Never Far Away

by Marysue Hobika

  I didn’t address his apology. I wasn’t sure if I forgave him, yet. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.” Aidan answered slowly.

  “How do you know Teddy?”

  “You mean Theo?”

  Sometimes I forgot I was the only one who called him Teddy. The rest of the world knew him as Theo. “Yeah.”

  “He’s the tutor I told you about.” I’d been right. But there was more I wanted to know.

  “Did he really brag to you that he banged some blond?” I had to know if Teddy moved on. Was the blond chick that I’d seen him with his girlfriend? She’d been holding his hand and then appeared on the sidewalk.

  “Listen, I shouldn’t have mentioned that. It was a knee-jerk reaction. I was angry and hurt.”

  “Please, tell me.” I wasn’t going to let it go. I could be stubborn when I wanted to be.

  Aidan sighed. “Theo didn’t brag to me about some blond. We’re not that kind of friends. He tutored me a few times but that’s it. I sit behind him in class and one day I overheard him saying that he banged a blond that he’d picked up at The Gin Mill. Normally he’s not a guy that talks about his conquests, so it caught my attention.”

  “Why did you assume he’d been talking about me? Did he mention my name?”

  “No. And at the time I didn’t think anything of it. Just one guy shooting the shit with another. But then when I saw you two staring each other down, it was obvious you’d met before, and I made the leap.” Aidan blushed and I remembered when I’d thought that was so adorable.

  “I grew up with Teddy. His family lives across the street from mine.”

  We remained silent for a minute, drinking our coffee. I was preparing to let Aidan know it was over.

  “I’m kicking myself right now, but I’m not interested in being someone else’s second choice.” Guilt settled in the pit of my stomach. I guess I wasn’t fooling Aidan. “So I might as well tell you that I just remembered something else that Theo said that day.”

  “What?” I wasn’t sure if I was going to like what he had to add.

  “He said something weird like, ‘she had platinum colored hair and I thought it’d help, but it didn’t.’”

  “What does that mean?” I shook my head. I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about.

  Aidan shrugged. “Not sure. But as a guy, I think it means that he slept with one blond to get a different blond out of his head, only it didn’t work. He still wants her.”

  Thoughts ran through my head. The question remained: who was the blond? Did he still want me or was he referring to the slutty devil girl? Aidan said it was a couple of weeks ago, so maybe he’d been talking about the blond devil girl and now they were together, or at least it looked like they might be. I desperately wanted to ask Aidan if he knew if she was Teddy’s girlfriend, but it would be crossing the line. Because if he answered no, I wouldn’t be able to keep the joy off of my face, and this conversation was painful enough without adding that to it. I didn’t want to hurt Aidan any more than I already was. “Do you think he was telling the truth?”

  “Honestly, I don’t know. Theo seems like the quiet type. He studies a lot and tutors me and a few of my friends. But, he’s not a saint. I’ve seen him out on occasion, releasing stress just like the rest of us.” He didn’t come right out and say he’d seen Teddy hooking up with girls, but I could read between the lines. I didn’t want to think about Teddy with another girl. My chest tightened. Fearing another anxiety attack, I let his words wash over me, pretending I didn’t know what he was talking about. Slowly I took in a deep breath and let it out.

  It was time. “I can’t see you anymore.” I lifted my eyes to Aidan. I’d forgiven him for insinuating I was a slut, but there was no way we could ever be together. He wasn’t the one for me.

  “Yeah, I pretty much figured that out.” Aidan looked sad. “I knew as soon as I saw you and Theo eye fucking that I didn’t stand a chance.” It wasn’t like Aidan to swear and I cringed internally. I hadn’t set out to hurt him. I’d thought I was over Teddy. “I hope he knows how lucky he is and that what I told you will help. I care about you and I want you to be happy.” Aidan stood and kissed me on the forehead. “Bye, Stella.” He walked out of the café and didn’t look back.

  I sat there for a long time after he left with a heavy heart. I felt bad for hurting Aidan. This whole thing made me realize I couldn’t run from my feelings any more. I had to find out how Teddy felt about me. I wasn’t sure how to go about doing that, but I knew there was no ‘moving on’ until I faced him.

