“How’s the bank today?” I asked him as we walked.
“Lame,” he said. “I’m waiting for something to really grab me. Like in life. Ya know?”
“Yeah, I know what you mean.”
“But you’re, like, into that food truck thing you got going on, no?” He looked at me, and I looked at him, and it seemed like all the air in the entire world had been sucked away through a teeny, tiny cocktail straw.
It felt like I was the only person on the planet he wanted to talk to. There were no distractions. There was nothing else on his mind.
I wanted to bottle that look, that smile, and keep it on a shelf in my room so that I could take it out whenever I felt sad, or lonely, or invisible.
“Yeah.” I stared at the grass and swallowed hard. “I like it.”
“Let’s sit,” he said.
We sat down in the half-mud, half-grass area, but I didn’t worry about getting my shorts dirty. We were in this secluded part of the park and the whole world was a million miles away.
He leaned back on his arms. “I found this spot when I was hiking a few weeks ago. Look up.”
The trees above us were all intersecting, like they were planned to go that way, like someone had followed a pattern and made them into this beautiful tapestry.
“Pretty awesome,” I said.
“Right? Don’t you think the blue of the sky and the green of the trees just, like, look good together? I’d wear a striped shirt with those exact colors, ya know?”
I nodded. “They do look good together. Like it was part of a whole elaborate plan for the world.”
“Exactly.” Emmett took out a bag of pistachio nuts and started eating them, placing the shells in a neat pile. He didn’t say anything forever and ever after that, and I didn’t either. We just sat there, and every few seconds he’d offer me a pistachio. Sometimes I’d take one, and sometimes I wouldn’t.
I liked that Emmett thought about stuff like this, and noticed stuff like this, and wasn’t embarrassed to admit it and bring it up.
I reached into my bag to find my phone and take a picture. Katie would love this; I had to post it for her.
We sat there for a while, staring at the trees and the sky and crunching pistachio nuts. I wasn’t sure I’d ever had a time like this before—where I felt so completely safe and comfortable with someone. Maybe because summer was ending soon, and Emmett would be leaving, and I’d never get to see him again. And also, he didn’t know anyone I knew, and I didn’t know anyone he knew.
In a sense, we were both anonymous to each other.
We weren’t that much different from Seth and Katie, even though we were hanging out in person and not chatting online.
I wanted to tell Mia all about him.
But more than that, I wanted Emmett to be mine, and mine alone. Just for a little while longer.
MIA
It rained for a week straight. Justine was antsy. Business was slower than usual. The moms still came for the smoothies but that was pretty much it. No Little Leaguers coming for snow cones. Maybe the Skinnies were away? The Mathletes were at a competition in Florida. I figured the lifeguards had the week off and were all busy working out.
I wrote my name over and over again in the condensation on the truck window.
Seth: I’m going away, to London for a few days. My parents refuse to pay for overseas data. They want some quality family time. Blah blah blah.
Katie: That sucks. I know it sounds weird, but I’ll miss you.
Seth: I know what u mean. I keep fantasizing about us meeting…
Katie: Me too…So when you’re back?
Seth: It’s gonna be so hot…we don’t know each other, but we also really know each other. You know what I mean?
Katie: Totally, but what if you forget all about me when you’re away?
Seth: It’s possible. I mean, British girls are pretty hot, too.
Katie:
Seth: Just kidding.
“OMG, we are killing it,” Justine said when I showed her the phone. “I mean, you’re killing it. You’re doing a ton of the work.”
“I’m getting kind of good at it, right?”
I was proud of myself for all the Katie conversations, but the Dennis hangout was occupying a corner of my brain too. I was half-upset that Seth was leaving the country and half-excited for the hot tub with Dennis.
Justine nodded, slurping the rest of the strawberry-banana-mango-yogurt smoothie she’d made. The Rainy-Day Respite. “Yeah, you’re, like, amazing at it. What are you doing tonight?”
