Illusions of Grandeur and Other Stories

by TS Gwilliam

  Illusions of Grandeur

  And Other Stories

  By TS.Gwilliam

  Copyright 2012 TS.Gwilliam.

  Cover Art by Christine Ticali http://krizteen1227.deviantart.com

  Table of Contents

  Illusions of Grandeur

  Law of the Jungle

  The Pen Box

  Archers Meadow

  The Estate

  Other books by TS.Gwilliam

  Illusions of Grandeur.

  Nobody was fed up; he sat, with his head in his hands. It just wasn’t fair, everybody knew him and of this he was certain. In truth he didn’t like Everybody, he was one of those confident’ I know everything’ types. Always happy and cheerful, it quite got him down. When someone asked “who are you talking to?” if the answer was “Nobody.” and you did this often enough, you’d be sent away, into a dark place where it didn’t matter if you talked to him because nobody cared as long as you behaved yourself.

  On the other hand, if you replied “everyone” Now that was a different matter, you were popular, everyone’s friend! Everyone liked this, it made him more of a creep than Everybody and he took great pleasure reminding everyone of this, especially when he’d had a few too many Brandy and Cokes.

  Nobody continued to sit and contemplate his life, his future and everything. We don’t talk about Everything too much, He was seen as having too many secrets and to be honest, a little untrustworthy.

  ‘The problem is’ thought Nobody ‘I’ve always been here and I will always be there. But what prospects have I got? I have no career structure, no promotional prospects. How do I become someone?’ Someone was special; she was chic, elegant, eloquent, and intelligent. All the things that Nobody wasn’t.

  Nobody needed direction. He had no idea on how to become Someone. maybe Somebody could help?’ he pondered He got up, dusted himself down and started to walk along the road looking for Somebody. He wasn’t quite sure who Somebody was, but he’d heard the others talking and he or she sounded strange and mysterious. When someone spilt their drink or when things went missing for example it was always said that ‘somebody’ did it although no one actually saw it happen. ‘Maybe,’ Nobody contemplated ‘this Somebody has invisible powers.’ and if that was the case ‘How on earth would he find this person?’

  As he ambled down the road in the sunshine deep in thought, he suddenly found himself flat on his face: on the ground. He got up, rubbing his knee and as he looked behind him he saw the trunk of a tree across the path; it wasn’t there before so he knew that Somebody had put it there. ‘Great,’ he thought’ at least I know I’m on the right path.’

  “I would have preferred a more subtle approach.” he shouted aloud, hoping that Somebody would hear him. In the distance he heard a faint giggle

  “Oh yes! Very funny.” he yelled. His knee was really hurting now and Nobody was not impressed at all. He was beginning to doubt that Somebody was the right person; he wasn’t sure at all that they would take him seriously, but he needed to start somewhere.

  He had been limping along for quite a while and now he was getting quite tired and hungry Then he came upon ‘The Answer to Everything Café’ It was a quaint little cottage, with a pretty Clematis climbing up the walls that sent out a sweet aroma which made the Café seem even more inviting. The door was open and there was the sound of soft music and gentle chattering coming from inside.

  Nobody stepped in. He stood there for a short while, his eyes adjusting to the change of light for a few moments and then as he looked around he saw the attractive décor of a world gone by; lace tablecloths, cake tiers on the tables and the clink of fine china as quality tea was being drunk. As he became attuned to his surroundings, he heard the familiar voice of Everyone and, yes over there in the corner was Someone, looking striking as usual in a pretty summer dress and nattering to Everyone and Everybody who were enrapt in whatever it was that she was saying.

  “Are you allowed in here?” he heard somebody say “we don’t just let anyone in here you know.”

  “I’m not Anyone.” retorted Nobody.

  “No, I didn’t think so. But you do look like him; are you related?”

  “No.” said Nobody quite firmly. It quite upset him that he was often mistaken for Anyone, there was a rumour that Anyone could become Someone but he tried not to listen to gossip.

