by Theresa Kay
Liquid fire pours from my mind and flows in the direction of Daniel and the other soldier. I hear their steps falter, but they’re still coming. It’s not enough. There’s not enough force behind it to have an effect without me touching them, or at least having them in my line of sight. Or maybe I’m just not doing it correctly.
I need more. And I know the best fuel for this particular ability.
Pain and anger. Both of which I currently have in excess.
Jace is gone. Cold hands. Dead eyes.
I let the grief I was holding back flood through me, crashing over the wall I put up to block its path. It rushes through the shikiza to land a solid hit. Both men go down.
But they’re not out.
Not yet.
Rage, black and hard and cold, takes over. They don’t deserve to live. They don’t deserve to breathe when my brother never will again. So I’ll let the darkness out to play…
Oh so casually, I walk around the corner of the building. No more hiding. Not for me. My hands are up as if in surrender, but I’m smiling, grinning, leering. And that unnerves them.
Daniel’s conflicted. He has orders to bring me in alive… but the crazy bitch looks like she’s finally lost it.
“I have,” I say in answer to his unspoken thought as I stalk toward him. I couldn’t care less about the nameless faceless other, except he’s pointing that gun at me. I flick a hand toward him, using the motion to send the shikiza crashing through his head. He drops to his knees, then falls face first onto the ground. He doesn’t move again. I never knew it could be so easy…
The color leeches from Daniel’s face, and my smile only grows. He takes a step back, the gun in his hand forgotten. His bravado is gone. Every single drop. And this is going to be so much fun.
My rage coils around me in a black cloud, blocking out everything but me and Daniel. My eyes see nothing but his fear. My ears hear nothing but his gasping breaths. And my mind… it hears everything.
Every piece of the man before me is laid bare.
He’s always been a bully.
His father was a drunk.
His mother died young.
He was an angry teen who Dane took under his wing.
Dane, who paid more attention to him than his father did. More than anyone.
Dane, who was killed by my… my… goddamn faggot brother.
My eyes narrow, and I latch on to a memory lingering on the edges of his shouted words. I cock my head to the side as I turn the memory over in my head.
“Jace warned you not to use that word,” I say. “He told you what would happen.”
My brother isn’t here to make good on his threat.
But I am.
Tiny pinpricks bleed the memories from Daniel’s head one by one. A few I twist and shove back in, rearranging them as I please.
But one memory makes me pause. A little boy sharing the last of his dinner, the only food he’s had all day, with a ragged-looking stray cat. The cat purrs and rubs against his hand, and the boy smiles. He’s no older than Ethan…
Just like that, horror replaces all my rage. What have I done? Daniel is an awful man, there’s no denying that, but what I’m doing makes me no better than Jastren.
My stomach turns and acid climbs my throat as the rest of the world fades back in.
Daniel’s on the ground.
Gavin is yelling my name, his hands covered in blood.
And Peter is in Gavin’s lap, a red stain covering the front of his shirt, blood bubbling from his mouth.
THE BLOOD ON MY HANDS. The blood on his lips. Even the location of the wound is similar…
It’s happening all over again.
Except this time it was a bullet instead of a knife. A bullet shot from the other soldier’s gun while I was too busy torturing Daniel to notice.
But I see it now. Even if it’s only a mental picture based on what Gavin told me. One that my mind now mercilessly plays back, forcing me to watch.
Daniel, on the ground, writhing in pain.
Me standing over him, an evil leer on my face.
And the other soldier, only half-conscious, managing to raise his weapon one last time. Raise it, and aim it at me.
His bullet was meant for me.
Until Peter stood in front of it.
I never even heard the shot that was supposed to kill me.
I lost focus. I let the shikiza take over. I let myself be ruled by blind rage. And Peter will pay the price.
Tears run down my face, and I shake my head, my eyes tightly closed. I’m so damn sick of people dying because of me and my mistakes.
And the shikiza is my best bet against Jastren? How am I supposed to use it, how am I supposed to win, when I can’t control it?
