New Love

by Alyson Reynolds

  She led me over to a quiet corner in the living room and tugged me down on the chaise lounge next to her. I felt everyone’s questioning gazes following us, but they all moved on to other things and allowed us to talk. Everyone kind of faded into the background as Olivia started to talk.

  “We all go through things that change our entire world. I don’t know the details about yours, and maybe one day if you want to talk about it we can, but for now, I just want to tell you mine.”

  I started to tell her she didn’t have to, that I couldn’t handle someone else’s brokenness, but something in her gaze held me back.

  “It’s taken me a long time to get to this point, so just let me do it.” I nodded slowly. “Did you know that I had a daughter?”

  My eyes snapped up to hers in shock. It took me a minute but I found my voice. That was the last thing I expected. “No, I didn’t.”

  She smiled sadly. “I do. Her name is Ellie.” She took a few seconds to gather herself. “Obviously you know that Christian and I had a past. Everyone in that damn frat house does,” she said shaking her head. “He’s Ellie’s father, mainly in the sense that he was the sperm donor in this case. I got pregnant my senior year in high school, but instead of letting it ruin my life like some people might think, I tried to make something good come from it.”

  Olivia took a deep shuddery breath and I reached over to take her hand. She gave me a grateful smile before continuing. “My gorgeous baby girl lives with her amazing parents. Abby and Noah. They weren’t able to have kids of their own. Noah had cancer as a kid and the chemo and radiation that saved his life took away the one thing that they wanted most was a family. It was a horrible thing, but they were dealing. When I met them…I just knew, they were the ones that needed to raise my little girl. My family was way too fucked up to bring an innocent baby into all that chaos.” She grinned. “Finn and I are the normal ones if you can believe it.”

  I choked out a laugh. Somehow the thought that those two people who had drama following them everywhere were the stable ones in their family was funny.

  “The whole point I’m trying to make is that we all have our demons. Believe me, I grieved losing that little girl, enough so that I ran from the real world for over a year before making my way back here. That kind of loss is enough to break someone.”

  I nodded slowly. I totally understood what she was saying. “I miss Ellie every day, but I know that I can’t quit living my life because she’s gone. I don’t think I realized how much I had given up on living until I met Nate. For a long time making it day to day was the only way I could function. You don’t ever forget what you’ve gone through, I know you won’t, but it doesn’t mean that it has to rule your life forever.”

  We sat their quietly for a few minutes, soaking in everything she’d said.

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” She gave me another sad smile. “I know it’s not the same thing, what you experienced, but sometimes it helps knowing that you aren’t alone when the world feels like it’s about to collapse around you and you’re drowning in the sorrow.”

  Hannah

  I was surprised when Olivia pulled Chance to the side, they’d never been close, but what did I know. I gave Nate a curious look, and he shrugged. Instead of hovering, I decided to finish getting ready for dinner. Brooke and Caroline followed me upstairs and helped repair my hair and makeup that Chance had thoroughly destroyed. It was totally worth it. As I was finishing up, Chance wandered in. He looked calmer, more centered than I’d ever seen him.

  “Everything okay?” I asked, looking at him from the mirror.

  “Yes,” he paused. “For once, everything really is okay.”

  I gave him a curious glance, but didn’t press. If he wanted me to know he would tell me.

  Finn stuck his head inside the door. “Ready to go get that Japanese food we talked about finally?”

  Chance snorted a laugh. “I’m ready when you are.”

  We followed Finn downstairs and loaded up in a few cars for the twenty minute drive. Dinner was fun. Cora did hog all of the sauce, but Finn, like any good boyfriend, gave his up for her and acted like she hung the moon.

  As I looked around the table, I had an epiphany of sorts. These friends of mine were in it for the long haul. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t get rid of them. They would drag me back to them kicking and screaming. Caroline and Brooke were family and nothing would ever change that. Olivia and Cora had taken me under their wing when I needed friends the most, and by extension I got Nate and Finn, makeshift brothers that would always look out for me.

  Then there was Chance.

  I was terrified that when the school year ended, it would mean that we did too. We’d been together for almost a year now and survived our first major fight, but I didn’t know where his head was. There would be difficult days ahead, especially since he was starting to open up about his past. I hoped that we would be stable enough to make it through the struggles.

  “You okay, babe?” Chance leaned in and asked me quietly.

  I nodded. “Yeah, fine.”

  He gave me a funny look, but didn’t push. His arm rested on the back of my chair as he laughed at a story Nate was telling. I was too distracted to try to listen to it. The table erupted in laughter and I joined in a second too late. Chance gave me another look. It wasn’t time for us to have that talk yet, not when things seemed so tenuous between us. He’d assured me we were okay, and I believed him, but I was so afraid it’s too good to be true.

  The chef cleaned up our table and rolled his cart away to let us eat. I hadn’t paid a bit of attention to the show, but it didn’t matter. The food was excellent and the company even better. As we finished our dinner and started on dessert I wanted to say something important that was on my mind. I cleared my throat and everyone turned to look at me. It was a little unnerving having everyone’s attention like that. I blushed and decided to brazen it out.

