Sierra Hearts (Part One)

by Ash Elko

  The worst was a few month’s later for Dominique’s birthday. Jenn had to work a double shift during the day, but she promised to meet up with Dom for drinks. Max was invited, too, but he didn’t want to go. Dominique was Jenn’s friend, not his, he said. He wasn’t obligated to go. Jenn had to be at work earlier than normal, so she asked him to deposit her paycheck for her. She didn’t have time to. He promised he would. It was his day off, so he should have time. No problem. He just wanted to chill out and watch some TV first. You know, relax. Jenn went to work. It sucked, working a double shift always did. She met up with Dom, had a few drinks. Enjoyed herself. A lot of the stress of the day started to not matter at all. Until her phone buzzed.

  It was Max:

  What’s for dinner?

  She wrote back quickly:

  Out with Dominique for her birthday

  Max replied just as quickly:

  OK

  How late are you going to be?

  Could you pick up some beer on the way home?

  Fast forward to Jenn at a late night liquor store apologizing to the cashier that her card has been declined.

  She shot off a message to Max:

  Did you deposit my paycheck?? My card was declined

  He responded:

  Sorry, forgot

  Don’t you have any cash?

  Jenn was furious. She was livid. And more than either of those, she was sad. By the time she got back home, she was crying.

  “Max!” she called out.

  “Jenn, everything alright?” Max asked.

  “No, I’m upset, obviously.” She could feel her face start to puff up from crying.

  “What’s wrong?” He cocked his head like a dog did when seeing something unfamiliar.

  “Why didn’t you deposit my paycheck? I asked you to this morning, and you promised.”

  He sighed. “Calm down, calm down.” He moved to hug her, but Jenn took a step back. “I’m tired. Do we need to talk about this now?”

  “Yes! We need to talk about this now.”

  “Come on, don’t be like that. I forgot about the paycheck, OK? It isn’t a big deal?”

  “I’m the one who does the housework. Does the chores and goes grocery shopping. You don’t do any of that. And on the one night I go out, I ask you to do one thing, and you don’t do it. That isn’t fair!” The words escaped from her like air out of a balloon.

  “You’re just better at all of those things. I’m not good at any of those,” he said.

  “I’m your girlfriend! Not your maid!” Jenn heard her voice crack. She was shaking. “Do you expect to be waited on just because I’m the woman?”

  Max’s face tightened into a scowl. “I need a lot more independence than you. I need a partner to respect that,” His tone was matter-of-fact. “If you don’t think you can do that then…” He let the rest of the sentence hang.

  “Then what?” Jenn asked. She was so angry she heard her heartbeat ringing in her ears.

  “If you don’t think you can do that, then maybe you should leave.”

  Jenn was stunned. “You want me to leave?”

  “I don’t think it is a good idea for you to stay here tonight,” he said. “Maybe we should take a break from each other. Take some time apart.”

  Max, the asshole. The ex-boyfriend.

  Later, Dominique had gone to the apartment for her to gather her clothes. She didn’t have the strength to do it herself. That was all there was of her belongings in the apartment, really, because everything else was his. She didn’t have any furniture. Toothbrush and makeup could be replaced, Jenn thought at the time. I don’t want the ones from that apartment anymore. There were a few books and some movies, too. Dominique put those in a shoebox.

  Jenn shifted her wait in bed and shifted her gaze to a different section of ceiling. The memories hurt. Her body felt heavy. She felt a tear run down her cheek.

  Max, she thought, the asshole.

  She let herself cry.

  Chapter 2

  The next few days weren’t so much as a blur as they were just unmemorable. Jenn would rise out of bed in the morning, slowly. A certain spiritual heaviness made her deliberately, pacing herself for an unseen shove or push. Being back in her childhood room didn’t bring the warmth and comfort she wanted. Instead of feeling like she was in a safe place buoyed by happy memories, she felt like everything was off just a tad, as if someone had dusted all of the furniture but hadn’t put it all back exactly were it had been.

