by Parnell Hall
“Well, now you’re taking the phone call at face value, MacAullif. Don’t a large percentage of these things turn out to be cranks?”
“It wasn’t a crank. The guy was dead.”
“That does add validity to the complaint. Even so. If some moron found the congressman dead, and didn’t want to report it themselves because it would get them in trouble, they might make a bogus nine-one-one call, reporting an altercation in progress, which was, in fact, already resolved. Would that be illegal? I mean, failing to report a crime’s illegal. But inaccurately reporting one? That can’t be so bad.”
“Is that what you’re saying you did?”
“Don’t be as dumb as I am, MacAullif. That’s what I am very carefully not saying I did.”
“Jesus Christ!” MacAullif’s face ran the gamut from insane fury to utter hopelessness, with a number of stops along the way. By the end, the poor son of a bitch resembled one of those droopy dogs that have far too much skin and look like they need their face ironed out. “If you found the body, the whole house of cards comes tumbling down. You had to get in there, which means the doorman probably saw you. Is that right?”
“We’re talking hypothetically here.”
“I don’t care how we’re talking. This is one fucking mess.”
“That was sort of my assessment of the situation.”
“So, it turns out you did every fucking thing I brought you in here to bawl you out for.”
“Allegedly.”
“Allegedly, hypothetically, I-don’t-give-a-flying-fuckedly.”
“I don’t think that’s a real adverb.”
A vein I never realized MacAullif had bulged out of his forehead. “Not good at reading social cues, are you? This is no fucking joke, asshole. If what I think happened happened, then you are teetering right on the brink of a one-way ticket up the river.”
“You’re mixing metaphors.” I put up my hand. “Sorry. Reflex action. Point taken. I’m totally fucked and there’s no way out. Now, you wanna help me or blame me?”
“I’d like to kick your fucking ass from here to Hoboken.”
“I can see that. Right now I’m a little busy, but maybe later we could arrange it. Meantime, how can I get out of this mess?”
“Easy. Go home. Lock your door. Disconnect your phone. At least let the answering machine pick up. Stay as far the fuck away from everyone as humanly possibly. For God’s sake, don’t try to fix anything. You can’t do it. All you can do is drag yourself down, and everyone around you.”
“Come on, MacAullif. I can get that type of advice from my wife. I thought I was talking to a cop.”
His mouth fell open. “You arrogant schmuck. If ever there was anyone with less reason to be cocky, I haven’t met him. Despite it all, you still think you can fix this thing.”
“I don’t think I can fix this thing, MacAullif. I think, like you say, it’s all gonna come down on my head. When it does, I’d like to see you don’t get hurt. Apparently, you don’t care about that.”
MacAullif shook his head. “It’s like talking to the wall. You got a situation, the minute you stick your neck out, you’re fucked. The minute I stick my neck out, I’m fucked. I can show a passing interest in a case that has nothing to do with me, but that’s it. Anything more, people want to know why.”
“You met the congressman at a fund-raising dinner.”
“The congressman’s dead.”
“And you’re pissed, after paying for dinner.”
MacAullif exhaled. “Jesus Christ.”
“Lighten up. I don’t expect you to do anything. You dragged me in here, remember. To bawl me out. Which you’ve done admirably. I stand rebuked. I’ll take it from here.”
“No. You won’t take it from here. You won’t take anything from anywhere. You will stay way the fuck away from this case, do you hear me? You’ll leave the cops alone, and you won’t go near them, will you?”
“Absolutely not, MacAullif. And this ADA who complained to you …”
“Yeah?”
“What’s his name?”
33
ADA REYNOLDS WAS ONE OF THOSE HOTSHOT ATTORNEYS too young to live. MacAullif hadn’t given me his name, by the way. Instead, he had set what had to be new decibel records for One Police Plaza. I’d looked the guy up on my own.
Reynolds squinted at me. “What’s your name again?”
“Stanley Hastings.”
“And what’s your interest in the case?”
“If you check police records you’ll find I got caught up in a little caper involving the congressman. He brought his son’s teenage girlfriend down to Philly to see the kid perform in a boy band. I was duped into thinking he’d picked up a teenage prostitute. It was a setup. I was supposed to blow the whistle on him and make an ugly scene. Instead, I got the girl away from him and brought her back to her parents. Naturally, all parties were pissed as hell, and I come out looking like a schnook. That’s fine, getting suckered is part of the game. But when I see on TV the guy got killed, I can’t help thinking it’s gotta be connected. The guy got scammed. It didn’t work, so he got killed. See what I mean?”
The young ADA had a look on his face like I was trying to sell him the Brooklyn Bridge. “And you got no reason for thinking this.”
“I just told you one.”
“That’s not a reason. That’s a wild guess.”
“It’s an educated guess.”
“Oh, please.”
“Look. It’s none of my business. I did my job, I got paid. But I can’t help thinking there’s a connection. I give it to you for what it’s worth.”
“You’re aware I’ve made an arrest?”
“So I hear. You confident of a conviction?”
“That’s a strange way to put it.”
“Sorry. I was trying to look at it from your point of view. You think you got the right guy?”
