Just Jack: Everything laid bare

by K. L. Shandwick

  I was completely gutted. Somewhere in my subconscious, I had accepted I was going to be a father and Rosie had just dispelled all of that.

  “Why did you tell Lily it was mine?”

  Rosie nodded slowly in thought and shrugged confirming that she had indeed told Lily.

  “I thought it was yours until they did an early scan to date her, but you’re not. Personally I’m glad she’s not yours, Jack. You’re not ready to be a father. I love Stewart and I’m not going to hurt him because you’ve come back on a whim. I love you, Jack. I’ll always love you but I’m not in love with you anymore. Stewart and this baby are my life now, I’m happy.” Rosie rubbed her bump again as she shifted her weight from one leg to the other.

  Clearly expressing her own wishes, Rosie blew me off. No matter how much I loved her, she’d explicitly told me that she no longer felt the same about me. I could have thrown myself on the floor and begged her for a second chance, but she was carrying another man’s baby and was in love with someone else. What else could I say?

  I stepped out of her doorway without another word as she quietly closed it behind me. I could hear her crying softly in her hallway and my initial reaction was that I wanted to break down the door, but I sucked it up and headed back to my car. In just one day I’d been betrayed by my best friend, struggled with the possibility of being a father, and had the girl I’d finally given my heart to, reject me. Sliding behind the wheel I sat staring at it for a few minutes, feeling numb before realising that was probably the last time I’d ever see Rosie.

  Turning the key in the ignition, I looked over my shoulder then aggressively pushed the stick into reverse, driving back sharply to make room for me to get out of the space. Selecting drive on the automatic gear sticks I drove out into the flow of the morning traffic, my screeching tyres echoed in the street and I saw Rosie watching from the window in my rear view mirror. Fuck, time to move on Jack.

  I parked the car and went upstairs to pack a bag before starting my journey to Leeds and the festival. When I’d got to the hotel, I asked for a room under a pseudonym because I didn’t want Lily finding out where I was. If I saw her, I was likely to destroy our friendship with the way I was feeling.

  As far as Rick was concerned, I was checked into the room his team had arranged for me but I had no intention of sleeping in there. Lily would be gone in a day, so all I had to do was do what I got paid for and spend time with Rick in a professional capacity. After that I’d have to be clever with avoiding her until she flew back to California. I had nothing to say to her that was of any value.

  Chapter 23 ~ Avoidance

  Clearing security on Rick’s floor, I’d had to endure the same banter yet again about my after party behaviour from the band. I was tempted to do something else that time, if there was an after party, just so that they would change their tune about me. That particular joke was getting old or maybe I was just in the mood to punch someone into next week after my conversations with Lily and Rosie.

  Entering the suite Rick provided for me at the hotel, I threw my leather weekend bag on the sofa and headed straight to the mini-bar. I quickly snapped the lid on two miniature bottles of gin and a bottle of tonic water. I made myself a long drink and plugged in my laptop to make sure it was fully charged. Kicking off my shoes, I sat on the bed with my back to the headboard and began to read the other reporter’s coverage from the lead up to the festival event.

  It was amazing how much leg work the internet saved me. All I had to do was collate all the other reporters’ bits and pieces and verify a few of their comments and I was up to speed. Twenty minutes after I’d arrived, Cobham Street’s PA, Paul called.

  “Jack? Are you all set? Rick wants to talk in ten minutes. Please come to the suite, he’s expecting you.”

  “Is Lily with him?” I wasn’t really in a position to place demands on anybody but I had to ask because I didn’t want to see her.

  “No she’s at her parent’s right now. She’s arriving at seven forty five for dinner.”

  Immediately my jaw went tight at the thought of her and I began seething all over again that she had chosen to be loyal to Rosie over me. I was determined not to see her that weekend, I really didn’t care if she’d flown over especially; it was, afterall, only to tell me something she should have six months ago.