“I gotta hang with my dad,” I lied. “He wants to start watching some Netflix show together.”
“Really?” She looked up, getting the last bits of smoothie from the bottom of her straw. “That’s sweet.”
I had to make something up. Alexis was still in the Catskills and I didn’t really hang out with anyone else. I contemplated saying that Laurel Peck and the Skinnies had invited me to see a movie with them, but they hadn’t shown up lately so it didn’t seem believable. And even if she did believe me, what if Justine wanted to come too? Too risky.
“I think he’s just realizing that I’ll be going to college soon, and then he’ll be alone, so he’s trying to make sure we spend time together,” I explained. I wasn’t sure when I’d become so good at lying.
“Nice,” Justine said. She got up to throw away her smoothie cup. “This is the slowest day ever. Should we just close early? Go home?”
“It could clear up,” I said. “Let’s just stay here.”
We couldn’t leave yet because Dennis and I had this whole plan that we’d go back to his house when Justine went to the bank. If I went home, he’d have to pick me up. I’d have to tell my dad about him. It would make things more awkward.
“I need to go to the bank again, actually,” Justine said. “There’s something weird with our smoothie account. I want to make sure we’re the only ones who can access it. I think it got linked with the business account somehow.”
“Really?” My throat got itchy. “Maybe keeping the money in a shoe box was a better idea?”
“Don’t look so nervous,” she told me. “I just need to make sure we sign this one form.”
I wasn’t totally sure what she was saying made any sense, but I knew Justine wouldn’t want to get us in trouble.
“So I’m gonna go,” she said. “I can drop you home if you want? Or…”
“I can come with you to the bank,” I said.
“Nah, it’s okay, I feel like it’ll take a while, with this form, and it’ll look more professional if I go alone.” She cracked her knuckles. “It’s not a big deal but we can’t look, like, immature and stuff. Ya know?”
I wasn’t really sure what she was talking about, but I couldn’t focus on it. My mind was on my plan with Dennis. I had no idea what was going to happen.
“Do you mind dropping me at the shop, actually?” I asked. “I don’t feel like going home yet.”
We went inside and Dennis was on the computer.
“Oh, hey.” He looked up. He started to get twitchy when he saw Justine there, but I shook my head a little, trying to say there was no reason to worry.
“Hey, slow day,” I explained. “I’m just gonna hang here for a bit. Do you mind?”
“Hmm…” He stared at the screen, only half paying attention. “ ’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all!”
“What is he talking about?” Justine looked at me.
“Beautiful quote, right, Mia?” Dennis asked. I covered my mouth with my hand to hold back the laughter.
Justine walked over to look at the computer. “What is happening? You’ve gotten Dennis into your quotes now too?”
Dennis put his hands behind his head. “Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.”
“Okay, Dennis.” Justine smirked. “Don’t try too hard.”
When we he
ard the door close, I sat down on a rolling chair and inched closer and closer to Dennis, until the sides of our chairs were touching and I could smell his pine-scented shampoo.
“So when are we going back to your house?” I asked.
“Soon.” He wheeled around so our chairs were facing each other. He put his hands on my cheeks and pulled me close. He kissed me right there, out of the blue.
Dennis! Had he done this before?
He leaned in to get even closer, but that pushed my chair, and it wheeled back from him. So he had to use his legs to wheel his chair closer to me again. We cracked up so much that it was hard to kiss.
“I’ve, uh, never done that before,” he said. “I mean, I’ve kissed a few girls, but never spur-of-the-moment. I usually spend more time planning it out. But I had to do it right away, or I was worried I’d chicken out, and I really didn’t want to chicken out.”
“Okay.” I laughed. “Thanks, I think?”
“Let’s do that again later,” he said. “But we’ll lose the rolling chairs. That just makes the whole operation way too complicated.”
“I agree.” I smiled and looked up at him. “Dennis, I think you know more about girls than you think you do.”