  “Well I’m still not sure I can let you in.” said Somebody.

  “What harm can it do?” asked Nobody “I’m not a trouble maker. I always behave myself; in fact you won’t even know I’m here.”

  “What’s the point of you being here then?”

  Nobody was getting bored now.

  “They let you in didn’t they?” he grumbled.

  “That’s not strictly true,” whispered Somebody “They don’t know I’m here.”

  “So why are stopping me from coming in?” asked a puzzled Nobody.

  “Because Everybody and Everyone know you, I don’t want to be rude but, you are quite noticeable in your way.”

  “In my way? What way?” said Nobody getting quite confused which can happen if you talk to Somebody for too long.

  “Listen” continued Nobody “I just want to come in, have a cup of tea and a nice piece of cake.”

  Somebody giggled which Nobody instantly recognised.

  “Wait a minute, I remember your little trick along the road.” he was now glaring at Somebody who became indifferent and nodded to a table by the window.

  “You can sit over-there, if you insist on being here.”

  Nobody chose to sit in a corner of the Café, as close to Everyone and Everybody as he could. He ordered a pot of Earl Grey and a slice of the most divine chocolate cake he had ever seen. As he sat and relaxed, he could just hear the conversation on the next table.

  “Well you know it’s very hard work being me.” said Someone.

  “Yes it must be.” agreed Everyone and Everybody nodding intently.

  “We try so hard to keep up.” then lowering their voices, so that Nobody had to strain his ears to listen.

  “We heard that Everything has a secret and he’s being quite smug about it.”

  Someone was intrigued.

  “Any clues on what it might be?”

  “I think it has something to do with…..erm…Life,” said Everyone, then carrying on “these cakes are fantastic, I wish I could bake cakes like this.”

  “Yes, so do I, but I never have the time.” moaned Everybody.

  “Excuse me!” interrupted Someone “can we get back to this Life thing, what is a Life? Is it something special? Well I suppose it must be because I’ve never heard of it.”

  “Mmm.” spluttered Everyone through a mouthful of cake.

  “I wouldn’t mind having a Life.” said Everybody.

  “You don’t even know what it is!” retorted Everyone “It could be dangerous.”

  Nobody was absorbed in the conversation, his tea and cake had arrived, but he was too busy trying to work out what he was hearing.

  “Anyone overheard Everything say that Life was the answer to everything.” informed Everyone.

  “Does that mean that he will change the name of this place to ‘Life is the Answer Café’?” asked Everybody.

  Ignoring him Everyone carried on, his voice lowering to a murmur.

  “Life is….Life, that’s all I know, Anyone didn’t hear anymore, but I’ll tell you something, I wish I had a Life.”

  “That Anyone is real trouble, you don’t hear him coming or going, Everything is always disappearing with him,” sighed Someone “I’m not sure I want a life….until I find out what it is, then if I do want it, I shall make sure I hav
e the best Life.”

  Scooping up the last remnants of jam on his plate, Nobody sat quietly pondering. He thought he might get some clues in the “Answer to Everything Café on how to become Someone, but all he had got for his trouble was: Life. “Oh bother” he thought “now I have to find out what this Life thing is, if Someone, Everyone and Everybody don’t know what it is then maybe I need to have it, it could make me more than Someone.

  As Nobody left the café he noticed that it was now getting quite dark and his thoughts moved to making his way home. There was that chill in the air that lets you know that autumn has arrived, he pulled his collar up around his neck and began to walk quickly down the road to ‘Nowhere’. He liked his little house ‘Nowhere’. It was small and homely and off the beaten track. It was nice and peaceful, just the way he liked it.

  His steps took him past the little Village of ‘Somewhere’ this was where Everybody, Everyone and Someone lived, he looked calmly as he passed; the tall spacious houses that towered against the disappearing sunlight, casting billowy shadows down the wide paths.

  ‘They have a lot of windows to keep clean.’ he thought to himself. Then Nobody paused, he had left Everybody, Everyone and Someone in the Café.