  Theo

  I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. The only time my brain was quiet was when I was sleeping. It’d been a week and I hadn’t heard from Stella. I wanted to give her time, but I didn’t know how much time was appropriate. Shit! I pulled the pillow over my head. I wasn’t good at this.

  My heart had stopped when I saw her dancing at the party. Even with her hair dyed red I recognized her. She was beautiful and she took my breath away. Her long legs looked fucking amazing in her short Wilma Flintstone costume. I watched her for a few minutes without her seeing me. She seemed happy, free. Her body moved to the music and she threw her head back, laughing with her friends. I’d wanted to approach her, but I’d been rooted to the spot as if I were under a trance. Then she saw me and ran, and my legs finally unglued. I chased after her.

  At first she seemed happy to see me. Her face had filled with exhilaration. I felt like the luckiest guy in the world staring into her diamond blue eyes. We were both speechless. Then her boyfriend appeared. Even though they hadn’t been dancing together it was easy to ascertain that they were a couple. He was dressed as her other half—Fred Fucking Flintstone. His real name was Aidan. I tutored him, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to punch his lights out, and I almost did when he opened his mouth and caused Stella to have an anxiety attack, only I’d been too busy calming her down to break his face. I’d helped her through panic attacks before, so I knew what to do. And I was secretly glad it was me who helped her and not him. I felt empty when she left with her friend, but I knew I had to let her go. Now I just had to figure out my next move.

  My cell rang and I jumped out of bed, hoping it was Stella. I’d left it in my jeans pocket. I kept thinking she was going to call. My heart accelerated at the thought of hearing her voice. I yanked the phone out and read the screen. My heart rate returned to normal in an instant.

  “Hi, mom.” My voice was flat.

  “What’s the matter, Theo?” It was hard to get anything by her. She didn’t leave her work at the office. She was on-call twenty-four hours a day and had picked up on the disappointment in my voice.

  “Nothing, Mom. I’m just tired. I was up late studying.” It was true—I was up late. Trying to study would have been a more accurate way to put it. I sat there with a book open in front of me, but my thoughts kept drifting to Stella. And then I’d slammed it shut and met up with my friends to kick back a few.

  “Don’t forget, you need sleep too.”

  “I know.”

  “You’ll be able to get some extra rest soon. Thanksgiving break is only two weeks away.”

  “Yup.”

  “That’s why I’m calling. I wanted to know if you’ve decided which day you’re coming home?”

  I’d been so busy with classes, tutoring, and trying to figure out how to approach Stella that I’d forgotten all about Thanksgiving break. “I don’t know. My last class is that Tuesday. I’ll probably catch the Wednesday morning train—the day before Thanksgiving.” I didn’t have my car at school. It was too much of a pain in the ass to have a car in the city.

  “You should make plans to ride home with Stella. I saw her mom at the grocery store yesterday and she’ll be taking the train home too.” Some things never changed. My mom was still playing matchmaker, grabbing at any opportunity to push Stella and I together. I’d ignored her attempts in the past, but today I was feeling it. Maybe this was just the excuse
I needed to call Stella and stop waiting around for her to call me.

  “Yeah, maybe.” There was no way I was telling my mom how much I liked her idea. She’d send out engagement announcements to all her friends.

  “You have her number, right?”

  “Yes.” I rolled my eyes even though my mom couldn’t see me. She’d given me Stella’s address and phone number at the beginning of the semester. It was the same cell number she’d had back in high school. I’d called her a few times, but she never answered. I hoped this time would be different.

  “Okay. Call us when you know your plans. I’ll make sure someone’s at the station to pick you two up.” I rolled my eyes—again. My mom assumed just because she suggested it that it was a done deal.

  “Listen, Mom. I gotta go.” I had to figure out what to say to Stella so that she wouldn’t shoot me down.

  “Okay, Theo. Love you.”

  “Bye, Mom.”

