His body was hard against mine. His fingers encircled my waist and moved up to my breasts and he groaned with desire against my mouth as I melted into him.
We reached his room in a few steps. By the time he managed to open the door I had pulled off his tie and undone most of the buttons of his shirt. His chest was warm and smooth under my hands. I had never felt this way before, a crazy woman tearing at a man’s clothes. It was so unlike me. Luckily the cabin stewards weren’t around.
Once his door was open he didn’t turn the lights on but walked backwards towards the bed, taking me with him until at last we fell together on to it. He pulled the blue dress off over my head and I pushed his shirt from his shoulders. I didn’t think I had ever in my life behaved like this. All I knew was that if I didn’t feel him inside me very soon I might die or scream or something.
Perhaps India was right and I was sex-starved? Was this how drug addicts felt, waiting for the next high? Desperate and burning inside. Not caring what time it was, what day it was. Wanting something so much that nothing else mattered.
Then he was above me, his body crushing me underneath him. I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him towards me.
This wasn’t lovemaking or romance and neither of us was pretending it was.
It was lust, it was sex, it was fast and hot and hard and bloody marvellous. I’d never felt anything like it in my life. I heard him gasp. He gave a breathless groan against my hair and then everything seemed to stop and the room rocked. I know I cried out and his hands were hard on my body, his fingernails scraping as he trembled against me.
I could feel his mouth moving against my throat. ‘God, oh God.’
He bit my neck softly, his teeth grazing the skin.
My arms fell back; I felt wonderful. Powerful. At last.
*
Time passed. I’ve no idea how long we lay there. I could feel life in every part of my body, from the tips of my fingers to the roots of my hair. Now I knew, now I understood.
At last he pulled away. ‘Alexa? Alexa.’
I could hardly breathe. ‘Oh wow.’
‘I hope … I wanted to show you –’
I put my fingers over his lips. ‘Sssh.’
I could still see his silhouette above me in the darkness and I reached up to touch him. He rolled on to his side, pulling me with him.
‘That was incredible,’ he said. He gave a shuddering sigh. ‘I’ve wanted to do that for quite some time.’
I didn’t know what to say. I mean, obviously, I’d had sex before with various, ultimately unsuitable, people and sometimes it had been okay and sometimes quite nice really. Once or twice it had been a bit more than that. But this was something different.
I had no expectations that he would fall in love with me or think I was worth spending time with because … well, for understandable reasons. I didn’t wonder if he was going to be a significant person in my life, because he obviously wasn’t. I lived in a small, slightly dull market town in England, running an estate agency with my sister and timid Tim, a bloke who liked to wear acrylic cardigans, still lived in a two-bedroomed, terraced cottage with his aunt and probably always would.
Gabriel was a high-powered lawyer who worked for Marnie Miller, the lifestyle guru and all-round superstar, and went to Ken’s Hut to eat lobster. He lived between London and New York and Maine. He had two daughters to think about. There wasn’t really any room for me in that mix – I could see that only too clearly. And yet …
So, this was purely about sex. And I thought we had done it jolly well.
He bent his head down to my breast and kissed it, making me shiver.
‘Your skin is like silk.’
I stretched my arms above my head and he ran one hand down the length of my body. I felt very wicked and wanton and, for the first time in my life, sort of erotic.
‘God, you’re beautiful,’ he said.
I pressed my lips together so I wouldn’t say something stupid and wound my fingers through his hair. I wondered how I compared with other women he had slept with. Actually I realised I didn’t really care about that either.
If Gabriel and I were simply going to have a six-day affair based on the sort of activity we had just enjoyed that would be fine by me.
Maybe.
I would not do what I usually did: ruin things by letting my thoughts scatter in all directions like an upended basket of kittens. I would not start going all soppy with thoughts of love and commitment and wondering what sort of dress I would wear or what we would call our children.
‘I’d better be going,’ I said.
‘Really?’ He sounded disappointed.
