by Jen Lowry
“Well, go on back and get ready. I got the kids with me. They already used up the bathroom. I had to make them hurry up. It’s all you, child.”
He pushed me out the door, and I stood there staring at them through the glass. Bell was twirling now, with Mrs. Sunshine holding her finger, letting her spin that beautiful dress of hers and praising her up and down. Her voice carried right on out to the outside, and I smiled. Maize was already opening one of the glass pie dishes lining the counter, and Bean was right behind him, pushing for position.
I decided to go on back to The Home, maybe this time to myself would be exactly what I needed to pray myself up some courage. Maybe I’d try to memorize a little bit more of that poem and surprise Ray by reciting it to him tonight when I would find myself at a loss for words. I needed something to calm my nerves.
The room was wrong without the kids in it. I had never noticed how dingy the place looked until I was here by myself. The tiny bathroom was barely lit enough for me to see my eyes in the mirror—Momma’s eyes.
I tried to put on a smile, but it was a little forced. “Hey, faith. Nice to see you.”
I imagined Momma speaking to me. Even though I could not remember the exact tone of her voice, I made up one in my mind.
You did good for the kids. Now do some good for you.
“Don’t worry, Momma.” I started to sing one of our prayer songs. “Do good unto others …”
I heard a thump. But something sent me straight from feeling high on life to not right. The tiny, little hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up. Thump. Ray wouldn’t knock like that.
Oh, Lordy! That was our door—number seven. It was daylight and after four. Was Ray ready for our date? Thump. It was more of a body ramming the door than a rap of the knuckles.
I ran to the door and swung it open, but it wasn’t Ray or Daddy or one of the kids. It was a stranger, with long, stringy hair and a look that let me know he was up to no good. He had the Devil in his eyes and some foul odor seeping off him. I couldn’t find my voice, but I could find my strength. I pushed the door to as best as I could, but his black boot was stuck in the doorframe, and his slurry talk weaved through the crack and found me.
“I’ve been watching you, girl. Now, let me in.”
I wasn’t a little girl. My six-foot frame came with some power. I’d wrestled down Maize and Bean both while we were playing. I could hold this drunk man out this door. Praise God. Jesus, help me.
“Mrs. Betty Atkins!” I screamed as I fumbled for my pocket, found the cellphone, and hit two. Lordy, no! It went straight to his message center. Ray! Ray!
I hung up the phone and tried again. When I hit the number one, it showed Mrs. Sunshine’s name. Thank heavens. It was ringing. Lordy! The man was bearing down on me, and as hard as I tried, I couldn’t hold him off much longer. I screamed again for Mrs. Betty Atkins as loud as I could. Lordy! Where were the people in this place? It was daylight, even!
He crashed into the door with a force too mighty for me to hold back, knocking me onto the floor. The cellphone flew clear out of my hands. It slid across the black, mosaic tiles, but I could faintly hear gospel music in the background, and Mrs. Sunshine’s confused voice repeatedly saying, “Hello?”
His hands slid around my neck as I wailed and kicked. My voice was a squeal, and I prayed they heard me. “Mrs. Sunshine! Daddy! Ray! Help me!”
The man slurred, “I gonna help you right fine. Come here, girl. I’ve been watching you. Waiting. Now, it’s time to get this over with for good.”
He was on top of me now, white foam at the corners of his mouth, spit falling onto my cheeks. I pushed and knocked, flailing at him with all that I had. His hand closed over my mouth, but I bit down hard, feeling the dirt of his fingers in my mouth. I felt like I would choke from the pressure. His other hand was on my throat, closing in tighter and tighter, and I knew he was going to kill me. This couldn’t be it. God, I’d just started. Oh, Lordy, no!
I saw hands. Strong hands were on the man’s shoulders, lifting him clear off the ground. Daddy slung the man up against the wall with a bump that left a crack in the plaster. A knock or two later, and the man was against the dingy floor, crumbled up in a heap. Daddy’s strong arms lifted me and carried me out through the hallway, down the stairs, out the door, up the sidewalk, and through the gate to a place where I knew I was safe.
Ray was running, his shirt unbuttoned, holding onto his pants with one hand. “Sweet Potato!”
