Instead I make my way to the graveyard because I know it had to be something Scott said. He probably warned her off of me, and part of her sub-conscience keeps remembering that.
“What did you tell her, huh? Seriously, what? I mean, you probably knew I was falling for her before I ever realized it. You knew she crushed on me, too, didn’t you? What in the world have you told her? That she should stay away? Not cool, man. I thought you liked me.”
I sit down next to the grave, staring at the headstone. Isn’t there always some breeze or rain or whatnot coming in the movies? Some sign Scott heard me and has an answer? I don’t know what I’m doing here really.
“I was always nice to you. I mean, you were cool.So cool. And we played football together in your backyard, man. I feel like you betrayed me. You told her to not pick me. I know you did. I can tell.”
I hear steps before a girl speaks. “And you’re surprised?”
I twist my upper body a little, finding Rose joining me. “You should be in school,” I scold her, but she just laughs.
“As you should be.” It feels as if she has more to say, but she doesn’t, so I just shrug while she touches her fingertips to her lips before placing them against the headstone. “Hey, Scott. Miss ya.”
After that she settles down next to me, staring straight ahead. “Let me tell you a story. Ready? It has a point too, so you might want to try and think on it while I speak.” She winks and I notice she’s too serious for her age. Damn, those Heartgirls and their growing up too fast.
“Shoot.” I don’t have anything better to do anyway.
She takes a dramatic deep breath. “Imagine you’re building windows. You’re the man handling the glass each and every day. You know how it was created. You know where the sharp edges are, and you are the only one who knows its breaking point. You deal with it daily, form it, treat it. You’ve seen the tiny cracks it has, know them all inside out, and then you bring the glass where it belongs.” She looks at me then. “Someone else comes along, touches your glass, maybe tries to break it, but because he doesn’t know the glass as well as you do, all that person can do is crack it lightly. Maybe just one corner, or a small part in the middle, but the window holds, withstanding every weather there is. And then, one day, you walk by it and suddenly everything is different. You don’t like the shape anymore, or the color, and you go over, and because you know exactly where the weak spot is, you shatter the entire glass with one hit.
Shards fall all around you, and no matter how many people before you tried to break it, cracking it, you could’ve destroyed it right from the start, because you knew everything about it. You were the only one with enough power to fracture what once was only cracked. Scott adored Camou. More than me, most of the time. He worried about her, and he knew you were going to be in a position to hurt her. I know you’re not talking right now, and you’re both bleeding on the inside, but it’s nothing like what it could be.”
Camou is the window and I’m her maker? It sounds weird, even in my head, but I know what Rose is trying to say. “What if I’m the glass, Rose? What if Camou was my maker?”
The girl stands then, all long limbs and lanky frame, and I wonder if one day she’ll be a tomboy like Camou, or rather, all female.
“If that were the case, Camou would make sure you couldn’t get more fragile. She’d make sure you wouldn’t fall for her harder than you already have, wouldn’t she?”
And with that she strolls away. I can’t believe she just told me not being friends with Camou right now is a way of her trying to protect me, especially because I still see her, and still want to talk to her every damn day. Doesn’t matter though, because maybe it’ll make things easier for my best friend if I stay away. Maybe a sign of my feelings for her would be not making her suffer more… or forcing her to feel guilty.
I don’t know what the right course of action is, but yes, room might be all we really need to see how deep our emotions run in the end.
Camou
Camou
It’s prom night. I know because the posters have been everywhere and Haden asked me to go with him. I told him no and he walked away. He didn’t even try to convince me, and ever since then I’m wondering whom he’s taking instead. It bugs the hell out of me because… well, I still want to be with him, and though we are nothing anymore, seeing others with him would crush me.
Which is also the reason I’m currently binging on Grey’s Anatomy, bawling my eyes out partly because of them, and partly because of the freaking mess I’m in. Maybe I shouldn’t have spend the last months apart from him, but I won’t lie, I’d probably be even more heartbroken had I seen his sweet side, his boyfriend side.
My parents are out of town for the night for Rose’s birthday. They took only her because she keeps complaining I get all the attention. I don’t mind. I don’t feel like pretending I’m happy and fine.
I check my cell for the time and find it’s half past eight. Prom started at seven, and everyone’s probably happily dancing in pretty dresses now, while I’m here in jeans and a tank as if I had some place to go. No sweats or leggings for me. I want to be prepared in case I feel like running out of the house, screaming. My hair’s up in a ponytail, black for the last few weeks, and I consider cutting it off because… well, it annoys me. Everything annoys me.
Suddenly a truck parks on the driveway and I don’t need to walk to the window to know who it is. Luke Bryan is coming from the speakers, his song Do I playing loudly outside. Before I’m even by the door, the doorbell rings and when I open, my heart skips a few beats.