That in itself was exciting, and in a way it gave me courage.
I raised myself up on one elbow. ‘I think so. India will be wondering where I am.’
‘Yes, of course. But you could stay if you wanted to? It might be – you know – rather nice?’
Nice? Nice?
I was tempted. Very tempted.
I looked down at him. Bloody hell, there was no other way to put it: he was fucking gorgeous. Hair tousled on the pillow and the most attractive amount of designer stubble. He ran one finger down my arm, making me quiver. I could just imagine how it might be if we untangled ourselves, curled up in bed together. We’d fall asleep and maybe we would wake in the night and I would feel his hands on me again. Then he would roll me over, pull me on top of him and we would make love again –
No, hang on a minute, we wouldn’t. We wouldn’t ‘make love’; we would shag each other senseless until morning. Then he would order champagne and strawberries for breakfast from room service and put the Do Not Disturb sign on the door. And India would eventually guess where I was and thump on the door asking if I was okay, and was I coming to the line dancing?
Perhaps at lunchtime India and I would go to the food court together and sort of coincidentally run into Gabriel. And he would join us and India would watch him looking at me with hunger in his eyes and afterwards she would ask me what the hell was going on. And perhaps that evening we would meet up and walk hand in hand into the restaurant and the maître d’ would smile at us, recognising our new romance, and lead us to a secluded table for two and Gabriel would reach across the table and drop a Tiffany diamond the size of an ice cube into my champagne …
No, he wouldn’t.
We’d see each other somewhere, perhaps in the theatre when Marnie Miller gave her next talk about being an internationally famous everything, goddess and all-round know-it-all. Gabriel would casually spot me in the audience and wink at me and perhaps come across to say hello and palm me a note asking me to meet him somewhere or come to his cabin at ten-thirty, and I would go and we would do some fabulous things involving ice cream, chocolate truffles and a blindfold.
Crumbs, actually I quite liked the idea of that. I’d better give that some more thought.
No, I wasn’t going to get ahead of myself, was I? Not this time.
I shook my head and leaned over to kiss him. How wonderful that I could kiss this gorgeous man and he would kiss me back. That was enough. It wasn’t anything more than a very glamorous holiday romance. And there was nothing wrong with that, was there?
At the end of it I would go back to work and so would he and that was that. I’d hoard my memories and sometimes I’d allow myself to think about him. Would he think about me? Perhaps one afternoon when he was walking across the beach below his parents’ house he would see a boat far out at sea and reflect on this trip and try and remember my name. And then maybe his daughters would run up to him with a strand of seaweed or a shell and he would forget me.
Suddenly, unexpectedly, I felt the prickle of tears. I needed to get away or I would make a complete fool of myself.
‘No, I’d better go. Seriously, India will worry,’ I said cheerfully.
And in a way I knew that was true. She had seemed a bit disappointed not to have dinner with me tonight and I was starting to feel bad about that. It was her hen h
oliday after all …
‘Okay,’ Gabriel said, pulling me back to this moment, in his bed.
He sounded rather sad actually. Then he reached up and touched my face, pulling me back down to kiss me, a sweet, soft kiss that almost made me reconsider.
But no.
There, I’d averted disaster. I was cool with this. We’d had a jolly good session and we were dealing with it in a grown-up way. No awkwardness or blushing. No need to say anything embarrassing.
I scrabbled about looking for my clothes, which were scattered around quite a wide area. We’d been a bit frantic with the pulling off and chucking around activity. When I eventually found one of my shoes in the bathroom and my knickers under the bed, I got dressed as quickly as possible in the dark.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow?’ he said, still sitting in the crumpled bed.
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ I said with a casual sort of laugh.
I nearly said well, see you around then but even I’m not that stupid. I hesitated in the doorway and blew him a kiss before closing the door quietly behind me.
