Allies

by Walter Knight

  “Oh? Should I dress formal?”

  “No big deal,” commented the spider ambassador. “We are just having a few guests over, including the King, his Royal Court, and the Queen.”

  “The Queen?” I asked. “I have not met her yet. I’ll be sure to wear my Legion dress uniform and medals.”

  “How is the King to deal with?” asked the spider ambassador. “Is he just another tyrant? I can’t believe we are actually negotiating with the Scorpion Kingdom. They have so much blood on their claws, I doubt they can ever be rehabilitated. Why would we want them for allies? We should just nuke them while we can. We cannot afford to let the scorpions rebuild.”

  “The King acts like a bumbler, but some of his advisers are sharp,” I said. “Watch out for one of the captains assigned to the Royal Court. We suspect him of bombing McDonald’s.”

  “And you haven’t killed him yet?” asked the spider ambassador. “What information do you base your suspicion on? Have you bugged the King’s Palace yet?”

  “We have our sources,” I said. “I will kill him soon enough. So, I’m surprised you are entertaining so quickly. Your embassy is nowhere near built. Perhaps dinner should be moved here.”

  “Our prefab buildings should be adequate for now,” replied the spider ambassador. “The reception is at six, the dinner at eight. Do not be late. Afterward, perhaps we can teach the King and his Court how to play poker. I could use the extra money.”

  “The King is loaded,” I commented. “We should be able to fleece him good. I’ll be looking forward to it.”

  “You human pestilence are rotten to the core,” said the spider ambassador. “You corrupt everyone you touch. Look at me. I never used to gamble before you human pestilence arrived. Now I’m thinking about opening a casino right here in the Scorpion capital. Bring lots of money. I may need it to get started.”

  * * * * *

  I arrived at the reception early. Already present were some scorpion generals, the captain, and the police detective I met earlier. I was told the King and Queen would be fashionably late. I confronted the scorpion captain. “I will kill you,” I threatened. “Only deference to the spider ambassador and his wife prevents me from shooting you here and now.”

  “Why?” asked the captain, alarmed. “I want only peace between our species.”

  “You ordered the McDonald’s bombing,” I accused.

  “Nonsense,” said the scorpion captain. “I would not provoke a war with such irresponsible recklessness. I fully recognize the strength of the United States Galactic Federation and the Arthropodan Empire.”

  “You thought you could prevent black-market activities by bombing McDonald’s,” I said. “You thought that would stop Guido’s black-market activities. You just signed your own death warrant.”

  “I am not so easy to kill,” said the scorpion captain. “You are on my world now. It is you who should tread lightly.”

  “This is a party, sweetie,” said Amanda, interposing herself between me and the captain. “Have another drink. Both of you!” Amanda hooked me by an arm and led me away to the far side of the room.

  “Sorry,” I said.

  “If you two start a fight at my party, I will kill you both,” threatened Amanda. “I mean it. Behave yourself!”

  * * * * *

  Major Lopez approached the scorpion captain. “Sometimes Czerinski gets nasty when he’s been drinking,” advised Major Lopez. “I’ll talk to him. I’m sure I can get him to calm down.”

  “Thank you,” said the captain. “Now is not the time for a diplomatic incident.”

  “I agree,” said Major Lopez. “In exchange, how about you back off on Guido’s black-market activities? You need to show me some goodwill in return.”

  “I owe you nothing,” said the captain. “The King ordered me to shut Guido down, and I intend to do it.”

  “I talked to Guido, just like I promised I would,” advised Major Lopez. “Guido agreed to curtail his product line, including drugs. You could not wait? You bombed part of our embassy grounds. That is an act of war. I am willing to let you off easy, only because no one was killed. But it must not happen again, and you must not bother Guido.”

  “I accept your terms,” said the captain. “But I do not admit to that bombing.”

  * * * * *

  The King and Queen arrived at the start of dinner. Amanda immediately chatted with Her Majesty. The King made small talk with me and the Arthropodan Ambassador.

  “The Arthropodan Empire demands a base on your moon to monitor your military activities,” insisted the spider ambassador. “That is only reasonable, in light of your attack on us, and your repeated aggression toward all of your neighbors.”

  “This is a party,” said the King. “Can we discuss the moon later?”

  “No,” replied the spider ambassador. “I am authorized to rain nuclear death down on your sorry excuse for a planet if I do not immediately get this concession.”

  “Okay,” replied the King. “Blight my fair moon with a small base. But no offensive weapons will be allowed on the moon or in orbit. Only monitoring equipment will be permitted.”

  “I knew we could come to a reasonable agreement,” said the spider ambassador. “We recently lost a military aircraft to a UFO,” commented the King. “Are you responsible for that?” “No,” said the spider ambassador. “Our mission so far has only been diplomatic.” “Do you ever play cards, Your Majesty?” I interrupted. “Ever play poker?” “I have been reading on your database about your love of gambling,” said the King. “It will be your downfall. I watched several Texas hold ‘em games. I may be a novice, but I think I now have a rudimentary understanding of the game. So ... which is worth more, three of a kind or two pair? I keep forgetting.”

