Second Base

by Raven ShadowHawk

  Dan dragged off his own jeans and swapped them for a fresh pair. And a shirt for good measure. ‘I don’t play rugby, that’s all. And I have a desk job.’ He leaned against the wall, toying with Karen’s moisturisers lined up on top of the chest of drawers.

  ‘You could still play.’

  ‘I’m past that now. I should have kept going like you did. Seven years is a long time to be out of the game.’

  Pete walked awkwardly across the room and perched on the end of the bed. ‘You used to be good. Like a whippet.’

  ‘Good times,’ Dan agreed.

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘We got old.’

  ‘You got old.’

  He shrugged.

  Pete traced a pattern on the duvet with his forefinger. ‘Dan, I meant what I said. I don’t want our friendship to fizzle over this. Seven years and the rest. We owe it to each other to sort this out.’

  ‘You tried to rape my girlfriend.’

  ‘You know that’s not true.’

  ‘Fine. You’re in love with my girlfriend and mauled her in my back garden. Then you told her father that I hit her, leading him to knock me almost into concussion.’

  Pete flinched. ‘I would never hurt her. I made a mistake. But as soon as she reacted the way she did, I knew it was wrong. I wanted to apologise then. I would never, ever—’

  ‘I know.’ Dan raised his hand. ‘I do know that on some level. I’m just so . . .’

  ‘Angry?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Disappointed?’

  ‘Hell yes.’

  ‘I know.’ Pete rocked to his feet and began pacing. ‘You hate me, right? Fine: I deserve it. I’m sure there’s some friends’ code about your best mate’s girlfriend, and I stomped all over that.’

  ‘Pete, it’s not you I’m angry with.’ Dan picked up a bottle of hair oil and rolled it along his palms. It left a strong minty scent on his fingers which immediately brought Karen into the room with him.

  He sighed, clenching and unclenching his fingers as he thought about Pete’s words outside. About Karen and the munch. About their conversations on subs. Over and over she had tested the waters, saying what she needed in as clear a way as she could. And every time he ignored it. Because it hurt. Because it was risky. Because it was hard.

  He put the bottle down. ‘It’s me. I did this.’

  Stunned silence from his friend.

  ‘You were right—what you said before about half measures. I hate you, but you’re right. This is my fault.’

  ‘Wow.’

  ‘She’s out there somewhere. Cindy can’t find her and she isn’t with any of the other girls. Nobody from the university has seen her and even Robert came here looking for her, so she’s not with her parents either. She could be anywhere.’

  ‘Mobile?’

  ‘She’s not answering. I’ve tried.’

  ‘What are you going to do?’

  Dan gazed at the carpet. ‘Not a damn clue. But she’ll come home, right? She has to.’

  ‘Eventually. But I meant about this sub thing.’

  ‘She was talking to some guy at the munch today. And she showed me his profile before you showed up. Black Angelus or something like that.’

  Pete just waited.

  ‘She likes him. It’s subtle, but I can tell. She never normally gets tongue-tied talking about guys and certainly not about other kinksters. But this Sith, or whatever it was, has her all jumbled up.’

  ‘And you don’t like him?’

  ‘I don’t know him. I mean, I saw him. He looks a bit like Robert.’

  Pete snorted. ‘So long as he doesn’t try to stamp on your head, he’s fine by me.’

  ‘You said you love her. How can you stand it?’ He trudged across the small space and stood before his friend. ‘How can you stand the thought of another man touching her?’

  ‘I’m used to it. I see it every day, don’t I?’

  Dan stared at his friend as if seeing him for the first time. ‘Oh.’

  ‘She’s with you and she’s happy. When she sees you her eyes get all shiny and she’s got this smile; it lights everything up. Seeing her like that makes me happy too. But that’s what counts: she’s happy. That’s how I stand it.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Pete.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it. Plenty of other fish in the sea, or whatever bollocks they tell you to make it easier.’

  Sighing, Dan crossed his arms. ‘Sorry about your face.’

  ‘It’s fine. Like I said, you hit like a girl.’

  ‘Screw you, you big jock.’

