Shadow of Heaven

by Christie Golden

  “But Mr. Paris used to call this—” She paused, searching for the word. “Kidding,” she said finally.

  That bothered him too. “I’m sure that wherever Tom is, he still does call it kidding,” Harry said, a touch too harshly. “I’m not thinking clearly, Seven. I’m going to call it a night.”

  “Ensign Kim,” said Seven as he turned to leave. “I had no desire to cause offense with my comments. You are not a topic of idle gossip. Your friends are concerned about you, that is all.”

  Harry managed a smile. “Thanks,” he said, with genuine warmth. “That’s nice to know.”

  He had just stepped into the turbolift when his combadge chirped. “Ensign Kim,” came Neelix’s voice. “Could you stop by the mess hall for a moment?”

  Neelix’s chipper, upbeat attitude was the last thing Kim wanted to encounter at this moment. He was hurt, tired, scared and just wanted to collapse into sleep. “Neelix, I know we’ve been bugging you about working on that coffee substitute, but I’m heading to bed. I don’t need caffeine right now.”

  “Oh, it’s not about that,” said Neelix. “Please, just for a moment.”

  “All right,” sighed Kim. To the turbolift he said, “Mess hall.”

  As the door hissed open, he said, “Okay, Neelix, this better be—”

  There were no lights, save for a small candelabra on a single table. Music wafted through the air; a soft, soothing melody played on an ancient instrument called the harp. Something delicious was cooking.

  “Neelix?” asked Kim, in a less demanding voice.

  “Neelix went to his quarters after he finished helping me cook a late supper,” came Khala’s soft voice. Kim’s heart sped up a little. She stepped forward, into the candlelight. As ever, Kim found her utterly gorgeous.

  But he also knew when things had gone as far as they could. “Khala,” he began, “I think the differences are just too great. I appreciate your—” He broke off. “Did you say ‘cook’?”

  She nodded. She looked just like a kid with a great big secret. “Yes,” she said excitedly. “We went to the aeroponics bay and picked out some fruits and vegetables. Then he showed me how to make bread. Look! I can’t get the dough out from under my fingernails!” Khala stuck out her fingers. Sure enough, there were little crescents of white beneath her nails. “It’ll come off in the sonic shower, of course, but I think of it as kind of a trophy. And I went through the ship’s computers, trying to find some music.”

  “Khala—”

  “And there are all kinds! And they all sound different! And that’s just Earth’s history of music. I can’t wait to start listening to Vulcan lute music, or Bolian—”

  “Khala!” She stopped in midsentence, blinking at the volume of his voice. He gentled it at once. “This is very sweet of you, and don’t think I don’t appreciate it. I know how unpleasant it must have been for you to cook and listen to music, and I’m flattered that you did it to make me feel better.”

  She was smiling now, a mysterious, sweet smile that made him feel fifteen years old again. “But you don’t want me to make myself into someone I’m not just to please you, right?”

  “Exactly. You’re an Alilann. These are things you despise, even though they are things I love.” He ran a hand through his hair, struggling for the right words. “I really care about you, but it’s obvious we’re too different to make this work.”

  She was still smiling, even though he had delivered bad news. What was going on?

  Slowly, Khala walked toward him and placed a gentle hand on his arm. He knew he should pull away, not encourage her any more, not when he had decided that no matter how much he wanted this to work it never could, but he didn’t. He didn’t want to.

  “Harry,” she said softly, “I’ll admit that when I came to Neelix and asked him to help me learn about the things you loved, I did so because I thought it would make you care for me more. And that first sandwich was just awful.”

  She wrinkled her cute little nose and Harry’s heart broke a little more.

  “But then, we moved on to other foods and began cooking them. I got interested in the chemical changes that took place in the process of cooking. And the smells as they cooked were just wonderful. I’ve smelled a prepared meal from a replicator and enjoyed it, but there’s something about the fragrances the foods emit during cooking that—mmmm! The next thing I knew I was eating fruit right off the vine and loving it. Not because you did, but because it was good! Do you see?”

