Carpet Diem

  Simon took a deep breath. He was inexplicably calm. Something had been turned off in his head.

  “Explain it to me,” he said to Luke.

  “I can’t,” he answered. “It’s like she said. We were different. They are different. They don’t understand being human. Their drive is to please their Parents. Their only drive. My only drive. This world is barely real to them. It’s like … role-playing. No consequences. The whole planet dies; they still live.”

  “You’re not human,” Daniel said, mockingly. “You have to be born human. You’re an angel; she’s a demon. The only difference is you’re mortal. You’re going to die.”

  “Is that true?” Simon asked.

  “No,” Luke answered. “It’s not the only difference.”

  “Once a servant of Father; always a servant of Father,” said Daniel. “You made your choice.”

  “I had no choice,” said Luke. “Neither do you.”

  “Why did you kill our family?” Simon asked.

  Luke somehow looked Simon in the eyes. But he couldn’t answer without looking down.

  “For the Rug.”

  Simon took a deep breath. “Why didn’t you defend yourself? From Harriet?”

  Luke shook his head, sadly. “Simon, I was trying to kill you too.” He glanced at Harriet. “Both of you. I deserve to be punished.”

  “No you don’t! That’s not fair!” Gabby sputtered through her tears.

  “Why were you punished?” Simon asked her. “Why were you made human?”

  “For me,” Luke answered. “Our Parents took pity on me when I begged them not to leave me alone. She was my gift from them.”

  Gabby smiled and touched his cheek.

  Simon looked at them silently for a moment, then calmly turned and walked to Harriet. He looked deep into her eyes.

  “I never realised you blamed yourself. I’m so sorry,” he hugged her. She hugged him back, sobbing something into his neck that was probably swearing.

  After a long, awkward silence, Harriet lifted her head off his wet shoulder.

  “You’re a good boy,” she said. “You always were. I’m sorry.”

  “Thank you,” he answered.

  After a moment of steeling himself, Simon turned to Daniel and Lily. “Now, I believe you two need to make me offers. First, I want some answers.”

  “OK,” Lily stepped up. “What do you want to know?”

  “Is what they said true?”

  “Not necessarily,” she answered.

  “I mean the stuff about physics not working. Is that true?”

  “Yes, that is true.”

  “So, if they abandon us, the planet will die.”

  She hesitated. “Possibly.”

  “We are all here at their whim, Mr Debovar,” Daniel interrupted. “And we are all lost without them. It is … the way it is.”

  “Right. What happens to them?” Simon nodded at Luke.

  “Nothing,” Lily answered. “We’re forbidden from harming our brothers and sisters – mortal or not.”

  “OK. One more thing. When we started all this, you offered me a night to sleep on things. After your offers, I want a night to sleep on it before I make a decision.”

  Lily and Daniel looked at each other. Daniel shrugged in resignation.

  “OK, honey, we agree to that, too.”

  “Don't call me 'honey',” said Simon. “What are your offers?”

  “Maybe we should go inside, Mr Debovar?” the angel suggested.

  “No, thank you. I’d like to hear your offers and then I’d like you both to leave, please,” said Simon.

  “OK.” Lily began. “I’ll go first?”

  Daniel nodded his assent.

  “Simon,” she began. “You’re not aware of this, but you have a hyper-sensitive sense of smell. It’s dozens of times more sensitive than a normal person’s. In one way, it’s a bonus, because pleasant smells, to you, are amazing. However, the opposite is also true. Bad smells are awful.

  “This is why you think people stink. You can smell everything about them: the smallest amount of sweat or a hint of coffee on their breath. It’s one of the main reasons you find people so difficult to be around.

  “My offer is this: I will amend your sense of smell so that only the good smells are amplified, and the bad ones go back to the level of a normal human. You will experience the world as an entirely new place.”

  Simon was silent.

  “Holy shit, kid. Is that true?” Harriet asked.

