Grim Love - A Novella

by Grae Lily

  “Is he going to die this time?”

  “Probably not. He's got some pretty nice gashes and bruised his ribs and other injuries we need to monitor. We're going to watch and see. That blow to the head – well, his face – with that, you never know. So, we test. We watch. We wait. He's gotten over one hurdle. Give it a couple of days. He should be awake, so you’ll be able to talk to him. We'll watch for swelling. I'm not making any promises, but maybe, this time, he’ll understand that dying isn't the best choice he could make.” Taking a deep breath, the doctor added, “ He's too young to decide he's had enough of life.”

  Evangeline couldn’t help feeling sorry for Jasper. She didn’t want him to die, but she didn’t want to screw up again. Sighing, she went back to Jasper's bedside. If he wasn’t going to die, there's no point in waiting for it to happen. Maybe Lucius would understand why he’d pulled through. She hoped he wouldn't get angry with her for leaving her position when there could still be a chance, no matter how small, that Jasper would die.

  This wasn't a position she'd wanted to find herself in so soon after making that mistake with the older drunk. She looked at Jasper, watching his chest rise and fall and debated about whether or not to return to Lucius alone.

  With no definitive answer, Evangeline leaned against the wall behind her, trying to decide what her next step should be. After a few moments, Jasper started to stir. She figured the pain medication had worn off, leaving him feeling the full brunt of his ordeal. Moving closer to assess his situation, Evangeline had to brace herself as Jasper opened his eyes.

  After a moment of confusion, he sat himself up. “Hello, gorgeous.” Not answering would be the safer option, so she kept her mouth shut as she found herself staring at him. “You’re not a nurse, are you?” He studied her, appearing much more lucid than she'd expected him to be, and his swollen hazel eyes seemed to find her eyes. “Are you here to drag me to hell? I'm not scared. I've been waiting a long time for this?” Evangeline didn't know how to respond, stunned that he could see her. Is he dead, she thought as she looked at the monitors indicating that he was very much alive. He shouldn’t be talking to me.

  There wasn't anything she could do about that while they were there. “Or, are you my guardian angel?” Jasper attempted a smile, but thought against it once he realized it'd be too painful. “Every time I’ve tried to die, I’ve woken up again. It sucks. I can't even get that right. I’ve chosen death. So, am I dead now? Is that why you're here? ” Looking defeated, he put his head back down. Evangeline found herself wanting to comfort him, but she knew that would be a bad idea. She already had a problem on her hands. She didn't need to add to it. His eyes closed again. Relaxing her tense shoulder muscles, Evangeline put her head down to think.

  Listening to Jasper fall into a deep slumber, Evangeline struggled to make a decision. Deciding it'd be safe to look up at him, she took a deep breath, hoping he wouldn't be staring back at her again. Before she could fix her eyes on him, the alarms attached to him rang out. He flat-lined.

  A team of people were there within seconds. While they worked and shouted orders, one put paddles in her hands and straddled his torso. The shock jostled Jasper's body, sending chills down Evangeline's spine as she watched in horror. This wasn't what she'd signed up to see. Although a part of her wanted him to have another chance to change his life, she needed him to die for her mission to be accomplished. Feeling emotions were something she'd not thought possible in the afterlife, but an intense desire to keep Jasper alive built inside of her. She'd never been one to doubt herself in life, but she found herself torn with what to hope for in this instance. She knew Jasper deserved more time to heal all that ailed him.

  Lucius stared at Evangeline. “He’s not going to die.” Her voice emotionless, “That’s something I am certain of, Lucius, no matter what you think.”

  “Evangeline, I've been doing this job much longer than you have and I say, he's going to die.” Jasper’s spirit must be too strong to die, but Lucius wasn’t going to tell her that because she had to discover it for herself. If he told her, she'd come to rely on it and he didn’t want that to happen. He'd made that mistake with another once. “You will wait.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I told you to wait, that's why. I'm in charge. You’ve not been in this position long enough to question an order. Your know what you're here to do and I expect you to do it. Arguing with me is not one of your duties, now is it? You may have gotten away with that in life, but look where that got you. Don’t leave until his soul is ready.”

  “I may have to kill him myself.”

  Sighing, in an attempt to keep the laugh he felt from spilling out, Lucius shook his head. “We gather the spirits of the dead. Killing people isn't part of the job.”

  “Lucius, he's not going to die.”

  “You have no proof of that. The doctor says he’s stable, but he flat - lined. Death, in these cases, often comes when you least expect it to, most often, after the doctor's come to the conclusion that their patient's fine. Until you can prove otherwise, I will not accept you telling me he’s not going to die.”

