Devil in Disguise

by Julian Clary

  Through her swollen, streaming eyes and hysterical sobbing,’ Molly was only vaguely aware of Lilia pushing the pill into her mouth, then tipping water after it.

  ‘Swallow it, like a good girl,’ Lilia coaxed her. ‘It will help you sleep. Joey has generously donated it. It will bring you peace.’

  Molly did as she was told. Her crying had peaked now and she lay on her back, disabled by pain but no longer convulsed by it. After a few minutes the pill began to work. Her limbs felt heavy and time seemed to slow down. ‘What have you given me?’ she asked weakly.

  ‘Just a sleeping pill. You needed it, trust me. Relax now.’

  Molly’s mind began to swim. She didn’t know if she was awake or asleep. She clutched Lilia’s hand and tried her best to focus.

  ‘How could Simon … how could he … after everything … ?’ said Molly, her vision blurred and her limbs turning to lead. ‘After what happened …’

  Lilia brought her face close to Molly’s and looked from one eye to the other. ‘What is it, Molly?’ she asked. ‘What happened?’

  Molly could only blink slowly, her eyelids like weights.

  ‘There is something else, is there not? Something you want to tell me?’

  Molly stopped blinking and stared questioningly at Lilia.

  ‘You are afraid of something. Why can you not tell me?’ Lilia’s voice was no more than a whisper. With a few grunts and groans, she lowered herself into a kneeling position on the floor beside the bed. ‘What is it?’ Lilia reached forward and pressed her thumb gently on Molly’s left collarbone, midway between throat and shoulder.

  Molly exhaled. Her eyes fluttered as she slid into a semiconscious state. ‘I can’t tell you,’ she murmured. ‘It’s a secret. ‘She shook her head vaguely. Everything seemed very far away. Sleep rose up again, warm and inviting, a place of safety where she could forget all the bad things that had happened.

  ‘Have no secrets from me,” murmured Lilia, pressing harder now, further immersing her guest in a twilight world, penetrating her resistance. ‘I knew the first day I met you that you had a secret. Something terrible has happened to you, hasn’t it? What is it? You can tell me.’ She paused, allowing Molly to digest her words. ‘Not your mother. Not Daniel. Something dark is flailing around inside you like an overgrown tapeworm. Tell me. Tell me what it is.’

  Molly’s thoughts were now distorted and her brain seemed unable to connect with her voice. She tried hard to speak, hanging on to the last thread of consciousness until eventually the words came. Once she had started, they fell from her mouth clearer and faster. She couldn’t stop herself releasing the thing that had stayed locked inside her mind for so long. Her dark secret was finally free.

  The next day Molly felt a little dopey when she woke. She remembered that she’d become hysterical the night before and Lilia had given her a pill. After that she could recall nothing, so she must have fallen into a deep, drug-induced sleep, which explained why she felt so groggy. Nevertheless, she was a bit more like her old self. For the first time she felt able to think about her situation without feeling as though she’d collapse with the agony.

  It’s over with Daniel, she told herself. That much is plain. I love him but he isn’t the man I thought he was — in more ways than one. I can accept that, even though the pain is so terrible I doubt I’ll ever fall in love again. But Simon … She closed her eyes. That betrayal was so completely unforgivable, so deeply wounding, that she didn’t see how she could ever recover. Her heart was scarred for ever. She could hardly bear to think about Simon at all without dissolving into tears. The only solution was to put him as far from her thoughts as she could until she could cope with it.

  She tried to focus on her immediate situation. Something had compelled her to come to Kit-Kat Cottage. Perhaps some innate sense of survival had carried her there, to a safe, kind haven. But now she was feeling better it was time to think about moving on. She must contact her agent and make a concerted effort to get some work. Maybe she could stay with Jane for a while, sleeping on her sofa. She had no money for the deposit on a new flat, and she’d need to find a bar job. She wanted to live somewhere far away from both Daniel and Simon — maybe west London. Shepherd’s Bush, perhaps. She shuddered. Maybe she wasn’t quite as recovered as she’d thought.

  Despite herself, she couldn’t help wondering what Daniel was thinking and doing now. Was he overcome with guilt? Was he worried about her? Would he try to find her and beg her forgiveness? Or would he recover in no time and get a new girlfriend? Maybe Daniel and Simon would move in together and put their relationship on a more legitimate setting.