  “You do all smell pretty bad,” Simon confirmed. “I thought everybody smelled things the same way I do.”

  “Well, that’s the thing, honey – sorry,” Lily faltered, realising her mistake, “you have nothing else to compare it with.”

  “Wow,” he said, flatly. “OK, Daniel, what about you?”

  Lily seemed a little taken aback at how quickly Simon dismissed her, which made Daniel smile.

  “Well, Mr Debovar, I think it’s fair to say that you and I have not, perhaps, gotten off to the best of starts. I assure you, that was never my intention and I apologise for any offence I may have caused you.”

  “OK,” Simon said when it became clear the angel had paused for some kind of answer.

  “However,” he continued, “In my estimation, you have certainly formed more of a relationship with my colleague and this, I think, puts me at a very probable disadvantage when it comes to your decision. With this in mind, my path has become very clear to me.

  “My offer is this, Mr Debovar. I will give you…” he swept round dramatically and gave a flourish with his hands, “…Lily.”

  “You’ll what?” Lily asked, agog.

  “You heard. We did both agree to abide by whatever each other offered. Correct?”

  “But I didn’t … you can’t…” she couldn’t find the words.

  “I most definitely can,” he grinned so wide Simon thought his face might split. “And I will.”

  “What do you mean, I can have her?” Simon asked, entirely unsure whether he was even vaguely understanding this.

  “She will be yours for the rest of your life, at your beck and call, to do whatever you please with, Mr Debovar. Imagine the possibilities.”

  Simon looked at Lily. She was ridiculously attractive, even without obvious nipples.

  “OK,” he finally spluttered. “Thank you both. Can you leave now, please?”

  Daniel’s smile disappeared from his eyes, despite remaining on his face.

  “Of course,” he answered, formally. “Shall we say seven o’clock tomorrow morning?”

  “No,” Simon answered, “Let’s say ten. I’d like to have breakfast and a bath first.”

  “Ten it is,” Lily answered. She nodded to Daniel, who joined her in walking to their car, which was still abandoned on the street.

  The two got in and drove away without exchanging a word.

  Simon turned to Luke and Gabby, who were now sitting, quietly, on their doorstep.

  “Are you sure? The world ends if I give them the carpet?”

  Luke nodded. “I’m sorry Mr Debovar. I really am.”

  “I know,” said Simon.

  “Tell him,” Gabby nudged Luke, “about Faunt.”

  “What about Faunt?” Simon asked.

  Luke was hesitant.

  “He sent us after you. To the island. He said we could stop you,” Gabby blurted out.

  Simon thought he’d had as much paradigm-shifting as he could get in the last twenty minutes. Apparently not.

  “Did he hell!” Harriet barked. “That’s a lie! Why would he?”

  “Because he believes it too,” said Luke. He looked up at Simon. “He told us we couldn’t hurt you. Said he’d kill us if we did. But he said we could stop you, if we could.”

  “I don’t understand,” said Simon, “Why would he do that? Why send us there and then let you try to stop us?”

  “It’s all the Rules, mate,” Sean interjected. “These lot, they live by some seriously
mad set of rules over who can and can’t do what. It’s mental.”

  “It’s true,” said Luke. “He wasn’t allowed to interfere, but he didn’t want to give you the information, so he let us follow you, hoping we would find a way to stop you. If you didn’t bring back Cassandra…”

  “Then he didn’t have to give us the location of the Rug,” Simon finished. “So if we’d failed, we’d actually have been better off,” Simon observed. “How ironic. Why didn’t you just tell us?”

  “Rules,” Luke answered. “You had to do everything in your power to get the Rug back. If we’d told you to fail and you had chosen to, you’d have been in breach of contract. And then the Rug is up for grabs again.”

  “See?” said Sean. “Mental.”

  “OK,” said Simon, “OK. So what if I refuse to give them the Rug? They kill me, right? And if I amend my will and make sure that Harriet gets the Rug, then she knows not to let them have it, right?”