“Jax…” Peter’s voice is soft, caring. Quiet. Fading. His lips are turning blue as the color drains away from his face.
Not a gut wound, thank goodness. I wince. How morbid am I to be grateful for a chest wound? Morbid enough that I don’t want to do for Peter what I had to do for Flint. According to Gavin, Peter’s death will be quick enough on its own.
He reaches a hand up to my cheek and pats it. “It’s okay, my dear. I’ve lived a long life.”
“And you would have continued to live it if I hadn’t come barging in,” I say. “You would be safe at home in your cabin and not…” I gesture helplessly at his chest.
“Dying?” Peter rasps. “It happens to everyone eventually, and I, for one, am glad to have had the opportunity to live as long as I have. And I am glad to have met you, Jax. Glad to have witnessed your remarkable strength and determination in overcoming all the obstacles set before you.” His hand slips from my face. “I chose this path, to help you, to help your cause, to help your brother. I do not want my death to be what makes you falter on your own path. You have faced many losses lately, and there are probably more to come, but God would not give you more than you could handle, and you will be stronger for it even if you don’t see it that way now.
“You have great things ahead of you. I’ve known this from the moment I first met you and Lir. A human and an E’rikon, working together… I never thought I’d see that. Well, technically speaking you’re only half human, but that’s beside the point. You and Lir put everything in motion, taught each other about trust and acceptance between species. You will be instrumental in putting an end to all this conflict. You are stronger than you think you are.”
He breaks into a wet, hacking cough, and a wheezing sound comes from his chest. His mouth opens and closes as he struggles for breath. “Have faith in yourself, Jax. I do.”
He makes another choked gasping noise, but this time his chest doesn’t rise.
I grasp his hand tightly in mine, willing him to keep breathing for just a little longer. I expect to see fear in his eyes, some worry and doubt about what’s ahead of him, but there’s none. Only acceptance.
He smiles at me, his look warm and familiar, and mouths two words.
Have faith.
He doesn’t struggle as his body fails and the last of his oxygen circulates. He just holds my gaze with a soft, trusting smile on his face.
Then he’s gone. Another death. Another loved one lost. I feel almost numb. Does that mean I’m getting used to people dying?
I hope not.
My lungs stutter and struggle to pull in air as I fight to hold in my sobs. I close my eyes and grit my teeth. Emily’s not here to smack me and pull me back to myself, and I don’t think Gavin would. I absolutely cannot fall apart right now.
He’s at peace.
He has faith in me.
I can’t let him down.
It’s the last thought that finally pulls me to my feet. One deep breath. Five seconds in and five seconds out. That’s all the time I’m giving myself. I will deal with the rest of it later.
I drag Peter’s body into a patch of grass by the side of the building. I cross his arms over his chest, then swipe the back of my hand over my eyes.
Finally, I turn back to Gavin. “Let’s go. We need to get out of here.”
“What about…” Gavin gestures to Daniel, slumped and sobbing on the ground.
“He can’t hurt us anymore.” I avert my eyes from the broken man. “I’ve caused enough deaths tonight.”
Gavin’s jaw tenses, and he jerks his chin toward the next set of warehouses. “Go on. I’ll be right there.”
I know what he’s planning, but I walk away anyway. As long as it’s not on my hands, I don’t really care right now. Still, the four gunshots that sound behind me make me wince.
Gavin catches up to me a few seconds later, his face grim, and wordlessly hands me both my knife and a handgun. He has one of the soldier’s rifles slung across his back. His eyes tell me not to ask. I won’t.
Barely a hundred yards from our confrontation—if only we’d been faster—there’s a small door set into the wall. Gavin pulls a ring of keys from his belt, finds the key for the door, unlocks it, and motions for me to go ahead of him.
Once we’re well into the trees, Gavin hesitantly places a hand on my back. “If you need a minute…”
I shake my head vigorously. “Nope. Just a second.” Deep breath. “Which way?”
“Roughly southwest.” He takes off into the trees.