  Ten minutes later I had freshened up and was walking into Rick’s suite, he was sitting on the sofa with a glass of whiskey and a smug smirk on his face as I walked passed his security.

  “Holy fuck, Jack. What have you done to yourself?” Rick commented with a surprised look on his face as he walked around me studying my new look.

  “You’re not half as ugly as the last time I saw you, love the longer hair. In fact, I’d say you have a hot rock star look about you. It’s good to see you, dude. I thought you had died when they sent that pimply teenager in your place a couple of months back, but then I never got an invite to the Jack Cunningham Memorial Service so I figured you were still alive. The next assumption I made was that you’d been sacked for your promiscuous behaviour during some after party event or other.”

  “Nah, I had post-traumatic stress from interviewing these fucked-up rock stars who were catching all sorts from bed-hopping and trying to pass it off as a starch rash. They kept waving their dicks in my face whenever they got the opportunity, Rick.”

  Rick threw his head back, arching his back as he laughed loudly before he gestured at the sofa offering me a seat.

  “See, Jack, I fucking missed you. Do you know how tiring it gets hearing everyone telling you how wonderful you are all the time?

  “All the time.” I said like it happened to me as well.

  Chuckling again, he leaned over and clamped his hand on my knee, squeezing it and making me jump.

  “Jack Cunningham, seriously dude, I fucking missed you.”

  When Rick said it for the second time I started to feel good about myself for the first time that day. He was one of the world’s biggest rock stars and yet he had always remembered me even though we’d first met at the start of his career. I had no idea how he did that. He was very personable to the people he liked and I was grateful that, although we were becoming friends and I loved the banter between us, we were able to keep our ‘professional hats’ on when I interviewed him.

  Rick quickly changed tact and suddenly we were discussing his work and the band’s new direction. I guessed I had begun to ask questions that were more in depth and technical than what he was used to because suddenly his expression changed.

  “Damn, Jack! This is fucking refreshing. I’ve never been asked these questions before. You’ve been doing your homework or I’d swear you were an accomplished musician with the stuff your testing me with here.”

  I smirked knowingly because that was exactly the kind of reaction I’d dreamed about from someone like him. Even a reaction from someone like Lily who knew me well would have been amazing after everything I’d worked for during those months of study. The five months of sixteen hour days playing music was pretty intense and considering Rick’s response, it had obviously paid off.

  “Let’s just say I know more than you’d ever give me credit for.” I responded, smiling wickedly.

  “Fuck, do you play an instrument? I’ve never really thought about it, Jack. You growing up with Lily n’all, I’ve never thought to ask before,” Rick drawled in his thick American accent, still staring incredulously at me.

  At first I wasn’t sure what to tell him but then I decided I wanted to keep the mystery going a little longer.

  “We’re not all glory hounds, Rick. I’ve just never felt the need to share my talent with the world like you. Anyway, you’re older than me and I’d hate to deprive you of a living when you’re so near pension age.”

  Laughing hysterically at my reply he turned and patted my back.

  “So, Jack. Do you want to come on a short tour with us? Document us for posterity? It’ll be late September until mid-November, what do you
say? You want in?”

  Of course I did. Who wouldn’t give anything to go on tour with a band like Cobham Street? Dave was going to bust a gut when I told him because he worshipped the ground Cobham Street walked on.

  “Depends. Do I have to listen to the after party episode from your crew again? Because I am so fucking sick of hearing about it. It was one night. One night, Rick and it’s been on repeat for about two years now.”

  Rick chuckled and shook his head, glancing sideways at me.

  “Fuck, Jack. It was classic, dude. There was just no regard for anyone around you. We’ve all done some stupid things, but Jesus, we’re the ones known for doing wild things and there you were supposed to be reporting on us, but were giving us a sexual exhibition instead.”

  I glanced sheepishly, still a little embarrassed about my drunken frolic.

  “What can I say? I got carried away. Are you sure one of your guys didn’t slip the reporter something in his drink so you could have a hold over me?”

