Just Jack: Everything laid bare

by K. L. Shandwick

  Closing the door again, Rick bent forward with his hands on his knees then he suddenly cracked up with laughter too.

  “Jack fucking Cunningham, I should bury my size eleven up your ass for what happened there, but for some reason I can’t… I fucking love you, dude. You have no idea what a breath of fresh air you are in a world full of ‘yes men’. How the fucking hell are you doing, buddy?”

  I didn’t know why these American’s seemed to feel the need to say my full name all the time but just like that, Rick Fars switched gears and we were back on track with the interview, his rash forgotten. When we were done, he slipped me two backstage passes inviting me to his gig and another party the following Thursday.

  “It’s a sit down dinner, Jack, so no using your fingers,” he commented when I raised my brow, and it was his turn to laugh.

  In most circumstances I’d have been a social outcast after the stunt I pulled at his last UK event, but the most he did was chastise me because I got a little carried away and began a very public heavy petting session. When Rick called me out that night I pretended to act all innocent and said something like, ‘doesn’t everyone use their fingers at a buffet?’ Or words to that effect.

  Chapter 3 ~ Dancing

  Riding home on the tube wasn’t nearly as exciting as it was on the way over. Rick offered me a car but I wasn’t in any rush. I had nothing planned for the first time in weeks and when I glanced at my phone I had two texts on there already from Rosie. I prayed at some point she would just move on. If I stayed home I knew I’d end up calling her out of guilt and then the never ending downward spiral of angst would begin. I didn’t want to be involved with her intimately but although we weren’t together anymore, I still missed her being around.

  I struggled with my feelings sometimes and felt heartless about calling a halt to our relationship, but after almost a year I felt that our time had passed and I didn’t feel the same about her anymore. She deserved better than that. If I’d stayed in the relationship, Rosie wouldn’t have gotten the best of me when I clearly wasn’t feeling the same as she did.

  As I wandered out of the underground I pulled my phone from my jacket pocket and fired off a, ‘rescue me’ text to Dave and Sam because I really needed some down time with my mates. I’d been at events for the past two weeks and I just wanted to relax without having to socially ‘perform’.

  “Are you telepathic, man?” Dave answered his phone with a question and an incredulous tone.

  “Might be. If there’s a hot girl wearing just a string with three or four hours to spare in the thought.” I quipped.

  Dave chuckled down the line.

  “Jack there’s always a woman in a string where your thoughts are concerned. I was just talking to Sam…” he replied in an amused tone.

  “True. You think that’s a mental illness?” I interjected.

  “Damn, Jack! Focus. Oh and talking about mental illness, I ran into Cat. You remember her, right? The mental health nurse you picked up on the tube the day you had drinks at yours with Lily and Crakt Soundzz? You remember, Drew, Elle, and the body shot on the kitchen counter episode? That day?”

  Humming into my phone, I thought for a minute before Cat’s image flashed into my mind.

  “Sure. Great legs, gave great head, great girl. Got on with everyone there, pretty kinky too from what I can recall. Why?”

  “Well if you shut up long enough, I’ll tell you. Jeez, Jack, focus.”

  “I am, shoot.”

  Dave cleared his throat before continuing.

  “So Sam and I were talking, apparently he hooked up with her one night, and they’ve hit it off so he’s dating her now.”

  “Well, fuck, that’s going to be a bit awkward. Sam’s the pretty jealous kind. Look at the way he got all possessive about sitting next to Lily in the restaurant when she came over from America that first Christmas she’d been away. What was that all about?”

  There was a pregnant pause on the line and I thought my signal had dropped.

  “Dave?”

  “I’m here. Just don’t want to answer the last question,” he mumbled, sounding flat.

  Initially I was confused both by what I’d asked and Dave’s hesitancy to answer. Then the penny dropped. Sam fucked Lily?

  “You had better be mind-fucking me, Dave. Lily would never get with Sam.”

  Dave sounded awkward and began to retract but I knew he was only doing that to make me feel better and to protect his position with Sam.