ADA Reynolds frowned. “You think I don’t?”
“I have no idea. That’s why I’m asking you. This other thing happened I thought you should be aware of.”
“Is this a matter of record?”
“I don’t know. The congressman may have hushed it up. Assuming such things can be done.”
“Uh-huh,” the ADA said, ironically. “And just what would the congressman have hushed up, now?”
I gave him an abbreviated version of my adventure. I left out such things as chloral hydrate, and both my abortive and my successful attempts to get into the congressman’s building. Even so, it was quite a story.
ADA Reynolds was not impressed. “You were hired by the mother of a teenage hooker. Only she wasn’t the mother and the girl wasn’t a hooker.”
“I admit it sounds bad.”
“Bad? Do you have any idea what a defense attorney could do with this? This could add two weeks to the trial, and give some numbnuts juror a reason to vote not guilty.”
“May I quote you on that?”
“Look. Thank you for coming in. You’ve done your civic duty. Now, you want to do me a favor, go drop off the face of the earth. I can’t afford these extraneous matters entering the case.”
“You’re sure they’re extraneous?”
“We know what time the congressman got home, and we know what time his body was found. In between those times, one, and only one, person went up to his apartment. He was arrested in the apartment with the dead congressman. Now you can’t ask for a simpler case than that. All this other stuff is just a distraction.”
“You know what time the congressman got home?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
“I don’t have to present my case to you.”
“No. You can send me away and let me give my story to the newspapers.”
His face darkened. “Son of a bitch.”
I put up my hand. “I don’t wanna do that. I just want to assure myself I’m doing the right thing. Believe me, if this guy is guilty, I’d be very happy. I just want to be sure. So, how do you know when
the congressman got home?”
ADA Reynolds was torn between stamping his foot at the nasty man spoiling his fun and having me arrested for being an asshole. “We have surveillance video of the apartment building garage. It is timed and dated. The congressman’s car drove in a ten forty-five. The congressman’s body was found at two fifteen. Between ten forty-five and two fifteen the only person who went up to see the congressman was the suspect in custody. You wanna argue with that?”
“Ten forty-five and two fifteen?”
“That’s right.”
“Doorman never went to lunch?”
He frowned. “What makes you ask that?”
I shrugged. “Trying to think like a defense attorney.”
“During the doorman’s lunch break the porter’s on the desk. The porter didn’t see anyone go up, either.”
“Good, reliable witness, the porter?”
“I believe him.”
“What’s his name?”
“None of your business.”
“How about the doorman. Good solid witness?”
“Absolutely.”
“Interesting.”
“What?”
“With the porter, you just believe him. With the doorman, it’s absolutely. I was wondering why the emphasis.”
“The doorman’s a much more important witness. Seeing as how he sent the guy up.”
“Uh-huh. And he’s sure of his story?”
“Of course he is.”
“Can I talk to him?”
“No, you cannot talk to him. You’re not to go anywhere near him, you understand? If I find out you’ve been messing around with my witness, there’ll be hell to pay. Are we clear?”
I put up my hands. “Hey, hey. No need to get nasty. You made your point.”
34
ALICE WAS IMPRESSED. “YOU FINESSED ADA INTO keeping you away from the doorman?”
“That’s right.”
“By pretending you wanted to see him?”
“I wasn’t pretending. I do want to see him.”
“Yes, but not under your right name in front of the ADA. That would complicate things.”
“No kidding.”
“So, you pulled off a bit of reverse psychology, and you feel pretty pleased with yourself.”
“It worked.”
“Yes, it did.”
“Yes. And even if it is only a variation on Br’er Rabbit’s ‘Don’t throw me in the briar patch,’ it’s still impressive.”
“It’s been a long time since Br’er Rabbit.”
“Yes, it has. I suppose I should give you credit.” Alice frowned. “I’m just not exactly sure what for. Let me see if I’ve got this straight. You’re celebrating the fact the ADA in charge of the case is not going to confront you with the doorman because of your clever scheme, which involved going to the ADA and pretending you wanted to contact the doorman. What I’m not getting is the ADA would never have thought to confront you with the doorman, in fact would never have known you were involved in the case at all, if you hadn’t gone to him in the first place.”
“I was afraid you’d see that flaw.”
“Stanley, this is not a game. Someone is dead. Someone else in charged with the crime. It has nothing to do with you. Yet you seem to delight in tiptoeing on the brink of discovery. What was the point of going to his ADA?”
“I’ve opened lines of communication.”
“For what? To get yourself arrested? To get yourself indicted? How far are you going to take this? You can’t show up in court. The doorman will recognize you. He may not be the brightest guy on earth, but he’s gotta wonder what the flower delivery guy’s doing there.”
“It’s not going to get to court.”
“Why not? What you gonna do, confess?”
“Alice. I don’t think you’re giving me enough credit.”
“I’m sorry. You’re a hero. You’re very brave, standing up to that big ADA.”
“I’m not just making sure he doesn’t confront me with the doorman. There’s the whole bit about me tailing the congressman. If the ADA sniffed it out, he’d haul me in, put me on the carpet. If I go in, throw it in his face, say, ‘Hey, look at this, I got a right to be here,’ his gut reaction is, ‘No, you don’t. None of this stuff has anything to do with the case. Get the hell out of here.’ Now, maybe that’s just the briar patch again, but damned if it didn’t work.”