  Rick scratched his chin in jest pretending he was thinking about that.

  “Hmm, now there’s a thought. Anyway, you’ve survived with your career intact and that’s what I love about you, Jack. Fall into a barrel of thumbs you come out sucking a tit.”

  We both started laughing, that may have been true to some extent before but it wasn’t how it was anymore. My conversation with Rosie earlier taught me that. After a few more questions we concluded our interview and as soon as we did, Rick mentioned Lily.

  “I hear you and Lily have had a disagreement. Did hell freeze over and no one informed me?” Rick eyed me suspiciously, telling me he knew more than he was giving away.

  “Well, Rick, I figure if you know that much then you’ll know exactly why I’m pissed off. You’d be the same if the circumstances were like mine.”

  “Jack, if I fell out with everyone around me that kept the possibility of me being a father to themselves, I’d have no one in my crew. Lily had been subject to one conversation with Rosie. She didn’t feel you should hear it from her.”

  “Don’t defend her, Rick. Lily and I go back too far to hide anything from each other. She fucked up royally and I can’t see past it right now. If you are meeting her for dinner, have fun but count me out, I really have nothing I want to say to the girl. If I went I would just make the situation worse.”

  “She flew all the way from California to be here for you, Jack.” Rick’s tone was one of frustration but as far as I was concerned, Lily still should have told me before I went away.

  “If she’d told me before, at least I’d have been able to speak to Rosie about it before there was another guy in her life and Lily wouldn’t have felt the need to fly here in the first place.”

  “All right, have it your way, but I reckon Lily thought she was protecting you. I’ve got to meet her in twenty minutes so I guess you’ll be ordering room service on your own tonight. I’ll see you at the festival tomorrow, Jack.” Rick stood up and began to wander towards his bedroom and never looked back. With that action, I was dismissed and left his suite.

  My plan for solace away from Lily had worked but it was a difficult night knowing that she was there and was with Rick. But I wasn’t remotely ready to forgive her and the way I felt at the time, I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able forgive her. Even though Rosie’s baby wasn’t mine, I should still have known there was a possibility it could have been. If Lily had told me at the time maybe it would have got me thinking and I would have realised what Rosie meant to me sooner as well.

  I left the suite Rick’s team had booked me into and went to my own room in the hotel to ensure that Lily wouldn’t barge into my room on her way to or from meeting Rick. I couldn’t have her disrespect my feelings any further by trying to push me into an uncomfortable friendship just because of our past. If I forgave her for what she’d done, it would be on my terms, not Lily’s as had always been the case in the past.

  Switching my phone to silent I went and sat in the tub. I was feeling exhausted again, maybe being away from all the stresses for so long meant that I was struggling to pick up the pace of my life back in the fast lane.

  Reaching for my phone, I went to set the alarm for the following day when I noticed that Lily had tried to call me five times. I immediately deleted the five voicemails she’d left because I wasn’t going to cave to her emotional blackmail this time.

  When I’d climbed into bed I expected my mind to go around and around in circles like it had been all day but I was physically and mentally exhausted, and ended up passing out instead.

  When I awoke, the sun was streaming through the window. I hadn’t bothered to close the curtains when I had climbed into bed. I’d gotten used to waking up like that in Spain. Everyone thought I was weird for not using the blackout blinds to keep my room cool, but I actually preferred the heat to being in a dark, cool place. I wondered if that had something to do with me being part Spanish.

  Room service brought up the breakfast I’d ordered and after I ate, I headed for the shower. It was still early and I wasn’t sure where Lily was staying but since I’d avoided her so far, I was sure I could do it for another couple of hours. Once she was gone I’d be able to think about things better because I wouldn’t be worrying about another run-in with her.