  No. Simon wouldn’t allow that to happen. Or perhaps, for the first time, he’d want to have a relationship with the straight man of his dreams, even when he started acting gay. That thought was too terrible. Molly pushed it away and decided to get up.

  One thing is certain, she thought. I never want to see either of them again. It’s over as far as I’m concerned. I don’t care what happens to Daniel or Simon, and that’s that.

  She had a long soak in the bath, washed her hair and even applied a little makeup. She pulled on a pair of jeans and a jumper and went into the lounge. There she found Lilia lying on the sofa with Heathcliff on top of her.

  ‘That’s one way to keep warm!’ She laughed.

  Lilia giggled from under the furry mountain. ‘He’s a big softy. Aren’t you?’ Heathcliff responded by giving his mistress a generous, slobbery lick. ‘Now, up you get!’ With an encouraging push, the dog slid off her and sat on the floor at her side. ‘That’s enough afternoon delight for one day,’ said Lilia, patting his head. ‘And look at our Molly! You look a hundred times better, my dear.’

  ‘Yes. What a difference a day makes.’

  ‘You are even able to attempt some sort of musical reference. A great improvement, I must say.’

  ‘I think I might like a little fresh air,’ said Molly.

  ‘Goodness. This is more than I had dared hope for. Such progress!’

  Molly went to the sofa and sat next to Lilia, taking her hand and holding it between hers. ‘You really are a darling, Lilia. I don’t know what I’d have done without you. Not only have you taken me in and looked after me, but hearing about what you have survived, and what your parents went through — it was really humbling. It made me realise how lucky I am. I mustn’t wallow in self-pity any longer.’ She gave Lilia a hug.

  ‘You are a very wise, very special girl,” said Lilia. ‘Why don’t you take Heathcliff to the field? He’d love a run.’

  As if on cue, Heathcliff stood up and looked hopefully at Molly.

  ‘I’d love to. Come on, Heathcliff!’

  ‘My boy knows the way. Take it easy and try not to push yourself too far too soon,’ cautioned Lilia.

  Heathcliff did indeed know the way. He dragged Molly there at such a pace she was out of breath by the time they arrived. As she leant over him to take his lead off so he could run free, Heathcliff gazed at her with grateful, intelligent eyes. ‘There’s a good boy,’ said Molly, stroking his head and holding him under his chin. ‘You look after Lilia, Lilia looks after me and I look after you.’

  Heathcliff seemed to smile at her before running off into the undergrowth in search of rabbits. Molly began her walk, pushing herself a little beyond a gentle strolling pace once she got going. There was a well-worn narrow track right round the edge of the field, which occasionally branched off under a low archway of brambles. Clearly, the path was used by badgers as much as humans. Now and then Heathcliff would reappear, panting and full of excitement, as if he were checking on her. After ten minutes she was flushed and aware of the wind on her face. She felt an inner quiver of pleasure in her current activity. All of a sudden she engaged with the world again, sensed the moisture in the air and the spring in the turf beneath her feet. She tuned into the sounds of the trees rustling and the birds singing.

  Her walk became a bouncy skip and, her hair flying about her like ribbons,
she began to sing herself, a sure sign of her spirits improving. She returned to the cottage with rosy cheeks and a genuine smile.

  Lilia greeted Heathcliff like a long-lost son, then looked Molly up and down. ‘You must not run before you can walk, Molly. Beneath those rosy cheeks, you are still pale and wan. If we are not careful, you will have a terrible relapse.’

  ‘Oh, no, I feel all right, honestly. The exercise has really perked me up.’

  ‘Your feelings are deceptive. Yesterday you could not get out of bed,’ Lilia said sternly.

  Molly didn’t want to argue. ‘You’re right, I expect, Lilia.’

  ‘We have tomato soup for lunch. Then you must go back to bed. You are only at the beginning of your recovery.’

  ‘I know,’ said Molly, meekly. Lilia smiled at her, obviously pleased. ‘I really don’t feel I could sleep any more, though.’

