Worthy of Love?

by J. Lea

  “What?” I asked restlessly.

  “Nothing,” he said.

  “You’re staring at me.”

  “Not you, I’m staring at your lips.”

  Oh. “What about my lips?”

  “I’m thinking about how it would feel if I kissed you right now.” He ran his forefinger down my cheek to tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear.

  “You do?”

  “Yup.”

  “Why don’t you?” I suddenly felt very daring. To hell with my fear. I needed to pass that.

  “Because I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop.”

  His words brought a flush to my face. “You can try.” I hope it didn’t sound like I’m too desperate, I thought to myself.

  After a long time, I’d finally found someone whose touch didn’t repel me, someone whose kisses I actually craved.

  His tongue darted out to lick his full bottom lip, and I crushed mine between my teeth so I wouldn’t let out a moan. His head slowly lowered, and then it finally happened. The moment his lips touched mine, I felt every nerve in my body jolt to life, like I was floating on a cloud. His kiss was anything but ordinary—passionate, sensual, breathtaking—and I prayed it never ended. I was starving and his kiss satiated my hunger, but only for a bit, because the next moment, I craved him even more. And most importantly, I didn’t fear him; I enjoyed him. He was cradling my cheeks in his hands, feasting on my lips, and I returned his kiss with equal fervor. When he finally broke the kiss some time later, he leaned his forehead against mine. We were both panting, and I already missed the feel of his lips on mine.

  “You know, the fortune cookie was right.”

  “Huh?” I was still in a haze from our passionate exchange.

  “When it said I was going to be hungry again in an hour.”

  “You want to go grab some food?” I straightened myself, disappointed.

  “I’m not talking about food, Lori. I’m hungry for your kisses.”

  “Oh.” Here I was again with the monosyllables.

  “I was staring at your lips the whole night, wondering if they were as tasty as they looked.”

  “And what was your conclusion?”

  “Let me just say I wasn’t giving them enough justice.” I grinned at his response. “They’re even more delicious than I could ever imagine.”

  “Yours are not that bad, either,” I replied nonchalantly. Please, kiss me again, my inner voice was screaming.

  “Not that bad?” He pretended to be offended.

  “Well, I think you should remind me again how they felt like. Maybe then I’ll—“ I couldn’t finish the sentence as his lips were already firmly pressed against mine, and his tongue found its way into my mouth, dancing with mine. My senses were once again overwhelmed. Just as it was getting more heated, I felt something slobbery and furry on my cheek. Our lips pulled apart, and King used this opportunity to jump between us.

  “King!” Parker protested. “Down!” Parker shot me a look of regret, and I patted King on the back. He didn’t move an inch, wagging his tail happily, and he yawned as I scratched him behind his ear. “Just a second.” Parker grabbed King by his collar and dragged him to the next room and closed the door behind him. When he came back, he was smiling sheepishly.

  “I’m sorry about that.”

  “You don’t need to apologize for something like that.”

  “He’s not used to female company. He’s just jealous of you.” I shot him a surprised look. Not used to female company? But where does he take his dates then? I guess he puts him in another room so he doesn’t disturb them. That’s probably it, I tried to come to a reasonable conclusion.

  “It’s okay, it’s getting late anyway. I should get going.” Parker gave me a reluctant nod but didn’t object. We headed to his car where he opened the passenger door for me, and went around to his side. We were quiet during the ride, only a soft melody was playing on the radio. My thoughts kept drifting to our kisses. As he stopped the car in front of my apartment building, he walked me to the entrance. I turned to him with a smile.

  “Thank you for dinner. I had a great time.”

  “Me, too.” Parker stuck his hands into his pant pockets and shuffled his feet, and I fidgeted with my keys. “I’d like to see you again,” he said, and my heart leapt up in joy.

  “That would be nice.”

  “My schedule is full during the week, but would Friday evening work for you?” I nodded with a ridiculously happy smile on my face. “We can go out to dinner this time. I don’t care where. You pick.”

