Time Out of Mind

by Ruth Hay

  I faked a sudden pain, and the registrar backed away, promising to return later.

  Barbara Mitchell came to mind, but I discarded that choice at once. She had enough to handle and I felt badly about leaving her in the lurch.

  Marion’s mother had always been kind to me. Of course, that door was now closed for good.

  I even debated contacting Margie at the college, but she barely knew me and owed me nothing.

  The consequences of the choices I had made in my life, now became apparent.

  I wept quietly for a while, turning my head away from the occupants of the other beds in the ward, knowing that self-pity was not going to solve this problem.

  In the end, I gave Kyle’s name as the baby’s father and mumbled the address of his uncle’s butcher shop as my address. I could think of no one else.

  Chapter Twenty

  The dormitory at the hostel was beginning to feel like home.

  Caroline stowed her groceries in the kitchen, washed her feet, checked on her newly-washed clothes for the climb, and eased the laces on her new brown boots before stretching out on her bed with the package from her Gran Lynn in her hand.

  She had just opened the seal when a chatter of Japanese voices interrupted her. Fumiko and company rushed over to her and in excited terms, difficult to follow as they frequently talked over each other or stopped to ask for an English word, they attempted to convey the wonders of their Beatrix Potter trip.

  Caroline nodded, smiled when it seemed appropriate, and admired their purchases, including a truly gorgeous, illustrated Beatrix Potter Journal filled with photographs, drawings and artifacts relating to her life and work. The trio were planning to visit an Ambleside museum near Charlotte Mason college where some of Miss Potter’s nature collections were on view and they also wanted to see another exhibition nearby.

  Caroline felt quite pleased that she, too, had plans for the next day. The Japanese contingent rushed off to eat in Amble’s Bistro leaving Caroline to wonder how many expeditions it would take before she had seen all the ins and outs of the small, attractive town.

  As peace descended again, she turned back to her task. Inside the envelope she found a letter written in her Gran Lynn’s neat handwriting and a photograph she immediately identified as a copy of the wedding picture that had caused her great-grandmother to be so agitated.

  Curious as to the mysterious way her grandmother had behaved, Caroline opened the letter.

  My Dear Caroline,

  I apologize for the strange way I have presented this idea to you.

  I was unable to finalize the details until the last minute when you were too busy with your trip arrangements to hear my plan, hence this package and the resultant phone call.

  After some difficulty, I was able to reconnect with my brother Philip.

  We had a long talk and sorted out some misunderstandings from the past. He has agreed that it is time for us to try to discover the family secrets that have been unexplained for so long.

  Your Great-Uncle Philip has booked into a hotel in Grasmere for the week of your stay in the Lake District. He knows you have the photograph and expects you to call when you have the chance and meet him at his hotel, where he will reserve a room for you.

  I feel that he, as the elder sibling, may have some ideas about our mother and father’s relationship that might shed some light on the present state of mind of your great-grandmother.

  Do what you can, dear. It seemed to me it was worth a try, at least.

  Much Love,

  Your Gran Lynn.

  Grandpa Stavros sends his best.

  P.S. You will find the phone number and address of the Gold Rill Hotel, Grasmere, on the reverse of the photograph.

  Caroline put down the letter and looked again at the wedding photograph.

  She could not see how her Gran Lynn’s older brother could help in this situation. It seemed unlikely that he would recognize the three unknown people in the photograph since the family had moved from Glasgow to the north of England only a year after he was born.

  According to Gran Lynn, there were few visitors to their home and none at all after their mother became ill.

  Despite these negative thoughts, Caroline was curious about her great-uncle. She could hardly ask him direct questions about why he had left home so early and what had caused the rift between him and a grandmother Caroline had always regarded as a warm and caring person, but one never knew what might come up in conversation after a nice meal in a hotel.

  Caroline was suddenly pleased at the opportunity to experience hotel living as opposed to hostel living. She wondered if she could make the transition tomorrow after Jay’s climbing expedition.

  Surely he would not object to resuming his plan to find suppliers and sources for his boss’ craft business. She had taken up too much of his time already, and yet…………… she would miss Jay’s positive, North American approach to life. It was something she had lost lately.

  He was, however, about to leave for Scotland soon and then his working holiday would be over.

  Before she could change her mind, Caroline punched in the phone number and was connected with a man who had a marked Manchester accent.

  “This is Caroline Fenton calling. My grandmother asked me to get in touch with you.”

  “Oh, that’s right! We’ve never met of course but I am glad to be of help if I can. I understand you have a photograph to show me?”

  “Yes, I have it here. Are you sure you want me to stay at your hotel?”

  “It’s a very fine hotel Caroline. I often stay here and they would make you very comfortable.

  My sister tells me you have been living in a Youth Hostel for a few days. I imagine you are ready for a change. Am I correct?”

  Caroline laughed out loud and was glad no one at the hostel could overhear this phone conversation.

  “Actually, you are correct! If it can be arranged in time, I would like to come in the late afternoon tomorrow, if that is not inconvenient for you.”