Alice yawned and stretched. She looked gorgeous. “Work how? I’m getting a little confused. Was your entire purpose prophylactic, or are you trying to solve this crime?”
“You shouldn’t say prophylactic to a horny PI.”
“Stop that. Aside from getting the guy who hadn’t noticed you to not notice you, what did you accomplish in terms of the case?”
“I met the guy. Now, if I come up with something, I got a place to take it.”
“Oh, my God,” Alice said. “You’re not Br’er Rabbit. You’re Raskolnikov, helping the cop in Crime and Punishment.”
“I’m not like Raskolnikov.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not Russian.”
“Stanley.”
“And I didn’t kill the pawnbroker woman. Come on, Alice. Someone killed the congressman and someone set me up. If it was the same person, don’t you think I’m a danger to them? Don’t you think I should be on my guard?”
“Absolutely. You should do absolutely everything in your power to assure them you are not a danger to them and they should not rub you out. Now, where does going to the authorities fall in that category?”
“Well, if you’re going to nitpick.”
“Come on. Get serious. Going to the ADA is a stopgap measure at best. It doesn’t advance you any in terms of the investigation”
“So?”
“You say you’re just laying the groundwork. Fine. You laid the groundwork. Lines of communication are open. You’re prepared to set your plan in motion. So, what’s your plan?”
“Plan?”
35
I DIDN’T HAVE A PLAN, AT LEAST NOT ONE THAT I COULD tell Alice. Because whatever I came up with, Alice could poke holes in it. Alice is good at that. I wouldn’t stand a prayer.
The congressman had a wife and kid. I’d seen the kid. I hadn’t seen the wife. If she turned out to be the woman who hired me, everything would fall into place. But I didn’t see how that could be. Not if her intention from the beginning was to knock hubby off. She would have to appear at the funeral. She would have to suspect I would, too. At least if I were in any trouble over the little caper. And how could I not be? By rights I’d be arrested in Philly. Which tends to tick people off. I could be expected to show interest in the parties involved. Meeting the congressman’s wife would be highly likely. Not to mention finding her picture in the paper, or seeing her on TV. Neither of which I happened to do. Still she couldn’t be sure of that.
I wondered if I should interview her. On what pretext, I had no idea. Of course, if she was the woman who hired me, it wouldn’t matter. I’d ID her, and that would be that. But if, as it felt likely, she wasn’t, I would be up shit creek without a plausible reason for asking.
It occurred to me it was probably better just seeing the woman without talking to her. But where? She’d have to go to the funeral. But she’d be the grieving widow. You’d have to pay your respects to the grieving widow. It was only polite.
However, Congressman Jason Blake was a pubic figure. His memorial service was announced in the paper. Lots of people would go. It would be easy to get lost in the crowd. No one would notice me.
I put on my best suit, took Alice for protective coloration. And she’s observant where I’m not. Alice didn’t know any of the parties involved, but I could count on her insights. All right. More observant and smarter. Besides, she wanted to go. Probably just to keep me out of trouble.
I had no trouble spotting Valerie Blake. The congressman’s widow was dressed in black and accepting condolences.
“Is that her?�
� Alice said.
“Yeah, that’s the congressman’s wife.”
“I know that. Is it the woman who hired you?”
“Not in a million years.”
“You sure? You’re really bad at faces. And she’s dressed in mourning.”
“It’s not her.”
“The kid with her is the one you saw dancing?”
“I assume so.”
“You assume so?”
“I couldn’t ID him if my life depended on it. A boy band, for Christ’s sake. They’re plastic, like Ken dolls.”
While we watched, a girl came up to him, squeezed his hand.
“That’s the daughter,” I said.
“Really? She doesn’t look like a hooker.”
“Alice.”
“That’s the girl you rescued from a fate worse than death?”
“Hey, give me a break. If you thought someone was abusing her, would you do something about it?”
“I think I’d check it out first.”
“How?”
“I don’t know. But I would. Before I drugged and abducted her.”
It was a no-win situation. I kept my mouth shut.
The girl left her boyfriend, returned to an older couple in the front row.
“That’s her parents?” Alice said.
“Yes. Jennifer and David Weldon.”
“Who do know you, and would freak out if they saw you here?”
“That’s right.”
“So, we probably won’t be talking to them. You recognize anyone else here?”
I didn’t. Of course, I was hard-pressed to, being apolitical, at least on the local level. I voted early and often for Obama.
The only other one I recognized was Sharon’s cheerleading friend, whose name I couldn’t recall, standing with her parents, whom I’d never met, a skinny, mousy woman and a rather athletic-looking man. I figured it was Daddy, frustrated without a son to play quarterback, who pushed his daughter into cheering the team.
Aside from them, I was lost. I spotted a couple of girls I might have seen in the movie theater, but if I had to swear to it, I couldn’t.
Granted, I didn’t know the congressman well, but as far as I was concerned, his memorial service was a washout.
Then I spotted him.