  “I could take a peek in one of their houses, maybe I could find a clue, something to help me find what I’m looking for.” he said to himself.

  Nobody bent down slightly so that he could furtively make his way to Someone”s house, keeping watch to his left and right so as not to get caught. As he drew closer to the front of the house he could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage, his breaths were becoming quick and fast; he would never have thought of doing this yesterday.

  “What am I doing?” he muttered to himself “If I get caught, how the blazes will I explain what I am doing here? Well, I suppose as I’m at the window I can’t turn back now.”

  Nobody pressed his nose against the pane of glass and peered in.

  The lights were dim in the large room, it was tastefully decorated, minimalistic, a perfect wooden floor with a beautiful Persian rug and huge comfortable settees where Someone could definitely lose her Yorkshire Terrier or pet Hamster, if she had one. As Nobody stood there and gazed in awe at the room, something moved in the corner of his eye. A silhouette appeared in the dimness of the room. It made Nobody’s heart beat even faster and pound within his chest; he could feel his blood vibrating around his body. Fear struck him as deep as a thunderbolt from on high and he froze. He had been caught.

  As he stood awaiting his fate, his mind raced ‘Quick I’ve got to think of an explanation. Why am I here? Why am I here? I lost my ball here this afternoon? No, no, that’s silly; I was hoping to find Someone in? Then why didn’t I just knock on the door? Ehrm, I am canvassing for Avon…. No....I’ve lost my dog…...yes that’s it! I’ve lost my dog.’ as the relief surged through Nobody, his eyes rested on the sullen, drawn face that was now looking back at him through the window.

  Nobody returned to consciousness slowly opening his eyes.

  “Oh my goodness!” croaked Nobody, or words to that effect, as he looked up into the darkest eyes looking down at him.

  “Are you alright?” barked a voice at him.

  “Yes, Yes I think so,” stammered Nobody “I’ve lost my dog.” he said weakly as he clambered to his feet brushing himself down.

  “You’ve lost your dog?” the voice continued to bark at him, this made Nobody very nervous.

  “What sort of dog is it?”

  “It’s a biggish, brownish sort of dog, big teeth, three legs and a very long tail.” replied Nobody “answers to the name of…. of Cuddly George.” Nobody really wished he was better at making things up, but he would have to stick to this now.

  “Well I’ve seen no biggish, brownish dogs, with long tails,” retorted the voice “and I am pretty observant you know, but I must admit that if I had, I wouldn’t have thought of calling out Cuddly George that’s for sure.” The voice continued.

  “and what; pray, made you think he would be in Someone”s house?”

  Nobody knew he was going to struggle with this one.

  “Well” he said slowly trying to give himself time to think, whilst straightening his clothes.

  “I forgot to buy some…Kitkat”s…they are his favourite…and he stormed out of the house in disgust…and I know from erhm…previous experience that…if I don’t get them for him he will go round everyone’s house until he finds some…sorry I didn’t know this was Someone”s house…I don’t think he’d come here.” Nobody drew a sharp breath to fill his lungs again. He wanted to stop, and by the look in the stranger’s eyes he wanted him to as well.

  “Do you live here?” Nobody asked.

  “No.” said the voice now strangely less cold.

  “What are you doing in there then?” Nobody was now more anxious than before. The sullen drawn eyes, the voice that barked and Nobody had now noticed that he was young and wearing a hoodie and trainers.

  ‘Oh no,’ he thought to himself ‘he’s a burglar, a murderer, a serial killer!’Nobody’s mind was racing but his attention was brought back by the man’s furtive shuffling around.

  “Actually, you know, come to think of it, I think that maybe I did see a dog run in the house.” he said, now looking a little shifty.

  “Really!” challenged Nobody, bravado now coursing through his veins.

  “Is that so?”

  “No” replied the man shaking his head “I cannot lie”

  “Phew, that’s lucky for me.” Nobody said under his breath.

  The man continued.

  “Now then, you seem to be an honest chap, I was… well I was.. You see I’m...” (As he was struggling with his words, this was a good sign for Nobody.)

