Lucas shook his head. “C’mon, silly man. We can shower together to save time.”
“Babe, are you mad?”
“No, not mad,” Lucas sighed. “But I am hurt that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me what was going on.”
“I’m sorry.”
Lucas led me to the shower and kissed the guilt off my face. “I really am sorry,” I said.
“I know.” Lucas picked up the soap and ran it mindlessly over his chest. He wasn’t sulking exactly, but it was clear he wasn’t pleased by my omission or my lack of trust.
“Babe, I do trust you. I was upset with myself.”
That got Lucas’ attention. “Why?”
“Because I almost lost you that night and I don’t know why I kept that truth from you. I guess I didn’t want you to think that we don’t fit.”
“We do fit and Kayla won’t ever know that if you avoid her.” Lucas lifted my chin. “You know I forgave you before.”
“I still feel guilty about it, because I do trust you.”
“Do you want me to help with that?” he asked solemnly.
“I don’t think you can.”
“I could give you a scene.”
“A scene. Like a porn scene?”
“No, baby. Like before. I can put you on your knees and give you a punishment. It might help. It did last time.”
I thought about it. Earning Lucas’ forgiveness had eased my guilt and, more importantly, kept me from obsessing about it. Something I often did. “I’m not sure.”
“It doesn’t have to be like last time. I can tailor it.”
“Can I think about it?”
Lucas smiled warmly. “Of course. It’s for you. If you don’t want it, it’s perfectly fine.”
Chapter Sixteen
At breakfast, I learned my parents were attending their friends’ party that afternoon and were leaving Monday morning. They’d set their minds on dinner with Kayla Sunday evening, which gave me a twenty-four-hour grace period to either explain to my parents why Kayla and I were not speaking or patch things up. The downside of the truth being my mother’s inevitable intervention into the situation. Luckily, my parents’ recent cruise dominated the conversation and required only my marginal attention, which was good, because I couldn’t stop thinking about Lucas’ offer, what his punishment would be and how it would feel to hand over that control.
On the way to the car, Lucas asked me to drive him home, extinguishing my hopes of covertly finishing what we’d started that morning or, at the very least, getting more details on Lucas’ scene. The thoughts were not at all welcomed, given our company.
My mother’s lousy hip made it difficult for her to climb into the backseat of my truck, so she’d taken the front seat. She peeped back at Lucas, then to me. With a skeptical brow, she asked, “What’s the matter?”
My gaze left the road as I searched her face for the source of her concern. “Nothing. Why?”
“You’re doing a lot of weird sighing.”
I glanced at Lucas in the rearview mirror, and he nodded confirmation with a twinkle in his eye.
“I’m tired. I woke early to finish some homework.”
My father coughed, and my mother dug into her purse to produce a cough drop. He took it and put it in his mouth without speaking. I’d never noticed how little my dad communicated. My mother seemed to anticipate all his needs. I wondered if Lucas and I would be like that. “I don’t know why you are bothering with the college thing. Seems like a waste of money,” my mother said.
I sighed again, that time from actual irritation and not sexual frustration. “It’s fine, Mom. I’m going to drop you and Dad off then take Lucas home.”
“That’s silly. Take him home first. We can wait.”
“I need to grocery shop anyway. Is there anything you need? I’ll add it to my list.”
“Yes. Could you pick up distilled water for your dad’s CPAP?”
“I have water, Judy.”
“No. Remember the police made us throw it away at the airport because of the terrorists. I don’t understand why they’d care about water. There’s water on the plane.” An image of my mother at airport security arguing with the TSA made me cringe.
“That was a brand-new jug,” my dad said. “Kyle, put the game on the radio.”
In the mirror, I could see Lucas raise his sweatshirt over his mouth to hide his smile as I tuned in ESPN for my dad.
I dropped my parents off and ran in to grab my grocery list while Lucas moved to the front seat. He appeared shell-shocked, which, granted, my mother was a bit much until you got used to her. She was nothing like Joann, that was for sure.
