Fighting the Undertow

by Eden Rivers

  “Sorry. It’s not as if I don’t have enough of my own career issues without poking my nose into yours.” She shifted the kitten onto a pillow and held her arms out to him.

  Ian scooped her up for a hug, but something in the pit of his stomach had gone cold. He wouldn’t ask her to cancel the out-of-state phone interviews she had lined up this week. They hadn’t known each other long enough, and he didn’t want her to resent him for trying to fence her in.

  But the fact that she was thinking about jobs in Wyoming, California, New Mexico, and God knows where else, sliced through him like a razor blade. Forcing a smile, he scratched the kitten behind the ears, said good-bye to Val, and headed for the door.

  * * * * *

  Val eased back in her chair, clicked her laptop shut, and brought a sweating glass of iced tea to her forehead. Maybe she should have stayed at the beach house. The ocean breeze would have provided more relief than the overtaxed air conditioner, and she wouldn’t have been surrounded by lace and pastels.

  But somehow it made her edgy, being there and knowing Ian wouldn’t be back for a couple of weeks. When her cell phone chirped, she forced herself to wait long enough to avoid the impression that she was desperate to talk to him. As she pressed Talk, she wondered if he was alone. Hell, where was her mind? Was she really hoping for an evening of phone sex?

  “Hey, sexy.”

  During the unexpected silence that followed her greeting, Val considered the embarrassing possibility that it might be Brenda on the other end of the line, rather than Ian. Or for that matter, Nathan or Jeremy could be checking up on her. Surely not her mom or dad ‑‑ they only called in emergencies, and she never listed her cell number on cover letters.

  With growing impatience, she modified her greeting. “Hello?”

  “Valerie, I wasn’t certain that was you at first.”

  Oh, holy hell. When would she learn to check caller ID before picking up?

  “Dean. I’m expecting another call, so let’s keep this brief.”

  “Yes. One can hardly imagine who you may have been expecting, given your overly familiar salutation.”

  Two thoughts warred for attention. First, had she honestly let this man break her heart? Second, how in the hell could she get rid of him and ensure that he never called again?

  “Cut to the chase, Dean.”

  “How abrupt.” He paused, no doubt to let his reprimand sink in. “I’m phoning to let you know I’ll need your decision by the end of the week. I’m bringing in some fresh graduates to interview for your old position. I’d divided up your caseload between my existing staff, hoping you’d reconsider, but I can’t put off hiring any longer.”

  Her decision? Could she have made it any clearer that she didn’t want her old job back? With a sickening wave of heat, she realized that wasn’t why he was calling. He knew he’d lost her ‑‑ as an employee and as a nice little accessory to his life. No doubt he wanted her to know he’d soon have a recent psych grad ‑‑ naive and in awe of his professional accomplishments, just as she’d been ‑‑ handy to fill both roles.

  “You know, Dean, you didn’t treat me right. Not as an employee, and certainly not as a fiancée. I hope my successor fares better. As for me, if you ever contact me again, I’m going to have a restraining order taken out on you for stalking. If that’s not enough to keep you away, be aware that I won’t hesitate to consult a lawyer ‑‑ I’m sure Ian can recommend a good one ‑‑ about the stories you’ve been spreading that I embezzled funds from your practice.”

  She pressed Disconnect before he could reply. God, that felt good! Closure with a capital C.

  Restless, she got up to pace around the room. After she’d gotten her Master’s, she’d intended to use the position with Dean as a stepping-stone, an opportunity to move back East and look for a position more suited to her area of interest. But then she’d fallen for him. Well, she wasn’t the first, and she suspected she wouldn’t be the last. But she knew what she wanted now…

  “Oh, my God!” I know what I want!

  Starting out, she’d planned to springboard from the job with Dean into a practice where she could use the research she’d done with troubled teens. Without realizing it, she’d been gravitating back toward some plans she’d made during grad school and then forgotten. The position she’d applied for in Wyoming was part of a program for at-risk teens. The California clinic had come up with an innovative approach to help young people cope with depression. And the New Mexico HMO was looking for a therapist willing to work exclusively with adolescents.