  “Not at all! I look forward to meeting you, Caroline. Ask at Reception when you arrive. It’s just inside the front door. They’ll show you to your room. We’ll have dinner together in the dining room about 7 perhaps? I’ll be waiting in the lounge, and you will likely be the youngest person there, so I will recognize you, don’t worry. Goodbye.”

  The last comment about the dining room did worry Caroline. She glanced at the clothing she had brought in her backpack. ‘Ultra casual’ would be the designation, if such a label existed.

  For a second she thought of calling Ashley for some fashion advice, but realized she had nothing for her friend to work with. Her slim, lightweight, blue jeans with her flat shoes (cleaned up of course) would have to do. She had one fine silver chain and the small hoops she wore all the time for jewellery, but nothing approaching a suitable top.

  “Well,” she sighed, “maybe Jay can suggest a suitable women’s wear shop for me to look at, of the bargain variety, naturally. He seems to be the fount of all knowledge when it comes to facilities in these parts and he doesn’t seem to be easily embarrassed, if the Waterhead incident is anything to go by.”

  She chuckled as she imagined his face at her clothing request, and kept the smile in her voice as she completed the obligatory call to her mother. She asked for a message to be passed on to her Gran Lynn and said she would report back if anything interesting should be learned in Grasmere.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  They ate lunch at the top of Tod Crag. It was a glorious day and Caroline relished every bite of the filled rolls and famous apple pie, although she almost forgot to chew as she looked around and spotted landmarks that she recognized.

  From this elevation it was possible to see almost the whole of Ambleside. Jay’s timeshare flat was visible and the houses above it that they had passed on the waterfall hike, wound up the hill in clear sight.

  Beneath their feet, the length of Lake Windermere stretched away into a blue haze. The s
teamships connecting Waterhead to Bo’ness at the other end of the lake, looked like toy boats. The pier where the child almost drowned, projected out into the water and the row boats were strung out beside it.

  The Youth Hostel building was obscured from here, but Caroline was happy to bid farewell to that residence in favour of the hotel in Grasmere where her great-uncle had reserved a room for her. The backpack she had carried as she toiled up the hillside, contained all her clothes since she hoped to go straight to Grasmere after this climb.

  The view that really amazed Caroline was the one she had been following all the way up the track. Jay had encouraged her to stop periodically to see where they had been, and to get a breather and, with every gain in height, the mountains to the north revealed themselves.

  Jay consulted his map and informed Caroline that the massive curve of mountains on the skyline was the Fairfield Horseshoe. He said that it was possible to hike along the very edge of it but was quick to admit that he was not capable of such a climb nor would he recommend it to amateurs such as themselves.

  Caroline imagined what it would feel like up on that series of summits. From their much lower elevation they met the cold wind as soon as they stood up from the shelter of the rocks where they were eating. What would it be like after a much longer ascent and a greater exposure to the elements. She shivered, and drew her jacket closer to her shoulders. Maybe one day.

  Jay announced that they could relax for a while and take in the view.

  “The way down is always easier and faster,” he declared with confidence.

  Having met the challenge of the climb together, Caroline found it pleasant to lean back on the lichen-covered rocks and watch the white clouds scudding by. Perhaps it was time to find out a bit more about Jay.

  “So, what do you miss about Canada?” she ventured.

  Jay pursed his mouth and declared, “Right at this moment……nothing much!” Caroline arched her eyebrows at this response. From what little she had read about Canada, mostly from her mother’s colourful travel brochures, Canada was a pretty spectacular place.

  “Oh, don’t get me wrong! I love my country but this area is so special. I would have to travel a long way in Ontario to have this kind of experience. We have a ski hill in London they call the Byron Mountain. Now that I’ve seen this,” Jay’s arms encompassed the whole panorama around them. “I think that name’s kinda laughable.”

  “Well, I had to travel a fair way to get here too,” commented Caroline. “We don’t have this kind of scenery in Sussex although we have beautiful areas there. I suppose it’s all relative.”

  Silence fell, as they both thought about this statement. Caroline watched the sheep ambling along the stone walls below them, looking for longer grass. She closed her eyes and let the sun warm her face.

  “Hey, sleepy-head! What are we doing for tomorrow’s challenge?”

  Caroline pulled her head back to an upright position and pretended she had been thinking deeply instead of dozing. “I’m sorry Jay. I am going to stay with a great-uncle in Grasmere for a couple of days.”

  Jay was surprised to hear this and immediately quizzed his companion about the circumstances.

  She gave him the short version of the family history and spiced it up with her mission to identify the persons in the old photograph.

  “There’s an outside chance that my great-uncle Philip can shed some light on this mystery but, if not, it’s an excuse to heal a rift between he and my grandmother.”

  “So, what’s in this mystery photo?” asked Jay.

  “Oh, it’s nothing special, really. I have it here in my backpack if you are truly interested.”

  “Definitely! Let’s see it!”

  Caroline extracted the photograph from a pocket and passed it over to Jay with the admonition to “Please don’t let it blow away!”

  Jay laughed and waved the photo above his head in fake panic. By the time he had settled down to take a first look, Caroline was re-arranging the contents of her backpack to make sure the clothes she would need for the hotel were not too crumpled. She did not look up until she heard Jay’s exclamation.