  “Deal,” I said.

  He then leaned into me, giving me a good night kiss. My knees turned to mush again. I didn’t want him to leave yet, but it was late and he still needed to drive home. As he was descending the stairs, he turned back and caught me staring at his retreating back. He winked at me, jumped into his car and drove off. Still grinning goofily, I unlocked the front door, hurried up the stairs to our apartment and unlocked them, too. As I closed them behind me, I leaned back against them, sighing.

  “Did you have fun?” Mom’s voice broke through my haze. I placed my purse on the kitchen counter and poured myself a glass of water.

  “It was amazing. I don’t know what I was so afraid of. Parker is so…attentive and nice.”

  “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, sweetie.” Mom squeezed my shoulder and pressed a kiss on the top of my head before heading to her room to sleep as it was late. I grabbed a quick shower, brushed my teeth, and all I could think about were Parker’s kisses and how they made me feel. I grabbed my purse on my way to my room to fish out my phone. I had a new text. I thought it was Elias, but Parker’s name blinked on the screen.

  Parker: Sweet dreams, beautiful girl.

  I threw myself back on the bed, my belly full of swarming butterflies, and closed my eyes. How is it possible I spent so much time without kisses, and now kissing Parker is all I can think about? He captivated me completely.

  Chapter Eight

  December 2010

  14 years old

  “I don’t want to go to practice, dad.” It was Tuesday, the day I was all-alone with my coach. These days were the worst. A week before, I’d gone to grab a shower right after practice since I’d had plans with Simon to go to his place afterwards, where we planned on catching up with our homework, and I hadn’t wanted to be sweaty and smelly.

  As I was standing under the hot spray, I felt a pair of eyes on me. Warily, I turned around, and Coach Briggs was staring at me, his eyes clouded with undisguised lust. He was licking his lips and watching me. Jumping away from him, I grabbed my towel.

  “What are you doing here?” I shrieked as I wrapped it around my body and rushed to the bench where I’d put my clothes earlier. He was right behind me. “This is the women’s locker room!”

  “You’re so beautiful. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

  “What?” I screeched, wrapping the towel tighter around me.

  He came even closer, and I instinctively took a step back but my leg hit the bench. He reached out his arm, running his index and middle finger from my collarbone down to my elbow. I was trapped so I could only lean my head to the side and shut my eyes in terror.

  “P-please, can I get dressed?”

  “Don’t be embarrassed, you have a gorgeous body,” his voice was dripping with desire.

  “I ju-just want to get d-dressed,” I shuddered. I was cold and terrified. I didn’t know what he was going to do to me.

  “Are you crying?” he exclaimed in surprise as he noticed a tear slide down my cheek. “I’m not going to hurt you.” His hand shot out to grab the end of my towel, and I jerked back, sick to my stomach. He didn’t move an inch. “Why are you afraid? You know I’m not gonna hurt you.” His hand slipped higher until it reached my face, and his fingertips trailed over my lips. My shaking got worse and I was frozen with terror, my teeth chattering. Tears ran uncontrollably down my cheeks. He then grabbed my chin and jerked my head upward so
I stared him straight in the eyes. I jerked my head away, gripping the ends of my towel for dear life. I just wanted to go home, away from him. “Look at me,” he demanded, but I shook my head no. A million things were running through my head. Why is no one here? Why does nobody come into the locker room? What will this monster do to me? How can I escape? But the loudest one was: What will happen to me? As he reached for my towel again, undoubtedly so he could tear it off my body, we heard a jiggle of the door knob. I sighed with relief, but the door wouldn’t budge. I shot a terrified look at the coach as I realized he had locked the door. The knob moved a few more times, and we heard a voice calling:

  “Is there somebody inside? Why doesn’t this door open? I’m going to get the janitor.” We heard the retreating steps, and coach and I locked gazes. He roughly gripped my wrist and hissed:

  “Say a word, and I’ll tell everybody how you keep coming on to me at practice, how you keep telling me how much you want me, and how you can’t seem to keep your clothes on in front of me, always smiling and flirting with me. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  I swallowed hard, fear rushing through my bones, and all I could do was nod.