  Of course, all the jobs she wanted were far away, in places where, truth be told, she had no desire to live. Deflated, she sank down on the end of the bed and soothed the mewing kitten.

  Where did all this leave her and Ian? She wanted him so much, the feeling filled her senses, twisted around her heart, and squeezed the air out of her lungs. She glanced at the pile of gifts wrapped in silver and blue foil, overflowing two shopping bags in her closet. He’d written a date on each present, spreading them out over the days he’d be away.

  Scooping up the kitten, she stalked out of the bedroom and toward the kitchen. Maybe she’d be able to sort things out after dinner. As she spooned cat food into a dish for Barnacle, she stroked the downy gray fur under the kitten’s rounded belly.

  When the doorbell rang, she entertained a glimmer of hope that Ian had discovered his presence wasn’t required in Boston after all. Not too likely, but a pleasant fantasy nonetheless.

  “Hey!” She knew her hopes of finding Ian at her door were unrealistic, but the last person she’d expected to see was Abby. “I thought you’d be stuck in Boston playing catch-up at work.” She motioned for Abby to follow her into the kitchen.

  “Things are slow right after the Fourth, and Nicole doesn’t mind picking up the slack during the summer. She’s a skier, so I do the same for her every winter.”

  Curiosity started to get the best of her, but it seemed rude to ask why Abby was here when she had a chance to hang out with Ian in Boston.

  “I was wondering if you wanted to go for a swim. We could order takeout afterward, if you haven’t eaten.” Abby detached Barnacle’s tiny claws from her tennis shoe and stroked the kitten behind the ears.

  Wondering that in Boston, and decided to drive to Gulls’ Harbor to find out? “Sure.” Whatever had prompted Abby’s visit, Val appreciated the company.

  * * * * *

  Pushing wet tendrils of hair away from her eyes, Abby headed for the shore, and Val followed. For someone who preferred splashing around to actual swimming, Abby seemed at home in the ocean. Waist deep in the water, her movements were willowy and light. Her teal swimsuit blended with the waves, and her jet-black hair shone in the light of the setting sun.

  As they spread towels and stretched out on the sand beside each other, she took note of the fact that her inner psychologist didn’t seem inclined to step in and analyze her feelings for Ian’s oldest friend. Just as well, because she enjoyed the freedom of thinking whatever she damn well pleased.

  “Okay, I give up. I’ve been waiting for a hint as to why you’re here, but I don’t have a clue.”

  Flipping onto her side, Abby propped her head on her hand and smiled. “During the week, Ian will be busy at the journal, and I won’t see much of him. But, for the weekend, I figured you might feel more comfortable if I stayed at the beach house.”

  Wow. She’d been focused on the need to prove to herself that she could spend a couple weeks away from Ian, and she hadn’t considered the fact that he’d be hanging out with Abby.

  “So if you’d stayed in Boston…” How do you ask someone if they would have ended up having sex with your guy? And when, exactly, had she started to think of Ian as hers?

  “Ian has a hard time staying at his apartment since Lisa left. Too many bad memories. If you’d been there, it would have been easier for him, but as it is, he’ll probably spend most of his time at our place.”

  Okay, she sh
ould have been able to see that one coming. Of course, Ian wouldn’t like being alone at the apartment he’d shared with Lisa. Hell, he’d left a job he’d loved just to give him an excuse to move out to the beach house.

  Abby reached out to touch Val’s arm. “You okay?”

  Someone else must be wondering that as well, because Val noticed a glimmer of motion near the water that had nothing to do with the setting sun. Damned if she could say why her stomach had twisted into knots, but Kevin must have detected her turmoil.

  “Yeah. I guess I haven’t thought much about Lisa. I mean, besides the fact that Ian was married to her, shared a life, an apartment, and brushed his teeth beside her every morning.”

  That he didn’t want to stay at his apartment indicated he still hadn’t resolved his feelings for her. Ian wasn’t the kind of person who could stop loving someone just like that, no matter how badly he’d been treated.