  “What proof do I need?”

  Answering that question wouldn't be easy. Lucius would have to resort to another not-so-honest response that would appease the feisty reaper. “You’ll know when you find it, Evangeline.”

  The grunt in her throat told him what she thought of that answer, but she didn't push any further. Sighing, Lucius crossed the threshold to monitor from his den. It wasn’t until then he realized Evangeline hadn’t said anything about Jasper being able to see her, which wasn’t a surprise to him, but he figured it would be for her. Evangeline already knew she’d made one mistake. She wasn’t going to say anything else that might make things worse for her.

  Being in his position wasn’t exactly one Lucius enjoyed. He knew, if it wasn’t for reapers, souls would wander, wishing and hoping for a reprieve from their fruitless journeys. Those like him, who were in positions of power, spent centuries fulfilling their duties and had seen many times of change, but had come to rely on the fact that not all changes remained permanent.

  * * * *

  “Where did you go?” Evangeline remained silent as Jasper spoke to her. “You can talk to me. I know no one else here can see you, otherwise you would have been asked to leave a long time ago. The only logical explanation for you being here is that you're my guardian angel. Why else would you have come back? So, I’m not going to die now?” Evangeline didn't want to tell him Lucius said otherwise. “If I do die, how long will you be here? Will I be able to see you the whole time?”

  More questions she couldn’t answer. She turned to look out the window, hoping Jasper would leave her alone. Lucius said Jasper would die, so it had to happen, but she did her best not to sigh in such a way that he could hear. He didn’t look like he would die anytime soon. It seemed like he might end up going to prison instead, though. With his other crimes, his circumstances, whatever they were, had been taken into consideration, so she hoped they would be again, if he did live.

  Evangeline turned to look at him, knowing he'd been staring at her. Seeing hope in his eyes, didn’t help her dilemma. He thought she'd been called there to help him. Evangeline knew he wouldn't understand that she'd come to guide his spirit not make him see the light of day.

  “Please talk to me. Standing there in silence isn’t going to make me go away. I get the feeling you hope I disappear. If you're my guardian angel, you know what I’ve been through. I could use a friend right now.”

  Sighing, Evangeline nodded. “I don’t know everything. I’ve just been assigned to you, but I know you haven’t been in a good place, Jasper.” Might as well go with the guardian angel thing, she thought. Telling him she'd been there to collect his soul wasn’t going to do any good. “If you need to, you can talk to me. It'd be better if you didn’t do it where other people can see you.” She smiled at him. “We don’t want anyone to think you're crazy.”

  Jas
per nodded before starting, “They’ve talked about that before.” He blinked, trying to stop himself from crying. “My life...well, I’ve done nothing with it. I just exist.”

  “You live. Your still worthwhile.” She walked over to his bed and took hold of his hand. “No matter what people say to you or about you, you still matter. You’ve just got to find the path you want to take and you’re not going to be able to do that if you keep doing dangerous things.”

  “I wasn’t trying to kill myself.”

  “That time. I know you have before, Jasper, and it needs to stop.” She had no idea why she’d said that, but she thought guardian angels said that sort of thing. “You need to live a different life.”

  “How? I don’t have a job. I live in my grandfather's place. I don't have anything to call my own except my car.” Smirking, he continued, “I don't have that anymore either, now. Plus, I'm sure they're going to lock me up for this.” He shook his head. “You don’t know what it’s like to be me.”

  “No, I don’t, but I do know what it felt like to be me and I would have ended up like you if I hadn’t died. That's not going to happen to you. You're going to live your life the way it’s meant to be lived and stop trying to end it all before it’s even begun.”

  He stared at her. “What happened?”

  “When my friends and I stole a boat, I drowned, along with all my friends. You're my chance to make amends for that stupid choice because I can help you live a life.” She wondered if maybe he could be her chance to make things right. “We’re going to have to take this one step at a time though. Are you ready for that?”

  “Businesses don't like people with criminal records.”

  “There's always going to be someone willing to give you a chance. You just have to find them. Besides, you're not a criminal.”

  “I am now. My grandfather told me if I got into trouble with the police again I shouldn't bother going back. I never liked living with him anyway, but at least I had a roof over my head. I should have known better, but I didn’t care. You know, I’ve driven into stuff more times than I can remember. I can't believe I hit a wall this time.”

  “Well, maybe you need to have your eyes checked because you hit something. You were lucky because if you’d done that anywhere else or with no witnesses, you could have died.”