  “Do you understand? I can’t hear you.”

  “Y-yes,” I spluttered through my tears.

  “Good.” Coach marched to the door, unlocked them and disappeared. I hastily dressed into my clothes, called my dad to come pick me up. I sent Simon a text telling him I wouldn’t be able to come over. Despite my shower, I still felt dirty.

  “Why not?” dad wondered, interrupting my dark thoughts. “Ever since you started hanging out with that boy, you sidetracked track and field. I think he’s a bad influence.”

  “Simon has nothing to do with it,” I defended myself. And it was true. A few days after the incident in the locker room, I sent Simon a text I couldn’t see him anymore. He wanted to know the reason, but I didn’t bother explaining. What was I supposed to say? Ever since then he stopped talking to me completely, and I crawled even further into my shell.

  “Don’t talk back to me, young lady!” I could tell he was bursting with anger. “Lori, your mother and I pay Coach Briggs big money so you can train with the best. And now you’re changing your mind all of a sudden? No, missy. You’re going, and that’s final. When you’re standing on the top step of the winner’s podium, you’ll be grateful I put my foot down.” He thought I grew tired of track and field, that I set it aside because boys were a bigger priority, and that’s why I was slipping at practice. But my heart never stopped beating for track and field, for running and long jump; it was the coach who repulsed me. And I couldn’t tell my dad that. Would he even believe me? He’d think it was just one of my excuses to get out of practice. No, I couldn’t tell him. “I’ll wait for you in the car.”

  I nodded at him, and prepared for practice, my mood deflated. Just thinking about Coach Briggs’ hands on me again made me sick to my stomach. I wanted to lock myself in my room and never come out again.

  Chapter Nine

  August 2014

  18 years old

  “Do you have everything you need?” Mom asked Tyler and I just as we were leaving for school and she was headed to work. I admit I was scared to death of the first day of school, but on the other hand, I looked forward to it. A new beginning.

  Tyler and I jumped into Elias’s car, and we sped off toward school.

  “So, how was your date with Adonis?” Elias asked curiously. Tyler and Kolt didn’t pay us any attention from the back seat, both immersed in playing games on their phones.

  I turned to him and gave him a wide grin. “Dreamy,” I sighed dramatically.

  “What? No details? Come on. Throw me a bone. If I’m not getting any action, I should at least live vicariously through you.” Laughing, I shook my head. “What do you want me to say? That he was a perfect gentleman? That he cooked dinner for me? That we had fun? And that he kissed me?” I paused for a second. “I like him. A lot.”

  “Too bad you found him first.”

  “He’s not interested in men.”

  “Yeah, right. Every man says that. I’d just have to get my hands on him, and he’d sing a different tune.” He winked at me, and I giggled at the thought. “So, when do I get to meet Mr. Perfect?”

  “Calm down, we’ve only just met. We’ll see how things go on our next date.”

  “Why so pessimistic?”

  I gave him an incredulous look. “You know damn well why. I have plenty of emotional baggage. Besides, everyone runs for the hills when they learn about my condition. They look at me as if I have the plague. Imagine what would happen if I also shared other grizzly details from my past with him.”

  He shook his head. “I didn’t run for the hills.”

  “That’s different. You’re like a brother to me. We’ve known each other since we were toddlers.”

  “They have no idea what they’re missing, babe.”

  “Thank you,” I replied gently, leaning over to give him a peck on the cheek. “I think I’m gonna to tell him everything on Friday when we see each other again. Do you think it’s too early?”

  “You know best. If you think you should tell him then, do it.”

  “I don’t know. On one hand, I’d like to get it over with soon, before we get more emotionally involved. It’s easier to end things now than when you’re already head over hills for each other.”

