Friend Zoned (Barnett Bulldogs #2)

by Jennifer Sucevic

  See?

  I knew this whole dating thing was never going to work out. I totally fucked it up. Which is exactly what I do when it comes to relationships. I’m just no good at them. Over the last week, Sam and I have somehow, miraculously, found our way back to one another. It’s all very tentative right now but at least we’re talking. Things have slowly started falling back into place between us.

  And that’s exactly where it needs to stay.

  With enough time, the weeks we spent together will eventually fade from both of our memories, becoming nothing more than a little blip in time that we’ll end up forgetting about.

  It’s just safer that way.

  Sam is the one person I can’t afford to lose. And if we’re just friends from here on out, there’s zero chance of losing him again.

  It makes perfect sense.

  My phone chimes with an incoming text message. I don’t even have to pull it out of my pocket to know that it’s Sam letting me know that he’s on his way to pick me up. I’ve tried telling him that I could take my grandparent’s car back and forth to school, but he insists on driving me himself.

  Which is fine.

  I’ve missed spending time with him and the only way things will ever get back to normal between us is if we continue moving forward. If we simply pretend those few weeks never happened.

  Kissing my grandfather lightly on the forehead, I tell him, “I’ll see you when I get back later today. If you guys need anything while I’m gone, just have gran call or text, okay? I should be home around three.”

  His hand cups my cheek before his lips pull up into a soft affectionate smile. “You’re a good girl, Violet.”

  I can’t help but return the tender look before adding, “Love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  Snagging my messenger bag from the bedroom, I quickly jog down the stairs before heading towards the kitchen where my grandmother is making breakfast for my grandfather. She already made me a plate of scrambled eggs and wheat toast bright and early this morning. Just one of the many perks to staying at the house with them. One I’m totally willing to take advantage of.

  “Okay, I’m heading out.”

  She looks up from the eggs she’s scrambling. “Are you sure you don’t want to take the car? Wouldn’t that be easier?”

  I shake my head. “No, Sam is already on his way. Plus, what happens if you need it for something?” She nods her head before saying, “Make sure you thank Sam for us. He’s been so helpful.”

  I grab a ripe banana from the bowl of fruit sitting out on the counter before shoving it in my bag for later. “I will, gran.”

  Sam has been really supportive through all this. And his mom, Beth, comes over every afternoon when I’m at school to check on my grandfather and answer any questions my grandmother may have. I know it makes her feel better to have someone with medical experience living right next door.

  I hate to admit it, but it’s a relief that she pops over when I’m not around. I’ve yet to see either one of his parents since the photo of Sam ended up plastered all over the internet. I have no idea if they’re aware that I’m the one who took the picture or not.

  It doesn’t escape me that I’m a total coward for not going over there and telling them the truth. I’ve known these people for eight years. I’ve eaten countless dinners at their kitchen table, been invited over for numerous holiday parties. They’ve always included me in everything, to the point of giving me birthday and Christmas gifts. Beth is, in some regards, like a surrogate mother to me. Sam’s whole family has always been kind, generous, and accepting.

  And this is how I’ve repaid their kindness…

  By taking a naked shot of their son before carelessly allowing it to end up in someone else’s hands who then distributed it like party flyers to everyone on campus.

  Just as that thought circles viciously through my head, I see Sam pull into the driveway. I shout out a quick goodbye before leaving the house. Opening the door to his truck, I slide in next to him. Once I’m belted and he’s pulling out onto the street, a quietness settles over us. It’s not one that’s uncomfortable or oppressive, but it certainly isn’t the easy comradery we’ve always shared in the past.

  What I’ve come to realize over the last few days is that I don’t have to let what happened ruin our entire relationship. I can salvage what’s left. Sam all but said that we would be able to work things out between us. I just have to be patient. And hopefully with enough time, we’ll get back to where we once were.

  As the silence continues to stretch and lengthen between us, I find myself clearing my throat, bringing up a topic I don’t necessarily want to discuss. But I can’t continue running and hiding from it any longer.

  “Are we okay?”

  His eyes cut to mine before one side of his mouth hitches into a small smile. “Yeah, Vi, We’re okay.” He sounds more like his old self than he has in quite a while. It’s like music to my ears.

  Slowly I exhale a breath of relief because it’s the first time he’s admitted that since the incident happened. Hearing him actually say those words feels like a humongous weight being lifted from my shoulders. Or maybe my heart. It’s like I can finally breathe again.

  “Good.”

  Nibbling at my bottom lip, I force myself to ask, “How is everything with your parents?”

  He shrugs those impossibly broad shoulders. As he makes the simple gesture, I realize just how much I’ve missed running my hands over his powerful muscles. I almost sigh as that thought pops into my head because if we’re truly going to be friends, strictly friends, then I can’t allow myself to think like that. But it’s difficult, if not impossible, given just how physically aware of him I now am.

  “Alright, I guess. There hasn’t been too much fall out. My dad is waiting to see what happens. He’s concerned that his opponent is saving it to use as ammunition once the race is underway.”