  He thought he did. Oh, God, he hoped he did.

  “Then I began listening to samples of music in my quarters after my shifts. At first they were so strange, but then I detected the mathematical precision to music, and I began to like that too. My favorite was something called ‘Jingle Bells.’ Do you know it?”

  “Yes,” Kim managed. His chest felt oddly full.

  “It made me want to laugh and move my body in a strange way. I went to the Doctor and he said this desire to move to music was called ‘dancing.’ I liked it. I liked all of these things, and not for you, Harry—for me. For the first time in my life, I had a glimpse into the mind of a Culilann, and I understood how those primitive things they do give them pleasure. Because they were giving me pleasure.”

  Her fingers curled around his forearm, and she glanced away. Even in the dim light, he saw her cheeks flush blue.

  “So I just wanted to thank you, tonight. For opening my eyes to something that I found I enjoyed so very much. I never would have tried to learn about these things otherwise, and I would be much poorer. Please don’t think you owe me anything. I understand that this is probably too late to—”

  She didn’t say anything more, because Harry had pulled her into his arms and was kissing her deeply. Her arms crept around his shoulders and she kissed him back.

  * * *

  Janeway stepped onto the bridge at 0755. Tuvok and Jenkins were already at their stations. Stephen Murphy, the young ensign who had captained the vessel during the night shift, snapped smartly to attention.

  “Good morning, Mr. Murphy. How passed the night?”

  “Uneventfully, save we recovered more dark matter.” A blond lock of hair fell into his eyes, and for a second he reminded her painfully of Tom Paris, when she had first encountered him at the penal colony in New Zealand. Her heart hurt for an instant, as she fixed his face and Chakotay’s in her mind, then let them go. She extended a hand for his report and slipped into the command chair.

  They’d purged two uninhabited planets and a nebula last night, though probably the lower life-forms they’d had to disassemble and reassemble were still in a bit of shock from the experience.

  “Excellent, Ensign. Dismissed.”

  As Murphy trotted for the turbolift, it hissed open. “Good morning, Mr. Kim,” said Janeway. She’d slept unusually well and, after the successes last night, to her it was a very good morning. She raised an eyebrow in surprise as Khala, too, stepped out of the turbolift.

  “Khala, is something wrong?”

  “No, Captain. At least, I hope not.” The young woman blushed blue. Harry, standing beside her, reddened. Janeway smothered a smile. It didn’t take a genius to figure this one out.

  “Captain,” began Kim, “may we speak with you in private for a few moments?”

  “Certainly. Tuvok, you have the bridge.” She indicated that the young ensign and his friend should proceed her into the ready room. The doors hissed shut behind them, and Janeway waved for the two to have a seat on the sofa while she went to the replicator.

  “Captain, we—”

  Janeway flung up a commanding hand. “We don’t say anything to our captain until she has had at least a sip or two of coffee,” she remonstrated jokingly. “Would you two care for anything?”

  “No, thank you,” said Harry.

  “Nothing for me either, Captain,” said Khala.

  Janeway nodded. “Computer: Coffee. Hot. Black.” She picked up the warm mug, inhaled the scent, and took a sip. “Now,�
�� she said, sitting down on the couch beside Harry, “you may proceed.”

  More than she cared to admit, Janeway sometimes felt like a mother to this crew. She’d never had children of her own, and probably would not now. These were her children, her crew. And who would say she was wrong to think that way? Who could have asked for a finer son than Ensign Harry Kim, he of the honesty and talent and skill and sheer likability that had made him a favorite with nearly everyone on the ship? Or who could have been more proud of a flesh-and-blood daughter than Janeway was of Khala, who had come from who knew where to a culture very alien to her, to pitch in with unwavering enthusiasm, energy, and knowledge?

  “We have come to formally request authorization to pursue an intimate relationship,” stated Kim. He smiled a little. “I want to do everything right this time. By the book.”