  “Well, I could have picked up what he said wrong, or Sam might have been messing with me, Jack. We were both kinda wasted when he said it.”

  “Said what? Just tell me exactly how the conversation went and I’ll make up my own mind,” I demanded as I tried to keep the near hysteria out of my voice.

  Dave was reluctant to go any further and tried to steer the conversation away from the subject of Sam and Lily but I continued to press the point.

  “Just fucking tell me, Dave, you’ve gone this far. I’m not going to rest until I get it out of you.”

  Hearing him expel a loud breath was all the confirmation I needed. Sam had slept with Lily. I just couldn’t get my head around that one.

  “Sam slept with Lily, right before she left for the USA. From what I remember they were both pretty drunk that night. Sam said they did the deed the night Elle had the leaving party for her. After we’d all been clubbing, we headed back to Elle’s and played spin-the-bottle. I don’t remember much, but I do remember they disappeared at the same time.”

  Fuck! Suddenly I hated Sam. My emotions scattered in all directions. Firstly my anger at him, then I felt hurt that Lily had kept that from me, as well as Sam. I couldn’t accept that he had gone there and that I had no fucking idea there had been anything between them. Lily confided in me about everything, or so I’d thought. And now there was this epic fucked-up secret between me and her that had been there for years. Of course it was her business. But hell—with Sam?

  “You think he’s making it up? You think if I ask Lily she’ll tell me that the wires between Sam’s fantasy and reality got crossed and he’s imagined the whole thing? Being honest with you, Dave, Alfie, I totally get. The guy has it all, looks, rock star charisma, big dick…” I chucked sheepishly into the phone.

  “Yeah, of course I checked him out in the loos, what guy isn’t looking for a flaw in him? Like I said, Alfie I get. But Sam? I have a hard time seeing Lily having sex with a guy like Sam,” I added.

  Dave had remained completely silent during my rant.

  “I’m sorry.” Dave sounded remorseful that he’d been the one to tell me.

  “No! Don’t do that. Don’t take responsibility for me being pissed off. I’ve got no right to feel anything. What Lily and Sam did of their own free will is none of my business. I’m the one that’s being irrational here. Over the years I’ve developed this inbuilt protective mechanism that’s at play here. I guess I’m just feeling annoyed because I was completely ignorant to the fact that she got with one of our close friends.”

  “Jeez, Jack, it was years ago now, and Lily has a whole other life. This isn’t going to affect anything within our group is it? I mean, can you get past it?”

  I wasn’t sure about that, but I knew I had to try to get comfortable with my newfound knowledge. I had spoken to Dave all the way from the underground to home and by then part of me was wishing I hadn’t called. Taking my keys out from my pocket, I stabbed the one to my front door into the lock, still trying to get a grip on my feelings. I closed the door quickly and decided there and then, I needed to burn off some steam.

  “Right we’re going out. What time do you finish?”

  Dave reminded me he was on holiday for a few weeks and that he had actually called me to invite me to a club opening that evening. There was nothing I needed more than to get on the dance floor surrounded by hot women and forget myself for a while. Considering it was Friday, I had a whole weekend to recover from whatever trouble we got ourselves i
nto. With that in mind I arranged to meet up with him at The Punch and Judy pub in Covent Garden a couple of hours later.

  Normally I shower but I decided a soak in the hot tub was in order to soothe my suddenly weary body. When I thought about it, I hadn’t stopped in weeks and I hadn’t had a proper holiday since the previous summer. Travelling to Florida for Christmas didn’t seem like a holiday. Lily was there, and our parents, so I’d felt like I was going home.

  Once the bath was filled, I unzipped my pants and then heard my phone alert me to an incoming text. Taking it out of my pocket, I pushed my pants down my legs and stepped out of them as I swiped across the screen to see who it was.

  Lily: Hiya handsome how is your day going? Miss you. Xx

  Closing my eyes, I swallowed noisily. Her timing couldn't have been any better, it was as if she knew I was struggling with something. I brought up the onscreen keyboard to reply, but my usual witty response wasn’t coming to mind. I guessed there was no time like the present for dealing with the Sam issue and getting it off my chest. My thumbs moved quickly over the screen.