  Growing up in Bear Lake hadn’t been the easiest of childhoods. A girl from the mountains had to be part tomboy part beauty queen because there weren’t enough girls around to simply be one or the other. Then again, being a beauty queen from Bear Lake was as good as being from another planet compared to beauty queens in LA. Having her dad in charge of the General Store was a blessing for a precocious, curious girl, though. When she was old enough, she could pick out toys or clothes or makeup from any catalogue ole Mick MacKenzie would order from, and he would get it for her. At the time, her dad seemed like best dad in the whole wide world. When Jenn finally got to LA, she realized that there was a different universe of quality and cost outside of those crummy catalogues. Window shopping in for clothes in LA took her breath away sometimes. She couldn’t fathom how or why someone would spend the equivalent of two month’s income on bathing suit that you wouldn’t even bother wearing while you swam. But that was LA for you, and Jenn would always be a mountain girl from Bear Lake at heart. Splurging was fun, don’t get her wrong, but splurging wasn’t splurging if it became a way of life. Plus, a waitress at a café in Venice couldn’t exactly afford to splurge as a way of life.

  In the morning, Jenn woke to a chill in the room. Even underneath all of her blankets, she could sense that the temperature had dropped.

  Storm is coming, Jenn thought.

  This was the first sign. Jenn closed her eyes and pictured the dreaded weatherman from the local news in front of his big map indicated the front coming in from the west, bringing with it moisture and precipitation. Snow, in other words. Lots of snow. Then, he would invariable make some corny joke about this being the perfect time to stay inside and make some hot cocoa. Jenn pulled the sheets over her head and shook the image out of her head.

  Even underneath the sheets, she could make out the sunlight flooding into the room from the window. No point in fighting it any longer, she thought. Might as well face the music. Jenn pulled the sheets down. She took a deep breath, grabbed the corner of the sheets and flung it back, swiveling her legs out under her so she was sitting on the edge of the bed. Slowly, she stood up and made her way to the window, clasping her hands on her arms for warmth. She couldn’t decide if her fingertips or if her biceps were colder. At the window she could see the overcast sky promising a storm to come. The clouds were a bright grey. The trees outside swayed a little from an easy breeze. Everything looked peaceful and still. Jenn looked at the ground for any paw prints in the snow left by any critters in the night, but couldn’t spot any.

  Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Jenn turned around to face it, seeing that whoever had knocked hadn’t bothered for a response to open the door. Instantly, Jenn knew it had to be her mother, Rose MacKenzie. Loving mother or angry mama bear, depending on the mood. Sometimes both at the same time. Dad would have at least waited for a “Come in,” before entering.

  “Jenn?” her mom asked, hesitantly. “Oh, good you’re up. Good morning.”

  “Good morning, Mom,” Jenn said.

  “Look Jenn, I know you’re going through a rough…” her mom searched for the right word. “…patch, right now, but that doesn’t mean you should be sulking in this room for days on end. You need to get out. It will be good for you. Besides, now that you’re home, your dad and I could really use the help. There is a storm coming in, and we have a lot of things to do before it gets to the point where they close the roads,” her mom said.

  “But…” Jenn started to say.

  “N
onsense. Go ahead and get dressed and then come down for some breakfast. I’m making eggs.” With that, her mom did a quick turn and went back out the door. She didn’t even bother closing the door. Mama MacKenzie did not take no for an answer. It was her way or the highway. Ever since Jenn was little her mother would firmly make decisions that the whole house would have to agree to—whether they wanted to or not.

  Jenn sighed. Maybe her mom was right. Sitting up here moping wasn’t a good idea anyway. The thought of Danny Williams smiling flicked into her mind, but she shook it away. She had yet to see him again, but ever since their encounter in the hallway, she was secretly counting the days until they saw each other again. He had said he was looking forward to seeing her again after all, right? That meant he wanted to see her, right? And, boy, did she want to lay her eyes on him again. Jenn felt a rushing sensation of blood to her cheeks. Was she seriously blushing just thinking about Danny? She brushed the though aside and set her mind on the task of getting dressed, trying hard not to let the idea of Danny Williams sneak in on the edges of her consciousness.