  ‘Bite me, desk jockey.’ Pete mock punched him in the arm.

  ‘Wanker.’

  ‘Pervert.’

  Dan grinned.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Karen

  Karen kept walking as Sith called her name. She didn’t turn, even when his footsteps pounded after her. When he caught up and grabbed her arm she stopped. But she couldn’t look at him.

  ‘Where are you going?’ he puffed.

  ‘Home.’

  ‘You told me you live in Evington. That’s further than you were planning to walk before.’

  ‘I’ll be fine.’ She snatched her arm away.

  ‘If you won’t let me drive, at least let me give you cab fare. I don’t want it to end like this. I’m frustrated, but I’m not cruel. Do you have any idea what time it is?’

  Karen faced him. Sith had left his house without a coat. A bright shaft of golden light spilled through his open front door some distance behind. On his feet were two mismatched shoes, one slipper, one shiny shoe of soft, buffed leather. Little puffs of condensation billowed from his lips as he shivered and rubbed his arms.

  She gazed deep into his eyes and tried to figure out what to say. To find a way to make things better and wipe the look of hurt away. Nothing came to mind. ‘I like you, Sith. We have chemistry. But until I clear up this crap with Dan, I need to stay away from you.’

  He opened his mouth but she continued over him. ‘You’re sweet. Sensitive. Kind. Your body is fucking ridiculous and your need to submit makes me crazy. I want to do things to you that will—’ Deep breath. ‘But I can’t. It’s too easy to fall into what I want with you, instead of what’s right.’

  ‘But your relationship is open. You’ve already said Dan sees other women.’

  ‘He doesn’t see other women, he tops them.’

  ‘What’s the difference?’

  ‘Our sexual dynamic is open but our relationship isn’t. They’re two different things. When he tops other women, he does it with me. Sith, this is covert. I haven’t spoken with Dan about you properly and when I tried, he was too upset to think straight. Our first rule about other partners is openness and honesty. If I can’t do that, then I’m the one breaking the rules. I’m hurting him.’

  ‘But what about your needs?’

  Karen pushed her hands into the sleeves of her coat and hunkered down into her collar. ‘They’ll be dealt with. But by me, not you. Goodnight, Sith.’ She walked on, leaving him gaping. It should have felt good. Right. Instead Karen sniffed hard, alarmed to find tears gathering in her eyes.

  It wasn’t fair. How could someone so perfect be so out of reach? And why, despite leaving him, did she feel like a traitor to Dan?

  Because I am. I’m a terrible person.

  Three streets away she stopped, wiped her eyes and checked her pockets for change. The shrapnel she found was just enough to make bus fare, so she hurried to the next stop on the route towards the city centre. Only after five minutes of waiting did she check the schedule and realise that buses had stopped more than half an hour ago.

  Walking it is then. Great.

  More than once she considered calling Dan. She thought about asking him to pick her up. He would, she knew that. He’d probably break every speed limit on the way and earn himself a handful of tickets. But he would come.

  But she wasn’t ready for that. Not with her betrayal so close.

&
nbsp; How did people do it? How could people stand to cheat on the ones they loved? How did they have the stomach for it? Didn’t it make them sick inside?

  Even if she did manage to reach home before 2 a.m., Karen knew Dan would be waiting for her. He’d want to talk. She had no idea if she would be able to look him in the eye after what she’d done.

  The memory of Sith’s hands lingered on her body. She felt his lips against her breasts and the scratch of his stubble as he tongued his way down her stomach. His fingers touched her arms again, teasing over her wrists.

  I want a shower.

  Her pace quickened, as if by running she could out-manoeuvre the guilt looming overhead. But it followed, dogging every step, no matter how fast she moved.

  Her eyes prickled again.

  She longed for advice. For a calm, gentle voice to tell her it was okay.

  Out came the mobile again. By instinct she scrolled for Cindy’s number, but dismissed that idea before clearing the Bs. Next, she thought of her mother. It warmed her for all of two seconds before she remembered Charlaine had her own problems.

  The phone flashed on ‘Robert Mob.’

  Fuck, no. I’m not that desperate.