  Me: So-so. What’s this smutty gossip I’ve been hearing about you?

  As soon as I sent it I felt annoyed and disappointed with myself. I’d let Dave’s comment get under my skin. More than that, I was frustrated because I hadn’t been able to just let it go and was now going to get into it headlong with Lily. But I knew if I didn’t talk to her about it now we’d have a wedge between us.

  Placing the phone on the side of the bath, I stepped in and settled down before laying back and running both hands through my hair. My phone began to vibrate so I turned it over to see who was calling and my heart instantly started to race. It was Lily.

  “Jack?” Hearing the hurt in her voice at the other end of the line made me feel sorry for mentioning it.

  “Hi, beautiful. How is your day going?”

  “No, you don’t fire a text like that at me and when I call to find out what the deal is you act all innocent and sweet. I know you better than that Jack Cunningham. If you have something to say, man up and say it.”

  Boy, the temper in her voice made me glad there was a huge pond between us. Sighing heavily, my heart continued to pound as I plucked up the courage to talk to her. Even though it really had nothing to do with me, I felt it had because I needed her to be true to us by being honest.

  “Well I was kind of sideswiped by Dave today. He rang me and somehow you getting fucked by Sam slipped into the conversation.”

  Lily remained silent at the other end and I thought we’d been cut off and I had been speaking to myself.

  “Lily? Are you still there?”

  Lily’s voice sounded small and wounded when she answered.

  “Yes, I’m here.”

  “So, is it true? You let Sam screw you? What the fuck were you thinking, Lily?”

  Clearing her throat, Lily spoke in a more self-assured manner.

  “That’s the whole point, Jack. I wasn’t thinking, I was feeling. I’ve thought about it many times…”

  “So he was that good? Damn, Lily…”

  She was quick to cut across my impending rant.

  “No. He was awful. It was awful. It was my first time, Jack, and it was really crap actually.” Lily’s voice broke and I instantly felt her pain.

  “And, he didn’t fuck me. He barely moved inside me before he came, but you know what? I’m glad it was him, Jack. Of all people, I’m glad it was Sam that night.”

  Listening to Lily tell me that was hard. Really hard. My heart ached that she was glad it was Sam that took her virginity. It took me a few seconds to recover from her admission before I could speak again.

  “Sorry. This whole thing was shitty of me. I should never have sent that text. It’s nothing to do with me and I don’t know why it’s affecting me so badly.”

  There was a silence between us as we struggled with what to say next, then I spoke more softly as I confessed the only thought coming to my mind.

  “I’m not sure if that’s because he shared something with you that I haven’t, or because I was oblivious that it happened at all, or that he took advantage of your vulnerability.”

  “Stop!” Lily exhaled loudly from the other end of the line.

  “Jack, I’m glad it was Sam and I’m glad you were away on an assignment. I’m glad you weren’t there that night. If you had been, the way my emotions were, I know it would have been you. I was missing you and my feelings were all over the place. New life, new college, leaving everyone behind. Leaving you behind. I was struggling.”

  When I heard the pain in Lily’s voice I realised how hard it had been for her to make the decision to study abroad and what it would mean for our friendship. It helped me to understand and in some weird way, accept that Sam had saved our friendship. If we said that out loud to anyone they’d think we were nuts. Maybe we are. Maybe I should have screwed Lily a long time ago and it would have been out of our systems. Hell, maybe we could have done that and still remained friends, then again, maybe not. Neither of us had been willing to take the chance. So now? It is what it is.

  Chapter 4 ~ Close calls

  Talking to Lily really helped settle my mind, but I knew I still had to face Sam and swallow my thoughts about the two of them together. It also made it marginally better that Lily hadn’t enjoyed being with him. Maybe I was just too sensitive and possessive because I had just come out of my own relationship with Rosie.

