Arnie, Mervin, & The Blood of Kings

by Pedliham, Luke

  “BEER! It’s beer. Sort of. It’s a type of beer.”

  Arnie looks on unimpressed and replies;

  “Ok, thanks for that. And the rest?”

  “Rest of what?” replies Mervin whilst attempting and failing to play dumb.

  “You said Morgan used “the same magic I had” to trick Luther! So my question is what trick did you and Luther use in order for my mother to take him home in the first place?”

  Mervin sighs and reluctantly continues;

  “Ok, I’ll answer your questions in the order you asked them. So, one) because she was already involved with someone else, two) she broke into her home, scared the life out of her [almost literally] and forced her to watch as she tricked and murdered your Father, and three) Chaos magic!”

  “Chaos Magic? But I thought that was the dark side of the force or whatever?” says Arnie with a seriously concerned look on his face.

  “It is. All magic born of lies or deceit is by default chaos magic as there is an universal order to things that the chaos magic distorts and bends to its will rather than working with it and letting it flow. It is an unnatural manipulation and always leaves things is disarray and…..well, chaos. Just like it did when I foolishly agreed to help your father bed your mother.”

  “Yuk…..” exclaims Arnie, clearly offended at Mervin’s vulgarity.

  “Sorry! I forgot myself for a moment. What I meant was,…..well actually there’s no use dressing it up now - that’s exactly what happened and I’d be very ashamed of it, almost inconsolable if it weren’t for you.”

  “Me? Why me? What did I do?” asks Arnie.

  “You were conceived as a result of it all Arnie! You are an anomaly born of chaos magic, the Dragons breath and Gaia – all combining with the biological wonder that is human conception to create a miracle. It is quite a burden to carry of course, of that you should have no doubt.”

  Mervin prompts Arnie to turn back toward the pool where the images continue to mirror his story;

  “As I said, chaos magic is in essence evil. Morgan feeds off of this and gains strength from it. She was able to sire the magic I had used on Luther, expand upon it with her own and disguise herself as your mother. She had thought she had cut off the strongest strand of the blood of kings with your father but what she didn’t know was that during those final moments for Luther and while your mother was being made to watch, a seed had been planted. A seed that would eventually grow into you. Now, your time is nearly upon us and we are just waiting for that seed to flower and to show the world its true potential.”

  “So no pressure or anything?” says Arnie in typical fashion;

  “What does Morgan want anyway? Why is she so intent in cutting off the bloodline?” he asks after quickly moving on from that last bombshell.

  “Because,…and brace yourself for this Arnie, it is part of her also. She is a descendant of it just like you which means…..”

  Arnie knows what’s coming and finishes Mervin’s sentence for him;

  “We’re related!”

  “Yes. In a roundabout way you are. You are nothing alike though Arnie, and the way in which you are related is very, very removed – there are lots of great greats - like eleven of them or something that precede the word Aunt, but yes, she also has the same blood you do running through her veins. I mentioned that these people, people like Morgan crave only darkness, emptiness and lifelessness – and if for arguments sake the worthy side of the blood of kings was to be cut off completely, Gaia would perish and the planet would become a desolate wasteland incapable of sustaining life as we know it therefore prompting humanity to descend into darkness and chaos, just like she craves. If she gets to you it would be a massive loss that I don’t think we could ever recover from. After you, the rest of the bloodline would be relatively easy for her and the few other agents of chaos to cut off.”

  “Wow! My great Aunt [times eleven] killed my Father and now wants to kill me too? Well that just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. So how old is this horrible old hag anyway?”

  Mervin grins at the uncouth labelling of their nemesis as he moves his lips silently, trying to work out the answer to Arnie’s question;

  “Err, she is around seven hundred and forty two years old I reckon. Give or take.”

  “Seven Hundred and forty t……so how old are you then? She’s your nemesis right? So you must be as old if not older right?”

  Mervin stumbles and stutters his words as he again is taken aback by his young apprentice’s attention to detail and persistence of the truth.