  “Who are you?” demanded Nobody “and what precisely are you doing Someone’s house?”

  Nobody stood there defiantly glaring at the man. It was then that an extraordinary thing happened. At first he thought the man had hit him as his vision went all blurry but then he realised that it wasn’t his eyes at all; the stranger was fading and as he did all his features and body seemed to blur, contort and swirl into a mass of grey dullish light and after what appeared to be a timeless moment the shape solidified again, into an old man with grey hair and a suit.

  “Yes, young man,” he said to Nobody “how can I help you?”

  “Ooo..ehrm..What???” replied Nobody standing frozen to the spot still dazed by the event.

  “Do you know who I am?” barked the man.

  “Oh the voice hasn’t changed then,” said Nobody “hang on, hang on a cotton picking moment, you’re not…no you can’t be….” Nobody was now becoming incredulous.

  “You”re Anyone aren”t you?”

  “Well done you!” said the Man “I am indeed Anyone.”

  “Wow.” said Nobody as he took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, a faint whistle passing his lips, trying to let the thought that he had been mistaken for Anyone pass.

  “He doesn’t look anything like me maybe this wasn’t his usual shape.”

  “Right,” said Nobody “Maybe you can help me?”

  It took a few moments for Nobody to explain that he was on a journey to find out how he could become Someone. Anyone listened very politely and carefully before replying.

  “You’re not alone, you know, there are many who try to follow this path that you have found yourself on, they are all around you, you may be surprised to learn that even Everybody and Everyone have sought me out and asked the same question, without letting Someone know of course they did not want her to know how much they wanted to be her. It can be a complicated route full of dangers and pitfalls. There are many that don’t make it; they struggle for an entire lifetime and when they reach the end of their lives they never know whether they have reached their ultimate goal of being Someone and die puzzled and think ‘was it worth it?’ I could have had an extra hour in bed every morning.”

  “Okay,” said Nobody “I’m not
alone...end of Lives? Is that related to a Life, I personally heard that Everybody wants a Life?”

  “Life.” pondered Anyone for a few moments “It is certainly true that Everybody wants a Life, I have tried to help but poor old Everybody, doesn’t quite get it.”

  “Do you think it is possible for me to become Someone or get a Life or both? Not that I want to be greedy, but if you don’t ask you don’t get do you?” asked Nobody.

  “Come with me.” Anyone suddenly growled at Nobody “It will soon be time for Someone, and her cronies to return home, we must make haste, we can’t be seen together. Anyone and Nobody together in public! It will set tongues a-wagging and that would not do. I could not possibly cope with all the questions at once. I met Somebody once for a spot of lunch and oh my, my doorbell and phone did not stop ringing. Who? What? Why? When? It’s ridiculous so much mistrust.”

  Nobody stepped behind Anyone as he strode down the path to the Forbidden Forest. He was beginning to have second thoughts, he hadn’t realised that becoming Someone would be so difficult and convoluted and how on earth did this Life thing fit in? This simple idea he had this morning was now becoming complicated ‘I think I should have stayed where I was, being bored was a lot more restful and less energetic.’ thought Nobody as he quickened his pace to keep up with Anyone.

  The moonlight’s rays gently touched the leaves and bark of the trees, giving a faint glow of light that shimmered on the eye, the soft shadows played kind tricks to Nobody”s vision. There was nothing to fear here in the Forbidden Forest, all was quiet and still. Anyone had sat down on a big old tree stump. He was looking relaxed and thoughtful then he beckoned Nobody to sit with him.

  “You must think carefully if you want to become Someone. “said Anyone soberly.

  “When I said that it was full of dangers and pitfalls, I was not referring to physical exposure, this is something that is more... harmful?... no ethereal, yes ethereal.” Anyone continued.

  “It’s not that you can’t hope to become Someone, you must consider whether this is what you really want. This fleeting glance you have had may appear lively and exciting but in truth it’s all an illusion.”