  It was a beautiful day and sunshine usually made me feel light hearted but not whilst I had all that shit floating around in my head. I hit the shower and stayed there for ages before dragging myself out from under the warm jets and breathing the soothing steam into my lungs. I wrapped a towel around my waist. Walking out of the bathroom, I picked up my phone and saw yet more texts from Lily. I deleted them without reading again and then moved on to my voicemails. Three from Lily crying, I deleted them as well, then I heard Alfie’s voice.

  “What the fuck is going on over there, dude? Lily’s been skyping and getting all hysterical because apparently you won’t talk to her. If I was over there I’d kick your ass, you little shit. All this time I’ve tolerated your fucked up behaviour because of my girl and now I find you’re fucking upsetting her when she’s flown halfway around the fucking world to be with you during our measly time off. I’m warning you, Jack, if she comes back with this unresolved it’s the last time I’ll listen to her where you’re concerned.”

  I ignored his rant and pressed to delete before moving on to the last message. I was relieved to hear it was Rick’s PA saying that he’d knocked on my door that morning and got no reply. He also informed me that he’d left the passes to the after party for me and my ‘plus one’ with reception. I didn’t hear him knock because I wasn’t in my allocated room. Then I wondered if Lily had tried to find me there as well. My last thought was that I was definitely a minus one.

  All day after that, my mind was solely focused on my work. Studying the new bands performing on the minor stages, I’d found a couple of good ones that I felt would go far and then worked my way up to the headliners. Four stages, each with five bands playing, gave me plenty of research to catch up on. I googled everything I needed to know to give some background for my article and tried to imagine how different my job must have been for those reporters that had gone before me. They never had that kind of technology at their fingertips and yet I used to hang on their every word in those magazines.

  By the time Cobham Street came on stage it was dark. It was the end of the first day. The claustrophobic atmosphere felt awesome and we actually had a balmy evening in the North for a change. Huge waves of bodies were swaying in time to the music, all fully engaged and hanging on every word Rick sang. I’d missed this.

  Cobham Street’s set was staged with an expensive technical extravaganza of laser technology, it was phenomenal and their ability to hold the tens of thousands of people watching in the palm of their hands was awe inspiring.

  Rick Fars was more than just an international rock superstar, he was a genius. His delivery and interaction with the audience was completely effortless. Apart from Alfie Black, I’d never
seen anyone with such talent, stamina and natural ability who could deliver time after time, no matter how many gigs they had done. Rick was known for always giving a fresh performance and his fans were in credibly grateful. Cobham Street was a worldwide phenomenon with a following of tens of millions. Every time I’d covered one of their gigs I always forgot my job and got carried away by their musical showmanship.

  All through the encore my thumbs were going ten to the dozen taking notes as I made observations, and by the time I was done I had everything I needed to write an article. All I had to do was reconfigure it to look polished for the editor by the time their final notes were still ringing in my ears. I could report that stuff with my eyes shut and with all the experience I’d had over the past few years, it took no time at all to get it to proof readers for the first read.

  I had sent myself notes on fourteen bands so I knew that there was more than enough material for the next edition, the problem was which new band to cover because there were three that stood out for me. I’d been in contact with three photographers that were freelanced for the magazine and they’d already sent me some ‘money shots’ they’d captured during the performances. I felt sure that we’d definitely exceeded my boss’s expectations for the festival by the time we were done.

  Normally, I’d have been desperate to go to one of Cobham Street’s after parties, but I just wasn’t feeling it that night. All was not right in my world; Lily was on her way back to the USA, Rosie had rejected me and I’d had another meaningless one night stand even though I hadn’t wanted to fall back to my old habits.

  I knew that if I hung out with the guys there was every chance that I’d get drunk and repeat my mistakes. Not going was risky and Rick could have taken exception, but I sent a text to Paul saying that I wasn’t feeling good and regretfully I had to bow out. Obviously I made it sound like I was gutted to be missing out, and luckily it was clearly so out of character, because the text that came back offered for them to send Rick’s medic to me. I managed to persuade them that I’d be fine.