  But there was one person. One calm, level headed, mature person who could be more of a father than her own ever managed to be. And by a stroke of luck, he was in the city that night.

  But would that be easier than talking to Dan?

  As a breath of chilly air swept down the street, buffeting her from side to side, Karen decided it had to be. She scrolled through her numbers and tapped ‘Call.’

  The phone rang. And rang.

  Just as she was about to give up, a little click indicated a connection.

  Silence. Then a hushed, ‘Hello?’

  She took a deep breath. ‘Julian? It’s Karen.’

  ‘Hello, my dear. Is everything okay? It’s quite late, you know.’

  ‘Yes, I’m sorry. Everything’s fine.’

  The silence at the other end said far more than words ever could.

  ‘Okay, it’s not fine. Dan’s okay, I’m okay—I mean, we’re not hurt—but I need to talk to you.’

  A heavy sigh whistled down the phone. ‘I was hoping to speak to Dan first. I had no idea this would be so difficult.’

  She stopped walking. ‘What?’

  ‘Oh, come now, my dear. You don’t need to make it easier for me. I know it must be awkward, but I’d like to thank you for taking the first step. You’re very brave.’

  She shook her head, even though he couldn’t see it. ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘When you left today, I knew the jig was up. Then when I got back, Maxine told me Daniel had been ringing and asking about me. The conversation we had before that made it quite clear. But I’m not cheating. I want to make that plain from the offset. Maxine knows exactly what’s going on.’

  Karen squinted. ‘When we left where?’

  ‘The munch, my dear. The munch.’

  She gave a squeal. ‘You saw us?’

  ‘Hardly difficult with the pair of you flapping like a pair of turkey grouse. I understand you didn’t want to be seen, but you weren’t very subtle.’

  ‘Shit—I mean, sorry, Julian, but, shit. I didn’t know you knew.’

  ‘I didn’t until today. And I don’t know details—nor do I want to—but I know you and my boy are kinky.’

  Karen slumped against a lamppost. The world seemed tipped on its head, spun around, flipped sideways and yanked inside out. After a moment she straightened. ‘So are you and Maxine.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘What else would you be doing at a munch? Don’t deny it now.’

  ‘I’m not denying, I’m correcting. I’m kinky. Maxine is not.’ Julian sighed. She could almost picture him, snowy white whiskers fluttering as he did so. He even flicked his hair, the same way Dan did when an overlong strand fell into his eyes. ‘I’m kinky. Maxine has no time for such things. I doubt the woman has a sex drive any more, but I do.’

  Shutting her eyes did nothing to drive the image from her mind, but Karen did it anyway. ‘I don’t want to know.’

  ‘Nor should you. But you deserve the truth. And clearly Dan needs it too since he’s worried about cheating. Thank you again for doing this. It’s brave of you to try fixing matters.’

  Now the moment had come Karen barely knew what to do. She scuffed her foot against the pavement, working the sticky edge of a flattened pat of gum.

  Is this better, or worse?

  Somehow, revealing her infidelity to another kinkster was that much harder. ‘I didn’t call for him.’

  A lone car drove by. Karen squinted into the light then returned to staring at her shoes.

  ‘What’s the matter, dear?’

  ‘I cheated on Dan.’ The words were a whisper, almost lost in the wind. But he heard them. She knew he did because of his sharp intake of breath.

  ‘When?’

  ‘Just now. Half an hour ago. I’m not even sure. I went to another man’s house. Not on purpose—he picked me up—ugh! This is coming out wrong.’

  ‘Why don’t you start at the beginning?’

  She sniffed. ‘I met a man at the munch today. His name is Sith.’

  ‘Tall? Good looking? Dreadlocks like your father?’

  A wince. ‘Please don’t compare him to Robert. Not after what we just did.’

  ‘Sorry. Please continue.’

  Karen bit her lip. ‘We talked about what we wanted from our relationships. Dan and I are D/s but I want more than that. I need to try other things and Sith was perfect. He is perfect.’

  Julian seemed to be thinking. When he spoke again it was hushed and chased by the sound of him moving through a small space. ‘So you had relations with him?’