  “Sorry if I seemed a bit gruff earlier,” said the spider ambassador. “Would you like to play some poker after dinner? It’s been a long time since I’ve played, and I’m a bit rusty. But, I’ll try my best. We can keep the bets friendly.”

  “Most certainly,” said the King. “I am sure members of my Court would like to join, too.”

  “The more the merrier,” I said, greedily. “We’ll let the females attend to their own devices.”

  “Someone needs to wash the dishes,” joked the spider ambassador, looking about nervously to make sure Amanda did not hear his comment.

  The gambling went on all night. The King and his Court did much better than expected. In fact, I suspect they anticipated the game and had studied up beforehand. At the end of the night, we had only won a small amount. It was very disappointing. I promised to show the King blackjack and craps next time we dined. As the game broke up, the Queen came over for a chat.

  “Ambassador, I had a lovely evening,” said the Queen. “Your wife Amanda is quite charming.”

  “Thank you, Your Majesty,” replied the spider ambassador. “She will be happy to hear your gracious praise. Your opinion means a lot to her.”

  “Colonel Czerinski, we have not really been able to talk or get to know each other,” said the Queen. “I trust you didn’t take too much of the King’s treasury tonight.”

  “Actually, His Majesty did unexpectedly well.”

  “That is because I coached him on your game of poker before we arrived,” said the Queen. “Watch out, if you ever play poker with me.”

  “I will do that,” I promised.

  “Were you males able to sort out your differences?” asked the Queen. “I heard the spiders got a moon base tonight, and we no longer have the threat of Arthropodan nukes orbiting around our planet. How are our relations with humanity doing?”

  “Poorly,” I said. “A captain in your Royal Court is responsible for bombing our embassy grounds. That is an act of war. Have no illusions about what is going to happen if arrests aren’t made soon.”

  “You are threatening us?” asked the Queen. “With no evidence? My lead detective tells me you are unwilling to share inform
ation, and have been uncooperative.”

  “The truth always comes out,” I said. “You have been reading about humanity’s history on our database. What do you think humanity’s reaction is going to be when the facts about the bombing become apparent to everyone?”

  “I assure you, the bombing of McDonald’s is being thoroughly investigated,” said the Queen.

  “Someone had better investigate the investigators,” I warned. “It’s been a nice evening. Good night.”

  * * * * *

  The Queen turned to the King. “What is this about a captain in our Court?”

  “He might have been overzealous in following my orders,” said the King. “I ordered him to put an end to black-market trafficking and drug sales at the McDonald’s window. Well, it ended.”

  “And he admits to ordering the bombing?” asked the Queen. “No,” said the King. “Has this captain been interrogated?” asked the Queen, turning to the lead detective. “Not yet,” said the detective. “I need Royal permission to interrogate members of the Court.” The Queen struck the King on the side of the head with her claw, looming over him with her stinger poised. “You idiot!” shouted the Queen. “The most dangerous species in the galaxy has an armada stealthed just beyond our radar scans, poised to wipe us out, and you jeopardize peace negotiations by obstructing an investigation into the bombing of their embassy grounds? I should kill you for treason now!”

  “We can’t arrest members of the Royal Court without proof,” insisted the King. “It would set a bad precedent. It would be a surrender of our sovereignty to give in to USGF demands without proof.”

  “I have not heard your opinion yet,” the Queen said, pointing a claw at the lead detective. “Is there any proof of our captain being guilty?”

  “We can use face/mandible-recognition technology to identify the actual bombing suspect,” said the detective. “But potential evidence from that technology has been denied to me, too. If we catch the suspect in the bombing, he will confess. Then others will confess, too.”

  “I authorize all means to get to the bottom of this matter,” said the Queen. “No one will obstruct you again. I am issuing a Royal Writ, giving you carte blanche powers to investigate this treason and breech of national security.”

  The detective immediately arrested the scorpion captain for interrogation. However, even under intense questioning, the captain still professed his innocence. A few days later, face recognition technology identified a young scorpion passing by a grocery surveillance camera as the bomber. He implicated his uncle, a lieutenant in the Royal Court. The King determined that no citizen of the Kingdom was ever going to be handed over to the humans for trial, no matter what the evidence. Even the Queen agreed that would be unproductive and a bad precedent. The lieutenant and his nephew were executed by Royal Order, and delivered with a copy of the investigation report to the United States Galactic Federation Embassy. An apology was attached, along with an offer of restitution to the McDonald’s Corporation.

  Chapter 16

  War broke out on New Colorado between the United States Galactic Federation and the Arthropodan Empire. From New Gobi City to Jellystone National Park, the Legion’s First Division, the Army’s Ninth Division, and several Scorpion National Guard divisions were on the offensive. They occupied the spider’s fertile ‘bread basket’ of the galaxy. Both sides launched destructive air raids, but refrained from using nukes. In space above the scorpion home world, the USGF stealth starship Shenandoah destroyed Arthropodan satellites and captured spider construction workers on the moon.

  Sergeant Green and I lugged a missile launcher and missiles up to the roof of the American Embassy. I bolted the supports in place and took aim across the street at the Arthropodan Embassy. Sergeant Green painted the target with a laser. The smart missile passed over traffic below and smashed through a window on the second floor.