  “Well, I’m, I’m about,….err I’m around…the same age. Give or take.”

  Arnie raises an eyebrow at Mervin in a way that says “Now come on, Mervin, tell the truth now” more clearly than the actual words themselves.

  “Ok, ok, I’m about one-thousand, one hundred and fiiiiifty……….er, either fifty eight or fifty nine. I think.”

  “Wow!” says Arnie visibly shocked. “That’s proper old! You must have seen the very first episode of Eastenders and everything?”

  Mervin rolls his eyes;

  “Actually I did unfortunately, and it’s only gotten progressively worse. So yes, I am a bit long in the tooth indeed!”

  “So all of those portraits on the stairs ARE all of you?” says Arnie.

  Mervin sighs and admits it;

  “Yeah, they’re all me! I have one done every couple of hundred years.”

  “Oh, so vanity isn’t above wizards then? That’s good to know. So you and Morgan have been enemies that whole time?” Arnie continues;

  “For a large portion of it, yes.” replies Mervin looking quite disheartened.

  “But you are more powerful than her, because you’re older aren’t you?” asks Arnie with more than a hint of concern in his voice.

  “Well, it’s hard to say.” says Mervin with the same amount of concern hidden behind his deep, dulcet tones;

  “I am older as you say which suggests I am more powerful, but Morgan has a lot of anger and a lot of hate which along with the chaos magic makes a very powerful and explosive combination indeed. I mean the Sith always seem to be tougher than the Jedi’s right? Well it’s the same kind of deal here! Anyway, I subscribe to a different school, and a different teacher. The Dragon, who sleeps until such a time as Gaia says otherwise. Her breath drew me in and from that point I was forever a slave to her. Unfortunately, Morgan also knows of the Dragon’s breath and is able to use it as well as chaos magic.”

  “How can she though? I thought you said the goodies use Gaia and the Dragon’s breath and the baddies use chaos magic? She can’t do both surely?” says Arnie;

  “She surely can - because I showed her how.” replies Mervin;

  “She was a student of mine for a time before she tricked me and,….turned to the dark side. She is,….or was the sister of one of the first known carriers of the blood of kings, or at least one of the first to aspire to being more than just a normal man. Anyway, her brother got all the attention for a variety of reasons when they were children, not least of which was because he was an anomaly, just like you. Anyway, I’ll spare you all the gory details – of which there are many VERY gory details, and just say she approached me and asked me to show her the ways of Gaia and the Dragon’s breath. I agreed, partly because I took pity on her and also because she genuinely showed some potential. Unfortunately she took everything I entrusted her with and twisted it to suit her own selfish ways. She disappeared for a time but when she returned – she was an agent of chaos.” he continues;

  Mervin looks away guiltily and after a few seconds Arnie realises that Mervin is quite upset by this. He puts his hand on Mervin’s shoulder and says;

  “Sorry Mervin, I didn’t realise you……I mean, we don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.”

  Mervin places his hand on top of Arnie’s a gives it a couple of reassuring pats;

  “Thanks Arnie. No matter how much time passes, some things just don�
��t heal.”

  He sniffs loudly, turns back to Arnie and continues as best he can. He points to another image in the pool of a gaunt raven haired lady;

  “This is Morgan. Take a good look and memorise everything you can about her. She is back and she is looking for you. She wants to cut the blood of kings off for good starting with its strongest descendant. She will be coming soon and she will not be alone. Morgan commands not only chaos magic but she also commands an army of drones consisting mainly of crows. It’s given them a bit of a bad name actually, and they’re not all bad……”

  “So I should watch out then basically?” says Arnie prompting Mervin along.

  “Yes, you most certainly should. I think she may already know you’re here.” he replies.

  “What here? As in right here? Like here-here?” says Arnie as he worriedly points to his feet while looking around the cavern erratically;

  “No not right here silly. Just here, in Tintagel.”

  “Oh, good.” says Arnie as he visibly calms down a bit;

  “Well that’s still not great. So what am I supposed to do? Where do I go? How do I fight her? I mean I kind of knew that I would probably have to fight her, but I’m not,….I can’t…, I don’t know how?”