“Yowser,” Lucas said, his eyebrows raised high and expression dazed. “Your mother is a force to be reckoned with.”
We chatted about my parents until I was parked outside his apartment.
“I’m sorry. You sure I can’t talk you into staying?”
“I hope you don’t think I’m bailing on you, but since our plans are shot to hell, I figured I could get the homework I was going to do Monday done today. We’ll have time together after I get out of class. I’ve got a photo shoot tomorrow, and it’s probably going to go all day.”
“That makes sense. Will you come over tomorrow night?”
“Actually, there are two new models in town. I thought I could hang out with the guys at Case and Robert’s and give you time with your parents.”
“I know they’re a handful, but I want them to get to know you. I’ll tell my parents about your work if you need me to.”
“It’s not that. You can tell them I’m in marketing if it comes up. It’s true, and I don’t think they need to know the rest. Kyle, were you thinking about what I said in the shower?”
I nodded.
“Do you want me to take care of it?”
I braved a glance. “I’m not sure. Maybe we can try it.”
“Take my cock out and suck it.”
“What?”
“Do it. Right here, where anyone can see you being a little slut.”
“Lucas. Are you kidding?”
“No.”
“I can’t do that.”
“You can and you will. You want to be my slut. I know it’s what you were thinking about the whole time we were with your parents. You were thinking about being on your knees and sucking my dick. That makes you pretty slutty, babe.”
“I wasn’t—”
“You were too. I could tell because your cheeks were red, and your cock was semi-hard throughout the meal.”
I glanced around and surveyed the parking lot. It was still early, and no one seemed to be walking about. But we were out in the open. My dick twitched, and I swallowed hard.
“Quit thinking.”
I cast my eyes on Lucas and he held my gaze. His voice lowered, and he stroked my hair, pushing my head toward his lap
“Quit thinking and be my good boy. I know you need this, Kyle. Trust me to give you what you need.”
I dipped my head and leaned over. Lucas unzipped his pants and held his cock for me. “Suck me in broad daylight. Let me worry about everything. All you need to do is worry about filling that mouth with all this cock and showing me how good you are, how obedient. Your only job is to take care of my cock.”
I opened my mouth and followed Lucas’ lead. The first few bobs were tentative.
“Do it right, baby. You know how I like it. You don’t have to always be perfect. Just concentrate on being a perfect cocksucker. You get to be as slutty as you want to be, and no one can judge you or question you, especially yourself. I’m the only voice that matters right now. Open that throat and take me all the way in.”
I closed my eyes and turned off my fears. Lowering my face toward his pelvis, I inhaled his scent and slid down his long rod as far as I could. I choked and fought my instincts to pull back. There was something about the hold he used. It was tight and secure and didn’t leave room for doubt. Lucas continued his encouragement and his voice,
deep and sultry, distracted me from all my nerves. The never-ending chant of ‘I shouldn’t’ in my mind evolved into ‘I have to’, and I willed my throat to open. I didn’t have the answers, but I trusted Lucas and I wanted my willingness to show him how much. There was nothing I couldn’t manage, and as my airway collapsed around his intrusion, I relaxed into the sensation and let him use me. Each time Lucas pulled back and moaned his approval, I got a little braver. My mind went cloudy—a hazy slow churn of fantasies I never allowed to linger in my consciousness sober. Being choked. Restrained. Lucas in black leather. Me—a slutty whore that Lucas could use however he wanted in public.
“Fuck, babe. I’m gonna come.” Lucas groaned a long, raspy curse and pushed my head forcefully against his pelvis. He trembled and the pressure against my scalp eased.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Lucas demanded, elements of Tommy still in his tone.
Maybe I was lightheaded, but I didn’t scrub the first answer that had popped into my brain. “I’m embarrassed.” My eyes went to the gear shift, and Lucas reached for my chin.
“Why?”
