Arnie, Mervin, & The Blood of Kings

by Pedliham, Luke

  “Oh, immortal huh? Well that’s good. Did you hear that girl, you’re an immortally good girl!” exclaims Arnie as Lady gives gurgles/barks in response.

  Arnie and Mervin both laugh as Mervin tries to move things along.

  “Come on. We should go, there are things to see and people to do.”

  “But…….I don’t want to leave her…..” says Arnie gloomily.

  “She’ll be with you wherever you go Arnie, don’t worry. She’s got a few neat tricks up her sleeve now. So I guess you can actually teach an old dog new tricks eh?” says Mervin with a wink and a nudge as he gently leads Arnie out of the cave.

  Chapter Fourteen: Cram a lot!

  Arnie and Mervin walk side by side out of the front door of the shack and recoil in surprise at the blinding Sunshine and blue sky that is currently overhead. They stand there in the late evening sun looking a little worse for wear but feeling strangely energised, especially Arnie who feels more grounded and a part of all living things than ever as he looks around and marvels at the evenings natural beauty. Loui, Gwyneth, Vera, Archie, Alfie, Cliff and the blue tits are all waiting for them, basking in the brilliant sunshine as they all join in on a round of applause as their heroes exit triumphantly. Mervin turns to Arnie and applauds him also;

  “What? Me? But I didn’t do anything really! I mean,…I did take on a powerful Sorceress who had been around for centuries, beat her and made her look about as skilled at magic as Paul Daniels but…..I couldn’t of done it without you all,….and Lady of course.”

  Everyone bows their head solemnly for a second in remembrance of Lady but Arnie carries on regardless;

  “It’s been……emotional. I have so many new best friends, more than I ever thought I would get in my entire life and I have you all here with me right now. I can’t even tell you how that makes me feel. Thank you.” he says in a very grandiose yet humble and genuine way as the sun impossibly seems to get brighter still.

  Gwyneth runs over and throws her arms around Arnie again and they kiss each other this time. Loui grabs Vera around the waist and dips her like he was at a 1950’s dance and plants a big smacker on her. Archie and Alfie celebrate a little themselves by flying around in circles and making all manner of celebratory noises - as does the big tough Cliff with his two new found blue tit friends despite his injuries.

  Mervin however, remains more reserved and somewhat distant as they all ‘whoop and cheer’ together. Arnie notices and lets Gwyneth go and celebrate with the others so he can speak to him alone;

  “What’s up Mervin? You should be happy!” he asks;

  “I am happy Arnie.” says Mervin reassuringly;

  “I’m happy that you have taken the first step on the path to your destiny. I am happy Morgan is gone and I am happy that you have gotten your first foothold into your symbiotic relationship with Gaia,….there’s just something that I can’t quite place. It’s a familiar feeling and yet at the same time, new. Without wanting to rain on your parade Arnie, I have a feeling that your work is far from done and that there is more,……much more to come.” he continues;

  “Well, that just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside Mervin! Thank you for letting me enjoy the moment.” says Arnie sarcastically.

  Mervin laughs and pats Arnie on the back;

  “Yeah, you’re right. There’s plenty of time for all that.” he says as they embrace and walk over to the others.

  Loui meets Arnie halfway and shakes his hand, but Arnie immediately pulls him in close so they can embrace too as Mervin goes and grooves a little bit with the feathered contingent, showing that he still has a few moves for a very old man.

  “Well,….that was an interesting couple of days no?” says Loui.

  “Yeah, you can say that again.” replies Arnie.

  “You were great! I was scared…..a little, but you…..how do you say in England…….’smashed it!’” says Loui.

  Arnie laughs and says;

  “Well like I said before - I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you my friend. I won’t forget it.”

  As they are reminiscing about what just took place Loui notices over Arnie’s shoulder that there are some people over by the treeline in the distance, moving around strangely and acting very shifty indeed;

  “Look, over there….what are those people doing?” asks Loui.