  Jenn took off her sleeping outfit and put on her knee high socks, making sure the elastic reached up as far as it could. She had a feeling it was going to be that kind of a day. Settling on the rest of her outfit was easy—whatever was warm. Jenn laughed on the inside for a moment thinking about what Dominique would say about seeing Jenn in full winter gear.

  In her mind, she could hear Dominique say in her French accent, That knit cap is cute. I’m not a huge fan of that scarf. Burn that sweater and let us never speak of it again.

  Jenn loosely gripped the bannister of the staircase on her way down the steps. Even before she got to the kitchen she could smell her mom’s cooking and the faint, almost a whisper, sound of the burner going. It smelled like childhood. It smelled like home. Jenn smiled, a deluge of memories of walking down the staircase and into the kitchen not unlike this morning coming back to her all at once. She couldn’t help herself. There were parts of coming home that would cheer her up despite how hard she tried to not let it.

  “Sleeping Beauty has arisen!” Her dad bellowed before letting out a belly laugh as he did so, playfully teasing her. He smiled at her, knowing that such a tease wouldn’t hurt her feelings.

  “Good morning, Father, and what news of the world today?” She said in a mocking tone back to him. He hated being called Father about as much as she hated being called Sleeping Beauty.

  “Storm’s coming. Gonna be a big one,” he said before taking a sip of coffee. “Feel like being useful today?” he asked grinning, teasing again.

  “Yes, she does,” her mother said, drawing out the words, still at the stove scrambling eggs. Rose MacKenzie tilted her head down, eyes glaring at Jenn, full angry mama bear mode.

  “What do you need help with, Dad?” Jenn said, anxious to avoid the mama bear.

  “Could use your help delivering some groceries,” he started. Sometimes, especially over the colder months, Mick would offer grocery delivery to people who had problems getting to the store with so much snow on the ground. This wasn’t for the lazy, though. Mick wouldn’t risk driving on icy roads or trudge through waist deep snow for someone who would just be sprawled out on the couch and couldn’t be bothered to get to the store. Growing up, Jenn never remembered someone who would get their groceries delivered unless they really needed it. Usually the recipients were elderly or didn’t have a functioning car. Sometimes it was because one parent was arrested or in jail. Sometimes it was because both parents were. Whatever the reason, Jenn knew that if someone got their groceries delivered, that someone couldn’t get to the store. Period. Something on the spectrum of unfortunate to tragic was going on in that person’s life, and the General Store was going to take their groceries to them. With a storm coming, it made sense that there would be grocery deliveries to make.

  “OK,” Jenn said. Jenn glided over to the coffee pot, its aroma intoxicating at this hour. Jenn, still a little groggy, could smell the scent that hinted at happiness, zeal, and gusto, and promised to take away all the drowsiness in one’s spirit.

  Caffeine, Jenn thought. She imagined the words sounding like a zombie from a cheesy horror movie saying brains.

  Pouring herself a cup, she then sat down at the kitchen table where her dad was already seated. Mama bear was done with the eggs and scooping them out on to three plates, along with toast and orange slices. No bacon, Jenn noticed. Mick MacKenzie must still be dealing with his high cholesterol.

  The three of them ate in a comfortable silence. Once they were done, Mick cleared the table and did the dishes while Rose sipped at her own cup of coffee. At the sink, Mick turned to face Jenn and her mom.

  “I need you to take a box of stuff out to the Williamses,” he said before turning on the tap to rinse off the plates.

  Jenn almost choked on her own tongue.

  Danny.

  He would be there. Or would he? Had he moved out of the family home on to someplace else? His father had died years ago, leaving Mrs. Williams to raise Danny and younger Jack on her own. Jenn remembered something about how Mrs. Williams didn’t stick around for winters anymore. She would go visit Jack and stay with him. Jenn couldn’t remember where Jack lived. Who else would be around to accept the delivery of groceries then?

