Devil in Disguise

by Julian Clary

  ‘Daniel?’ offered Molly.

  ‘He done you wrong, did he not? Then you have the bad-boyfriend blues. Why don’t you write a song about that?’

  There was a long pause during which Molly’s breathing became so laboured that she might have slipped into a deep slumber. But eventually she began to sing:

  ‘Molly and Daniel were sweethearts ,

  Molly and Daniel were one,

  Molly and Daniel shared everything,

  They sure were having fun,

  He was her man. He wouldn’t do her no wrong.

  ‘Along came Molly’s friend, Simon.

  Who was hardly as white as snow

  If he had his eye on Daniel

  Then how was Molly to know?

  He was her friend. He wouldn’t do her no wrong.

  ‘One night Molly drank too much brandy.

  She had to hit the sack.

  How was she to know that Simon

  Would launch his vile attack?

  He was her friend. But he did her wrong.

  ‘This was a double betrayal.

  Her mind just seemed to implode.

  Her boyfriend making out with her boyfriend,

  In her very own abode!

  He was her man. But he was doing her wrong.

  ‘She went completely doo-lally.

  An understandable response:

  She’d just seen her lover behaving

  Like a low-down, dirty nonce.

  He was her man. But he was doing her wrong.

  ‘Her response was very dramatic,

  She smashed everything in sight.

  Daniel tried to reason with her,

  But she was full of fight,

  He was her man. But he was doing her friend.

  ‘This story has no moral.

  This story has no end.

  This story only goes to show

  That there ain’t no good in men.

  They’ll do you wrong,

  Just as sure as they were born.’

  The creative flow seemed to dry up. Molly became distracted by the shadows on the ceiling and her eyes wandered. Lilia closed the notebook. ‘Very promising,’ she said. ‘A work in progress, at least. Now it is time for your pill.’

  It was a cold, rainy afternoon and Molly had been at Kit-Kat Cottage for ten weeks.

  The phone rang, and Lilia answered in her usual grand manner: ‘This is Lilia Delvard. How may I help you?’ There was a pause. ‘One moment,’ said Lilia, curtly. ‘It’s for you.’ She handed the phone to Molly.

  ‘Really?’ Molly was astonished. She had begun to feel as though she had never existed anywhere except at Kit-Kat Cottage. Who from the world outside knew she was there?

  A familiar voice said, ‘Molly, it’s Jane. Are you all right?’

  It took Molly a moment to remember her friend from London. ‘Oh! Yes, hiya, Jane! I’m fine. How are you?’

  ‘I’ve been very worried about you. I called the flat loads of times. Daniel said you’d left after a row and he didn’t know where you’d gone. You’ve been away for weeks and you’ve not answered any calls or texts. My psychic juices told me I needed to track you down and I found this number in my diary from when you stayed in September. I thought I’d try it on the off-chance.’

  ‘Well, you’ve found me. How can I help?’

  ‘Why haven’t you been in touch, Molly? I’ve been frantic. We all have.’

  ‘I’m having a break,’ said Molly, a trifle petulantly. ‘Things went wrong with Daniel and me. I needed a new start.’

  ‘But you’ve not been in touch with anyone! Even Simon doesn’t know where you are. Your agent hasn’t got a clue either. If I hadn’t found you by the end of the week, I was going to call the police. Didn’t you think we’d be worried about you?’

  ‘I’m entitled to run away if I want to,’ Molly said, irritated. ‘I am an adult, you know.’

  ‘But why have you gone to Northampton?’ said Jane. ‘You’ve been there for months now. What do you do all day?’

  ‘I’m fine, Jane, really. I’m looking after myself and finding my feet at the same time. I know it seems bizarre just to up and leave and never look back. But people do it all the time. It’s very … refreshing.’ Molly was slurring her words as the joint took effect.

  ‘You don’t sound refreshed. You sound washed out. Tired.’

  ‘I am. Both of those things. But I would have been wherever I was. I heeded a break. I’m perfectly fine here, honest.’

  ‘Shall I come and see you? I could drive down tomorrow.’ Jane sounded concerned.

  ‘No, really,’ said Molly. ‘There’s no need to do that. I’ll be back in London soon and we can catch up then.’

  Lilia had appeared in the hallway behind her, and was clearly listening to the conversation. She locked eyes with Molly.

  ‘I’m needed here,’ said Molly. ‘I’m not needed anywhere else. It’s just the way things have worked out. Keep in touch, won’t you?’ She hung up.