  ‘That’s all very well but you are a long way from being able to face the future,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘Visions of Daniel and Simon locked in carnal pleasure will come back to bite you. The pain has dipped beneath the surface temporarily. It will return. What you are experiencing is a very severe case of post-traumatic stress disorder.’

  ‘But I feel quite positive about my situation, in a way,’ Molly argued. ‘While I was out walking with Heathcliff, I had the chance to think things through and I’ve realised that now I have the chance to start my life over again. It’s time to be on my way.’

  ‘No!’ snapped Lilia. ‘You are in denial! You have a broken heart. This has caused your pulse to slow to such a rate that your brain is being starved of oxygen.’

  ‘I’m not that bad, Lilia.’ The old lady was talking nonsense now and Molly wasn’t going to listen to it for much longer. ‘I’ve taken enough of your hospitality and I should leave you in peace. By the way, I looked in my coat pocket for my mobile and I couldn’t find it. Do you know where it is? I’m going to call Jane and see if I can go and stay with her for a bit.’

  ‘But you are not ready, my child. I knew your phone would be full of calls from those traitors, begging you to forgive them, so I removed it temporarily. I cannot expose you to it. You can have it back when you’re stronger.’ Lilia rose to her feet. ‘Now you are up and out of bed,’ I was going to suggest we do some therapeutic singing at the piano. I have plans for you.’

  ‘I can’t stay here for ever, Lilia. I’m so grateful to you, but I’ve made up my mind to go, so if you don’t mind giving me my phone—’

  Lilia interrupted her, a look of panic on her face. ‘Oh, my goodness! I left poor Joey in the bath!’ She dashed out of the room. A moment later, Molly heard a worrying thud from Lilia’s bathroom and a horrified scream. She rushed to the room and saw Lilia sitting on the floor by the bath. Joey was naked, sprawled over the side of the tub, half in and half out of the wire-mesh hammock that lifted him from the water.

  ‘The hoist got stuck,’ said Lilia, her face red with distress. ‘He fell out.’

  Molly took charge of the situation. ‘It’s okay, Lilia, I’ll take care of Joey. Everything’s going to be all right. There, there, Joey, that’s better.’ She put her arms under his and, without much effort, lifted his sparrow-like frame out of the sling, then lowered him gently to the floor. She wrapped a towel round his waist, picked him up in her arms and carried him into the bedroom. Lilia got to her feet and followed.

  ‘What a strong girl you are! Like a fireman,’ she said, as Molly deposited Joey on the bed, laying him carefully down. She looked at her reflection in the dressing-table mirror, pulled her skirt straight, adjusted her pink crocheted waistcoat, and patted her hair. ‘Thank you so much, dear Molly. How lucky you were here.’

  ‘It could have been worse. Are you in one piece?’

  ‘More or less. I know it could have been far, far worse. I left him there for a bit of a soak and then you came back with the dog and— Oh dear.’ Lilia began to cry dry, tearless sobs.

  Molly turned from Joey to comfort her. ‘He’s fine now, love, don’t worry.’

  ‘I try to be a good wife.’ Lilia’s voice was trembling. She picked up a giant disposable nappy from a pile next to the bed and handed it to Molly, wincing a little with the effort. ‘I do not always succeed. He needs this putting on now. Would you mind? I’m still rather shaken.’

  Molly hesitated, but then, as Lilia shuffled out of the room, moaning with discomfort, she saw she had very little choice. She attached the nappy swiftly, trying not to look at Joey’s poor, shrivelled genitals. Then she spotted a pair of clean pyjamas folded on the pillow so she put those on him too, wrestling his delicate limbs, with skin like tissue paper, into the jacket and trousers. When that was done, she laid him down so his head was on the pillow, pulled the sheet and blankets over him and gave him a rub on the shoulder. ‘All right, Joey? You just take it easy while I go and check on Lilia.’

  The old man held her in his gaze, his face frozen with shock.

  She found Lilia in the lounge, watching a quiz on the television.

  ‘This woman will go home with nothing,’ she declared, when she noticed Molly had come in. She gestured at the screen. ‘You can see it in her eyes. She does not think she deserves the big money so her expectations will be fulfilled. Dozy cow. Look,’ I told you, she has lost the lot.’

  ‘Joey’s resting now, Lilia. Are you all right? Did you hurt yourself?’