  ‘No! I just dominated him a bit. And let him do the same to me. But it didn’t feel right. The whole time, even when I knew it’s what I wanted, I knew it wasn’t right. I can’t do it without Dan there. I need him.’ Tears rolled freely down her cheeks. ‘What have I done?’

  ‘Karen, dear, calm down. Let me just move to a more private spot. One moment.’ More rustling, then the sound of muted footsteps. When Julian next spoke, he did so at his normal volume. ‘There now. Better. Are you okay?’

  ‘Not really. I’ve done something terrible. You heard him on the phone today, he despises cheaters. So do I. Like my dad.’ She gave a whimper. ‘I’ve turned into Robert.’

  ‘I doubt that very much. You are far too kind, generous and, dare I say it, well spoken to be anything like that man. And you have your mother’s looks.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  He chuckled. ‘Now that you’re calmer, let me tell you something. When I told Maxine I wanted to explore kink, she spent three hours lecturing me about sodomites, paedophiles and rapists. When she eventually calmed down, I told her that all I wanted was the occasional bit of bondage. A chance to let a woman have her way with me.’

  Karen cringed. ‘Julian, I—’

  ‘Do you know what she told me?’

  ‘I could make some pretty good guesses.’

  Another laugh. ‘She told me that I could do whatever I wanted, so long as I told her about it first. She said that her sex drive had been low for years and she didn’t miss it. There were ‘more important’ things to do. But if I needed something that she couldn’t provide, she was happy for me to find it so long as I did it honestly and safely.’

  Yet again Karen leaned against the lamppost. She shook her head. ‘Seriously?’

  ‘Yes. Well, maybe not those exact words, but you know Maxine. But her main concern was safety. None of this—now how did she put it? No ‘crawling the pavement for skinny hookers with bad make up and worse dye jobs.’’

  Karen snorted through her tears. ‘Yes, that sounds like Maxine.’

  ‘I don’t know what sort of arrangement you have with my son, but he loves you. I’m sure if you talk to him he’ll understand you made a mistake.’

  ‘But it�
��s more than that. I need something he can’t—or won’t—give me. He tried.’ She shuddered at the thought of Pete in that ridiculous mask. ‘It was a disaster.’

  ‘But he did try. Love means a lot of things, Karen, but something most people agree on is wanting the person you love to be happy.’

  ‘Happy doesn’t mean cheating.’

  ‘You made a mistake. But it sounds like you stopped yourself from making a much larger mistake. You knew what was right, what wasn’t and you made the right choice. That has to count for something.’

  ‘I hope so.’

  ‘Talk to Daniel. I know it’s late but he’ll want to discuss this. Do it before it gets any later.’

  She sniffed. ‘I can’t.’

  ‘I know you’re scared but you’re a strong, young woman.’

  Though the sentiment made her smile, the facts were unchanged. ‘No, I really can’t. I’m miles from home. No money. I really don’t want to have this conversation with Dan on the way home. I can’t call him.’

  ‘Come here then.’

  ‘I can’t, remember. No money.’

  ‘Get the cab to come here and I will give you the fare. Then travel the rest of the way home.’

  ‘I couldn’t do that.’

  ‘Do you plan to walk home?’

  Karen tucked her free hand into the sleeve of her jacket. ‘I’d rather not.’

  ‘So flag down the first cab you see and direct it to our hotel. I’ll meet you outside.’

  Before she could stop them, tears of frustration and worry shifted into sobs of relief. ‘Thank you so much, Julian. I don’t know what to say.’

  ‘Don’t say anything. Just call Dan and let him know you’re coming home.’

  ‘I will.’

  ‘And don’t tell him about the munch, please.’

  ‘You prefer to let him think you’re cheating?’

  ‘I’ll talk to him later, on my own terms. Will you do that for me, my dear? Let me decide how and when to talk to him.’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Thank you. See you in a short while.’ He hung up.

  For long moments Karen held the mobile, deciding what to say. In the end she gave up and scrolled through her numbers to find Dan’s.

  He answered after two rings.