  “He’s over her, Val. As much as anyone can get over having a marriage fail. Now that the book’s not hanging over him, I suspect he’ll find another apartment in Boston, without so many ghosts.” Abby winced and glanced toward the ripple of light near the water. “Sorry, Kev. Poor choice of words.”

  Surreal. This entire summer felt like one giant trip through the looking glass. Although instead of white rabbits, she got ghosts and a pack of friends with sex appeal to spare.

  “If you’d stayed in Boston this weekend…” Hell, why did she need to know this?

  “With Ian at our place, it’s unlikely he would have stayed in the guest room.”

  “I guess I’m still getting used to how things work.” Val knew she should thank Abby for taking her feelings into account. But a dark little corner of her subconscious had just reclassified Abby from “female friend who it’s surprisingly fun to flirt with” to “competition.”

  On the third, she couldn’t have made it clearer that she didn’t want to change things between Ian and his friends. But the thought of having Ian and Abby together in Boston while she stayed in Gulls’ Harbor felt more threatening than whatever might go on at the beach house.

  “So with you here, how do things work with Ian and Tyler?” At least Abby didn’t seem to take offense at her questions, no matter how personal.

  “They’ll watch the sports channel, drink out of the milk carton, and leave the toilet seat up.”

  Hell, despite her insecurities, she liked Abby. A lot. Val made mental apologies for her moment of insecurity and reclassified Abby once again as “friend with a great sense of humor.”

  “Tyler doesn’t mind someone big and hairy in his bed, as long as there’s someone with breasts there too.” Abby hesitated, as if deciding whether to continue. “Not sure I should share this, but he was excited when you seemed inclined to adopt the ways of the native population. Things got sort of out of balance when Lisa left. Ian and I are close, and Tyler’s always been okay with that, but suddenly, there wasn’t anyone for him to play with when I spent time with Ian.”

  Abby shrugged. “The poor guy’s been dragged into more guy-girl-guy ménages in the past several months than he’s strictly comfortable with.”

  Val buried her toes in the sand. Hell, Abby had just unloaded more information than she knew what to do with. Jeremy had made his intentions clear from the start, but she’d had no clue Tyler hoped to get her into bed. He’d been the picture of graciousness when she’d gotten cold feet on the third, and she felt like a bit of a worm for backing out on him.

  “Look…” Abby shifted closer and touched Val’s shoulder. “I didn’t share that to put any kind of pressure on you. When you wind up in Oz, it helps if you’re familiar with the landscape.”

  Her stomach knotted again, and Val suspected it didn’t have much to do with hunger. It did, however, seem to have something to do with the fact that a damp mermaid with delicate features and a few charming freckles was sharing her beach towel.

  No doubt misinterpreting Val’s silence, Abby draped an arm around her waist and stroked her back. “It’ll all sort itself out. I know Ian’s complicated ‑‑ hell, we all are ‑‑ but he’s crazy in love with you. You don’t have any reason to feel insecure.”

  Before she could decide if she wanted Abby to give her more space or stay right where she was, Abby leaned forward and kissed her. On the lips. And before she could decide how she felt about that, Abby stood up, shook off her towel, and motioned for Val to join her.

  “I’m starving. Let’s head back and order a mountain of Chinese food.”

  “Sure.” Val smiled and got to her feet.

  Not much of a conversationalist today, eh, Val? As she walked beside Abby, digging her toes into the damp sand, she decided there were two things she needed to know.

  “Hey, Abby? Why Tyler, and not Ian?”

  “Besides the fact that Ian would never put up with my obsession with abstract art, and Tyler thinks bold slashes of red and yellow on a white canvas aren’t out of place over our mantel?”

  Val chuckled. “Seriously, I need to know.”

  “Simplest thing in the world. I adore Ian. I’ve loved him since sixth grade. But he’s my best friend, not my other half. Never even occurred to us that we might end up together. Tyler ‑‑ I don’t know how to explain. When he walks into the room, he turns my world upside down.”