  I threw on a long sleeve T-shirt and a pair of sweats. Nervous energy coursed through my veins. Running would help me relax and figure things out. I’d call Stella later today.

  I set a fast pace. Mentally I ran through all the things I wanted to say. I was happy to see her. She looked more beautiful than ever. I thought about her and the kisses we shared all the time. I wanted to feel her lips pressed against mine again—and soon. Is Aidan still your boyfriend? And hey—let’s take the train home together. I increased my speed. I sounded like a fucking idiot. Stella wasn’t going to just agree because I told her she looked pretty. And what if her and Aidan were serious?

  I’d avoided him this week. I arrived to class with only a second to spare and chose a new seat in the back. Then I left as soon as it was over. I didn’t want to see the guy who probably knew Stella in ways I’d only dreamed about. And I didn’t trust myself around him. The urge to kick his ass was too strong. It was safe to say I wouldn’t be tutoring him ever again.

  I returned to the apartment dripping wet. It had been a great run. Although I wasn’t any closer to figuring out what I was going to say, I was relaxed. I’d just have to wing it and hope I didn’t fuck it up too bad. I thought about calling Eli for advice. He had a long term girlfriend now, but I didn’t need him rubbing it in my face if I messed this up.

  Stella answered on the first ring. That was a good sign, right? She actually answered my phone call. Now all I had to do was convince her to give me a chance.

  “Hey. It’s me—Teddy.” It felt good to call myself Teddy instead of Theo.

  “Yeah. I know.”

  Damn! She was going to make me work for this. “I’m calling for a bunch of reasons.” I sounded like a fucking douche. Who talked like that? I wasn’t good at this. I knew how to pick up girls and go home with them. And I’d received no complaints. That was easy. Janie had been my only girlfriend and that crashed and burned. In fact, when we’d broken up, she enjoyed pointing out all the reasons I’d been a shitty boyfriend. Boyfriend? What was I going on about? I needed to focus.

  “I’m listening.”

  In my mind I envisioned her leaning back on her bed in her dorm room. Her long legs stretched out in front with her ankles crossed. I bet she was wearing one of those little dresses she was so fond of. I wanted to run my hands up and down her legs, feeling her bare skin beneath my fingertips. I reached down and touched my junk. It got hard just thinking about Stella. Shit! I was taking too long. I pulled my hand out of my pants. I needed to just spit it out. “I was happy to see you the other night.”

  “I was happy to see you too.”

  Relief swept through me. I continued on. “Are you okay? I was worried about you.”

  “Really? It took you a week to call.” She sounded angry and hurt.

  “Sorry, I thought it was what you wanted.” Here I was fucking things up already because apparently a week was too much time. I tried harder. “I can be a real ass sometimes. You should know that better than anybody.” Our shared history more than proved that.

  I could hear her smile into the phone. “Yeah, you can be.” Her tone changed. It was lighter. She didn’t say she forgave me, but I could hear it in her voice.

  Her playfulness reminded me of all the mornings we rode to school together. How could I have been so blind back then not to see her teasing as flirting—a way to get my attention. Well, she had it now. My full attention. I was going to need a cold shower after this. The sound of her voice was doing things to me. I just hoped she was still interested.

  I chuckled. “Listen, I’m taking the train home for Thanksgiving. Do you want to tag along, like old times?” I held by breath, desperate for her to say yes.

  “Sure. Sounds like fun. What day are you planning on leaving?”

  “Wednesday—the day before?” It came out as a question. If Wednesday morning wasn’t good for Stella, I’d gladly change my plans. I was willing to do whatever it took to make this happen. I really wanted the chance to spend some time with her—we had a lot of catching up to do.

  “Yeah, that works.”

  “Cool. I’ll look up the train times online and text you. We can meet at the station.”

  “’Kay,” she said. There was a long and awkward pause. I didn’t know what else to say. I was too busy mentally celebrating the fact that she’d not only answered my call but she also agreed to take the train home with me. “You said you called for a bunch of reasons. Is there something else you wanted?”