  “I’d like to propose a toast, to all my friends and chosen family.” I looked around the group of amazing people surrounding me. “Thank you for being part of my life.”

  “To family,” they echoed.

  Chance leaned over and kissed my temple softly. “I love you, Hannah Dixon.”

  I smiled. “I love you too, Chance Evans.”

  We stayed there at the restaurant for a while longer, talking over dessert and finishing up our drinks. It was after eleven when we finally left the parking lot. Chance and I had driven separately from our friends, so instead of going back to Finn and Cora’s with everyone else, we decided to go back to my apartment.

  We didn’t come to my place often. I knew that Chance preferred the noise of other people most days, so we stayed at his apartment on the nights we spent together. It seemed odd to be getting ready for bed in my little studio just the two of us, but I liked the privacy and seclusion. When we finally settled down into the soft sheets, I sighed in contentment.

  Chance wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tight against him. “Thank you for being so understanding, Hannah.”

  I shifted so my chin was resting on his chest and I could study his face. “There’s nothing to thank me for, Chance. It’s not like I don’t have plenty of baggage of my own. I just wish you hadn’t felt obligated to tell me.”

  He glanced down at me. “Is that what you think? That I told you because I felt trapped into it after running?” I didn’t answer. “Baby, I would have told you. I’d considered it a thousand times, but every time I started to I couldn’t. I didn’t want you to pity me.”

  I looked up at him incredulously, my heart breaking for him. “Why would I pity you? I’m in awe of how strong you are. Not many people could have picked themselves back up the way you did after experiencing that kind of devastation.”

  “You’re giving me way too much credit, Hannah. I’m a mess. I’ve hidden who I am, a major defining moment in my life, from all my friends for years. I tried to numb the pain any way I could for a lo
ng time. You are the one thing that helped me realize I couldn’t keep going on that way.”

  His hands trailed up and down my back, like touching me was the most important thing right now. This man was quickly becoming my whole world and it scared me.

  “When I broke up with Will and decided to transfer to SCU, I was terrified. My friends thought I was an idiot, but I knew I needed a change. I wanted a fresh start. Maybe I’ve let what could have happened control my life more than I should have. It’s not like I lost something important, I just got myself out of a bad situation.”

  Chance’s fingers traced patterns on my back as he listened. “Olivia said something to me earlier that I think might apply to you too. You don’t ever forget what you’ve gone through, but it doesn’t mean that it has to rule your life forever.” He paused. “We both should take that nugget of wisdom and run with it.”

  I smiled up at him. “I think you’re right.”

  We lay in the quiet room, each of us lost in our own heads. I thought Chance had fallen asleep until he broke the silence.

  “I think we should talk about the Lila thing.”

  My body stiffened. “I thought it was over and we were leaving it in the past.”

  “Just…listen. I swear I didn’t sleep with Lila the week we were supposed to go to Niagara Falls, but I have slept with her before.” I started to pull away, but he held me there, hugging me tighter. “It was way before you and me. I promise.”

  “Chance—”

  “It only happened once and it didn’t mean anything. She was a distraction, something to take my mind off the pain on one particularly dark day. I swear to you it will never happen again. It never should’ve happened in the first place and if I could take it back I would.”

  I tried to relax, but I couldn’t.

  It was before us. It was before us. It was before us.

  I tried to keep repeating it over and over in my head.

  “Hannah?”

  “Give me a second. I’m trying to process everything, okay?”

  He nodded. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to be honest with you.”

  Chance sounded broken, like everything he’d worked so hard for was slipping through his fingers. I didn’t want that for him. For us. But I needed time to take in what he’d just said. It was difficult to think that he’d screwed a girl that I couldn’t stand. She had caused so many problems for our friends.

  I pushed up on my elbow to face him and made him look at me. “I’m not mad at you: I’m just confused, I guess. Your past is your past, and none of that matters now. What’s important is us and figuring out where we go from here.”

  His lips brushed against mine and things finally felt settled between us. He seemed happy with that answer for now, and I didn’t want to talk about it anymore since I didn’t exactly know how I felt about his confession. Talk about some serious pillow talk. I cuddled into his side and fell asleep quickly, exhaustion hitting me from all the emotional drama of the day. The last thing I heard before I drifted off was him saying he loved me.

  Chance

  By Saturday we’d made our way back to the beach, which made sense because Caroline and Brooke weren’t able to get their fill living in the middle of Texas. The girls had been here almost every day of the trip. Cora and Hannah had packed a huge cooler full of food and drinks for us to spend the whole day. I for one was looking forward to staring at my girl in a bathing suit all afternoon.

  Finn and Nate had drug me out early this morning so we could go surfing, then proceeded to laugh their asses off at me as I tried to stay on my board. I wasn’t nearly as skilled as they were, despite living near the coast my whole life. They freaking lived to catch waves and spend time in the sand. Hell, Finn even had a sleeve tattoo expressing his love of the ocean.

