If I were a silver linings kind of person, which before I probably was, I’d say something good did come from my predicament. Kendra and Ava had never gotten along better.
“Swear to God,” Kendra started with a mouthful of ice cream, black cherry. “I’m going to get arrested this semester if I have to listen to one more jack wagon thinking he’s cleaver.”
“No kidding,” Ava agreed. “Any more run ins?”
Shaking my head, I said, “Not really. People mostly like to talk around me but not exactly to me. I can handle it.” I thought for a moment. “Although Sam yelled at me outside the library.”
“Sam?” Kendra dropped her spoon. “That boy is going down. I thought he likes you.”
“He did. But that was before I broke his best friend’s heart.” I took another bite and tried to focus on the TV. “Although he wasn’t really yelling at me. He more yelled to me. He wants me to fix it.”
“That’s up to Cain, too, so maybe Sam should yell at him a little.” Ava set her bowl on the coffee table.
“Maybe he does,” Kendra offered. “I have him in Calc. I’m going to get some info out of him.”
“Speaking of Cain,” I curled my feet underneath me. “I want to run something by you guys.” The both faced me expectantly. “So, he walked me home the other night—”
“Why are we just hearing about this?” Kendra bounced excitedly knocking her spoon onto the coffee table then to the floor. She picked it up as if it were a prize.
“Calm down. It was after Lit.” I proceeded to tell them the story. About how Cain stopped me from being assaulted. About the confrontation in the restroom and what Cain said outside the dorm. Then I waited for them to process. “Come on, that has to mean something, right?”
“Well, he definitely wanted you to know he didn’t have sex with that hoe-bag.” Kendra spoke first. “Which is surprising since everyone else has.”
Ava snorted. I didn’t know whether or not they both knew their boyfriends were included on that list and I wasn’t going to be the one to tell them. Not my job since it happened before they were all together.
“He loves you, Flannery,” Kendra wrapped me in her arms. “He needs some time.”
“Yeah, but time could make him not love me.”
“It won’t,” they both said at the same time. I wasn’t sure if they were trying to convince me or themselves.
“Thanks guys. I needed this.” They landed sloppy kisses to both cheeks. “Ladies, I’m flattered but I definitely like guys. Plus, you know, I need my virtue in-tact.” I couldn’t believe I made a joke about it. But my girls…they didn’t miss a beat.
“We’ll have to ask Hot Lesbian if it counts.” Kendra roared with laughter.
We enjoyed a great, relaxing night which I needed more than anything at that point. Well, almost more than anything.
***
Sitting in the library Sunday was the last thing I wanted to do. However, it felt nice to be in my own space and also helped keep Cain off my mind. Ok, not off but he got pushed back into a dark corner. Kendra dropped into the table across from me on the second floor, bringing me out of my contentment.
“So, I ran into Sam and we had a chat.”
“Great,” I rolled my eyes. “Did he come out of it with his manhood intact?”
She laughed a bit louder than she should have for the second floor. “Yes. It wasn’t that kind of chat.” Kendra took a large drink from the water bottle she pulled out of her black bag. A clear indication that she had a lot to say. “You were right. He wasn’t yelling at you.”
“Told you.”
“However, I got a glimpse into what Cain is dealing with.” That caught my attention even more. “I mean other than you ripping his heart from his chest and putting it through a wood chipper.” My head hit the table with bang. She laughed because deep down I think Kendra is a sadistic bitch. “Sorry. His words.”
“So, other than my wretchedness?”
“Right. Sorry.”
Kendra went into everything I didn’t already know. Cain dealt with as much harassment as I did only it geared toward his masculinity. Alex even started a rumor amongst the soccer team that Cain was in fact gay and I’d been his beard until I couldn’t take it anymore, which was why he never “sealed the deal.” Another particularly ugly one had to do with Cain’s inability to perform.
“That wasn’t an issue. Ever.” I said with enough emphasis that Kendra cracked another wide smile.