  Mervin puts his arm around Arnie again and tries to reassure him;

  “Look, you’re safe for now. I know Morgan and she will not strike until she has all the facts, and Alfie and Archie saw to it that she didn’t get them last night so you’re alright for the time being. You will need certain things to help you through this hard time and you should think about what they might be.”

  “What sort of certain things?” asks Arnie.

  “That’s for you to figure out Arnie and I trust you’ll figure it out fine. Take some time to think, perhaps head into town or to the beach. Sometimes the sea air can help you to focus.”

  “But I don’t know where to start!” exclaims Arnie as his voice begins to tremble with fear.

  Mervin smiles and walks Arnie towards another cleverly concealed door at the back of the cavern. As they reach the door Mervin stops and turns Arnie around with both hands so they are now facing each other;

  “I could wax lyrical at this point about what you need to be looking for and where you should be looking for it and blah, blah, blah - but if being around for over a thousand years has taught me anything it is to trust in your gut and just let it come to you naturally. Did you ever notice that no matter how bad things seemed to get, you always knew that it wouldn’t be forever and that things would eventually get better?”

  “Well yeah, but I just thought…”

  “Exactly! You just thought. You think too much Arnie and it’s time you stopped thinking and just….”

  “Just what?” asks Arnie cautiously;

  “…use the force!” continues Mervin as he opens the door and shoves Arnie inside, quickly closing it behind him.

  As he is stood there in the dark wondering what to do, the door opens again and Lady is shoved in with Mervin’s boot bringing up her rear. Mervin then shouts in;

  “One thing I can tell you you’ll need is friends. There’s one!”

  Lady barks in either protest or agreement as the door closes behind them both and leaves them both in darkness and still without a clue.

  “I CANT SEE!” shouts Arnie as Lady barks to reiterate.

  “Well switch the light on then you pillock!” comes Mervin’s facetious retort.

  Chapter Eight: R&R

  After fumbling around in the dark for a minute or two a slightly panicked Arnie runs his hand over the cold, jagged wall until he hits a small smooth section about four by four inches squared. He thinks to himself that this must be the light switch and presses it, illuminating the room revealing what can only be described a cleaners cupboard - complete with mop, bucket, broom and other assorted cleaning paraphernalia. He scans the small room wearing a look of confusion before noticing a series of key hooks on the wall with various shiny keys hanging from them.

  “This place has a janitor?” Arnie mumbles to himself as he continues to look around and Lady whimpers at his feet.

  As he turns back towards the door Arnie realises it is no longer there and that it has been replaced by more wall. A wave of claustrophobic panic envelopes him for a second before he calms himself by thinking about all he has seen and heard over the past couple of days and coming to the logical conclusion that in all probability, all is not as it seems. He carefully runs his hand over the wall where the door once was and eventually notices a small perfectly shaped keyhole in the centre of it. He doesn’t need his usual quick mental sharpness to realise that one of the keys that’s hanging up behind him probably fits this hole. As he looks through the fairly impressive array of keys he sees that each one is labelled with a certain destination. One reads: “North Woods” and another “South Woods” and subsequently follows East and West. There is one for “Beach” one for “Park” one for “Shops” and even one for “Pub”. The keys are in no particular order which doesn’t make choosing one any easier especially considering he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be doing or where he’s meant to be doing it! Arnie then thinks back and remembers Mervin instructing him to ‘use the force’ and so reluctantly closes his eyes, reaches out and grabs a key at random and pulls it from the hook towards him decisively and confidently. He looks down and opens his hand cautiously - as if it were a butterfly he had just caught instead of burped! They key he has picked is labelled “park” which is just fine by Arnie as there aren’t many parks on the estate where he’s from. So in keeping with the confident and decisive feeling that he is currently indulging, he sticks the key in the hole and turns it. As he turns the key the outline of a door gradually appears enveloped in the now familiar magical golden sheen. Arnie and Lady both step back and watch in amazement as another wooden door is revealed. He then places his hand on the knob, turns it and pushes the door outwards to reveal a large sun-soaked, grassy plot of land that is flanked by beautiful Oak, Willow, Birch and Ash trees. Arnie and Lady both step out from the ‘cupboard’ and into the luscious green space in front of them and are immediately almost blinded by the afternoon sunshine. He squints and quickly raises his hand to shade his eyes from the sun even though he loves the warm feeling it gives him, before hearing a voice from behind him say;

  “I told you he’d go for the park!”