  “That what happened with Marvin?” Harriet asked Luke, accusatorially.

  He closed his eyes and nodded.

  “He said it wasn’t for sale. At any price.”

  Harriet looked up. “Good boy, Marvin.”

  “I’m afraid that won’t work either,” said Luke. “You’ve agreed to give it to one of them. You’re under contract. If you breach the contract, your ownership of the Rug is null and void. Their claim would come before your will.”

  “So who would get it?” Simon asked.

  Luke shrugged.

  “They’ll fight over it,” Gabby answered for him.

  “What, you mean an actual fight?” Simon asked.

  “She means an actual war,” said Luke. “Angels and demons. On Earth. It’s the final artefact. They’ll kill each other for it. No question.”

  “So, basically, there’s no way out of this, is that it?”

  “I can’t see one,” Luke answered.

  Gabby shook her head in agreement.

  “Well, in that case, I’m going to get hideously drunk,” Simon said. “Anybody care to join me?”

  “Hell, yes,” said Harriet.

  Sean nodded and smiled, weakly.

  “Coming?” Simon asked Luke and Gabby.

  They looked back at him, astonished.

  “Seriously?” Gabby asked. “You want us to come?”

  “Why not?” Simon asked, “Seems like we’re all pretty much buggered, doesn't it?”

  Luke stood and offered a hand to Simon.

  “It would be an honour to get drunk with you, Mr Debovar.”

  Simon shook his hand. “Call me Simon. If you don’t mind, I’m just going to have a shower and put on some clean clothes first. Shall we say an hour?”

  “Sure,” Luke nodded.

  “You two are welcome to come back with me, if you like,” he said to Sean and Harriet. “I don’t have much to offer, but you can at least sit inside while you wait. And either way, would you mind helping me carry this rug?”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  Simon opened the door. It was odd to see it from the outside. It had been a long time since he’d come in through it. A very long time. The front garden could do with some attention.

  Now that he was aware his sense of smell was unusual, he was hyper aware of every scent. The house smelled of home. It smelled of him, his cooking, his shampoo and deodorant. But all of that was overshadowed by the sharp, earthy smell of the exposed living room floorboards.

  Also, something was rotten. He’d been away a week, so who knew what was festering in the kitchen?

  “Christ, boy, you live here?” Harriet asked. “Do you not understand ‘loaded’? My house is bigger than this!”

  “I like it,” he said. “It’s easy to clean.”

  They put the Rug down in the hall. There was no point putting it anywhere else. By this time tomorrow, it would be gone.

  Simon walked straight into the kitchen. It was the bin. He’d left chicken offcuts in there. They were rank. He began tying the bag to lift it out.

  “Simon?” Harriet called from the living room. “You need to come here. Now.”

  Her voice sounded strange. Now what?

  Simon put the bag back in place and washed his hands. He walked through to the living room. He’d been distracted as he came in before, or else he’d have noticed, as he passed the entrance to the room, that there were three people sitting in it.

  “Hey sexy,” said the first.

  The second stood and offered a hand.

  “Em, hi. Long time no see.”

  But it was the third person whose presence had Simon rooted in place, wondering how fast he could run and whether or not he had already wet himself.

  “Good afternoon, Simon,” he boomed. “We have a lot to talk about.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  Simon had woken up with the alarm. It was slightly foreign to him but, actually, quite refreshing somehow. He’d got up and woken his guests, who had slept on inflatable beds with sleeping bags that Cherry had provided before she left.

  He had heated up some blueberry muffins in the oven and served them, buttered, with hazelnut coffee, using crockery borrowed from his neighbours – who had been more than a little surprised to see him.

  They had all been suffering slightly from the previous evening’s excesses. Simon had stuck to Rioja, so he wasn’t feeling too bad. Good wine was like that, for him. But still, a good host will always have sachets of Resolve on hand. A little paracetamol and stomach settlers never hurt.