  “I’m delighted to hear it.” Janeway allowed herself a smile in return, glancing from one young person to the other. “Though I have to say this comes as no surprise. Khala, you’ve been a valuable addition to this crew. I don’t know where this relationship will take you, but if you decide to stay aboard Voyager, you could only be an asset. You’d be most welcome.”

  “Thank you, Captain.”

  “Have you thought about staying on? We haven’t had time to try to locate your homeworld, but once we have solved the dark-matter problem that would be our top priority.”

  Khala thought for a moment before she answered. “I do miss my home,” she admitted. “My family. I was close to them and I’m certain they wonder what’s happened to me. But I’ve changed since I’ve been aboard Voyager, and it’s not just my attraction to Harry.” She smiled at him, and he visibly blossomed under her gaze. “I’ve opened my mind to so many things that as an Alilann were completely alien to me, even negative. I couldn’t really go back, not even if I wanted to. I don’t want to live like the Culilann, out in the elements with no technology, but no Alilann would understand my newfound enjoyment of the arts, of eating fresh foods. I’d be outcast, passively if not literally. So no, I suppose I don’t want to go home.”

  Janeway nodded her comprehension. “You do understand, I hope, that this is not a mere formality. You’re both going to have to get clearance from the Doctor as well as from me. And if he finds any reason why you two should not, er, continue, then I must forbid it. And I will admit to some concern about that scrambled DNA of yours.”

  “We of the Alilann have similar regulations, Captain,” replied Khala. “Certainly, unwise interaction between species almost decimated my people once. I understand that these rules have developed for the safety of all individuals and species involved.”

  “But even with Khala’s DNA, the Doctor didn’t find any reason to quarantine Khala,” interjected Kim hastily.

  Janeway raised an eyebrow. “True,” she said, “but that was for casual contact only. What you two are looking at—well, I think you realize that’s a whole new ballgame. I’ll tell you what. We seem to have things pretty well in hand. Why don’t both of you go see the Doctor right now? If we need you, we’ll call.”

  They rose, their hands reaching and clasping. “Thank you, Captain. We’ll report to sickbay immediately.”

  Janeway returned to her chair feeling happier than she had in a long time. They were utilizing every means at their disposal to retrieve the dark matter, and doing so as efficiently as possible. Harry Kim had found someone to care for, who cared for him, and whom he didn’t have to lie about seeing. She hoped the Doctor would find nothing to prevent these two people from forming a more intimate, and perhaps permanent, bond.

  As captain, she had the right to perform weddings aboard her ship. And thus far on this amazing adventure, she hadn’t had the opportunity. Now that she thought about it, Khala and Harry would make a lovely bride and groom.

  * * *

  Harry was terrified. It had taken all his courage to go in and talk to his captain with Khala, after the incident with Tal. He had loved Tal, but that romance had had a heady, dangerous edge to it that had gotten him into a lot of trouble and had damaged his credibility in the eyes of his captain and chief medical officer. Even so, he did not regret it. He could not find it in himself to regret something he had done for love.

  But his feelings for Khala were different. No less real, or passionate, but with a deep sincerity and a sense of rightness about it, as right as his relationship with Tal had been, in so many ways, wrong. In a way, his feelings for Khala reminded him of those he had held for Libby, the fiancée from whom he had been torn over six years ago. Khala was brilliant, and sweet, and thoughtful, and passionate about what mattered to her. The joy she was taking in discovering her passion for creativity resonated in Harry’s soul, and he tightened his grip on her hand as they stepped into the turbolift.

  “Harry, I’m scared,” said Khala, voicing Harry’s own feelings.

  “It’s half over,” he reassured her. Reassured himself. “It was getting the captain’s approval that I was nervous about.” A half truth. “The Doctor’s just a formality.”

  She looked up at him with those blue eyes in a blue face. “But what if he finds something?” she asked in a quavering voice. “What if there’s some physical reason we can’t—be together?”

  “Then,” he said, turning toward her and taking both her hands in his, “we will turn the not inconsiderable talents of every member of this crew toward finding a way for us to overcome it. It’ll work out. What I’m worried about is that you’ll decide to leave me and go home one of these days.” There, he had said it. All of his fears were now laid out on the table, naked for her to see.