Lucas smiled, a warm ray of light flashed above us. I turned toward the light and realized a woman had opened her car door, bouncing the sun rays off her side mirror. If she’d left her apartment even five minutes earlier, she would have seen me. The thought aroused me, and I exchanged a look with Lucas to acknowledge it. “Because I loved it.”
“Good. Because you aren’t going to like your punishment.”
“I thought that was my punishment?”
“No, that was for me because all those little frustrated whimpers you were making in the car were turning me the fuck on. Besides, you shouldn’t like a punishment. Kyle, I want you to invite Kayla to dinner.”
“Lucas,” I objected.
“Make the effort to smooth things over. Holding this grudge is crazy. You never know— Maybe she’s sorry and too embarrassed to reach out to you. I know you love her. We’ll have to convince her that I’m here to stay, and hopefully she’ll adjust.”
“And if she doesn’t?”
“Then you should go to Patrick’s wedding solo. I’ll make alternative plans. It’s a Saturday. I’m sure someone is having a party that night. Case was on me the other day about how I never go to Taco Tuesdays anymore. My friends feel neglected too. Like you said, we can’t stay in our bubble forever.”
I smiled at him. “I like our bubble.”
“Me too,” Lucas said.
“I’ll call you later, babe.” He kissed me and opened the passenger door.
“Hey, Lucas.”
He turned back to me. “Yeah?”
“My class was canceled Tuesday. Maybe we could go together?”
“To Taco Tuesday?”
“If you want. I mean, if we must leave the bubble, it’d be nice to do it together—moral support and all that.”
Lucas laughed. “Yeah, I’d like that. If you need me at the dinner with your parents, you know I’ll be there in a heartbeat.”
I nodded. “I’ll let you know. I’m going over to Kayla’s now. Wish me luck. And thank you for being so understanding.”
“Good luck, baby,” he said and gave me another goodbye kiss.
Kayla lived in a condominium complex roughly ten minutes from Lucas’ apartment. Her car was in her assigned spot. Intense anger coursed through me as I considered what I would say. Deep down, I knew we’d eventually work things out, but it still seemed too soon, and I feared saying something that would irreparably damage our relationship. That thought broke my heart.
I sat in the car with my eyes closed and focused on my breathing. I recalled the ugly words she’d spoken to me. I couldn’t remember them verbatim any longer, but the venom she’d used that day had left an impression. Reconciling her fury with the best friend I’d known since we had been fourteen felt impossible. I couldn’t help thinking that I had to be missing something.
Kayla had once offered to carry my children. I hadn’t even asked. She’d decided I would be a great dad someday and she’d offered. I refused to believe someone who could do something so generous could just make such a mean-spirited, snap judgment about someone I loved. She didn’t want me to consider both sides that time. She’d issued an ultimatum. She’d wanted me to choose. Nothing about it made sense. Hadn’t she been the one to reassure me I would find my forever guy whenever I wanted to give up? The more I thought about it, the less sure I was that Kayla’s issues had much to do with Lucas.
With a deep sigh, I exited the car and used my key to access her building. I paused outside her door, took another deep breath and knocked.
“Kyle,” Kayla breathed, clearly as shocked to see me as I was to be there.
“I need to talk to you. Can I come in?”
She flung the door open and moved aside. I took a few steps into her condo and glanced around. Other than the Halloween décor, it hadn’t changed. She motioned for me to sit and I did.
I fiddled with my phone then set it on the table. When I peered up, I met Kayla’s dejected expression. “So, Patrick told me you don’t want Lucas at the wedding, and I agreed to talk to you about that.”
“I figured when I didn’t hear from you that you’re still together.”
“We are.”
She rolled her eyes.
I sighed. She wasn’t going to make it easy. “Kayla, you’re being very childish about this situation. We’ve been friends for a long time, and you’ve never not tried to get to know someone I’m dating.”
“No one you were seeing ever prevented you from talking to me before.”
“Lucas has nothing to do with me not speaking to you. He didn’t even know until today, and he’s the reason I’m here, so maybe you need to stop assuming things.”