  “You’re right. Wait and see how things will play out on Friday. But, my advice is, tell him. Everything. That way you’ll know right away where you stand with him, and if he’s such an asshole as to let you walk away from him.”

  Elias parked the car in the parking lot in front of the school. Tyler and Kolt went off to their class, and Elias and I headed to the English classroom.

  Time passed quickly, and everybody seemed to have accepted me, which made me feel great. Girls were more or less kind to me, and guys regarded me curiously, asking me all sorts of silly questions about where I was from and why I moved. The last class of the day was German, another subject Elias and I had together. It was an elective, and it was logical for Elias to select it, since he was Austrian from his father’s side, and knew the language well. I chose it because it was the only one remaining. Luckily, I’d studied German before, but it wasn’t exactly my favorite cup of tea.

  Elias and I rushed into the classroom, and took our seats in the middle of the room.

  “Hi, Elias,” one of our classmates approached my friend.

  “Hey, Jon,” Elias nodded.

  “Who do we have here?” Jon asked as he plopped down in the seat next to Elias, and gave me a wide grin.

  “I’m Lori,” I decided to make the introductions myself, and reached out my arm to shake hands.

  “Jon,” he flashed me his attractive smile.

  I then focused my attention on my phone as I received a text from Parker. He said that he was at work, and that he couldn’t wait to hear my voice again.

  He called me the morning before. We even exchanged some texts. I couldn’t wait for Friday to come so I could see him again.

  As I was busy typing out a message, I didn’t notice anyone enter. The chatter in the classroom died down, and I could only hear occasional whispers. I felt Elias nudge me with his hand, but I ignored him. I wanted to finish writing the text to Parker.

  “Yes, yes,” I hissed. “I just have to finish writing this.”

  “What a hunk,” I heard a girl purr behind me.

  “Wow, I wouldn’t kick him out for eating pretzels in bed,” another whispered.

  I vaguely heard the principal’s voice explaining something about maternity leave, and Mr. Thorne, and then I heard the door close behind her as she left the room. Finally, I lifted my gaze to the blackboard to see what was happening. I saw our teacher writing his name on the board.

  “You can call me Mr. Thorne,” he said in a no-nonsense voice as he put an exclamation mark behind his name, and turned around to face us. My jaw fell open. I froze in
my seat as I stared at Mr. Thorne.

  At him.

  Parker.

  My Parker.

  I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes until I saw nothing but white spots. How is this even possible? What is happening? Is this some kind of a weird prank? I gasped and swallowed thickly, turning my head to the side slightly to look at Elias from the corner of my eyes. He had a pleased smile on his lips, his eyes were dancing with amusement, and he licked his lips. Undoubtedly, he liked the new teacher. The whispers of my excited schoolmates still hadn’t died down. Girls were undressing him with their eyes, and they were drooling all over their tables, but my head kept saying: No, no, no, no!

  “I have a few rules you will have to follow. I want you to pay close attention in class, I don’t tolerate tardiness or any kind of chatting during the lecture, and you’re strictly forbidden to use your phones. Do we understand each other?” Some nodded, the rest of the class loudly stated ‘yes’. I just stared at him in disbelief.

  “Good. Then we will get along just fine. As the principal explained, Mrs. Hill is on early maternity leave, and I am the substitute teacher. Does anyone have any questions so far?” We were quiet, so he continued. “Okay. So, before we begin, you could tell me a bit about yourselves so I can get to know you a little better. We’ll start with you,” he pointed to the girl in the first row on the right. He hadn’t noticed me yet, and I felt sick to my stomach thinking about the moment he would. I hadn’t listened to anyone during his or her introductions because my head was swimming. I couldn’t get it in my head how I hadn’t known he was a teacher. We had seen each other only a few times, but we’d spent a lot of time together, mostly talking. But the topic of what we did for living never actually came up. I didn’t even know how old he was. How could I not know that? Our conversations had always been fun, about thousands of different things, but never about age or work. We’d never ran out of things to talk about; perhaps that’s why we hadn’t gotten to the boring everyday things like that.