“Didn’t think it was.”
“But I want you to know. Cain could get hard at the drop of a hat.”
“Yeah, most college guys can.”
Kendra believed me. That’s exactly what I needed right then. She also filled me in on some of the fights that had taken place. While I barricaded myself away from everything, Cain tried to continue his life, not allowing the nastiness to chase him away. Which meant he handled everything better than me and I was being a little bitch. And not in the way I normally was.
Flannery Tate didn’t hide. In high school, I didn’t run from the snarky comments about my teenage mother who didn’t even know who got her pregnant. Or from the bitchy girls who thought they’d let me know I wasn’t wearing the right labels since because we were, you know, poor. We weren’t poor by most people’s standards but I went to school with kids from wealthy families. My mom worked hard, I worked hard, and we made it.
When Kendra mentioned she saw Cain on the first floor and Alex, we both made a beeline for the stairs. I didn’t want to become involved in any way but I did want to be there. She and I found a little alcove in the stacks where we planted our butts on the floor to wait. If something went down, I wanted to see it. Get the full picture of Cain’s life.
Unfortunately, we weren’t disappointed. It wasn’t like I wanted to witness Cain’s pain but I needed to know what developed in my world while I’d been in hiding.
“Hire any prostitutes lately, Dorsey?” Alex dropped his backpack on the floor. The smug smile on his face, which I could see when I peered over a shelf of books, made me want to claw his eyes out.
“Just your sister, Reed,” Cain didn’t look up from the notebook he was writing in.
“So tell me,” he began. “Exactly how blue are your balls about now? I mean it’s not like any girl on campus will give you the time of day after hearing how teeny tiny your equipment is.” Again Cain didn’t bother looking up.
I didn’t realize I’d stood up and started out from our hiding spot until Kendra pulled me back. The least I could do is defend what I knew to be true. Cain had nothing to be embarrassed about.
“Let them deal with it. It won’t do anyone any good if you go out there right now.” I didn’t go out. Didn’t defend Cain or what he attributes he had. Kendra was right. Me out there would make things worse.
“Please don’t tell me you’re going to be so pathetic as to take the slut back when she’s done selling her goods. Don’t say that. Please tell me you’ll try to have a shred of dignity.”
I think that was exactly what Alex wanted Cain to say. One more thing to use against Cain. It’s what I wanted to happen. And it didn’t go unnoticed that I didn’t even care he called me a slut. It bothered Cain. I could see it in the way his shoulders tensed and his fingers curled into fists. If fists started flying, I’d be going out there. But they didn’t. Instead Cain took the high road, loaded up his backpack, and vacated the library.
Kendra and I waited for the crowd to disperse then slipped out without being seen. I had the feeling that the little soirée we’d witness was only the tip of the iceberg when it came to what Cain endured. I wanted to cry…again.
Chapter Twenty-One
The yogurt tasted like nothing Monday morning. Then again, I wasn’t eating for enjoyment. At that point it was strictly survival. I’d started to lose weight and my girls threatened to call my mom if I didn’t take better care of myself. And since I wanted my mom to be far away from the mess I’d created I started to eat enou
gh to satisfy them. Adam and Kendra did their best to act like everything was normal. It didn’t work but I appreciated the effort.
“Mother fucker,” Adam murmured.
“What’d I miss?” Looking to Kendra for an answer, she just shrugged. I’d completely zoned out into yogurt world. Never had fermented milk and bacteria been as interesting.
“That douche over there’s talking smack.”
“About me.” It wasn’t a question. A lot of the heavy stuff died down but not all of it. The guy a couple of tables away said something else, something so ugly I didn’t let it register.
That sent Adam over the edge. He tossed his fork down while pushing off the table top to stand. Hopping up, I put myself in his path. I didn’t want to be responsible for him getting hurt, arrested, or kicked out of school. No way. Not worth it.
“Adam, sit down.”