JUSTINE
“I made something up,” I told Emmett. “So I could leave early and be able to see you again. I mean, it is raining. No one’s coming to the truck.”
“Okay,” he replied, bending down to tie the little shoelace on his Top-Sider. “To your boss? Your uncle or whatever?”
“Uh, yeah.” I paused, admiring the top of his head.
“Right.” He stood back up. “I only have like a half-hour break today.”
“Oh.” I looked down at my feet. It felt like this was a rejection, like he was trying to tell me things were over between us.
His eyebrows curved inward like he was confused. “What?”
“Oh, nothing. I thought you were saying you didn’t want to hang out.”
“No way, dude.” He elbowed me, all playful.
I smiled. “Okay, well, in that case, what can we do in a half hour?”
“You know what we can do,” he said, waggling his eyebrows. “Sorry, that sounded creepy. There’s this cool bookstore a few blocks away.”
“I’ve lived here my whole life and I didn’t know about a bookstore near here.”
“It’s kind of hidden,” he said. “Let’s go.”
Emmett had one of those giant golf umbrellas, so he opened it and held it over both of us. He was so coordinated that he was able to hold up the umbrella with one hand and put his arm around me at the same time. He seemed like the strongest person in the world, like he could handle anything, like nothing was ever a big deal for him.
We walked a few blocks until we got to this teeny, tiny bookstore with two red Adirondack chairs out front. Inside, books were stacked from floor to ceiling on wooden shelves. It smelled dusty. I twitched my nose but I wasn’t able to hold in a sneeze.
“Most of our books are used,” the owner said, talking to us from the back. “I try to keep it as clean as possible, but ya know…”
“It’s okay,” I said. “Just allergies.”
“Hey, Frank,” Emmett said. “This is Justine.”
Frank tipped his head and then started organizing a stack of papers next to an old-fashioned cash register.
“Frank’s the owner,” Emmett whispered.
“Did you know him before? Or you just met Frank when you came here this summer?” I asked Emmett.
“I just met him. But he’s my buddy.”
It seemed like Emmett was one of those people who became “buddies” with everyone he met. In a way, that made me feel less special, but in another way, it made me like him even more.
“Come with me.” He pulled my hand, and everything felt so romantic—the smell of old books, the creaky floors, the door-chime jingle when someone went in or out. But then I felt another sneeze coming on. I tried to get a tissue but there wasn’t enough time.
I sneezed on Emmett’s hand.
There was visible proof.
I wanted to run away and call this a loss, and never see him again. Oh, well. It was good while it lasted.
But then he laughed. “Um, you just sneezed on me.”
“I am so sorry,” I said, reaching into my bag for that little purse pack of tissues that was impossible to find in my black hole of a tote. “So so so sorry.”
“It’s okay.” He winked. I’d never seen him wink before. To be honest, he didn’t seem like much of a winker, but somehow he made it work. “I can handle it.”
“I am so so sorry. Here, let me help.” I finally found the tissues and wiped his hand.
“You sneezed on me,” he said again, mostly joking.
“I know. That’s like pretty much the grossest thing that could’ve happened.”
He stayed quiet for a second, like he was thinking. “Nah, it’s not.”
“No?”
We walked through the store, and he started spinning the little rack of twenty-five-cent paperbacks.
“You could’ve thrown up on me,” he suggested. “That would have been grosser.”
“Give it time, dude.” I smiled. “Give it time.”
He elbowed me. “Good one.”
Emmett walked away from me and started searching in one section of the store. I wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but I didn’t really mind not knowing. I didn’t even mind the dustiness or the fact that I’d sneeze every few minutes.
“Here,” he said a little while later. He handed me a paperback with yellowing pages and a slightly ripped cover. It was by an author I’d never heard of and the title was hard to pronounce. The words seemed made up.
I looked at it for a minute or two, and then he said, “This is one of my favorites. Will you read it? I think you’d really like it.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell him that science fiction was so not my thing. I barely made it through the first Harry Potter. I never admitted that to anyone, and I wasn’t planning on telling him.