  Seven hours after talking to Dave I walked into the crowded pub and immediately spotted Sam. It was as if he had a neon sign above him making him stand out from the crowd. It was like he was magnified or highlighted by my earlier thoughts of him and Lily.

  By the time I reached him and Dave I actually wanted to thank Sam because Lily was right, I knew if the opportunity had presented itself when Lily was leaving, we probably would have had no fight in us. In all honesty it was the reason I took an assignment abroad right before she left. I was struggling with it; on the one hand it felt like she was dying and I had to say goodbye and on the other I was scared that I’d beg her not to go.

  Glancing at Dave and then Sam, I knew instantly that Dave had warned him that I knew his little secret and I immediately pushed it to one side. Sure I had to speak to him but it had to be at a time when we were relaxed and not right as I walked into the pub. What was I going to say anyway? “So…I hear you fucked, Lily, how was that for you?” What I actually did was our usual greeting of shaking hands and I pulled him in for a hug. When he stepped back he was struggling to meet my gaze so I just started to talk because I always try to make things okay for people.

  “Am I buying or do I have one already?” Shifting my eyes between them, I planted myself onto the nearest chair.

  Sam nodded his head in the direction of the glasses on the table. He’d bought me a pint. I hated beer. I used to drink Jack Daniels, not now. Call me a girl but I love tequila shots and my favourite drink is gin and tonic. ‘Bombay Sapphire Gin’ to be precise and it was even better that it used to be made in my hometown.

  Shaking my head I raised my eyebrow incredulously at him. “You think? I’m not putting that in my stomach, I have a six-pack. I’d like to keep it when I’m middle aged. I’ll stick with the G&T if you don’t mind.”

  Staring at me with a deadpan expression, Sam inclined his head in the direction of the bar.

  “Go on then, I’m not paying for another drink for you on my round. You want to play at being a snob, go finance it.”

  Smirking, I shoved the chair back and straightened to stand.

  “Remember this moment when my body is still being used and abused by beautiful women, and you’re lying on your sofa with a flabby paunch sticking out the bottom of your t-shirt, mate.” I taunted.

  Approaching the bar, a hand grabbed my arse. I was just about to turn when a stunning blonde crashed into me and sent the both of us flying forwards into a guy who was turning around with a tray heavily laden with drinks. Jumping back to dodge h
im and the drinks, I managed to get myself clear but my elbow caught the tray and the long stemmed glasses he was carrying toppled over. Every single one of the multi-coloured cocktails spattered all over the poor girl’s expensive designer jumpsuit.

  There was a freeze-frame moment where in a microsecond everyone fell silent before carrying on their conversations. The very attractive but irate looking girl tossed her hair over her shoulder and jabbed a long finger into my chest.

  Damn. After staring down at her clothes she flipped her head up quickly to glare angrily at me in disbelief

  “Oh. My. God. Look at what you’ve just done. You ruin me by soaking my pants. You make me very wet.” She accused, gesturing towards the mess.

  She was right, she was completely drenched. Her outfit was stained with the pink and yellow alcoholic beverages and there was one particular area that clung to her body just shy of her groin. My eyes lingered there for a moment and having a healthy, filthy male mind and quick wit was sometimes a terrible affliction, that was one of those times. I couldn’t help but take what she said in her sexy broken English accent with a certain amount of smutty humour. Before my brain had engaged I was grinning and I’d responded to her comment.

  “I know, sweetheart, I seem to have a particular talent for doing that to women. Want to know what else I can do?” Out of the corner of my eye I saw the stocky guy’s jaw drop as he stared wide eyed at me shocked that I would actually say something like that.

  Turning my head slightly I raised my eyebrow and gave him a knowing smirk before I returned my attention to the distressed but very sexy, exotic sounding female in front of me.

  “Now what you do to me? You make me wet you must take care of me.”

  Glancing over at Dave who was quietly watching the whole exchange, I saw him almost choke on his beer, his eyes popped widely as he spluttered and chuckled at the same time. He tapped Sam’s arm and pointed over at me, unable to speak. Sam turned and immediately smirked wickedly shaking his head at me. Undeterred I continued flirting.