His voice was panicked. Daddy kept on walking, and I buried my face back into his neck until we’d made it safely inside Soul Food.
Mrs. Sunshine was crying. “What happened? What happened, child?”
Daddy pushed on through to the back room.
Mr. Joe hollered, “What’s this all about? Let me find out!”
But it didn’t take but a second for him to hush up his complaining. My youngins and Ray were all right behind Mrs. Sunshine, crowded up in the small kitchen. She slung open the door and led us into her home. Daddy sat down on the couch with me still in his lap.
He shushed me about a thousand times, pulling me back. “Oh, God! Sweet Potato, I’m so sorry, honey. I’m so sorry.”
I cried a little before I could get the courage to speak. My voice was broken. “I … I’m o … kay.”
Mrs. Sunshine had not stopped crying, and Ray was at Daddy’s knees, holding on to my arm. “Sweet Potato, what happened?”
I didn’t know, really. Daddy explained to them what he had walked in on, and Mrs. Sunshine fell back into her recliner, rocking it as she went.
Ray reached out and touched my hair, then my cheek. “Baby, are you okay? Did he … did he hurt you?”
Mrs. Sunshine hollered, “I’m calling the police! You hear me? I’m going to go get the shotgun.”
I shot up. “No! No! You can’t!”
She had the phone in her hand, and I jumped up from Daddy and knocked it out of her hands. “You can’t do that none. You can’t go reporting anything, or they could take us away—all of us. No!”
My tears fell between my words, but I was sure they could understand what I was trying to say. Daddy knew what could happen, all too well.
Ray’s hand came to rest on my shoulder. “It’s okay, Sweet Potato. Nobody is going to take you away, but we have to report this man.”
Daddy shook his head. “She’s right. If you say something, they’ll come investigate. We can’t have that. He won’t bother you no more, Sweet Potato, let’s go.”
“No,” I protested. Ray’s hand was still on my shoulder. “He told me … he said …”
“What? What did he say?” Ray’s voice was threateningly low. I’d never heard him at the brink of anger until this very second. “Tell me.”
“He’d been watching me. He had to get it over with. What did that mean?” Short. Simple. Enough.
Mrs. Sunshine threw her hands up in the air. “That does it! That’s it!” She stood up, waving her hands in front of Daddy’s face. “That’s it!”
Mr. Joe busted inside, swinging the door back. “What is it, woman? What’s going on in here?”
“Joe! You hear me, Joe? These kids aren’t going anywhere. They are staying right here with us. Enough is enough.” She pointed at Daddy, talking more to him than to Mr. Joe.
Daddy switched his mouth back and forth, twitching his mustache. He always did that when it was decision time. I could see his eyes working and his heart breaking like a big, old duck egg cracked on a sidewalk.
He looked at all of us, starting with Bell in her pretty, pink dress. Her face was stained straight down with tears. Maize’s face was pensive, pulled tight as a clothesline cord. It was obvious that he wanted to go and hurt somebody, but it was like he was channeling it right toward Daddy. Bean was dancing from one foot to the next, confused and angry. His eyes fell on me, and it took all I could muster to keep a steady gaze directed toward him. Nothing else could be said. What was left? We’d had al
l of our conversations, all our talks. We were finished with that. Mrs. Sunshine was right. It was time.
Daddy finally said, “We ain’t going back.”
That was straightforward enough.
But Mrs. Sunshine misinterpreted. “You aren’t leaving here, Eli Jones. These kids are a part of us now. There is no snatching them up and running, and as long as I have a breath in my body, I’ll fight you if you drag them down a road again.”
Bell’s sobs rose over Mrs. Sunshine’s words, and I reached out to her. She pushed me away, almost knocking me over.
“But I got a solo on Sunday, Sweet Potato. I can’t leave here. Bean got a hundred on his spelling test today! Did he tell you that?”
Daddy put his hand on top of her head. “Come here, baby.” He picked her up and held her. “We are not going anywhere far. I was trying to say we are not going back to The Home.”
Maize seethed. The anger was twisting his face. “What do you mean? I thought you were finally committed to leaving the map behind, Daddy? Just go on. Leave me behind. I’ll call the police myself.”
