“Heart monitoring?” my great-grandpa guessed.
“At a run. For thirty minutes. I think they want to confirm if I can handle a full day of being chased, tossed around, relocated, and otherwise tenderized without any prior training on surviving these things.”
“I see Meredith is restarting you from the ground up. You’ll get a week of that, and then you’re on a twenty-four-hour schedule. If Dr. Hampford approves, you’ll be sedated at least once. That’ll happen when your fatigue levels hit the maximum your detail is comfortable with. Honestly, that’s the best part of training. Once you’re sedated, your job is to sleep as much as you want, and if you play it cool and take naps at their request, they’ll only sedate you for the first relocation.”
“I’ve dealt with enough sedation for a lifetime.”
“You’re just going to have to deal with it, kiddo. Half of all incidents involving royals are for live capture, and your health problems make you an ideal target.”
“That doesn’t even make sense,” I complained. “Royal families won’t pay ransom.”
“No, but you know a lot about the inner workings of Illinois, and how better to destabilize a kingdom than to take one of its rulers? There was plenty of upheaval over your health situation. You can’t dodge it for forever.”
“I can barely dodge three women determined to torture me.”
“And you want to marry one of them.”
I did, and I refused to regret my choice, not even when she tackled me into the ground and added fresh bruises to my collection. “It wouldn’t be so bad if the three of them stopped ganging up on me.”
“It’s physical therapy, kiddo. It’s not supposed to be fun. How are you feeling? You’re looking better. While you’re scrawnier than I like, you’re starting to fill out some.”
“Tenderized. How have the devils handled their eviction?”
“Parents. Not devils. They’re whining, but that’s to be expected. They also have updated paperwork from Montana for your review and signature. They took it upon themselves, as a peace offering, to update the terms to safeguard Agent Evangeline. Also, His Royal Majesty of Montana offers his gratitude.”
“His gratitude? Why? Whatever for? If anything, I’ve made a mess for him.”
“Your parents made the mess, and you’re not to take any of the credit for the situation. We’ve discussed the situation with specialists around the Royal States, and the general consensus is you behaved exactly as anyone could expect in the situation. Stop blaming yourself. Your only concern right now is recovering.”
I sighed, and as I recognized a battle I couldn’t win, I nodded. “All right. Why is His Royal Majesty grateful?”
“His wife taunted him about your Texas auction photos before they were wed. Apparently, this sped up their reunion and marriage. I’ve learned it’s wise to just say you’re welcome and not worry about it. He’s a strange one on a good day. He’s a little annoyed you’ve picked an RPS agent to be your bride, but he’s more annoyed your future queen will be terrifying and stir up trouble, thus creating more work for him.”
“Great. Eva’s just going to love that.”
“She likely will. That woman enjoys correcting those who underestimate her.”
I smiled and relaxed despite my ridiculous situation, hiding beneath my great-grandpa’s desk. “She’s something else, isn’t she?”
“It’ll take an army to take her down. I’ll admit, now that I’ve had a chance to see you two together, she’s a good match for you. You’re not nearly as aggressive as your father would like you to be.”
Had my father gotten his way, I’d growl more than he did and beat anyone who opposed me with frightening ruthlessness. “I can be aggressive.”
“As you’ve demonstrated, shocking the entirety of the family.”
A knock at the door signaled the end of my reign as a free man, and I sighed.
My great-grandpa nudged me with his foot, chuckled, and said, “Come on in. Your runaway is hiding under my desk as though that might actually save him. I would’ve brought him out after he had a breather if you hadn’t found him.”
“I told you, Meredith. When in doubt, hide with the bear,” Eva said, laughter in her voice. “It was only some treadmill work to monitor your vitals, not an invitation to your execution. Why are you hiding under the bear’s desk?”
“I hate treadmills. I especially hate them when things are attached to me. Anyway, I saw a chance, so I took it.”
“You score full points for that trick. Well done. Meredith?”