“So, you suddenly decided after more than two decades of friendship to kick me out of your house and go two months without speaking to me.”
“Yeah. I did. I asked you not to badmouth Lucas, but you kept going. You’re not an innocent flower in all this, Kayla. You’ve never had a solid opinion on anything. Everything has always had pro and con, a plus and minus. Except for Lucas, there’s no other side there. Right? Suddenly I’m happy and you’re absolutely positive the reason I’m so happy has to go.”
She recoiled then stood and opened the door. “Then I guess you’d better get back to your little boyfriend. Have a nice life.”
I didn’t budge, but the niggle of doubt I’d been carrying blossomed into a full-blown suspicion. I had to ask the one question I never wanted to ask. “Kayla, do you have feelings for me?”
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Kyle. Get over yourself.”
“Well, I didn’t think so, but this doesn’t make any sense to me. And you said that thing about wanting to have the threesome.”
“Like a million years ago. God. You are clueless, you know that?”
“Kayla, you’re ridiculous. Stop making me guess. What is your problem with Lucas? Talk to me so we can get past this. I’ll go first. I’m sorry I left you to do all the party stuff.”
“You think that’s what I’m angry about?”
“I have no idea why you’re mad, Kayla. You won’t talk to me. It makes no sense that this is about Lucas. Why? Is this really about my boyfriend?”
“It’s about you ignoring me for your boyfriend.”
“What?”
“Um, well, let’s see. Since you started dating Lucas…” She counted on her fingers. “I barely see you. When I do see you, you’re on the phone texting with him the whole night. You ditched me twice for schoolwork this summer and only later did I discover it was to watch porn with Lucas—”
“Watching porn was my project,” I yelled.
Kayla rolled her eyes. “What about my birthday?”
My face scrunched as I tried to recall what I’d gotten her. “Your birthday was in August.”
“Exactly.”
“I took you to dinner. I got you that necklace you wanted.”
She glared at me. And the details of her birthday dinner came into focus. It had been the night I’d gotten drunk and suggested the party. I couldn’t remember if I’d even given her the necklace after we’d started planning the engagement party. In fact, I couldn’t remember her saying much of anything that night after I’d launched into my Lucas problems. “Oh,” I breathed.
“Yeah…oh. The Kyle I know wouldn’t have taken his boyfriend to my favorite restaurant on my birthday after telling me he was too busy to go out that night. Then you have the nerve to rub it in my face and talk about him all night when you finally managed to squeeze me in.”
“Kayla, I’m so sorry. I swear I bought you that necklace. It’s probably still in my truck.”
“I don’t care about the gift, Kyle. You know I don’t. If you were sorry, I wouldn’t have to explain this to you. I don’t have anything against Lucas, I barely know him. You’ve made no attempt to change that. The mistake I made was assuming it was because he wasn’t important to you.
“I don’t like you since you started dating Lucas. That’s why I don’t want him at the wedding. I don’t like this rude, self-absorbed person you’ve become. I don’t like that you’d dismissed me from your house. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have even gotten together with him, yet now my opinion is worthless to you.”
I fell back to her couch, awash with guilt. “Kayla…” I pleaded and dropped my head in my hands. “I’m sorry.”
She shut the door and joined me on the couch, falling to the cushion as though thoroughly emotionally drained. “Well, that apology at least sounded sincere.”
“You know I don’t know what I’m doing, right? I’ve never felt like this.”
“I figured. This is generally why I avoid love. It makes you stupid.”
“For the record, I wasn’t intentionally keeping you from getting to know Lucas. It’s been a little overwhelming.”
“I want you to be happy.”
“I know.”
“But that birthday thing? That hurt a lot. Then you suggested a party. You know how hard the wedding is for me. You know how much pressure my mom puts on me to be like Patrick, to want a family and be a good little wife and mother. I am happy for Patrick, but it’s been like putting all my decisions in this huge spotlight. Do you know how many comments I got that my little brother is beating me to the altar? Why wouldn’t you just throw me a birthday party?”
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