He kept pushing forward like he didn’t even hear me so I grabbed ahold of his arms.
“Please, just sit back down.”
Sizing up the situation, he looked from the guys at the other table then back to me a few times before relenting.
“You can’t just punch everyone saying stuff about me, Adam,” I said once we were back at our table.
“I think he can,” Kendra popped in. I smiled and shook my head at her. Other girls might get weird about their guy fighting for another girl but not Kendra. She said I’m her and Adam’s girl and it was fine. And she knew there nothing more than friendship existed between him and me. If something had ever come up, she would’ve cut me. It wasn’t an idle threat.
“It’d be the entire school.”
“I think me and Cain could still manage it.” Adam stuffed another large bite in his mouth.
My face fell to focus on the half eaten container of yogurt. “I think you’d be on your own with that one.”
“No I wouldn’t be.”
My eyes flashed to his face. “What do you mean?”
“He punched that guy Parker right the fuck out last night.”
“For what?” Not me surely.
“Something about you being damaged goods. I wasn’t there.” Adam acted as if we were talking about the weather. I never thought I’d hear something like that when I agreed to get my ass out of bed early enough to meet them for breakfast. Cain wouldn’t fight for me so I didn’t believe Adam. “Check out his knuckles in class.”
I would definitely be checking out his knuckles in class but before I could respond, Alex and one of the other guys started talking loudly about what I’d charge for certain sex acts or positions. One thought I might charge more for a blow-job but, at least according to Alex, I wouldn’t be any good at it which should bring the price down. That did it. I was done holding my head high and ignoring things. I was done letting Adam, and apparently Cain, be the only ones to stand up to the bullies. I was also done seeing the pity in Kendra’s eyes.
My palms slammed against the table startling everyone immediately surrounding us and I pushed myself up to stalk over to Alex. Kendra and Adam popped up to flank slightly behind me. Acting much bolder than I felt, I smacked Alex in the back of the head to get his attention. Hard enough to sting my hand.
“What the fuck?”
“Listen, I get that you’re overly concerned with my sex life. I’m guessing due to a lack of activity in your own.” Adam snorted and I wanted to smile but had to keep my badass face on. “But get over it. Or at least get creative. “Oh, she’s a whore” isn’t gonna work anymore.”
“You know, I’ve never hit a lady before but since you’re not a lady I think I can make an exception.” He spat the words but didn’t man up by standing.
“Somehow I think I’d survive.” Even though I wasn’t entire sure I would. Alex might’ve been an ass but he looked pretty strong.
“Maybe you should run along, find a customer, and earn your living.” The guys at the table laughed.
“Well I’ve got class right now but maybe after.” The look of shock on his face make my words worth it all. Guess ole Alex didn’t think I’d throw myself under the bus. “Sorry I turned you down, Alex.” I let my voice drip with the sincerity I didn’t feel. “Sorry it scarred you so badly but Cain will always the better man.” My eyes dropped to his crotch then back to his now red face. “In every way.”
“As if you’d know.”
Both Kendra and Adam were pulling me away then.
“There are other ways than sex to find out.”
“Whore!” Alex called out again.
“Woman of easy virtue has a better ring to it, Asshat.” I called back.
With those words, I’d been pulled out of the cafeteria with Adam and Kendra barely able to catch their breaths because they were laughing hard.
“Guess mopey Flannery is gone for good then?” Kendra asked, wiping the tears from her eyes.
“Thank god,” Adam countered. “But we’ve got class.”
***
I think Cain still sat by me only because people are creatures of habit and the class was full meaning he didn’t have a lot of choice. For the first time since everything happened I actively watched for him. Adam kept tapping his feet against the legs of my chair which didn’t help my anxiousness. Tap, tap, tap. I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned around and gave his shin a little kick. Like old times. I was back.
“Temper, temper,” Adam smirked.