We walk at a steady pace, or as steady as we can in the dark woods. Every once in a while, Gavin stops and uses a penlight to check our direction on a compass. Contingency plan or not, he clearly doesn’t know his way around these woods very well. And if I doubted before that my E’rikon heritage enhanced my eyesight at least a little, I don’t now. I’ve watched Gavin nearly run into trees a couple times, only redirecting around them when he’s right on top of them.
In some ways this trip reminds me of the trek away from Bridgelake with Lir on my heels. The silence. The anxiety buzzing along my limbs. But there’s no creeping sense of dread. Grief? Anger? Apprehension? Yeah, I’m feeling all those things, but I don’t feel like the same scared little girl I was then. It’s oddly freeing. I was trapped in a cage of my own fears back then. I still have things to fear now, but I don’t let them control me.
I study the back of Gavin’s head as we walk deeper into the woods. A few months ago I had one friend: Jace. Somehow along this strange journey, I’ve picked up a whole group of friends. Some of them have even become like family. A lump forms in my throat. I was so irritated with Jace for suggesting I needed to get out more, that I needed to try more… Who knew it’d be his kidnapping that precipitated my ability to overcome my fears?
Although, if it hadn’t been for Dane…
I shake my head. There’s no use dwelling on things I can’t change, things I’ve finally managed to put behind me. And like Peter said, I’m stronger for them.
I slam into Gavin’s back, almost knocking him over. “Sorry,” I mutter. “I wasn’t paying attention.”
The corner of his mouth twitches up. “Really? I couldn’t tell.”
He pulls out the penlight, turns it on, and points it at the compass. The light flickers and goes out. “Damn.” He smacks it a few times and it makes a feeble attempt to light, but it doesn’t stay on for more than a second or two. His head turns to the left and then the right, surveying the forest around us. “It’s not much farther, maybe a mile, but my compass doesn’t glow in the dark, so we might be stuck here until morning.”
I grab the flat disc from his hand and bring it closer to my face. “This way,” I say pointing ahead and slightly to the right.
“How’d you—”
“It’s an E’rikon thing. My eyesight’s not half as good as theirs—Lir can practically see in the dark—but I can see slightly better than normal,” I explain. “Enough to read this compass anyway.”
“Thank God. I wasn’t fond of the idea of spending the rest of the night out in the open. I don’t know how long it will take them to send someone after us, but I’d prefer not to find out before we’re in a more defensible location.”
Since I don’t need light to read the compass, we don’t make any more stops. About thirty minutes later, Gavin grabs the back of my shirt.
“Once we crest this hill we’ll be visible from the factory windows. Let me go first from here. My men might be a little jumpy.”
I gesture for him to move in front, and we walk the rest of the way up the hill and down the other side. The factory doesn’t look like much more than a metal box plopped down in the middle of nowhere, but I can make out a couple of old roads leading away on the opposite end, so this must be a back entrance. There’s a fence, but it’s half rusted and can’t possibly provide any sort of security. At least it’ll be a roof over our heads, and it looks like there’s plenty of space.
I don’t even have time to take in the sheer size of the place—it’s much larger than I expected—before Lir steps outside and rushes over to meet me. He wraps his arms around my shoulders, completely ignoring Gavin.
I’m glad you’re here. I was terrified something happened to you. He kisses the top of my head. Emily’s party has not arrived yet, but Ethan has been in touch. Sort of. They should be here soon.
And the others?
Everyone else has made it. Bree, Rym, Trel, some of Gavin’s men… I do not know all their names. He pauses, hesitation leaking from him. Your father is here. As well as Matt and Karo.
We’ll need all the help we can get. If nothing else, I’m sure my dad has useful information.
Lir releases me, and we walk the rest of the way to the door hand in hand, Gavin following closely behind. It isn’t until we enter the dimly light building that Lir notices the blood on Gavin’s clothes. And mine. His eyes rake over me in alarm. “Are you hurt?”
I shake my head. The lump in my throat is back with a vengeance, preventing any words from escaping.