“Stuff him in the SUV. If he doesn’t want the treadmill that bad, we’ll toss him to the wolves and see what happens.”
“I think he’s earned a shower and a change of clothes first,” Eva replied.
Eva was taking pity on me? Alarm bells went off in my head. “What are you planning?”
“I’ve been informed taking over the world with you at my side is an option. I can’t take over the world if you’re not in your prime. Of course, when I was told this, it was under the assumption I would ignore such an opportunity. That’s absurd. If I want to be able to take over the world, you need to be back in line to rule Illinois.”
Someone had made a critical mistake, and when I found out who, I would start a hunt of my own. Who could stop her if she got it into her head to actually take over the world? I certainly couldn’t. I crawled out from beneath my great-grandpa’s desk, got to my knees, and peeked over the polished surface. “Who was dumb enough to give you that idea? That was pretty foolish of them.”
“That was what I thought. I figured we could start with Montana. The head dude there looks like he needs a vacation. I suggested we relocate him for a week but was told his queen would murder him. She gets pissy if he goes anywhere without her. Anyway, I then suggested we grab them both, but they have kids. Once grabbing the kids, too, was shot down, I recommended they run away and let me take over.”
“You really want to take over Montana?” I’d only dealt with a sliver of what Montana’s king did on a daily basis, and I lacked the talents required to fill his shoes. “But why?”
“I’ve never owned a horse before. They have a lot of horses there.”
I worried for the world. I also worried for me; I wanted to marry someone who viewed taking over an entire kingdom a viable method of securing horses for herself. “At the risk of sounding like an idiot, you don’t have to take over an entire kingdom for a horse. If you’d like a horse, I’ll buy you one.”
“It’s more fun to earn the horse this way. Have you been to his house? It’s overrun with animals, dude. He’d thank me if I relieved him of a few.”
Having been to Montana before, many years ago, I was aware the palace had more cats, dogs, and horses than should be legal in any one place. I still wasn’t sure how they kept the place so clean it sparkled, and I’d been amazed at how such a beautiful place could have so many pets without any evidence hundreds of animals shared the same space.
I’d explored and hadn’t found a single litter box or mess anywhere in the entire palace.
“I’m not sure he’d be happy if you stole his pets, Eva.”
“Oh, they aren’t all his. I’d have to leave his personal dogs along, but the rest are rescues owned and cared for by the palace staff. They won’t miss a few of them, dude.”
“Were you born in California?” Chuckling over the absurdity of Eva wanting to take over an entire kingdom so she could have a few pets, I got to my feet and brushed some of the leaves off my sweats.
“Thanks, kiddo,” my great-grandpa muttered.
I ignored him. “If we take over Montana, we have to babysit the entirety of the Royal States.”
“One continent down in one fell swoop.” Eva grinned. “It’s brilliant.”
We were all doomed, and I welcomed the source of our destruction with open arms. “Meredith? If you get a list of places Eva plans to conquer, please share it with me. I’m going to need a lot of time to review her
efforts.”
“That’s a moderately concerning request, Your Highness.”
“No, it’s not. I’m being realistic. I’ve learned its unwise to underestimate Eva, and if she’s wanting to take over Montana so she can have a horse, who am I to tell her no?” I shook my head at the insanity, embraced it, and matched Eva’s grin. “I might need a clone. One kingdom is hard enough to manage. The world will be a challenge.”
My great-grandpa groaned. “Good job, Agent Evangeline. You’ve given him ideas. He doesn’t need new ideas. He has too many of his own to last us for the rest of the year. His quota on creativity has been met.”
Eva snorted and kept her attention on me. “What do you think about taking over England after Montana?”
“They’re stuffy over there, Eva. You’d curse once and give the elites a collective seizure. What would we want England for?”
“The young prince they’ve got is pretty cute. If we have a daughter, he might be worthy of her. Maybe.”