  What the hell, I was on a roll and Thanksgiving was still two weeks away. I didn’t want to wait that long to see her again. “Are you busy right now? We should meet for a drink?”

  She laughed. Damn! I’d missed that sound. It was sweet and sexy. “It’s 10 o’clock in the morning on a Sunday.”

  “Right.” I was glad she couldn’t see my red face. I was so caught up in the moment I wasn’t thinking clearly. “How about we meet for a late breakfast/early lunch.”

  “You mean brunch?”

  “Whatever, wise ass.” It felt good to joke around with her.

  She laughed again and my spirits soared higher. “Where?”

  I thought for a second and did a quick search on my phone. “Let’s meet on the street at the Columbus Circle Station. It’s roughly halfway for both of us. From there we can decide on a place to eat.”

  “’Kay. Give me an hour.”

  “See you soon.”

  “Bye, Teddy.”

  Words couldn’t describe how good it felt to hear her call me Teddy again. My heart swelled inside my chest. I’d always thought I’d hated it, but I didn’t. I fucking loved it and I couldn’t wait to hear her say it in person.

  I didn’t mess around and jumped in the shower. I smelled like sweat and city from my run. Gross. I stepped under the warm water and washed the stench away. Back in my room, I fretted over what to wear. Was this a real date? A first date with Stella? I didn’t know what she considered it to be, but I wanted to look good. I pulled on my favorite pair of jeans that hung low on my hips and a black T-shirt. My style had changed some since high school and I hoped Stella would approve. I wanted today to be perfect. I’d waited a long time for this. I brushed my hair and headed out the door. I had to remind myself not to run. I couldn’t wait to see her again.

  Stella

  I got ready in record time. I wore a cute plaid drop-waist dress that I got from J Crew that reminded me of a feminine version of a guy’s shirt. Fall was in the air so I wore a pair of black tights and ankle boots. My makeup was natural with a light coat of mascara and lip-gloss. I left my long hair down.

  The door opened just as I was getting ready to leave. “Hey, Tori.” We’d gone out with some friends last night and she’d hooked up with a hot upperclassman from NYU and was just now getting home. By the smile on her face I could tell it had been one hell of night. “That good, huh?”

  “You have no fucking idea.” Tori was playing the field and enjoying every minute of it. She took in my appearance. “Where are you going this early on a Sunday?” It was 10:30
a.m.

  “Teddy called me.” She raised her eyebrow. “I’m meeting him for brunch.”

  “Wake me up when you get back. I want to hear all about it.” Tori crashed on her bed.

  “”Kay.” I wrapped a scarf around my neck and zipped my jacket. Tori was already snoring softly as I closed the door behind me.

  Even though I was five minutes early, Teddy was waiting for me at the subway exit. He was even hotter now than he’d been in high school. He still had the-boy-next-door look, but he’d filled out and his face looked older. His eyes were the same—warm amber liquid that melted my bones. I wanted to jump him right here in the middle of Manhattan.

  “Hey, Stella.” Teddy pushed off the railing and met me. I felt his eyes burning through my clothes, lingering on my legs like always. “You’re looking good.”

  “Hi, Teddy. Thanks.”

  “Let’s walk this way.” He nodded his head. We walked a couple of blocks in comfortable silence and then we dipped into a quaint looking café with a full-service menu. We sat at a table with a view of the street. “I’m glad you agreed to meet me.”

  I looked up at him through my eyelashes. “Me too.”

  “I have to tell you: I was worried you weren’t going to answer my call.” I felt my cheeks get warm. “You’ve ignored me for the past year and half, what made today different?”

  I’d promised myself I’d be honest with Teddy. I wanted him and there was no denying it. “Seeing you at the party.” I paused. “It made me realize that I missed you.” I felt it in every cell of my body. Seeing him again made me feel alive.

  “I missed you, too.” He reached across the table and placed his large hand on top of mine. With the touch of his hand a thousand words and feelings passed from him to me. I literally felt them crawl up my arm, go through my body and end at my toes. It was both peaceful and exhilarating. I felt breathless. I watched as he squeezed my hand and then let it go.