  ‘Who was that? One of your musical-theatre friends?’ asked Lilia, lightly, leading the way back to the lounge.

  ‘Jane,’ said Molly, following. ‘Actress, actually. Still had my number here from when I stayed … the first time.’

  The very mention of the past made Molly feel emotional, and the last few words caught in her throat. She saw herself as she used to be — a happy, flirtatious girl with bouncing curls and a curvy figure. Now she was thin, with heavy straight hair that didn’t stir, even in a strong breeze. Lilia preferred her to wear it parted in the middle, dressed generously with wax and combed straight down at either side of her face. Molly had lost another stone in the last three weeks, since her introduction to cocaine, and occasionally a sticky strand would attach itself attractively (in Lilia’s opinion) to her newly revealed cheekbones.

  Lila sat down in her chair and looked at her watch. She reached down the side of her chair and produced a small enamel box. ‘Just time for you to have a snifter before Geoffrey arrives. ‘She untwisted a small wrap of white powder, fished a silver mustard spoon from her cleavage and scooped some out, making sure she didn’t spill any as she brought the spoon towards Molly’s nose. ‘Ready?’ she asked.

  Molly obligingly tilted her head and raised one hand to her face, using a forefinger to block one nostril.

  ‘One, two, three,’ said Lilia, and Molly, on cue, snorted with gusto.

  Lilia returned the spoon to the bag and took another scoop. ‘Other side,’ she said, as if she were a nurse wiping a patient’s face with a wet flannel. Molly swivelled her head and prepared the second nostril for its treat.

  ‘Daniel told Jane I’d gone away,’ said Molly, wiping her nose and feeling agitated.

  ‘Today we are singing “I’ve Grown Accustomed To His Face”,’ said Lilia, with a cheeky grin. ‘Use it. Every day I teach you the same lesson. Use your pain to commercial effect. It is money in the bank. Remember that.’

  Just then the doorbell sounded — the familiar two jaunty rings that indicated the arrival of Geoffrey.

  ‘Here he is!’ said Lilia, hurriedly closing the enamel box and stuffing it down the side of her chair. The spoon she returned to the safety of her bra. She patted her hair and stood up to answer the door. ‘Enjoy your rush,’ she said fondly to Molly.

  The following afternoon, after Molly had popped one of her Judy Garland pills, she was lying on the sofa humming ‘Lady Sings The Blues’ while Lilia gave her a toe massage. They were both startled when the doorbell rang.

  ‘Maybe I’ve won the lottery,’ said Lilia, gently returning Molly’s foot to the sofa. ‘I will go and see.’

  Molly sighed, feeling spaced-out and unwilling to move.

  A moment later Lilia returned. ‘There is a woman called Jane here to see you,’ she said, sounding unnerved. ‘I have told her you are unwell but she insisted—’

  Just then Jane pushed her way past Lilia. ’I need to speak to you—’ She stopped in her tracks. ‘Molly? Oh, my God,
Molly!’

  ‘Jane?’ said Molly, only now registering that someone had entered the room. ‘What are you doing here?’

  Jane rushed forward and embraced her. ‘Oh, Molly! I had no idea you were …’ She trailed off, lost for words. She felt Molly’s forehead. ‘You’re all clammy. And skinny. What’s going on here?’ She rested a hand protectively on each shoulder and turned accusingly to Lilia. ‘She needs a doctor. Surely you can see that.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ said Lilia. ‘Who are you to come barging into my house like the Keystone Cops? Molly is my guest and she wishes to stay here. You may leave now.’

  ‘I’ll leave,’ replied Jane, swiftly, ‘but I’m taking Molly with me.’

  ‘Kidnapping?’ said Lilia, derisively.

  ‘I’m not here to argue about it,’ said Jane, turning back to Molly. She addressed her as if she were a child. ‘I’m taking you to stay with me for a few days, all right?’

  ‘It’s very kind of you but I think I’ll stay here,’ said Molly, closing her eyes and smacking her lips contentedly, like a Labrador.

  . Jane gave her a shake. ‘Molly! Wake up!’ She reached under Molly’s armpits and, with a determined effort, pulled her now delicate frame upright. ‘Let’s go.’

  Molly swayed and held her head with both hands to stop it rocking from side to side. ‘Hang on.’

  A furious Lilia stepped into her eyeline. ‘Sit down at once!’ she said. ‘Do as I say!’