  At ten o’clock exactly, the doorbell rang. Simon actually chuckled to himself. He would have to get that fixed, he supposed. Eventually.

  He answered it and, stepping over the Holy Rug of Djoser, showed his guests into the living room.

  ----

  “What are they doing here?” Daniel asked, suspiciously. “And who is that?”

  “Harriet and Sean are here because I asked them to be,” Simon answered. “And this is my cousin, George.”

  George stood up and offered a hand, which Daniel took, slowly.

  “Hello, nice to meet you,” said George. “And you must be Lily,” he said, turning to the demon.

  “Yes,” she answered, equally confused by his presence.

  “Please, sit down,” Simon said, gesturing to the two free chairs.

  Daniel and Lily took one each, surveying the room. Daniel was unused to not understanding what was happening. The presence of the aunt and the pirate was not wholly unexpected, but why the cousin?

  “So, Mr Debovar,” he asked, taking control of the situation, “have you made a decision?”

  “I have,” said Simon, “but first, George would like to clarify a few things with you on my behalf, if you don’t mind. He’s an international contract lawyer.”

  “Is he?” Lily asked.

  “Can I offer either of you a drink?” Simon asked.

  Daniel and Lily both paused. Who was this confident man who had taken the place of their hermit?

  “Have you got a Guinness?” Lily asked.

  “I’m sure I do,” Simon answered. “Anything for you Daniel?”

  “I’m fine,” he answered, an unmistakable tone of irritation creeping into his voice.

  “Harriet, would you mind getting a Guinness for Lily?” Simon asked.

  “I’d be delighted,” she answered, getting up and heading for the kitchen.

  Something was definitely not right.

  ----

  “So,” George began, looking up from the laptop he had opened while Harriet was in the kitchen, “just a few things to be absolutely clear about before Simon gives you both an answer.”

  “Yes?” Daniel was running out of patience.

  “Lily, for your offer: you have advised Simon that you will partially correct his olfactory issue, whereby he will no longer find offensive odours any stronger than normal people, is that correct?”

  “Yes, that’s right,” she answered, cheered by the fact that Simon wanted further information on
her bid.

  “And who decides what a good or bad smell is?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, what I’m asking is: will it be your choice which odours he does and doesn’t smell more strongly, or will it be his?”

  “It’ll be a trigger in his brain. If he doesn’t like a smell, it will be weaker; if he likes it, it stays the same.”

  George looked at Simon, who nodded thoughtfully.

  “And can you confirm,” he carried on, “if this is a genetic trait? Will Simon’s children be likely to have the same problem?”

  “Yes, it is genetic, but it’s a quirk,” she answered. “Simon’s children, if he has any, will be no more or less likely than he was to have it.”

  “Interesting,” answered George, typing.

  “Now, onto you, Mr … Daniel.”

  “Yes?” the angel asked, clearly going to great pains to remain ‘aloof'.

  “You have offered, as I understand it, Lily. Is that correct?”

  “That is correct.”

  “And what services will she be obliged to perform?”

  “Anything Mr Debovar wants her to.”

  “So, would I then be correct in saying that, if he chose to, Simon could order her, as his – what will we call it, is servant OK? Yes? – as his servant, to grant him anything that it is in her power to perform? Up to and including the change to his olfactory system? This would effectively give him both her offer and yours, in return for the Rug?”

  It was Daniel’s trump card and he was extremely pleased with it.

  “Yes,” he smiled triumphantly at Lily, “that’s absolutely correct.”

  “OK,” George said. “Just a few more formalities before Simon gives us his decision. I’ve taken the liberty of drawing up a formal contract regarding the purchase of the Rug, using the original wording.”

  “Fine,” said Daniel, “whatever.” He was impatient for this to be over, and he’d clearly won. He’d outmanoeuvred Lily beautifully. And she knew it. Her face was a storm of anger and depression. She was about to become a human’s servant for the foreseeable future and there was nothing she could do about it. It was all perfectly valid. All she could hope for was that the world would end quickly.