  Lilia tore herself away from the television screen. ‘I bruise so easily. I think I landed on both my elbows. Tomorrow it will be worse.’

  ‘Oh dear. Would you like me to call your doctor?’

  ‘No doctors, please!’ said Lilia,’ looking alarmed. ‘I don’t allow them in the house if I can help it. They will try to take my Joey away from me. He could not bear that. It would kill him.’

  ‘I’m sure you should be entitled to some help caring for him. Have you spoken to your GP or the council? You could have someone come in and help you to bath him. Do the shopping and the cleaning.’

  ‘No,” said Lilia, stubbornly. ‘It would be the beginning of the end. Please don’t tell anyone. It was just a silly mistake. Promise me?’

  ‘It’s a lot for you to cope with, Lilia,” said Molly, softly. ‘No one wants to take Joey away.’

  ‘We are fine!’

  ‘You’ve bruised yourself. You said it would be worse tomorrow.’

  ‘But you will help me, won’t you? Just for a few days?’ Lilia sounded like a helpless child. Molly didn’t see how she could refuse. ‘I’ve just seen how wonderfully you dealt with my husband,” continued Lilia. ‘He is in very safe hands with you. You have a gift, my dear,’ she said flatteringly.

  Now she had decided to go, Molly was keen to get on her way. ‘It’s ever so nice to be asked but—’

  Lilia turned the television off ‘I’m not asking, Molly dearest,’ I’m saying there is no alternative. I have badly bruised my tired old brittle bones. Surely you can help for just a couple of days?’

  ‘I still think you should get some professional help. I’m sure you’re entitled to—’

  ‘I’ll tell you what I am entitled to,’ said Lilia raising her voice. ‘A little gratitude. I took you in, in the middle of the night. You were a wreck, a ruin and a shrine to despair. I have fed you and nursed you and listened to your darkest ramblings—’

  ‘I know, and I’m very grateful. But—’

  ‘But what? Thank you and goodbye?’ Lilia stared at Molly, her eyes hurt and angry.

  Molly didn’t want to upset her if she could help it. She knew she didn’t really have a choice. How could she leave the old woman unable to care for her husband? ‘Okay, I’ll do it. I’ll stay and help you look after Joey, just for a couple of days, until you’re better.’

  ‘Yes. Just a few days,’ said Lilia, reverting to her helpless-old-lady voice. ‘A week at most. Then I will be able to resume my wifely duties. Thank you, Molly. I know you’ll make an excellent carer. She pressed the remote control once again and the television ca
me back on. ‘Joey doesn’t want to be in bed at this time of the day. Could you get him dressed and into his chair? Neighbours is on in fifteen minutes. It’s his favourite.’

  Molly returned to the bedroom where Joey lay on his back, his eyes still open. ‘Hello, there, Joey. I’m going to get you up so you can watch some telly. I’ll be standing in for Lilia for a couple of days while her bruises heal.’

  In a wardrobe she found some trousers, a shirt and a jumper. She felt more comfortable if she chatted to him while she went about her task, taking off his pyjamas and getting his clothes on to him. ‘Grey and blue? That will look nice, won’t it? This jumper’s ever so soft, isn’t it? Should keep you nice and warm.’

  She wheeled the chair to the side of the bed, manoeuvred him into it, then pushed him through to the lounge just as the Neighbours theme tune was playing. The three of them sat and watched it together.

  When it finished, Lilia turned to Joey and said, ‘Are you hungry, my dear?’

  Joey stared blankly at the television screen.

  ‘Yes, he is,’ she said, turning to Molly. ‘There are tins of Cow and Gate in the cupboard. Chicken and rice. He likes that. And Complan for afters.’

  Molly went off to prepare Joey’s supper, telling herself firmly that helping Lilia was the least she could do under the circumstances.

  The next morning started rather differently from the previous three. Molly was woken at 7.30 a.m. by a brisk rap on her bedroom door. Lilia strode into the room and opened the curtains. There was no tea on a tray. ‘Now then,’ she barked. ‘It is a brand new day and you have a lot to achieve. Chop, chop! A cold bath,’ I have decided, will wake you up. I have run it for you. Then you can walk Heathcliff after breakfast, which will be only fruit and black coffee. Your duties with Joey begin after that.’