*
When I walked into the room next door I wondered if India would be able to tell right away what I’d been up to. For one thing it had been months and months, not that she knew that. Perhaps if I were lucky she would be asleep. But as I creaked the door open I saw she was in bed watching television and drinking white wine out of a glass tumbler.
‘Nice meal?’ she snapped after a moment.
‘Excellent,’ I said, trying to keep it light. ‘Thai things. Spicy and sour at the same time. And all prettily tweaked and decorated with flowers. It really was lovely. And then we had some brandy out on deck; it was great. We had fun.’
‘Yes, I can see that.’ She gave me another look as she reached for the wine bottle and topped up her glass. ‘Want some?’
‘Um, I don’t think so. I’m a bit tired actually.’ I gave a bit of a fake yawn and a stretch by way of emphasis.
‘Yes, I bet you are,’ she said, rather terse.
‘What?’ I said.
‘Nothing. So, did you get on well? I mean did he snog you?’
I tried to sound nonchalant. ‘Well, yes, a bit. And yes we did get on okay. Gabriel is a very nice man. He’s really good company. I like him. I think he likes me.’
‘Yes, that’s a bit frigging obvious.’
‘Why?’
She took a sip of wine. ‘Because you’ve got your dress on inside out.’
Right, so unless I was a lot cleverer than I had been in the past, that looked like ruining any chance I might have of playing it cool.
India would now pester me for details then complain I was giving her too much information. Then she would make some pointed comments whenever she saw him like: here comes your boyfriend, Alexa. Eventually I would have to strangle her with her own belt or lock her in a cupboard, otherwise she would be dropping innuendo and suggestive comments all over the place like the contents of a split beanbag.
‘Have I?’ I said, trying to appear nonchalant, while desperately trying to think of a way this could have happened innocently. It was the first time I was playing it cool and I didn’t want my sister to spoil it. Honestly, I just had to go six days without ruining anything and I couldn’t think of one damn reason why this dress would be inside … Maybe I could say I’d spilt something on myself and gone into the loo to turn my dress inside out? No. It was like that when I went out and neither of us noticed? No.
‘So go on then. What happened?’ India said, turning off the television and fixing me with that look that had usually had me confessing to something I’d done when we were kids.
‘We had a really lovely dinner,’ I repeated, trying to keep my voice even. ‘I told you.’
‘And?’
‘And then we went back to his cabin and shagged each other senseless.’
India spluttered into her wine and laughed. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. What really happened? I bet you spilled something on yourself.’
Hmm.
I was on the horns of a dilemma here. Slightly surprised I had indeed acted like a sex-starved wanton but at the same time hurt my sister didn’t think I had it in me to be the target of someone’s lustful urges. I mean I’m not that bad. I’ve had my moments. Quite a few of them only an hour ago.
‘Yes, you’re right. Thai green curry. All down the front.’ I nodded, lying through my teeth.
‘I knew it. You’re hopeless.’
I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror for a long moment. It was very hard to concentrate; to remember what I was supposed to do.
Perhaps I really had been shagged senseless?
I cleaned my teeth and brushed the tangles out of my hair.
India turned her light out and gave a happy sigh. ‘Jerry sent me a lovely text. He’s really missing me. He can’t wait till we get back.’
‘Only six days to go then,’ I said.
Lying in the gloom I thought back over the evening. What I had said and what Gabriel had done. I could feel myself blushing. He must have fancied me. I certainly fancied him but then I expected every woman on board did.
‘So are you seeing him again?’ India asked.
‘Seeing who?’
‘Very funny.’
Chapter Fourteen
Fog Cutter
Light Rum, Cognac, Gin, Lime Juice, Cherry Brandy, Sugar Syrup
The following morning I woke up feeling a bit disorientated. India was already in the shower, crashing about and probably using up all the shampoo and conditioner so I would have to make do with what little was left.