Dear Lord alive. She was already planning the succession, and we weren’t even married yet.
I took a moment to think about it, and in order for her plan to work, we’d need to be married and sharing the same bed. Realistically, we just needed to be sharing the same bed.
Unable to find a single problem with the base requirements of her plan, I decided to let her have her way, although I’d have to remind her of a few critical facts of life. “He’ll be too old for any daughter of ours, Eva. Anyway, do you really think your daughter would allow a mere king to dictate anything to her? They’re patriarchal over there.”
“You make a good point. My gene contribution will be a little troublesome, I suspect.” She shrugged, and I got the feeling she didn’t care at all how much trouble she caused. “A pity.”
“You could just marry me, say, tomorrow. Then you can toy with your new in-laws until they figure it out. I bet the bear wouldn’t mind a road trip somewhere. I also know, for a fact, if we road trip to Montana, you could get His Royal Majesty to stay quiet about it for however long we wanted. You’d have to rethink your plans for world domination for a while, though.”
“But we have RPS training tomorrow.”
“We can afford to be late. They can’t start without me. It’s a short flight to Montana. I bet the bear would enjoy the foray, too.”
Eva narrowed her eyes, looking me and my filthy sweats over.
I bet she debated if I was worth delays in her plans for world domination.
“What do you say, bear?”
“The kiddo is an adult. If he wants to go to Montana and elope and toy with the rest of the family, he can. Count me in. I can arrange transport if Meredith can handle securing a flight authorization. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to fly for pleasure.”
Eva hummed a merry little tune. “How scandalizing is eloping like this?”
I laughed long and loud, and I couldn’t stop until I wheezed, resulting in everyone tensing and watching me. I slapped my great-grandpa’s desk, gulped for air, and forced myself to choke back my mirth. “Very. Alaska’s king got away with it because his queen was ill and at risk. Everyone ignores it, especially since they had an official wedding a few months later.”
“And us?”
“I’m going to need a lot of popcorn so I can enjoy watching you handle any scrutiny tossed our way. I’ll enjoy it immensely.”
“You’re hopeless. Better question. Why, exactly, do you want me?”
“You’re perfect, foul mouth and all.” I shrugged. “I can’t say no to perfection.”
“You’re a nutter. You’re an entertaining nutter, but you’re still a nutter. It must be a genetic defect. Is this your fault, bear?”
“My father’s, I’m afraid. Perhaps I should introduce you so you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into.”
“I’ve seen pictures. Let him enjoy his retirement. Someone thought a full disclosure would discourage me. It hasn’t. I’ve already tagged you. This is just the bagging part of things. But none of that male superiority bullshit your family likes. That fucking crap pisses me off.”
“I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”
“I’m not interested in dating.”
I fought to suppress another bout of laughter. “I guessed as much.”
“I don’t do those weird parties where people fake proposals, either.”
“I already proposed, albeit rather spontaneously. I’ll eventually get you a ring, but it won’t have a big rock that’ll get in your way.”
No, Eva needed something practical, something she could wear without worrying about damaging herself or any stones.
“Good. I can work with that. I won’t quit trophy hunting, either.”
“I’ll volunteer various members of my family to provide you with some sport.”
“The bear?” The hope in her voice almost broke me.
“What do you say, bear?”
“If it means Illinois can have a stable line of succession, I’m in. I can recruit a pack of wolves for you, and I bet the wolverine would adore you for life.”
Eva nodded. “Okay. Will Montana cooperate?”
“He better,” I muttered, heading for the door. “I need a shower and clean clothes. Meredith? Do what you can, please.”
“I’ll see what I can do, Your Highness.”
When the dust settled, I expected to be disowned, mauled by an angry lynx, and flattened to a pancake when my parents were finished with me. It didn’t matter.
Eva was worth it.
Within an hour, Meredith secured a flight authorization to go to Montana. Officially, we were going to discuss paperwork. Technically, marriage contracts counted as paperwork.