  Molly wanted to, but she was too out of it to respond to any orders, however threateningly they were delivered.

  ‘Come with me now’, said Jane, soothing and persuasive in contrast to Lilia’s barks. She held Molly’s hand and led her slowly towards the door.

  ‘Okay. Let’s go for a ride,’ said Molly, stumbling vaguely in the right direction.

  Lilia darted in front of them and spread her arms in front of the door. ‘No!’ she shouted shrilly. ‘I will not allow it. Molly, we have classes tomorrow. You cannot leave!’

  Jane let go of Molly with one hand and yanked Lilia out of the way with one firm pull. Within an instant, she had opened the door, pushed Molly through and followed her into the hallway. Lilia recovered quickly and scuttled down the corridor after Jane who was heading for the door, tugging a floppy Molly after her.

  ‘Stop!’ said Lilia, hysterical now. ‘Molly lives here! She doesn’t want to go. Stop!’

  Jane opened the front door and, as if she were dancing with a rag doll, pulled Molly through after her. She turned to face Lilia, her expression fierce. ‘Now back off! I don’t know what your game is but your time with Molly is over. I’ll look after her from now on.’

  Jane walked down the gravel path, Molly’s feet making a racket as they dragged behind her.

  ‘Heathcliff!’ cried Lilia, appearing at the front door. ‘Heathcliff! See her off, boy!’

  Jane was at the gate. ‘Come on, Molly!’ she said, fumbling with her keys. ‘Just get into the car and we’re out of here. You’re going to need some crystals and a spiritual bath when we get home.’

  ‘What’s a spiritual bath?’ Molly asked.

  ‘Like an ordinary one but with herbs,’ said Jane. ‘Bay leaves, in your case, with a spoonful of taramasalata.’

  Just as they got into Jane’s Mini, a furious barking heralded the arrival of Heathcliff, who came racing out of the house in response to Lilia’s cries. Jane jammed the ignition key in the lock and started the engine just as he bounded over the gate.

  Molly, slumped in the passenger seat, was pushed back in her seat with the velocity of Jane’s acceleration. She heard an assertive bark and even saw Heathcliff’s profile as he leapt at the passenger window.

  ‘Go, boy!’ shouted Lilia. ‘Stop them!’

  The last things Molly heard were Jane crying, ‘No!’ the screech of brakes, and glass shattering.

  When she came to a minute later, she was still in the front seat but Jane was leaning over her, asking if she was all right and dabbing her throbbing forehead. Lilia was kneeling on the ground a few feet away, wailing hysterically and calling Heathcliff’s name.

  ‘What happened?’ asked Molly, groggily, blinking.

  ‘The dog. He ran in front of the car,’ said Jane, crying herself now. ‘You banged your head on the dashboard. Are you okay?’

  ‘Oh, my God. Heathcliff!’ Molly pushed Jane away and staggered out of the car, which was now stationary in the middle of the road, the doors open and the headlights smashed.

  Heathcliff was lying a couple of yards ahead in the gutter and Lilia was cradling him in her arms.

  ‘Murder! Murder!’ She threw back her head and let out a piercing scream. Then she turned towards Molly and Jane. ‘He’s dead!’ she shouted. ‘She killed him! She deliberately ran him over. ‘She hugged the dog to her chest, stroking his glossy black coat. ‘Why?’ she moaned. ‘Why kill my innocent boy? How am I to live without him?’

  Molly went to her and knelt beside her, stricken by the sight of Heathcliff’s huge body limp and lifeless.

  Two neighbours, a man and a woman, came out of their house to see what all the commotion was about. ‘Are you all right, Miss Delvard?’ asked the woman, as she approached. ‘Shall we call an ambulance?’

  ‘He’s dead,’ repeated Lilia.

  ‘What happened?’ asked the man. He looked round at the scene: the car, the dead dog and Molly’s gashed forehead.

  Jane came over, wiping her eyes and sniffing. ‘It was an accident. She set the dog on me and he threw himself under the wheels. It wasn’t my fault, it was hers! Molly, get back in the car. I’ll take you to hospital. You’ve had a bang on the head.’

  Lilia let go of the dog and rose to her feet. ‘You evil bitch. Do you realise what you’ve done here? You killed my Heathcliff!’ With that she flew at Jane, whacking her across the head with her fist. Jane reeled to the right, bent double with shock, and Lilia grabbed hold of her hair with both hands. ‘I’ll fucking kill you for what you’ve done.’ She held Jane’s head tight and raised her knee, cracking it into Jane’s face several times, grunting with the effort, then threw her to the ground and kicked her head like a football.

