from outside his head; from Harriet.

  She ran at Luke, who made no move to protect himself. He looked sad; resigned. Accepting.

  But she didn’t reach him. Gabby had covered the same ground and reached him first. She tackled him to the ground and turned to put herself between Harriet and her lover.

  “No!” she yelled, “You can’t have him! You have to kill me first! And I’m a really nice person!”

  Harriet stopped in her tracks - more out of surprise than anything else.

  “Get off him,” she growled, “or you’re both dead.”

  “No! You don’t understand. When you’re like them,” she waved frantically towards the angel and demon, “it’s different! They’re not human! They see things in black and white. No emotion. No empathy. They just do as they’re told. We just did as we were told!”

  “I’ll count to three,” Harriet said. “One…”

  “No, please! Since we were made human, we’re different. We feel love. Passion. Sadness. Regret. Luke has spent every day trying to make up for what he did. We’ve lived here for years, protecting Simon and the Rug. We’re good people!” Gabby pleaded.

  “I have spent fifteen years believing I was at least partially responsible for the death of my family,” Harriet said quietly. “What do you think I’m prepared to do to get to the person who actually was?

  “Two…”

  “Please!” Gabby pleaded. “We’re trying to save the world!”

  “Three.”

  Simon put a hand on Harriet’s arm.

  “Wait,” he said.

  She turned to look at him, tears streaming from her red eyes.

  “Why?” she asked, confused.

  “Just … wait. Please? For me?”

  She was shaking with anger. But she stopped.

  “For you,” she said and stepped away, back to Sean, who put a hand on her shoulder. She stared venomously at Luke.

  Simon put his hand down to Gabby. She took it, hesitantly, and allowed herself to be pulled up. Then Simon offered the same hand to Luke. He looked up, incredulous. After a moment, he took it and got back to his feet.