While my back was turned, Cain came in and took his seat. I watched without watching. Waiting for him to flip his notebook open so I could see the evidence, or lack thereof, of an altercation.
Finally he did. Pulling the paper out of his backpack, I got my first look. Several of the knuckles on his right hand were red and raw. The skin hadn’t broken but it looked kind of painful. Spinning back to Adam, he gave me the “I told you so” look. But I couldn’t concentrate on anything but his hand. I wanted to hold it, kiss the pain away. Kiss him for defending me even though I held the title of current monster on campus.
And he caught me. I was staring. It wasn’t like he didn’t have a lot of opportunity but when I knew his eyes were on me, mine flicked up to meet his. They locked and I wasn’t going to be the first to break it. It may have been wishful thinking, but the old heat between us was still there. A nothing spark of a promise.
When class ended, I scurried after him. He got half a hallway ahead of me and I couldn’t catch up.
“Cain,” I called not expecting him to acknowledge me. But he, continuing to surprise me, did. Once he turned to face me I knew I didn’t have much time so I spoke as I walked toward him. “Why’d you do it?” He’d know what I was referring to.
His jaw worked back and forth. I wasn’t sure if he was deciding what to say, a way to explain, or trying to decide whether to answer at all.
Without a word, he spun on his heel and walked away. Yeah, he’d be meeting the me I used to be soon, too. Because I was done being ignored no matter the outcome.
***
Life got to normal than it had been. Until I came across a small group of protesters, yes protesters, from the campus bible league holding signs and praying for me. The signs preached about sins of the flesh and respecting your body. One urged me not to become Mary Magdalene. No, they didn’t call me out by name but as far as I knew I was the only person on campus being called a prostitute.
When I got closer to them, an unfortunate necessity to get where I needed to go, one of them, an older man who clearly wasn’t a student, got out front. He had an aspergillum in his hand and used the thing, which seriously resembled a gavel judges used, to shower me with water. Holy water, I presumed.
“Seriously?” It stopped me in my tracks for a brief second before I kept moving. Apparently not only was I a whore bringing down values everywhere I turned but also got possessed by the devil or some shit.
Instead of punching and kicking each one, I went about my business. I couldn’t wait for this to all be over to get things back to the way it used to be. Although, I started to get the
idea that normal was a relative term.
Across the quad, Cain stood talking to this girl I recognized but didn’t know. I thought it’d be as good of a time as any and I’d practiced what I wanted to say so many times in the mirror as well as with Kendra. I pretended not to notice the way he smiled as they talked or the number of times he laughed. Just a friend, she had to be. Cain confirmed that he still loved me and knowing him, he wouldn’t be hooking up with anyone else until he’d gotten over me. And I didn’t think he was there yet. But the thought crossed my mind that maybe he’d moved on. I let it cross over and out of my head without hesitation.
“Hey,” I said as I approached. The girl already started walking away but his eyes were on me not her. A good sign.
“Hi.” Cain turned; ready to leave after the greeting.
“Cain, please, talk to me for a minute?”
His jaw moved back and forth, a new habit he’d formed with recent events. In the end he nodded and we walked the four extra steps it took to get to the empty bench in front of the art building. We’d be a little out of the way so I doubted anyone would see us. I only cared for his sake.
“What?” He only threw me a glance as I turned my body toward him bringing a leg across the bench in front of me.
“I was wondering how you think the Tigers will do this year?”
His brows furrowed. He tried not to smile but a little one crept up. “You don’t like sports,” he said.
“I know. I just wasn’t sure how to break the ice.”
“Ice broken.” Finally he looked me over and something else crossed his face—confusion. “Are you wet?”
I nodded.
“Holy water.” I knew the question forming on his lips. “Apparently I’m possessed by the devil and the bible thumpers hopped on the bandwagon of saving me.”
“Um…right.” I did nothing to help his confusion and I wasn’t completely sure he believed me either.
Up for Grabs (Up For Grabs #1) Page 15