  It makes me gut sick to know that I’m the cause of problems between him and his parents. Not to mention how this could impact his dad’s reelection efforts. Sam has spent his entire life shying away from the spotlight, always doing his best to fly under the radar. It sucks that my careless actions have thrust him into the center of it.

  Even though I’m unsure just how he’ll react, I reach out, tentatively taking hold of his hand before squeezing it within my smaller one. “I’m sorry that what I did has affected you and your family like this. I wish there was something I could do to make it better.”

  But there’s not.

  There’s absolutely nothing.

  For just a moment, his eyes spear mine. His voice is soft. “You don’t have to apologize anymore. It was an accident. Everything will be fine with my family. It just has to settle. Okay?”

  Glancing away, I stare silently out the window.

  “Vi? Did you hear me?”

  Without looking back at him, I say quietly, “Yeah, I got it.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  Forcing out a little puff of air, I finally admit, “Last week, being without you… it really sucked.” My eyes slide carefully to his as he continues focusing on the road ahead of him, easily maneuvering his way through the thick traffic near campus. “Your friendship… it means everything to me. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize it again.”

  His fingers tighten around mine. Quietly he admits, “I just needed some time to work through what happened. That’s all.”

  Even though I hear what he’s saying, I continue pushing out the rest of the words. “I know. I’m just sorry I put you in that kind of position. I really am. Staying with my grandparents this last week, I’ve had a lot of time to think. About us… our friendship… and what happened.” Sucking in a deep breath, I finally say, “I think it’s for the best if we just go back to being friends.”

  My words are met with a deafening silence that slowly fills the cab of his truck. Just when I start to wonder if he’s going to acknowledge my words, he clears
his throat before asking, “Is that what you really want, Vi? For us to be just friends?”

  Even though I don’t want that at all, I force myself to nod in response. “It’s better that way.”

  In the eight years we’ve been friends, we’ve never had one single problem. We never went for days without talking or texting. And yet, in less than a few weeks of us being together, I almost single handedly destroyed our entire relationship.

  So… yeah, obviously it seems like the safest route for us to take.

  With his bright blue eyes trained on the road ahead of him, he doesn’t utter another word. Surely he must see the truth in what I’m saying.

  Then we can just go back to being Violet and Sam.

  No pressure.

  Just friendship.

  The way it was always meant to be.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  I’m just picking up a few things from the dorm when Mia pokes her head around the corner of the door.

  “Hey, how’s everything going with your grandfather? It’s been a few days since I’ve seen you.”

  “He’s doing much better. A lot of resting right now which is driving him crazy. Apparently there’s only so much CNN a person can watch.” Inhaling a breath, I let it out slowly. “But I think he’s going to be alright.”

  “That’s good to hear.” Moving further into the room, she plops herself down on my bed. For a few minutes, she simply watches me. “When do you think you’ll move back to the dorms?” Her mossy green eyes hold mine. “I’ve missed having you around, Vi. It’s been way too quiet here.”

  My lips lift at her words. “I’ll be back in a few days. I just want to make sure he’s doing alright.”

  She nods in understanding. Mia knows exactly how much my grandparents mean to me. She’s been invited over for a ton of dinners and has stayed with us during summer breaks. “You can take my car back and forth if you want. It’s not like I really need it during the week.”

  Yeah, it probably would be easier if I just used Mia’s car. I feel kind of bad that Sam has been carting my ass around, but every time I suggest getting there on my own, he quickly shuts down the conversation. Plus, I like being with him. I’m really hoping that the more time we spend together, the quicker our friendship will slide back to normal.

  To what it once was.

  When we were friends.

  Just friends.

  When I was completely oblivious to his feelings for me. When my heart didn’t beat solely for him.

  Unfortunately, with all the quiet time I now have on my hands, I find myself dwelling on the weeks we spent together. Even though I keep trying to lock the memories up tight, I still find myself reliving them over and over and over again.

  The sharp shafts of longing that slide through my body are killing me. For my own sanity, I have to stop remembering the feel of his strong hands as they slowly trailed over my skin. Or the way his fingers would sink into my hair as he held my head still for one of his bone melting kisses.

  Or the way he…

  Shaking my head, I try dislodging those dangerous thoughts before they can take root within me again.

  It’s as if Mia knows exactly what direction my mind has veered off into. “How are things with Sam?”

  Turning, so that she can’t scrutinize my facial expressions, I go to my dresser, pulling out drawers before tossing two shirts, some underwear, and three pairs of socks into my bag. “Fine. Everything’s good.”

  I don’t want to discuss my relationship with Sam. It still feels too fresh. As much as I want everything to be exactly the way it once was between us, it’s not. It’s like we’re both trying so damn hard to be normal again. But the thinly veiled tension is still there, wafting around us.

  Time, I remind myself. It’s just going to take time. I have to be patient. Those two sentences have become something of a mantra to me.

  Even though I give her an overly bright smile, she sees right through it. “Is it really?”

  “Yep, we’re good.” Pausing, I force out the rest of the words. Because they need to be said. And I need to accept them, difficult as that may be. “We’ve decided that we’re better off as friends.”

  Her dark brows beetle together as she continues watching me from her perch on my bed. “Oh.”