  ‘Hey!’ shouted the neighbour, rushing forward to restrain her in a bear-hug. ‘That’s enough of that. Come on!’

  Lilia stood, breathing heavily through clenched teeth. Unable to continue her attack, she spat at the figure on the ground.

  The woman helped Jane upright and sat her on the kerb out of reach of Lilia, who was kicking out wildly again. Jane’s nose was pouring with blood. ‘Aah!’ she moaned. ‘Keep her away from me!’

  Molly stood between them, not sure who to comfort first. ‘Lilia! Jane!’ she said, helplessly. ‘Stop it!’

  ‘Get into the car, Molly,’ said Jane, dabbing her nose with a tissue. You can’t stay here with this mad woman. Can’t you see she’s insane?’

  Lilia was crying loudly now, strange, tearless weeping, looking down at Heathcliff ‘Oh, my baby, my boy. How could this happen? What am I going to do now? Molly, help me!’

  Molly stood between her old friend and her mentor, not sure which of them had the greater call on her.

  ‘Molly,’ begged Jane, her eyes pleading, ‘you can’t stay here. Please come with me.

  ‘Molly … Molly,’ moaned Lilia. ‘Help me…’

  Molly screwed her eyes shut, wishing all the nastiness would go away. She just wanted it to be quiet and peaceful and everything to be all right, as it had been before Jane arrived. She opened her eyes and walked towards Lilia, who prised herself free of her neighbour and collapsed into Molly’s arms, burying her face in her shoulder. ‘Come on,’ said Molly. ‘Let’s get you in.’

  ‘Don’t leave me!’ wept Lilia. ‘Please don’t leave me.’

  ‘It’s all right,’ said Molly. ‘I won’t leave you, don’t worry.’ She walked Lilia back towards Kit-Kat Cottage.

  Jane called after them. ‘Molly? You’ve got to get away from her. Come with me, I’m begging you.’<
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  Molly turned to her. ‘No, Jane. Go — go now and don’t come back. You’ve caused enough trouble.’

  Jane stared at her, hurt and baffled.

  ‘Heathcliff!’ cried Lilia. ‘I can’t leave him.’

  ‘Would you carry him into the house for us?’ Molly asked the bewildered neighbours.

  ‘Er, yes, of course,’ said the man. He bent over the dog and lifted him by the front legs. ‘I can’t manage him on my own,’ he said to the woman, who took hold of Heathcliff’s back feet. Together they hauled him up and, with considerable effort, shuffled towards Lilia’s home. He swung between them, like a freshly killed stag being brought to the hunting lodge.

  Left on her own, Jane managed to get to her feet and, holding her still-bleeding nose with one hand, walked unsteadily to her car. ‘Goodbye,’ Molly heard her call, as she went into the bungalow with Lilia. ‘I’m always your friend if you ever need me.’

  Inside, Molly led Lilia into the lounge and sat her on her chair.

  The neighbours were struggling down the hallway with Heathcliff ‘Could you put him in the back bedroom?’ asked Molly. ‘Thank you so much for your help.’

  Too out of breath to speak, the couple nodded. Heathcliff was placed on the bed that hadn’t been occupied since Joey had lain there, and the man kindly offered to come back in the morning with a shovel to bury the poor dog in the back garden.

  ‘Thank you,’ said Molly, solemnly. ‘Lilia would appreciate that. You’ve been very kind.’

  The neighbours left and Molly went to the back door for a much-needed cigarette. The drama of the last half-hour had quite sobered her up. She touched the tender bruise on her forehead and felt a wave of compassion for Lilia. She had doted on Heathcliff They had seemed to share a special understanding, and she would be lost without him. And why was Jane being so dramatic, hunting her down to Long Buckby and trying to get her away so urgently? Molly had been rather stoned when Jane arrived and maybe she had looked a bit of a mess. But there was no need for her to be so heavy-handed. No doubt her dubious psychic skills were telling her something. Jane was always trying to rescue people, cure them, change them, help them to see the light. Well, this time it had gone horribly wrong. Within a few terrible minutes Heathcliff’s life had been snuffed out and Molly had been forced to choose between her old friend and her new mentor. She couldn’t leave Lilia now, even if she wanted to.