Haden is wearing a suit, fitted to perfection, and a denim tie. He smiles at me, beautiful and soft, and I bite my lip.
“I knew you were going to be in jeans, so I figured I’d match our outfits. And here, your flower.” He takes the white rose out of the plastic container and reaches for my hand. I’m too stunned to move as he slips it over my wrist, and then kisses the back of my hand.
Slowly he draws me into his arms. “Dance with me. Let’s have our own prom. I’m leaving tomorrow, Camou, and I don’t care what’s becoming of us after this night. I want you to see I still can’t think about anyone but you.”
We start to sway, me barefoot and in jeans, him perfectly dressed, right in my driveway. I bring my arms around his neck because he’s caught me at a weak moment. I don’t want to fight it tonight.
“We’re no longer best friends, and we surely aren’t a couple, so for tonight give me the chance to show you how I am as a guy, hopelessly lost for a girl.” I close my eyes, resting my head on his shoulder while the music changes to Blake Shelton. It’s funny how all of the songs we’d usually avoid now play in one slow, intense playlist. I know he handpicked them because every damn line seems to ask for something.
“Jesus, I’ve missed you. Tomorrow is too soon. Why?” Knowing we don’t have time anymore, makes me want to stop the world from turning. What have I done staying away from him?
He shrugs, kissing my forehead. “They want to get a head start with the new ones. See what they can do. And there’s nothing here for me, so I didn’t see a reason to postpone.” As much as he’s trying to hide the accusation, he can’t, and I’m not blaming him.
“Haden…” I can’t go further, my voice already breaking. Him showing up the way he did, dancing with me here, where no one can see it… I can’t take it. He’s done exactly the right thing. I wouldn’t have gone anywhere with him, but he knew that. Knew me. Still does. I go onto my tiptoes, demanding a kiss… or maybe a thousand of them to make up for lost time.
He frames my face before out lips meet. “Give me this night, Camou,” he demands, and I know exactly what he’s asking. The vulnerability in his eyes has me holding my breath. “Please.”
God, he’s killing me with gentleness.
The funny part is I don’t need to think twice about my answer. It blurts from my lips as if there’s never been another question in my head. “Yes. God, yes.” He rests his forehead ag
ainst mine, fumbling for something in his pocket, then suddenly the truck goes dark and the music vanishes while he kisses me with everything he has. I don’t want to move, ever, because right there, that moment, there are only possibilities and no fears to conquer.
Haden
Maybe I should be surprised at her answer, but I’m not. What she doesn’t know is I spent two and a half hours sitting at home, holding the flower before I had the balls to get in my truck. I know Rose is out of town with her parents, and I know because Rafe and her planned it that way, together with Rafe’s best friend Claire. After Camou had turned me down for prom my plan had been staying home.
Claire convinced me to not do that. She’s so in love with Rafe, I wonder why my blind brother hasn’t noticed yet, especially because I see the way he touches her. Small touches, unconscious probably for the most part, and I know what it means. Well, I know now.
I hate to say Claire was right about me having to be here. Holding Camou, kissing her no matter what, just makes me finally feel whole again. Besides my best friend having left me from one day to another, I found myself driving by her place in the afternoons, waiting at the end of her street to decide what to do, only to leave again because thinking I could sit across from her, joking about normal things without brushing back wayward strands of hair from her face? Nope. I couldn’t do it. I know I couldn’t. I had trouble not brushing my hand across her shoulders whenever I passed her in the cafeteria.
I never realized how much those small touches meant, how important they were.
I nudge her backward, but instead of moving, she jumps up on my arms, knowing full well I can hold her. I catch her without breaking the kiss, and I love her legs wrapped around me, her arms holding onto my neck because she needs me as much as I need her.
Her door’s still open and I’m glad I know my way around her house. The sun slowly starts setting outside, casting orange hues into the living room where the TV is on. Not trusting myself to get us up the stairs safely, I kick the door closed behind me and then bring her over to the sofa, lowering her down on her back, kneeling over her.
The space is small, maybe too small, but that only means she has nowhere to be but closer to me. I reach behind her head, careful to not hurt her, and draw the hair tie from her raven strands, then I lean in and kiss her again.
I’m not a virgin, but I know she is, and I’ll take this slow with her. The muted TV is casting a blue light over us, and yet she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. She’s been my best friend for so long, I know every line on her face.
“Camou…”
“I’m sorry,” she blurts. “I was stupid and I should’ve—”
I interrupt her. “You were right. I know that now. I considered applying for an army college just to be closer to you, to understand you better, but I’m not soldier material. Not everyone is, and I also considered applying to a college in Georgia, but… I have a scholarship I don’t want to give up on, and I know you understand. We were impossible from the start, but I came here tonight thinking that maybe one day in the future we get a real chance. A second, since clearly our first was fucked up. You were right. It’s all I can say, and damn, it hurt realizing that. I couldn’t have been your boyfriend and accept your decision to join the military. However, as your best friend I would’ve supported you. And that in itself made being with you impossible because my feelings for you would’ve won over our friendship. So… yes, you were right.”