  Arnie looks over at the treeline to see what he is referring to and replies;

  “I don’t know. But more to the point what are they doing here? This part of the forest is meant to be enchanted and should basically keep out any unwanted visi….any normal unwanted visitors! They shouldn’t even be able to…”

  Arnie then realises that he recognises one or two of them but is too far away to see them properly.

  “Wait a minute! That looks like Cain…..” says Arnie as he begins to approach the discombobulated looking crowd of people.

  As he gets closer and more people begin to come into focus he realises that he actually knows ALL of them!

  “Alfie,…..Hector…..MUM!!!?” he says as he picks up the pace and quickly moves towards them.

  Mervin then jumps into Arnie’s path, stops him and says;

  “Ah, yes I probably should have mentioned that. Well you know when I was saying all that ‘the one thing you will need is friends’ stuff? Well I kinda omitted to mention that I had lifted the spell, gradually of course, from your house and basically sent them all a magic SOS to come and help out.”

  “So you put them under another spell?” replies Arnie quickly.

  “No, no, no.....well yes, I did! It’s a sort-of-spell that draws someone towards something, but that someone doesn’t quite know what that something is until that someone arrives at that something – then everything makes sense. See?” says Mervin.

  “I guess….” says Arnie as he politely moves Mervin to one side and continues towards the confused looking bunch and his Mum in particular.

  Arnie waves at Cain who is just standing there looking confused and who blankly waves back. Then he walks past his neighbour Alfie who is going back and forth and round and around in his electric wheelchair also looking very confused. He pats Alfie on the back reassuringly as he carries on and then Hector stops him in his tracks looking very worried and says;

  “I…I don’t even know what I’m doing here Arnie! I didn’t take anything I swear, I haven’t even had a drink in…...”

  “It’s ok Hector, don’t worry I’ll explain everyth……well I’ll explain some stuff in a minute.” Interrupts Arnie as he moves closer to his Mum.

  “….and how come I brought the wife and kids? One of them is not even ours for Christ’s sake! Oh man,….that makes us kidnappers!” says Hector as Arnie walks off.

  “Mum?” says Arnie as he nears her;

  “Arnie? What’s going on? I’m so confused! I was in bed one minute and the next I had this inescapable urge to get in the car and drive to Tintagel because you needed me. But then, you’re in Japan doing Origami and I’m in a forest……IN MY PYJAMAS!” replies Elaine whilst looking as confused as the others.

  “Mum! Mum, calm down it’s going to be ok! I’m here now and I’m not in Jap….oh, he changed it to Japan in the end instead of China. He does listen after all!”

  Elaine looks even more confused by this;

  “What?” she asks;

  “It doesn’t matter. Listen…I’m here and I’m safe. My friend Mervin here will help explain things.” says Arnie as he gestures over to Mervin to help him.

  Mervin walks over and Arnie being the polite boy he is he attempts an introduction;

  “Mervin this is Mum, Mum, this is Mervin.”

  “Nice to see you again! You look well.” says Mervin forgetting himself for a minute.

  “Have we met? I’m all six’s and seven’s at the moment I’m afraid I’m not sure what’s going on!” replies Elaine perplexedly.

  Arnie butts in just at the right moment to save Mervin’s blushes and his mother’s sani
ty;

  “Mervin, listen - we need to get everyone inside and lift this silly spell so we can make them understand what’s happening here instead of making them walk around like zombies. It’s cruel.”

  “Spell? What spell? Wait….you do look familiar actually.” says Elaine as she looks Mervin up and down.

  “There will be time for all that. Come on, Mervin will put some dinner on and we can talk it all out.” says Arnie reassuringly.

  “After Doctor Who.” says Mervin belligerently;

  “…we can talk it out after Doctor Who. Ok?” says Arnie condescendingly as he and Mervin quickly help Elaine along.

  Arnie gives Loui and the twins a little nod and they all go to help the others who are still milling around the treeline looking very muddled. Loui goes to help Cain who immediately looks visibly impressed at Loui’s imposing physical stature as they stand shoulder to shoulder and walk back towards the shack like two of a kind.