  Just the thought of seeing Danny sent shivers up and down Jenn’s spine. But at the same time, as much as she was itching to see him again, Jenn couldn’t help but think something was off. Didn’t he just take a box of groceries home a few days ago? How much food could he have gone through?

  Jenn’s dad was saying something, but she couldn’t process the words. Her heart was still fluttering at the prospect of seeing him.

  “Did you hear me?” her dad asked.

  “Huh?” Jenn said blankly.

  Her dad let out an exaggerated sigh and followed by a big grin.

  “I said, ‘It isn’t a lot of stuff.’ You won’t need the car. I’ve got to take the car out to the Harriss place anyway. You can walk to the Williamses.”

  “OK,” Jenn said, still slightly distracted. She took a sip of her coffee, which at this point was going cool.

  “A walk would be good for you. It’ll get you out and around, out of the house,” Rose was saying.

  Translation: you are doing this. No arguments, missy.

  “OK,” Jenn said.

  Her dad was done washing dishes now and had set them out to dry.

  “Whenever you’re ready,” he said “I’ve got the box already packed and ready to go. It isn’t heavy at all. You should be able to carry it without a problem.”

  Jenn took one final sip of her now cold coffee. The grogginess of sleep now gone thanks to a helpful does of caffeine.

  “Let me just hop in the shower really quick,” Jenn said, her eyes directly on her dad and completely avoiding her mother’s gaze. She wouldn’t have a chance to convince her mother to agree to let her at least clean herself up a bit, but she could always count on her dad to give his daughter a break if she needed it.

  “Sure, OK,” he said. Jenn stood up and made her way to the bathroom—not even bothering to look at the frown on her mother’s face caused by this latest example of Jenn procrastinating.

  Once in the bathroom, Jenn turned on the shower and let the water heat up. She stood in front of the mirror and took a good look at herself. Her hair was a mess. While certainly not ugly, her features were plain, and she didn’t have the traditional beauty that Dominique had. Taking of her layers of clothes, Jenn looked at her body and decided she could stand to lose a little weight, too. Thank goodness for bulky winter jackets otherwise she wouldn’t be able to hide some of her extra pounds that never managed to go away no matter what she did. She had always been pale, but her time in Bear Lake mostly indoors away from the sun drained whatever color she had from her time at the beach in LA. Steam was now coming from the shower and Jenn stepped in, letting the warm water cascade all over her. She felt it on her neck first, then down h
er spine and back, trickling down her to her legs. It was a welcome feeling. It felt good to shake off the cold of winter for at least a little while. Lifting her head underneath the showerhead, she closed her eyes and tried to let her mind go blank. She tried not to think about Max, to not let the thoughts of the asshole ruin her otherwise pleasant shower. She tried to imagine someone else. Someone who was not Max. Someone who might be in the shower with her and let the warm water run down his neck, his spine, and his legs before moving his powerful hands to hold her close to him—so close that even the steam couldn’t pass between them.

  Jenn opened her eyes, pretending that the name Danny was not currently echoing somewhere inside of her.

  She toweled herself off in front of the mirror. She took another look at herself. Perhaps she had been too harsh before. Yes, she wasn’t drop dead gorgeous like Dominique. But, if she took the time to make sure she styled her hair just so, and did eventually lose some of that weight maybe… Maybe what exactly? Maybe she didn’t have to be such a plain Jane after all. She pictured herself in a black full-length dress. No, better yet, red. She imagined walking confidently up to Danny. Leaning in. Looking so good that he wouldn’t be able to look away. His whole attention on her and nobody else. He would try to kiss her, but she would gently put her hand on his chest and whisper into his ear, Not here.

  Feeling a little more confident, Jenn decided to pass on putting on jeans and decided to put on some form fitting leggings. She put on a dark green sweater, figuring the bulk of the sweater would hide the parts of her torso she wasn’t happy about.

  “Ready,” Jenn said, grinning when she reached the bottom step.

  She stood up to follow her father out of the kitchen. Mick had been standing in roughly the same spot in the when Jenn had headed up to the kitchen. He placed his mug on the counter and made his way through the hallway to the door that led to the General Store.