I knew this place had his heart now, too. It might have had something to do with pie and that ponytailed girl who was waving at him when he got on the bus this morning.
Daddy’s voice was stern. “Nobody is calling the police, and nobody is going anywhere unless I say. I knew who that man was, and he won’t find us again. He’s long gone.” He motioned for Ray. “Son, come on with me. You youngins, you stay here with Mrs. Sunshine.”
Mr. Joe frowned, confused as ever. “Well, I’m getting back to work. Sunshine, you need me, you holler, now.”
She rolled her eyes. “Go on, Joe. Get on.”
Mrs. Sunshine put Bell on her lap, trying to console her fears, humming all the while as she rocked her.
I crawled over to Maize, and he put his hand on my back. He growled low as I nestled into his arms. “Where are you two going?”
Daddy sighed. “To get our stuff. You stay here.”
Maize stood, dragging me up. “I’m going, too.” He balled his fist up, pounding on his hand.
Daddy held out his hand in the stop-in-the-name-of-love sign. “No. You are staying here with Sweet Potato. You don’t let her out your sight, you hear me? You protect her.”
Maize laughed. “Like you did? Like you protected her? Us?”
I whispered against Maize, trying to convince myself. “This wasn’t Daddy’s fault.”
He put his arms around me, and we slid back down onto the thick carpet. “All this is Daddy’s fault. All of this.”
I hid in the crook of Maize’s arm, too afraid to agree with him in front of Daddy. It wasn’t the appropriate time for I told you so.
Ray and Daddy left us, and as soon as I knew it was just the two of us, the tears came thick and fast. I couldn’t stop shaking, and Maize held on to me tighter. When I closed my eyes, I could see that devil’s face. I trembled from the inside out, tiny ripples of fear coursing through my veins.
It didn’t seem as if Ray and Daddy were gone five minutes. This time, they came in from the back door. Was the man still there? Had they finished him off?
Daddy must have sensed it. “He was gone, Sweet Potato. He won’t be back. I promise.”
But that was something I knew Daddy couldn’t promise. He couldn’t see inside the workings of an evil mind. Only God could do that. I prayed that God would make that man never come back. Lord, help that man mosey on down the road and fall into a deep, dark pothole, never to hurt anyone or see the light of day again.
Ray set the five drawstring bags down on the floor beside me. Daddy slung the four bookbags down, along with the purple-top tote. Mrs. Sunshine was shocked. “Is that all your things?”
Daddy nodded.
She exclaimed, “Oh, me.”
Maize was still holding on to me. I whispered to him, “Don’t be mad, Maize.”
He spoke through clenched teeth, “Mad? Mad? I’m … I’m … out of control right now. I can’t even begin to think what could’ve happened to you.”
He pushed me off him and stood up to Daddy. He seemed like such a man in that moment, not a fourteen-year-old boy. The way he was standing, shoulders wide, reminded me he was growing up right in front of my eyes.
“Daddy, what if that would’ve been Bell? What if she couldn’t have got to that phone? What if Mrs. Sunshine hadn’t given her a phone to call out in the first place? She would be lying there bleeding to death on that floor.”
I stood up beside him, my legs feeling like spaghetti noodles. I tried to put my hand on him to calm him down, but he shrugged me off.
“But it wasn’t Bell. And I did get to that phone. So, don’t you play the what-if game. What-ifs hurt too much, and you know it as much as me.”
Maize turned on me, eyes flashing hot. “Don’t take up for him anymore, Sweet Potato.” He turned back to Daddy. “You are the sorriest excuse of a man that I’ve ever seen. You ain’t got no stable place for us, no place for this family, so you haul us all over creation—to do what? To satisfy your need to hide from your hurt? Like we don’t hurt? Like we don’t have that same pain? Like we didn’t see her foaming on the street ourselves? Momma is dead, Daddy! She died long ago, and so did you, that very day. And today, this family is dead. Dead to me, do you hear me?”
His hands were clenched, but I held them anyway. “You don’t mean what you are saying, Maize. You don’t know everything.”