  Gwyneth and Vera help Hector along who is still ranting about being a kidnapper and Archie, Alfie, Cliff, and the two blue tits who still remain without names, help Alfie along in his chair. Alfie (the owl) then turns to Archie and says;

  “Archie, this is the other Alfie that Arnie told us about. We’ll have to interrogate him later to find out who he’s named after and then maybe we can find out who Mervin named me after?”

  “Alfie Moon!” says the other Alfie abruptly from his wheelchair;

  “Huh? What? Did he just answer us?” asks Archie, looking at the feathered contingent as they all shrug their proverbial shoulders in response.

  “He said Alfie Moon.” offers Cliff unhelpfully.

  “I heard what he said Cliff. I asked if he was saying it to us?” says Archie.

  “Of course I was talking to you! And you can talk directly to me you know. I’m right here!” says the other Alfie.

  “Oh, so you can understand us too?” asks Archie.

  “Yeah, course! Cant everyone? I heard someone over there talking to you a minute ago so just assumed everyone could. It’s not the weirdest thing that’s happened to me in the last few days so I didn’t think to question it to be honest. When you’re stuck in this chair all the time you can find yourself talking to stranger things than birds at times anyway. I’m not mad am I?” says Alfie.

  “Oh no. Not mad. Not yet. But the day isn’t out yet so there’s still time. Anyhow, allow me to introduce myself also. I’m…..”

  “Archie! Yes I know. He’s called Alfie like me. The seagull there is Cliff and these two lovely little girls on my shoulder are…(the two blue tits tweet away in Alfie’s ear)….Harmony and Melody. They just decided that by the way.”

  “Oh. How lovely! Hello ladies. Nice to make your acquaintance.” says Archie, turning his attention to Harmony and Melody as Cliff and Alfie the owl also greet them accordingly.

  “Hello gorgeous!” says Harmony flirtatiously.

  “Hey big boy!” says Melody even more flirtatiously as Harmony looks at her scoldingly.

  Alfie the owl then interrupts and pipes up with;

  “So who’s this Alfie Moon then? Was he a great and revered man like the ancient Greek scientist and mathematician Archimedes who Archie here was named after? What did he do? Arnie thinks he must be a very, very important man.”

  “He was very important in the east end apparently until he burnt his own house down. I don’t know him personally but my Mum always said she loved him but not shamed rich-tea’s or something. I could never understand what she meant by that because she likes rich-tea’s……” replies Alfie confoundedly.

  “That’s it? That’s the bloke Arnie thinks all these kids were named after? He sounds like an idiot! It can’t be. And why would you shame a biscuit? Nope, it must be the Alfie I’m named after that was the important man. I’m gonna ask Mervin again later. He’s got to answer me sooner or later.” says Alfie the owl.

  “Don’t bet on it Alfie. There haven’t been that many great Alfie’s or Alf’s as you were originally named, in all of history as far as I know. I think Mervin may choose to swerve that question if I’m honest.” replies Archie cryptically.

  “We’ll see.” replies Alfie the owl as they continue onwards with Cliff purposely showing off his muscles to Harmony and Melody as he helps push Alfie’s wheelchair.

  As they all approach the shack Elaine stops dead in her tracks like she just remembered she left the gas on;

  “Arnie? Where’s Lady?” she asks innocently

  “She’s around Mum. She’s around….” replies Arnie as he glances over her shoulder at the transparent watery visage of his faithful companion splashing around in the stream behind her.

  “Ok…..” she says cautiously.

  Elaine then looks up at the shack’s meagre exterior, frowns and says;

  “Well, we won’t all fit in there now will we? There’s not enough room to swing a cat in there!”

  “Actually I have had lots of people in there before. Hundreds even!” replies Mervin.

  “Pfffft! Hundreds? Give over! How do you cram hundreds of people in there?” says Elaine dismissively.

  “You’d be surprised Elaine! You can cram a lot into………” Mervin pauses for a second and smiles to himself;

  “Huh, cram-a-lot! I like it. “The Shack” was never really indicative of its capacity anyway……” he continues cryptically.