  Lady barks at the as yet unannounced speaker as Arnie spins around to see that they have in fact just stepped out of an Oak tree and that the owner of said voice is nowhere to be seen.

  “Who said that? Who’s there?” says Arnie as Lady reiterates and barks once more.

  “Up here!” comes the reply.

  Arnie looks upwards and spots Archie and Alfie sitting in a little hollow in the tree he and Lady just stepped out from, both waving at him.

  “Oh hey guys! What’re you doing here?” asks Arnie.

  “Well, Archie would tell you it was luck, but I knew you’d be coming here first so I suggested we come and meet you.” says Alfie smugly.

  “O.k. But how did you know I’d come here first?” asks Arnie

  “Because you’re a fourteen year old boy and it’s a nice day. If you were eighteen years old and it was a nice day we would’ve been waiting in the garden at the Dragons Head with a pint and a bag of pork scratchings, but you’re not, so we’re not. And, not to blow my own trumpet, but I was right.”

  “You mean ‘WE’ were right. Right?” says Arnie looking to give Archie his share of the credit.

  “Actually no! Archie is a bit out of touch with the youth of today and thought you might go Mushroom picking in the South Woods.” says Alfie whilst rolling his eyes at Archie’s old fashioned sensibilities.

  “Mushroom picking? Seriously?” says a baffled looking Arnie.

  “Hey! Mushroom picking is a lot of fun you know. They’re such a versatile vegetable, and fun too…..if you find the right ones. It used to be the thing to do!” Archie replies
defensively.

  “When? The dark ages?” snorts Arnie facetiously.

  “Well,…er….yes actually. Also in the late sixties/early seventies too, but that’s beside the p….”

  “They grow in the dark you know?” interrupts Arnie without missing a beat.

  “Mushrooms?” replies Archie a little taken aback.

  “Yep! They’re fungus which is basically disease, and they grow in the dark. I mean, don’t you think there’s just something really wrong with that? Things that thrive and grow in darkness?” says Arnie.

  “Well no actually, I don’t!” replies Archie very matter of factly before continuing;

  “Many antibiotics including penicillin are derived from fungi. And they are chock full of vitamins and miner……”

  “They also absorb whatever they grow in! And I think we all know what they grow in don’t we?” interrupts Arnie once more;

  “He’s got you there Archie.” laughs Alfie;

  “Mushrooms do grow in sh…”

  “Shhhhhh!” interrupts Arnie again and with urgency, his attention suddenly diverted from the conversation at hand;

  “Did you hear that?” he says.

  They all stand still in silence apart from Lady who just growls menacingly.

  “What?” whisper Archie and Alfie in unison.

  “I heard…….wait, it doesn’t matter, they can’t all be bad can they?”

  “Did you hear a Crow’s caw?” asks Archie in a very serious tone.

  “Yeah I think so!” replies Arnie.

  “Then I think you’d better go. They have eyes everywhere, and a Crow’s caw is more than enough reason to be cautious. Listen, take the key with you and remember where this tree is, all keys work both ways. When you want to come back, knock on the tree trunk three times, spin around once and recite these words – ‘Shazam, Alacazaam, piff paff poof!’ and the door will appear.”

  “Really? I’ve got to say all that?” asks Arnie feeling a little silly;

  “No! Just look for the keyhole, put the key in and turn it! Then look for the key marked ‘rebel base’ and that’ll take you back home. Plonker….” replies Archie sarcastically while Alfie sniggers at Arnie’s gullibility.