  Saying the rest is like ripping off a Band-Aid. I have to do it quickly, so that all the words run together into one long word. “It-just-didn’t-work-out.” I throw in a careless shrug for good measure, hoping that she’ll buy the bullshit I’m trying so desperately to sell. “You know how it goes.”

  Even though I’m trying to keep my face wiped free of all the hurt and regret swirling around within me, Mia sees right through it. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry.” She nips her bottom lip with her teeth before hesitantly asking, “Was it because of the picture?”

  Dragging in another deep breath, I expel the air slowly before zipping up the bag. I can feel the tension seeping its way between my shoulder blades. I need to get out of here, away from her questions. As well intentioned as Mia is, discussing the demise of my relationship with Sam hurts too much.

  I’m nowhere near ready to do an autopsy on it just yet.

  “That was a big part of it,” I admit reluctantly.

  Hell, this is hardly my first break up. More like my hundredth. I really should be a pro at this by now. At moving on without a backwards thought regarding whoever had been filling the void for a week or two. And normally, that’s exactly how it is.

  But this time is different.

  Sam is different.

  “It really is better this way.” Even though I keep repeating the words, I don’t quite believe them.

  Yet.

  I don’t quite believe them yet. It’s just going to take some time. And patience. Just like getting my friendship back on track with Sam. I just have to continue being patient.

  “I’m really sorry about the whole photograph fiasco. About not doing anything to stop Caroline.”

  Caroline.

  Grrrr.

  It’s hard not to grit my teeth every time I think about her.

  About what she did.

  I tracked her ass down a few days ago and we had some words. More like some not-so-nice words, to put it politely. Sure, she apologized for stealing the picture from my phone, but still... The damage is done and there’s not a damn thing that can change it.

  “For what it’s worth, I thought you two were really good together.”

  Not wanting to touch that comment with a ten foot pole, I simply nod, trying to keep my hands busy.

  But instead of dropping the subject, she adds another dagger through my heart.

  “You seemed really happy with him.”

  Yeah. That’s because I was. I was really happy with Sam. Probably the happiest I’d ever been in my entire life.

  Even though the sting of tears pricks the back of my eyes, I don’t let them fall. I blink the little buggers back to wherever they came from before reminding myself that what matters most is that Sam and I are slowly finding our way back to one another.

  “It’s better this way,” I repeat stoically.

  Maybe someday, if I’m lucky, I’ll actually believe those words.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  “You’ve been awfully quiet lately. Everything okay at school?”

  I throw a fleeting smile over my shoulder as I finish washing up the dishes in the sink. “Yep, everything’s fine.”

  Even though I’ve turned back towards the soapy water, I feel my grandmother’s warm hazel eyes on me, assessing my words for the truth. Last week, I ever-so-casually broke the news that Sam and I had rather amicably decided to part ways. Looking surprised, she asked a few gently probing questions about the demise of our relationship. Instead of answering, I shut down the conversation before it could get out of hand. I know she’s only trying to help, but right now there is nothing that dulls the pain of this break up. It’s like a constantly throbbing wound that, for whatever reason,
refuses to heal. I would have thought that after a solid week of moping, the ache would have begun to subside.

  It hasn’t.

  It still feels raw and surprisingly tender.

  Which is utterly ridiculous, it’s not like we were together all that long.

  Losing him shouldn’t feel so… crushing.

  Silently I stare out the window above the sink. Feeling oddly restless, my gaze roams over the tree lined backyard until it lands on a small huddled form sitting on the neighboring swing set, gently rocking back and forth.

  My brows draw together as I continue watching the figure.

  I’ve been staying at my grandparent’s house for a little over a week now and this is the first time I’ve even seen Ari. The way her head hangs forward, as if she’s just staring down at the toes of her shoes, has me wondering if something’s wrong.

  Breaking into my thoughts, my grandmother says carefully, “I know you don’t want to talk about what happened with Sam, but maybe you two just need to try working things out. Give your relationship another chance.”

  Slowly the air leaves my lungs as I keep my eyes focused on the small blonde girl rocking gently back and forth on the swing. Instead of responding to her comment, I grab a dish towel before drying my hands off. “Ari’s out in the backyard. I’m going to go say hi.”

  Gran spears me with a look. One that lets me know that I’m not fooling her for a second as she continues scooping chocolate chip cookie dough onto a gleaming silver tray before popping it carefully into the oven. Unconsciously I hold my breath, waiting to see if she’ll drop the previous conversation.

  Sighing, she finally says, “Let her know that the cookies will be done in about ten minutes if she wants to come over and have a few.”

  I aim a small grateful smile in her direction, thankful that she’s dropped the topic of Sam for now. This is the first time in nearly two weeks that the lifting of my lips doesn’t feel so strained around the edges. “I will.”

  Grabbing my jacket off a hook in the back hall, I zip it all the way up before opening the door. It has to be about thirty degrees out. Shoving my hands deep inside my pockets, I continue walking towards Ari. She must be freezing. Her jacket is thin and she doesn’t have gloves or a hat to ward off the December chill.