“We ran into some trouble on the way out,” says Gavin. “Cartuck and a few others.”
Lir studies my face. He tugs at the bond, asking permission, and I nod. He gently brushes across my mind, and I show him what happened in snippets of memory. Daniel showing up. Me losing control. Peter dying. He pulls back and wipes the tears from my cheeks. “It was not your fault.”
“I—”
Footsteps come pounding across the room, and Rym bursts into view. Vitrad, Kai, Miri, and a group of Gavin’s men are behind him. “We have a problem,” he says, half out of breath. “I just received a very disturbing image from Ethan. I don’t know much, but that general guy and some of his men caught up to his group not far from here.”
I close my eyes and reach out for Ethan. I find a thin silver thread and zip along it until I reach him. It’s chaos. He’s terrified, and gut-wrenchingly sad, and… and… he’s surrounded. In the woods. It’s dark, but they have lights. Uniforms. Soldiers from the base. I catch a flash of gray hair and an arrogantly tilted nose. Carter.
I release the connection and meet Lir’s eyes. “Carter has them. Or he has Ethan. I don’t—I don’t know what’s happened to Emily or Stu.” My gaze moves to Gavin. “Or Harrison.”
Gavin springs into motion. He gestures for his men to gather around him and starts spitting out orders in a sharp voice. “Smallwood, Patel, and Martin, you will backtrack toward the base and—”
I step around Lir and grip Gavin’s shoulder to stop him. He looks up at me in surprise. “It’s almost pitch black out there. How will your men see well enough to sneak up on them? Sending them out there now…”
His face goes tight. “I will not leave Holmes out there.”
“I’m not asking you to.” I press my lips together and turn to face Vitrad. “I need Miri and Kai. They’re the only ones who know how to fight and also have good night vision without any additional light.” My eyes dart to Lir, and I bite down on my lower lip. “Besides me.”
Lir whirls to face me, a familiar mixture of fear and anger dripping off of him. You promised you would not—
This isn’t me running off into danger for no reason. He has Ethan. We don’t know what t
he consequences of that might be. I don’t have a choice here.
Jax…
You know I have to do this. Besides Kai and Miri, I’m the only one here who can.
His chin drops, and he turns his face away. That doesn’t mean I have to like it. He brings his eyes to meet mine. But I trust you.
I—
“I will not leave my daughter unprotected,” breaks in Vitrad. “The Vi’askari are—”
“I’m not asking you to!” I bite out. My hand flies out toward Gavin and his group of armed men. “There’s plenty of protection here for Trel. Gavin—”
“Is not a trained Vi’askari. Neither he nor his men have the required alterations that—”
Gavin steps closer. “We are all trained soldiers, sir. I don’t know what types of training or alterations your guards have, but all of us have been through years of rigorous physical and weapons training. Additionally, I have had plenty of instruction in both offensive and defensive strategies, and I have led many missions with a variety of purposes including infiltration and protection. I would trust any of my men with my life, and you can trust your daughter’s life with us as well.”
Vitrad’s upper lip curls. Whatever he’s planning to say is not going to be very nice.
I slam a hand on his chest, push him backward, and fix him with a hard glare. “Don’t spit on this offer because of your stupid prejudices against humans. Crap like that is what got us all here in the first place. The consequences of Jastren getting what he wants affect all of us. Human, E’rikon, hybrid… at this point it doesn’t matter. You will allow Kai and Miri to come with me, or I will find a way to transfer your power over them to someone else.”
Vitrad studies my face, and I make sure the fact I know exactly how to make that transfer occur is clear in my expression. I would kill him over this, and whatever weird bond-type thing that gives him control of the Vi’askari would transfer to his children. To Rym, who wouldn’t hesitate to listen to me, and to Trel, who at the very least would probably trust Gavin enough to protect her while Kai and Miri were gone.
Eyes narrowed into slits and upper lip still curled, Vitrad gives me a curt nod. Kai and Miri move to stand beside me.