“I know everything! I know that Mr. and Mrs. Foster is going to be better than this. I know the street is better than this. I can’t stand it to know that Bell could have—or … or … Sweet Potato …”
Daddy put his hands atop Maize’s shoulders and shook him a little. “Listen to me, son. We ain’t going back to that kind of life. We might be going to a hotel right now, but it will be a temporal thing, until I can get us settled into a little place.”
“Temporal. That’s all it’s ever been—a temporal thing. A hotel. Whatever.”
He hung his head in defeat, and the anger whooshed right out of him like a deflated balloon. He was done.
Mrs. Sunshine shouted, “You ain’t taking these kids to no hotel. You might as well sign them over to me. All of them. You can forget breaking these children’s hearts anymore.”
Ray interrupted her. “No, Momma. Me and Sweet Potato are going to take the kids. When she turns eighteen, we’ll get married then. We won’t wait. We’ll go down and fight for them ourselves.”
Bell perked right up and said, “Sweet Potato? You want us with you like that? I want you, Sweet Potato. I want you and Ray.”
For once, Daddy was outnumbered. He pushed Maize down beside me on the floor and sat down on the couch beside Bean, putting his arm around Bean’s bony shoulders. And he started talking. He started where he should have—at the very beginning, right after Momma had gone up to heaven or down to hell, whichever was her choosing—and he ended up at the plans for our future. Through it all, Maize looked like he didn’t believe a single word. Bean and Bell kept looking to me for confirmation, and all I could do was nod like I believed him. To be honest, I was doubting him on this one. I would have to see this to believe it. An actual drawn-out plan, including minute details, was a rarity from Daddy.
Bell said, “Does that mean we get our own room, with a fenced yard and a swing set? Or maybe one of them fancy, white porch swings? Does that mean we can have a kitchen and you can cook us some food again? I can have a plug to charge my music?”
It broke my heart, and I was sure it did Daddy’s, too.
“Yes, girl. No more life like that. We’re starting fresh. This is it, children. I mean it. I’m so sorry. I’m moving forward, this time. You don’t need to jump in and try to save my children, Ray. Mrs. Sunshine, I know your intentions are in the right place, but I can take care of them myself.”
Maize’s eyes filled with disbelief. He knew it would be a stretch for Daddy to settle down in one place. B
ell was already throwing herself at Daddy, her arms squeezing him tight around the neck. Bean was sitting there, still not quite grasping our new reality. I understood the feeling wholeheartedly. I was still grappling with it myself.
I continued to hold on to Maize. “It’s going to be okay, Maize. Daddy is right. He’s going to do this the right way, so go ahead and tell him so.”
He sighed heavy, like the weight of the universe was on his shoulders. “Tell him what? That he’s done you right? Done me right?”
I said, “Daddy loves us. He has always been a good daddy to us. Daddy has given us a whole forest of love. So, we walk down the crooked path that now has been laid straight by the Lord and move with what He has made for us, and we find our way together side by side. God’s been our North Star this whole trip. Let Him lead us out of here, too.”
Maize nodded but couldn’t find his voice. Daddy stood up, straightening Bell.
“Can I borrow your phone and a phone book, Mrs. Sunshine?”
Mrs. Sunshine eyed Daddy suspiciously. I was sure that she was still as confused as could be, but I got him, even if nobody else did. He flipped to the yellow pages, looking up hotels.
He asked, “Do you think the Holiday Hotel is a safe enough place?”
Mrs. Sunshine nodded. “Guess so, but what about school?”
Daddy sighed, frustrated. “I know, Mrs. Sunshine, but what do I do?”
She grabbed the phone out of his hand. “Give me a minute, will you? Kids, excuse me.” She pointed to the little kitchen. “Ray, get them something to drink, will you?”
He grabbed some sodas out of the fridge and passed them around. When he got to Maize and me, he held out his hand.
“Maize, can I?”
Maize hung his head, not answering. Ray slid down on the other side of me and put his arm around my shoulders. I could smell his clean, just-took-a-bath smell. I buried my face in his neck, and I felt the warmth about him.
I whispered, “Why didn’t you pick up when I called?”
He squeezed me tighter. “My battery went dead after our talking last night, and I forgot to charge up the phone. I promise I won’t ever do that again. I’m so sorry. If I wouldn’t have pushed you for a date, then none of this—”