  As I readied another shot, scorpion fire trucks arrived, along with emergency first-responders. I decided not to fire another missile because of the risk of harm to scorpion EMTs. We stowed the missile launcher and ran downstairs to the street. The spider ambassador and Amanda were already out talking to the firefighters. Amanda was sobbing, and the Ambassador was trying to console her.

  “Terrorists bombed our library,” cried Amanda. “My mother’s priceless book collection and the embassy’s priceless china were destroyed. Who could be so mean and cold-hearted to do such a thing?”

  “I will track these evildoers down,” promised the ambassador. “Did anyone at your embassy see anything?” “Probably not,” I replied. “But I will ask all my staff, to make sure.” “Now I know how you felt about the McDonald’s bombing,” cried Amanda, giving me a hug. “At least you got quick justice,” commented the spider ambassador. “Hopefully we will be so lucky.” “Was anyone hurt?” I asked. “Just my library!” cried Amanda, sobbing louder now. “Forensic investigators will quickly be able to determine the type and origin of the explosive,” commented a scorpion police detective, the same detective that investigated the McDonald’s bombing. “At least one witness thought he saw a missile arc down from the sky.”

  The scorpion ambassador scanned the nearby buildings. The American Embassy stood out as the closest and most prominent.

  “Did you shoot a missile at us?” asked the spider ambassador. “Why would you do something so despicable?”

  “It wasn’t me,” I protested, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. “The missile might have been fired from an airborne drone.”

  “I want to examine the roof of the American Embassy,” announced the scorpion police detective. “You will provide an immediate escort.”

  “Major Lopez and I will personally take you to the roof,” I said. “I will cooperate in any manner possible. Despite our past differences, I assure you no missile was fired from the American Embassy.”

  Lopez and I led the scorpion detective to the embassy rooftop. By the ledge closest to the street, the detective found the holes where the brace plate for the missile launcher had been bolted.

  “Care to explain this?” asked the scorpion detective.

  “War has broken out on New Colorado,” I confessed. “Perhaps I overreacted. I thought we should not wait for the spiders to attack first. Now I feel bad. I could have killed Amanda and others. Do you think you could forget what you saw up here? The Legion will pay you a substantial amount of cash to hush this up.”

  “I will not be bribed,” advised the scorpion detective.

  “How about if we throw you off the roof?” asked Major Lopez. “That ought to shut you up!”

  “That would cause you even more problems,” answered the detective, nervously. “You can not hide this. The truth will come out eventually, no matter what I do.”

  “I don’t care,” said Major Lopez. “Snitches deserve to die.”

  “All I want is for the truth to be delayed,” I pleaded.

  “Don’t you think that when the Arthropodan Ambassador finds out about the war, he will figure out what happened?” asked the detective.

  “I am not worried about the spider ambassador,” I replied. “I’ve tried to kill that fool several times. It is Amanda I’m worried about. My plan is to blame the missile attack on the Shenandoah and the Air Force, but I need more time.”

  “An attack from space would have destroyed the whole embassy,” said the detective.

  “Maybe, but that’s all I can come up with for now. I just want to create some plausible doubt. Cover this up, and I will owe you a favor big-time. How about creating some goodwill here?”

  “No!” said the scorpion, forcefully. “You may even face criminal charges.”

  “Sorry, but I have diplomatic immunity,” I commented. “I just thought of something. Your King signed a mutual defense treaty with the USGF. That means the Scorpion Kingdom may be at war with the spiders, too. That makes us allies. For national security reasons, you will only report the findings of your
investigation to the General Staff. Do you understand that?”

  “Yes, you might have a valid point,” conceded the detective. “I will take the matter directly to the King and his Court.”

  “The fewer scorpions who know about this, the better,” I said. “I will be calling ahead to the King, so he will be expecting you. Do not get sidetracked along the way. Loose lips sink ships! Right?”

  “What?” “Mandibles,” I clarified. “Loose mandibles!” The scorpion detective still looked confused as he left.

  * * * * *

  The Arthropodan Ambassador turned on his TV. The only reception he could get was Scorpion TV. There were no broadcasts from Arthropodan cable TV. In fact, there were no communications off planet at all. Even the moon base was silent. He sent a technician up to the roof to check on the antenna arrays.

  The ambassador watched scenes from the fire on a scorpion news channel. If he were still on New Colorado, he would have immediately blamed Czerinski for the assassination attempt. But why would Czerinski bomb the embassy here?

  The technician returned.

  “Well?” asked the spider ambassador. “Were the antennas damaged by the blast?”

  “I tracked our satellites,” explained the technician. “Or at least I tried to. They have all been destroyed. I sent a direct beam to our moon base. Still no response.”

  “What does that mean?” asked the spider ambassador, angrily. “Out with it!”

  “I hacked into the American database directly from their embassy, looking for anything newsworthy,” continued the technician. “We are at war with the humans again.”

  “What?” screamed Amanda, as she entered the room, shaking her claw out the window across to the American embassy. “That explains everything! Czerinski blew up my poor mother’s books!” Amanda stormed out across the street.