  “What? This is way too weird!”

  Caroline could see by the expression on his face that Jay was now totally serious.

  “What’s weird? What are you talking about?”

  “You are going to think I’m making this up but I am positive I have seen this photo before.”

  “That’s ridiculous! How could you have seen it? I only found out about it myself a couple of months ago!” Caroline’s tone made it clear that this was not something she was prepared to joke about.

  “Look, Caroline, I can tell you where I saw it. There’s a copy of this photo in a silver frame on the desk in my boss’ house in Scotland. I am sure because I asked her about it a week ago when I was there with my mother and brother.”

  Caroline’s astonishment quickly changed to calculation. What if a clue to this photograph was coming to her right now on a mountain top in the Lake District from a Canadian guy she had just met? Unlikely? Yes, but it would be foolish to dismiss the idea out of hand.

  “All right, then. Let’s compare notes and see where it gets us.”

  She was all business now as they both huddled over the photograph. “What did your boss tell you?”

  “Well, I only asked about it because there were no other family pictures in the whole house and my mother had told me the story of how my boss inherited this old farm house from an unknown relative. I wanted to know if the relative was in the photo.”

  Jay changed his tactic when he saw how impatiently Caroline was waiting for him to get to the point. “So, she said she had brought this old photograph from Canada because the couple in the picture were her own mother and father.”

  Caroline’s mouth dropped open and she could not even summon a comment to show how amazed she was at this development.

  “Are you telling me that this is the wedding picture of your boss’ mother and father?”

  “That’s what she said. What does your family know about it?”

  “That’s just it, Jay. My grandmother says the only person she can identify is the young man standing by the groom. That’s her father, Kyle Purdy. He’s the father of my great-uncle Philip, the one who is waiting for me in Grasmere.”

  “So now we know three people in this photograph. Is that going to help you figure out why it upsets your great-grandmother so much?”

  “We need more than actual names, Jay. Can you ask your boss about the connection?”

  “You’re right, Detective Fenton! I’ll get on it right away. Could be your uncle will know who the couple are, when you see him.”

  Caroline bit the nail of her index finger, an old habit she reverted to unconsciously when she was perplexed about something.

  “I think,” she began, slowly, “it would be a good idea if you came with me to the hotel in Grasmere. If we go together you can fill in the missing information and we’ll add that to whatever great-uncle Philip knows, and maybe we can get somewhere with this. What do you say?”

  Jay was willing to take the short drive to Grasmere with Caroline and they soon packed up the remains of their picnic lunch and headed back down the mountain. It seemed no time at all before they crossed the wooden bridge with the narrow V at the end to stop the sheep from using it. After that it was only a short walk through a wood and over the stile onto the steep roadway that led to the broad parkland and the car park.

  They were about to turn left and drive out of Ambleside when Caroline spotted a sign for The Edinburgh Woollen Mill. She spoke urgently to Jay and asked him to turn right at the intersection instead.

  “I’m sure that’s the wrong way, Caroline” he insisted.

  “This could be helpful to both of us Jay. It will only take a few minutes. I’m not due at the hotel until later.”

  It was difficult for Jay to turn into the stream of traffic on the main road through Ambleside but he made it eventually,
after several cars behind him sounded their horns. They pulled into the parking in front of the shop and Caroline apologized for the change of plans.

  “I thought you could ask about wool and selling prospects here, Jay. I must admit I need to buy something to wear tonight. It’s a feeble, girly excuse, I know, but I was not expecting to be dining in a hotel when I packed for this trip.”

  “You should have said so earlier, Caroline. I’ve shopped with my mother and I know how freaked out you women get when you don’t think you have the right stuff to wear. I’ll talk to the manager while you look around. Take your time, only be back before dark!”

  Caroline grinned at the joke and set off to prowl through the knitwear displays.

  When she arrived at the desk cradling her chosen pale-blue cashmere cardigan, Jay was deep in conversation with the manager who turned out to be the wife of a local farmer with a flock of Herdwick sheep. Caroline could hear some complaints being exchanged about the effects of the hard winter, but she also heard advice given to Jay recommending a group of local artists and designers who might be interested in featuring specialty knitwear items from Scotland.

  “That turned out to be a damn good idea. Ms. Fenton!”

  “Good! We both got something we needed. Did I hear a mention of Herdwick sheep?”

  “Yes. What about them?”

  “Oh, nothing. They are the sheep that Beatrix Potter saved. She was responsible for returning them to the high hills in the Lake District when the farmers here wanted to replace them with more productive breeds.”

  “Interesting! Now how did you know that?”

  “Just stuff I did at primary school years ago.”

  “Sheep did not feature largely in my Canadian education, I’m afraid.”

  “Beatrix Potter and William Wordsworth comprise just about everything I know about the Lake District, Jay.”

  “Another strange coincidence, then, Caroline; we will pass Wordsworth’s home on the way to Grasmere and as we enter the village we’ll see a glimpse of Dove Cottage where he lived and worked earlier in his life. Watch out for the signs.”