  Elaine continues to sneer at the insufficient venue as only she can, then turns to Mervin and asks;

  “Could we maybe have something outside then? It’s a nice evening after all. If you have a table big enough for everybody to fit around it could be quite nice, right?”

  Mervin grins widely;

  “Yes. it could be very nice. And as it happens I do have a table,…a big, round table that will suit us perfectly……”

  They all walk into the recently christened Cram-a-lot which is met by a plethora of awe-struck exclamations from each visitor as they enter the magnificent mahogany clad hallway.

  Arnie turns to Mervin and says;

  “I’m not sure I can spend a night in that horrid bed Mervin, my back’s knackered after today! You said I would get more stuff the more I learnt anyway. Well, I think I’ve learned quite a bit over the past few days don’t you?”

  Mervin places his hand on Arnie’s shoulder and replies;

  “You realise you’re talking to a master sorcerer here don’t you?”

  Arnie nods;

  “Good. In that case I have two questions for you. One - have you ever slept on memory foam? And two – can you say hot tub?”

  As they walk in and the door closes behind them, storm clouds begin to gather in the sky and it becomes dull and grey. Spiders, earthworms, beetles and all other manner of insects begin to disperse from around the immediate area as the small, pale boy that had accompanied Morgan steps out from the treeline crying whilst glaring menacingly at Cram-a-lot as it disappears from sight - his eyes glowing red with malice.

  He wipes his nose on his cuff and turns to walk away as the Drone General swoops down from the sky onto his shoulder and they both disappear in a sinister puff of black smoke.

  Epilogue:

  So, here we are. The battle has been won. You’ll have to excuse the cliché but truth is that’s all we have won for now - the battle, not the war. That’s not to say we won’t win the war or we’re doomed or anything similarly pessimistic. In fact I have every faith that we will be victorious,….eventually. I just hope and pray that it’s with this particular personification of the blood of kings as I am growing increasingly weary of history repeating itself.

  I have faith in this boy. He has an aura about him that if encouraged and nurtured properly could make him very powerful indeed. He is a sensitive lad though. Sensitive to his surroundings and nature in general. He feels a connection to Gaia and nature more than most as it goes much deeper and is part of his DNA. Without an outlet for it he would very likely descend into a deep depressed state as a lot of similar children do th
ese days because of a lack of any organic, natural stimulation. Thankfully I have very kindly provided an outlet in the shape of a path to follow. He has begun his journey on this path and I firmly believe that he can be the one to finally bring balance to the……well you know - he’ll help establish an equilibrium between man and nature is what I mean!

  I watched a new movie recently, you may have seen it – it’s called The Matrix? It’s no Star Wars I grant you but in it there is a speech that the bad guy gives to the good guy which I think is very relevant. It goes;

  “Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus!”

  Now before you go getting all upset that I have insinuated human kind is a virus, just know that I haven’t. Agent Smith did. What I am trying to get at here is that this could be where we end up if we are not careful. It comes as no surprise that with all the greedy, corrupt people in various positions of power doing very little to help humanity or the planet on which we live that we find ourselves all drinking in the “Last Chance Saloon”. The greed and selfishness that is exhibited and the way in which it seems to have seeped through into the lower echelons of society via advertising and the mainstream media’s encouragement makes it as clear to me as it has ever been, that we have arrived at a proverbial, but also quite literal fork in the road where unless drastic measures are taken we will in all probability descend into a world of darkness. Morgan wanted just that and would have been happy just to stand by and watch were it not for her hatred of Arnie and his bloodline and the threat they pose to her and her kind. She was so bitter, twisted and angry at everything, that she would have plunged the world into darkness single handed if she could. As it is she could only attempt to manipulate and influence rather than control. But if she had put an end to the Pendragon bloodline, and looking at the state of the world today – it would almost certainly have spelt the end of hope for humanity as we know it. Thankfully we managed to stop that from happening on this occasion, but no doubt - there will be others.