She watches me in disbelief for the longest time, then suddenly pushes me back into the pillows, crawling up my body while kissing me. Her hair falls around us, creating a curtain, and I drown my hands in it, kissing her back as eagerly as she kisses me.
Only when her fingertips connect with my skin do I realize she’d started unbuttoning my dress shirt.
“You look so hot,” she rushes out in-between kisses and I chuckle until she kisses my neck and then my chest, no hesitation in her. My hands go under her tank top and I tremble as our skin connects.
“So do you,” I tell her, meaning every word and she sits back, her breath heavy as she draws the tank over her head. God, she’s wearing a simple white bra and still I feel as if she picked out her most exclusive underwear for me. How deep have I fallen for this girl?
I sit up and kiss her, my movements now hasty because time is running out. I don’t have to be home today, or rather I don’t care what anyone says. I’m packed and ready, and I wouldn’t even care if I’d have to go to California in a fucking suit. I just want to have this time with her. However, I’m not gonna do it here, on the sofa with her.
“Let’s relocate,” I tell her and she stands faster than I guessed, just drawing me along with her. We walk up the stairs and she opens the door to her bedroom, then leans in and kisses me. She knows her way even backward and tangled up with me, but I don’t mind, especially not as her legs hit the bed and she looks up at me. I lose the jacket and my shirt, take off the tie, then I lean in and capture her lips, making her move back on the bed.
We’ll be one very soon, and yet, I’m going to take my sweet time so she won’t regret it in the end. I want this to mean to her what it means to me: everything, and a bit more.
Epilogue
Camou
I’m by his side as we pull up to the bus. I’m taking his truck back, mainly because it’s his and because he hadn’t wanted to ride with his parents.
Last night couldn’t have been more perfect, especially because he kept trembling and fumbling, proving just how nervous he was about being with me. It had given me a confidence I never knew I could feel. He’d held my hand through the drive here, his expression hard, and yet gentle each time he glanced at me. We didn’t need to speak, and it still wasn’t an uneasy silence between us.
We weren’t the epitome of high school love, but first love. It was one you’d never forget, one you’d carry with you forever, and probably would compare all other loves with, but we weren’t meant to be.
As much as last night had been just right, we both knew it. Soon we were going to live in different worlds. He’d be playing ball to entertain people and make them forget their worries for a few hours, while I’d be eventually going out to defend those people’s right to watch a football game on a Sunday instead of having to fear for bombs, hunger, and war.
Two people, two worlds, and the only connecting point our hometown, which neither of us would see much anymore after we left.
He told his parents goodbye first, then Rafe and a few of his gathered friends. Rafe had someone with him he turned to after Haden passed him, but I couldn’t care less who his current girlfriend was because that moment Haden came to me. He dropped his bag and framed my face, resting his forehead against mine.
I closed my eyes, biting back tears. I’d gotten quite good at that.
“Camou Heart,” he whispered, and I wondered if maybe I should point out which name my parents actually gave me. No idea why, but ever since I came here, Camou had stuck and I realized it actually was on every class list in school, too. Not that I ever corrected anyone. Now I think he should leave thinking that’s my name, because for him I’ll always be Camou, no matter what’s coming.
“Lowell,” I whisper and then he’s kissing me. I taste tears on my lips—or maybe on his— but I cannot bring myself to look at him. I just can’t. It hurts too much.
He clears his throat, yet when he speaks his voice is rough. “Thank you for showing me exactly how to treat a lady, and for letting me know I work best with tomboys. I wish you all the best for your plans. Don’t ever forget me, okay? And if you’re ever back here, maybe I am too, and we can meet up and talk. Find a good man for yourself, promise? One who treats you right. Someone who dances barefoot in the driveway with you.”
“I promise.” I don’t make him give me any promises because I can’t speak anyway. I can’t say more than goodbye before I have to turn away, not waiting for the bus to leave before I start up the truck.
This is the end o
f what I knew, and still, as much as I’ll be missing Haden Lowell, I have a plan.Hopefully it will distract me long enough to give my pain a chance to heal without me even realizing it.
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About the Author
Sam Destiny is a German author who started writing already during high school since she always considered her lessons too boring.
Living in a tiny village, she enjoys the walks with her border collie because those are the best times to brainstorm (or really day-dream about her stories).
Being an accountant by day, she tries to fit in as many words at night as she can… because when else is she going to hang with the book boyfriends she creates?
Whenever Sam’s not writing, she enjoys reading, spending time with her niece, or getting sucked into the glamorous world of Facebook.
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Part VII
The Decoy
The Decoy
The Chameleon Series: One
By Emma Nichols
Chapter 1
New Love Page 37