“Sure, I’d love to,” I said.
He took the book back. “Let me buy it for you.”
It was two dollars, but it felt like he was buying me a piece of expensive jewelry. A gift was a gift, and I’d never gotten a gift from a boy before. This was something he cared about, something he loved. He wanted me to read it. He wanted to share it with me. Maybe he kind of hoped I’d love it too?
Maybe we’d love the same thing, and be able to talk about it, and dissect it together.
Emmett paid for the book and we chatted with Frank for a few more minutes. Then Emmett looked at the clock above the door and said, “I gotta get back.”
“Are you gonna get in trouble?” I asked as we sprinted toward the bank.
“I hope not,” he said, letting go of my hand and leaning in for a quick kiss.
We were stopped at the corner in front of a place called York Deli. It had always been one of those shady places in town that seemed to be a relic from the past. I wasn’t sure anyone actually went there anymore.
He put his hands on my shoulders. “I’m gonna leave you here. Get a BLT. I promise you it’ll be the best you’ve ever had.” He nodded, trying to get me to agree. “And let me know what you think about that book.”
“I’m not a fast reader,” I admitted.
“That’s okay.” He smiled and started running toward the bank. “Take your time. You know where to find me.”
MIA
We sat on the couch in Dennis’s den. My thighs were sweating onto the leather. The more I thought about the fact that I was sweating, the worse it became. I tried to think cool thoughts. Snow days. Blizzards. The freezer in the back of the shop.
Nothing worked.
All I could do was pray that he’d get up and go to the kitchen to get us a drink. Then I’d be able to stand up and dry the sweat on the couch with the sleeve of my cardigan.
I wasn’t even sure why I’d brought a car
digan. It was ninety-five degrees outside at six in the evening. But I was grateful I had it because I needed to mop up the sweat.
I’d felt pretty bold back in the snow cone shop, when we were kissing on the rolling desk chairs. I’d even put my arms around his neck, and I’d tried to kiss his ear and stuff.
I wasn’t good at this. I knew I wasn’t good at it. He knew I wasn’t good at it.
But I was trying, and that was something. Effort counted when it came to this stuff, right?
But now, at his house, I felt panicky, like all I wanted to do was get out of there. My stomach hurt and my cheeks itched, like I was breaking out in hives.
I wanted to leave this house and never see Dennis again.
I thought I’d be excited that we had the whole place to ourselves. I’d even brought the navy one-piece I’d worn to Adia Montgomery’s party. I was all prepped for the hot tub. I wondered if skinny-dipping was an option…but did people really skinny-dip in hot tubs? Was that even safe? I’d planned to do a quick Google at some point, but I hadn’t had the chance yet.
But now I didn’t want to go in the hot tub or do any of what we’d talked about.
How come everything felt so much easier when it was late at night and you were on the phone, not looking at the person? I’d get all hyped up and excited about it. I was sure I’d be able to handle it. And then I’d get to the time and place and freak out.
I wondered if everyone was like this and they just didn’t admit it.
“You okay?” Dennis asked.
He wiped his palms on his jeans. I should have asked him the same thing.
“I’m fine,” I said. “Are you okay?”
He nodded. “Yup.”
“Dennis, we don’t have to do anything major,” I blurted out, not even realizing what I was saying. “I mean, I know we only kissed once. And I don’t know what you were thinking…but I just thought I’d mention that.”
He kept nodding. “Yeah, okay. I wasn’t sure what you were thinking…but I think we should take it slow.”
“We don’t even have to hook up again,” I said. “I mean, we can just hang out….”
“I’m just so nervous,” Dennis said, not looking at me. “I don’t want to mess this up.”
“I’m nervous too,” I admitted. “And I never admit when I’m nervous. I always try to play it cool. But I think it’s easier to just admit it.”
Kale, My Ex, and Other Things to Toss in a Blender Page 13