  I glanced around our group of friends, smiling to myself as I watched them. Olivia and Finn were bickering back and forth like normal. It was definitely entertaining to watch. With her and Nate a few hours away I missed their daily sibling squabbles. Hannah, Brooke and Caroline were laid out on their towels, soaking in the sun and enjoying their last day together. That left Nate. It took me a few minutes to find him standing near the water. I grabbed two sodas from the cooler and made my way through the sand over to where he stood in the tide.

  He glanced over at me when I walked up and took the drink I held out to him. I didn’t know how to start the conversation I wanted to have, but it was important. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel responsible for anything that had happened, and after how he’d been acting for the last few days, I had a hunch he was beating himself up over it even though it wasn’t his fault. I stared out into the horizon and saw a few dolphins playing in the deeper water.

  “Miles loved basketball, probably more than I did.” I chuckled. “Thing was, he sucked at it. The kid couldn’t dribble or pass to save his life, but he made up for his lack of skill with his heart and dedication.”

  The corners of Nate’s mouth turned up into a smile.

  “I’m really sorry about bringing up the past. I honestly didn’t mean to—I mean, I had no idea—”

  I waved him off. “I’m not upset, Nate. I should’ve told you guys what happened sooner, instead of hiding it. It was just easier to push it away and pretend that nothing had ever happened. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to try to ignore your dead best friend? He’s kind of a dick.”

  He snorted a laugh. “I see you’ve found your dark sense of humor again.”

  We stared out into the ocean for a few minutes in silence. “Everything about that night changed who I was. I’ve analyzed every second to ask myself what I could have done differently, should have done differently. The answer is always the same; it doesn’t matter because I can’t change the past. I can’t bring them back. I’m through pretending that I don’t miss them and that they didn’t exist though. It’s exhausting.”

  He finally turned in my direction. “I didn’t tell you this the other day, but I’d met Miles before. A couple of times actually, we had some mutual friends, so every once in a while I’d see him around. He was a great guy.”

  “Thanks Nate, that means a lot.”

  He shrugged. “It’s the truth.” I turned back to the dolphins and hoped that Nate didn’t see the wetness in my eyes. “I know it’s not the same thing, but I lost my dad a few years back. I understand how devastating it is to lose someone close to you. If you ever want to talk, you have my number.”

  “Do you ever not play doctor? It seems like you’re always saving the strays around here.”

  He grinned. “Olivia is hardly a stray. She keeps all our asses in line.”

  “Just like a mom,” I said. “When you guys are ready, she’ll make a damned good one.”

  A crooked grin made its way onto his face while he looked up the beach at his wife. “She will, but hopefully I have a few more years before I have to worry about that.”

  I laughed. “You mean you aren’t ready to be a dad either?”

  “Definitely not.”

  I clamped a hand down on his shoulder. “Come on, let’s go see what our girls are doing. That’s enough touchy feely stuff for the week.”

  Nate groaned. “You and Finn, two peas in a pod, neither one of you can handle a conversation about how you feel. Psychologically it’s one of the—”

  “Dr. Crawford, shut the fuck up,” I said grinning.

  He laughed. “Fine, you two win. I’ll shut up. For now.”

  We made our way back up the beach in comfortable silence. Maybe when everything wasn’t so fresh in my mind I would talk to Nate. Finding out he knew Miles was surprising, but the more I thought about it, the more I liked that fact. It meant that I had someone not connected to back home that I could talk to about him when I wanted. Before now, I’d never had that, and maybe it was one of the reasons I was been so bitter after the accident. Nate was far enough removed that maybe he wouldn’t carry the same pain that other people did.

  Instead o
f worrying about the past, the most important thing to me right now was to make sure that I took care of my girl. I had a few tricks up my sleeve. This was going to be the summer of spoiling the hell out of Hannah. She was going to see a whole new side of me starting today. It was time to show her every part of me that I’d held back.

  ____

  Bonfires were kind of our thing. Some of my best memories from the past four years included being on the beach and staring into the orange flames licking into the sky while the smell of the ocean filled my senses. The fact that I had Hannah in my arms made this night even better and I knew it would stand out in my memories for a long time to come. It seemed like a fitting end for this year’s spring break. Tomorrow would be spent getting ready for class on Monday and preparing for the final two months of the school year. Graduation was almost here.

  Hannah and I hadn’t discussed what we would do after I graduated; she still had another year to go, but there was no doubt in my mind that she played an important part in my future. Up until yesterday, my future had been unclear because I hadn’t known what would happen next, but now I was ready to start planning. With one simple letter, my entire future had been decided for me. Now if I could get my amazing girl to agree to the rest, things would fall into place.

  I squeezed Hannah’s hand once to get her attention. She’d been talking to Caroline, a beautiful smile on her face. As she turned towards me, I felt my breath catch in my chest.

  “Want to talk a walk?”

  She looked gorgeous in the moonlight, a soft smile playing over her features. “Of course.”

  I helped her stand up. It shouldn’t shock me that she looked as amazing as she did in one of my long sleeve SCU t-shirts and jean shorts, but I liked this look on her just as much as I did when she was all dressed up.