I relived the night before all through breakfast. India had been thoughtful over her scrambled eggs, American bacon and pile of buttered toast, while I’d stuck to fresh fruit. Perhaps I was imagining myself rolling around on Gabriel’s bed again and didn’t want to risk the term beached whale coming up.
‘We ought to have our photos taken,’ India said out of the blue. ‘There’s a proper photographer on board. You don’t need an appointment.’
We bickered for a few minutes about whether this was a good idea or not, and then India played the guilt-trip cards of this being ‘her’ holiday and ‘Mum said’.
‘Oh, all right,’ I said at last. Peace at any price.
‘You’d better put some make-up on then,’ India said, ‘and a clean shirt. And hurry, there’s a talk on later about Fabergé eggs.’
I darted back along the corridor and up in the lift to our cabin. The steward had been in, bringing order to the chaos we had left with clean towels and sheets and emptying the bottles out of the bin.
I found a clean shirt and made some attempts to improve my make-up before I made my way back to find India. The long corridors were surprisingly empty as people went off to talks and activities. Today was also Creating Fruit Platters to Delight Your Guests and Napkin Folding to Delight Your Guests.
As the lift doors opened someone grabbed my arm and pulled me inside. I started to yelp, and then realised with a prickle of excitement it was Gabriel.
‘I’ve been thinking about you,’ he whispered.
I felt like a spy or someone mysterious, having an assignation in a dark corner. It was a good job there wasn’t anyone else in there with us.
‘How did you know I was here?’
‘Luck. I saw you leaving the food court. You’re driving me mad,’ he said with a choking laugh.
‘I have that effect on lots of people,’ I gasped back.
I don’t think we meant the same thing.
He kissed all my lipstick off, his hands on my bottom, pulling me hard towards him. He certainly was pleased to see me – I could tell that.
A disembodied voice told us we were arriving at the third floor and the lift doors pinged open. Gabriel took a deep breath and let me go.
‘Where are you going?’
‘To find India. She wants us to have a photo taken.’
He smiled. ‘Then you’d better put some more
lipstick on,’ he said. ‘I seem to have smudged it.’
I nodded and gave what I thought was an enigmatic smile. And what was that other thing he’d said? Beguiling.
Then he reached out and touched my hand, his eyes creasing in concern. ‘Are you sure you’re feeling all right?’
So, that’s not how you do enigmatic or beguiling then.
‘Fine!’
I’ll admit it, I was feeling pretty amazing as we walked back through the ship. Occasionally his fingers would brush against mine or he would put one hand into the small of my back as he guided me through a crowd of people queuing up to go into the Napkin Folding talk.
We got to the food court and Gabriel turned, his hand on my arm.
‘Have fun,’ he said.
I watched him hungrily, remembering what he had felt like last night as we had made love –
No, I meant as we had shagged each other.
For the first time since I’d come on board, I could feel the ship moving, rocking from side to side. I suppose it was the rougher seas as we headed out into the open ocean away from the shelter of the land. It made me feel slightly odd.
*
We had our picture taken; it didn’t take long.
Chin up, ladies, and smile. Lovely. Look at me. Look at each other.
I knew what the result would be; India would look photogenic and gorgeous and I would look slightly strange. I never seemed to know what to do with my face. Still, if it made her happy.
Then we fed our coins into the machines in the casino. I lost all mine and India won ten dollars. That figured. Then we went to mooch about, finding new places we had missed up to now. There was an amazing observation room with floor-to-ceiling windows where we watched the ship nosing through the waves. It was wonderful.
All I seemed to have done recently was eat and drink too much. I suppose if I hadn’t been so bone idle I could have gone into the gym and asked one of the terrifying trainers there to sort out my burgeoning flab. I could have gone striding out around the deck with all the other walking nuts in their eye shields and made-to-measure trainers; ten circuits equalled one glass of wine, or so someone had said. I wasn’t sure if it was true or not. If it was I’d need to spend the next thirty-six hours walking non-stop to make up for what I’d already had.
Come Away With Me Page 15