  There was an answer she could live with. As the last streaks of pink faded from the horizon, Val felt as if something heavy and unpleasant lifted off her shoulders. She’d been jealous. Stinking jealous. Until now, she’d assumed Abby and Ian had almost ended up together. Helped a hell of a lot to know things hadn’t happened that way.

  “‘Turns my world upside down.’ Not a bad description for my experience with Ian.”

  “No one ever said love was easy.”

  True, but she suspected most besotted couples didn’t have to contend with group sexual dynamics and a ghost. Speaking of which, why was Kevin still hanging around? He usually checked in during crises and disappeared once he’d established there was no actual threat. But the miragelike glimmer at the edge of the waves continued to follow them down the beach.

  “One more question.” Abby would wish she’d stayed in Boston if Val kept prying.

  As the wind picked up, Abby wrapped her towel around her waist. “Sure, what?”

  “Jeremy said you have some theories about why Ian won’t tell his parents he wasn’t driving when Kevin died.”

  Abby took two steps to the left, putting more space between them, and kicked at a clump of dried beach grass. Val felt like a wall had slammed down, thick and impenetrable. No matter how candid Abby might be on other topics, it seemed discussing Kevin’s death was as taboo with her as it was with the rest of the crowd.

  Damn, she’d have more luck asking the ghost himself. And with the exception of a wisp of a thought now and then, he didn’t talk. Val stalked along the beach, glaring at the raucous gulls and scattered picnickers, and kicked up so much sand her legs were coated by the time they reached the dunes.

  “Wait up.” Abby took a few running steps to close the gap between them. “I’m sorry. You caught me off guard. We all hate watching Ian beat himself up like that. And the way his mother treats him ‑‑ it’s dark, and ugly, and damned if we haven’t tried to convince him to tell her the truth about Kevin’s death a thousand times.”

  “So you don’t know why he won’t tell her the truth?”

  Again, as solid as a stone fortress, a wall slammed down between them.

  “I know you want to help, but if you and Ian are going to work, you’re going to have to accept that there are some things you can’t fix. He’s got his shit together. But you can’t swoop down from the outside and make things right between him and his family.”

  So where sex and love were concerned, she fit in just fine. But when it came to past tragedies, she was nothing but an outsider. Biting her lip, she tried to keep her emotions steady. Although what she really wanted to do was punch someone, and Abby would do nicely.
>
  “I’m not after happy endings. With what Deidre did to Kevin… I agree ‑‑ Ian’s got his shit together. The best he can do is what he’s been doing. Keep himself aloof from his parents.” She bent to brush sand off her legs as they neared the path to the house. “But there’s no goddamned reason for him to let his mother treat him like a murderer!”

  “Look, I’m caught in the middle, and there are things Ian’s told me he wouldn’t want me to share.” With a sigh, Abby slid her arm around Val’s back. “Please, don’t be angry? I’ll tell you this much. If you’re trying to sort this out, look further back than the accident.”

  “I know I’m new to all this, and in some respects, I’m still an outsider. But tell me one thing.” She glanced over her shoulder to where the ghost glimmered like a fine mist hovering over the sand. “Ian said Lisa never saw Kevin, didn’t know he existed. Why is it that I can’t so much as break a nail without Kev showing up to make sure everything’s okay?”

  Abby followed Val’s gaze and grinned. “Damned if I know.”

  Deciding it wasn’t worth the effort to stay mad, Val chuckled.

  “Friends?” Abby lowered her lashes and, in a surprisingly endearing gesture, nibbled her lower lip.

  Damn, Abby was cute when she tried to look repentant. “How about you give me your share of the fortune cookies after dinner, and I’ll forget you ever called me an outsider?”

  “You can have one of my fortune cookies, and I’ll throw in another kiss.”

  Before Val had a chance to answer, Abby swooped over like a bee to a flower, brushed a honey-sweet kiss across her lips, and darted off toward the house.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Val curled her legs under her, stretched, and glanced across the room to make sure Barnacle was asleep in the box the kitten had adopted as its bed. Although the apartment over Brenda’s shop was still on the warm side, a light breeze ruffled the curtains, producing the illusion of cool air.