  By contrast, her brow unfurrowed and a soft smile spread across her face. “Oh, Harry,” she whispered, “where you are is my home.”

  Tears prickled his eyes and he kissed her. They did not hear the soft hiss that indicated that the turbolift door had opened, and an uncomfortable cough made them spring apart like guilty children. Ensign Lyssa Campbell grinned broadly at them, enjoying Harry’s discomfiture.

  “Nice catch, Khala,” Campbell said as they left and she stepped into the turbolift.

  “I don’t know about you, but I’m getting tired of blushing,” said Harry.

  “Me too!” said Khala heartily.

  “We all did this to Tom and B’Elanna when they started seeing each other,” said Kim. “I guess it’s our turn now.” Her fingers were so warm, where they entwined with his own.

  “Ah, the two young lovebirds, awaiting permission to build a nest,” said the Doctor, smiling with superior benevolence at them as they entered sickbay.

  “Okay, okay,” said Harry, lifting his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Don’t I get a break for following procedure?”

  “No,” said the Doctor cheerily, picking up his medical tricorder. “We’ll start with Khala, since I have all the medical information I need on Mr. Kim.”

  Obediently Khala lay on the diagnostic bed. Two metal halves of a semicircle emerged and closed over her torso. Kim leaned over and planted a kiss on her forehead.

  “Enough nookie, Mr. Kim. With luck you’ll have ample opportunity to get to know Khala better later, in private,” the Doctor chided. Then, abruptly, he said, “You realize that I can already tell you that you will not be able to have children.”

  “What?” said Kim.

  The Doctor’s dark eyes flickered briefly from his tricorder to Harry, then back again. “I would have thought that had already occurred to you. Khala’s DNA sequence is the direct opposite of yours. They are completely incompatible.”

  “Oh,” said Khala.

  “Is that a problem?” asked the Doctor. “It’s better to discover now if it is.” He stepped toward his office, to download the information and cross-reference it, or whatever it was he did.

  “Is it a problem, love?” asked Harry gently.

  “Family has always been important to me,” said Khala. “My parents and my brother—we’ve always been very close.” She laughed, a little bitterly.
“I won’t miss Alilann society one bit, but I’ll miss them. What about you?”

  Harry was silent. He was an only child, but he recalled hordes of cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents around him at all major functions in his life. “I never really gave it much thought,” he said. “Though I guess family’s pretty important to me too.”

  “There are other ways of having children than conceiving them,” said Khala. “If that’s what we want. The Alilann are always eager to adopt the Culilann children they Recover. There are always homes for them, and they are as loved as if they were their parents’ natural children.”

  “Couples have faced not being able to conceive before,” said Kim, making his decision. “If it’s acceptable to you, I say let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.”

  “It sounds wonderful to me,” said Khala.

  “Then that’s settled,” Kim stated.

  “I’m afraid not.” The Doctor had emerged from his office, and Kim’s heart felt like a rock in his chest at the expression on his face. “It’s much more complex than that. I’m afraid I have some very, very bad news.”

  CHAPTER

  9

  JEKRI DREW BREATH TO SCREAM, TO GIVE VOICE TO HER horror and despair, but Verrak was swifter and stronger. He quickly covered her mouth with his hand and wrestled her to the floor. His lips moved to her ear.

  “For love of your freedom, do not scream! I am here to help you!”

  She didn’t believe him. Why not scream? They were going to send her back, back to that areinnye-hole, and leave her to die. She felt something press against her arm and heard a hiss; then her body, against the raging will of her mind, went limp. Even her eyelids closed.

  “We have to work quickly.” Jekri recognized the voice of the female doctor who had conducted such barbarous, painful tests on her.

  Who had implanted the energy cell into her wrist.

  “The infection looks bad.” Verrak. His voice sounded full of concern. What was going on here? Jekri heard more movements, felt herself being lifted and placed on a table of some kind. More hypos were injected into her body. She felt a warmth all along her left hand. The agonizing pain in her wrist began to fade.