Had I planned better, or planned at all, I would’ve worn a nicer suit. I needed a haircut, too. After I started training with the RPS, I’d ask Meredith; agents got touchy about people they didn’t trust coming near their principals with sharp objects. Christian cut my hair most of the time, but it was high time I’d handled more of the basics on my own. Maybe Meredith would know a barber uninterested in slitting my throat.
“Your father fretted for almost two years before he married your mother. The year of wedding planning addled them both,” my great-grandpa informed me from the bedroom doorway. “You’re not wasting any time.”
“I figure we can hammer out the details post marriage. She went after Gail like you do rabbits. Marriage is obviously the only correct response.”
“You have no interest in confirming if she’s really the one, do you?”
“Been there, done that. Gail was a mistake from the beginning, but I stuck with it because everyone told me I needed to be sure.”
“That’s what everyone is saying about Agent Evangeline.”
I bristled. “Define everyone. I’ve heard the court likes her.”
“In our family.”
“Our family also thought Gail was a good idea.”
“This is also true. And if this doesn’t work? What happens then?”
“I die by fifty? It’s obvious. I’d be the most normal member of the family. I’d rather die young and be married to Eva than spend the next hundred years or longer stuck with Gail. It’s a no-brainer for me. I’d rather be happy than long-lived.”
“Most want to live longer.”
“Most are idiots. Should my father retire before I hit the end of the line, I’ll be careful about the line of succession. Grégoire’s unfit, and he’ll be happier in a supporting role.”
“You really mean to go through with this.”
“How long do you think it’ll take for the rest of the family to figure out I’ve eloped with Eva?”
“They’ll likely work to separate you two, truth be told.”
“Tough shit for them. I’m a proper Averett man in that regard. She’s it, and they’re just going to have to deal with that.”
“As long as you’re prepared for the reality of the situation.”
“Leaving Illi
nois is still an option,” I reminded him. “If I feel Eva will be victimized for her association with me, I’d rather live as a penniless null with her than as a king without her. You may wish to impress that upon the rest of the family. I won’t change my mind.”
“But what if she changes hers?”
The thought chilled me. “I’ll cross that bridge if I ever get there.”
“That’s not like you.”
“People change, and if I want a future at all, I need to.”
“Just don’t become a man-whore after you’re hitched.”
I shrugged into my suit jacket and buttoned it, fiddling with the sleeves. It fit better than I expected, much to my relief. “Why was I born into a family of man-whores? At least none of you idiots judge my sisters.”
“The first and last time your father tried, your uncles enjoyed correcting him. Anyway, we’re not a family of man-whores. We’re equal opportunists across genders. Except for you. Have you gotten laid since Gail? No wonder you’re pissy.”
“You’ll hound me unless I tell you, won’t you?”
“Inevitably.”
“I don’t do rebounds, and until Eva, there wasn’t anyone I liked. Just make sure the rest of the family minds their own business for once in their lives.”
“I can try, but I can’t promise. Your mother is still in shock over Gail.”
“My mother liked Gail and hoped for a reconciliation. She also would back off at times hoping I’d welcome Gail back. She never believed we were through, but we’ve been through since she cheated on me.”
“If half of what you said is true, I would be, too.”
“Considering I’m willing to go under oath over it, it is. I don’t cheat. I don’t sleep around with any interested woman, either. I sure as hell don’t want Gail to be my queen. She has no idea what it means to be committed. She ditched Donald how long before the wedding? And frankly, it wouldn’t surprise me if she’d been looking for greener grass just like Donald.”
“A month. It’s been kingdom-wide talk, too. She’s been laying it on pretty thick. Some have said she might’ve added to your health concerns by causing more stress.”
I could buy into that theory. “My mother tried to have Gail serve as Princess Abigail’s lady-in-waiting, a nightmare in my opinion. I’ve missed the entirety of Abby’s visit, too.”
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