  “Lucky?” Jasper touched his hand to his face. “Right now, I don’t feel lucky. I could be dead right now. Without you standing here telling me to straighten my life out, I'd be trying to figure out how to get out of this place. So, you want me to make the best of my situation? Well, the way I see it, I'm stuck in a bed with wires hanging out of everywhere. There's cops right outside my door just waiting to throw my ass in jail. My whole body hurts like hell. I feel like my face is going to fall off and you're here telling me to change my life like it's easy to just start all over again from scratch.”

  Perhaps it was nerves or plain ignorance, but Evangeline couldn't help but laugh. “Of course, it hurts. Look at you! The pain reminds you that you're still alive. You could have ended up like me. Dead. You say that's what you want, but, I promise you, there's nothing wonderful about things on this end. No matter what I do or how much I hope, I'm still dead. No second chance for me.”

  Lucius laughed. He liked Evangeline. She had spunk. It wasn’t every reaper who could grab hold of something and go with it the way she did. He knew her compassion would get in the way, but it intrigued him to watch her struggle between both worlds. Jasper needed someone, so she'd be that someone, even if it did annoy her boss. Shaking his head, Lucius looked away, knowing he needed to plan for whatever came next. He'd already been warned that the two of them would end up falling in love. He hoped she'd be strong enough to resist the temptation. No reason to become involved in something that could never sustain beyond her duties.

  Chapter 4

  Jasper stood in front of the judge. He'd been charged with two counts of drunk driving. The judge knew him well because of the number of times he’d been arrested for one thing or another. Circumstances were different this time. With help - invisible help - Jasper had begun to make some changes in his life.

  Evangeline remained by Jasper's side, feeling more nervous than she let on. She'd still not told him the truth about herself. It seemed to help him believing she'd been sent as his guardian angel. In a way, that's what she’d become without realizing it.

  In the last several weeks since his accident, Jasper had grown stronger and Lucius became more and more angry with the situation Evangeline allowed herself to be in. It didn't bode well with him that Evangeline neglected to mention it in conversation with him either. She had no idea that he knew and he kept it that way for the time being. What he witnessed was his newest reaper falling in love with Jasper.

  Sighing, Evangeline focused on the current circumstances because Jasper could end up in prison. She nibbled her bottom lip, hoping it wouldn’t happen after all the hard work they’d done. After what felt like days, the judge looked at Jasper, “You've done much more than I expected, Mr. Muldoon. Last time I saw you, it seemed obvious to everyone that life had damaged you more than it had most people, and, after all you’ve been through I’m not surprised, but now it looks like you’re trying to sort your life out. I see no reason to lock you up yet. Now tell me, the job you’ve found, is it one you can walk to or do you have some means of transportation other than you getting behind the wheel again?”

  “I can walk or take the bus.” Hoping the judge meant what he thought he meant, Jasper continued, “I don’t have a car now anyway, so I'll have to find another way.”

  “Good answer because you have no business driving.” The judge nodded. “I’m banning you from driving for six months.” Looking at the state's attorney, “Has the BMV been notified?”

  The attorney nodded. Turning his attention back to Jasper, “The court rules that a fine of $1000 plus the $1.00 court fee be put in place. Now, that you will be employed, I will extend payment until 60 days from now. Contact the county clerk for payment instructions and, understand this, Mr. Muldoon, if your fine is not paid by the end of that 60 days, we will be right here again and you will go to jail. Understood?”

  Jasper nodded. “Yes, your honor. Thank you.”

  “Keep walking the path you’re on now, Mr. Muldoon. Let's try and get it right. Get some help. Go to a meeting.”

  Jasper had worked hard and, at last, it seemed to be paying off. Lucius had a growing sense of uncertainty as he watched Evangeline. Jasper, no matter what she did, would be dead within a year, and there would be no way around it. Lucius didn’t know what would happen, but he knew something would. It wasn't a reapers place to know how ahead of time. As he watched them, Jasper hugged Evangeline in thanks for all her help. He studied the looks they gave each other. Although they weren't yet ready to admit they were falling in love, Lucius knew he had to do something to stop it from destroying his reaper. Sighing, he brushed a hand through his hair as he tried to work out what his next step would be. He knew whatever he did would upset Evangeline. Sometimes he hated his job.

  * * * *

  The couple sat in Jasper’s apartment. Evangeline snuggled up against him, knowing she had to tell him sooner rather than later that she wasn’t his guardian angel. She knew what would happen if she did. He’d go crazy, do something destructive, and everything they’d done together would be for nothing. As she bit her lip, she looked at him, their eyes meeting as he looked down at her. Smiling, he reached down to brush wisps of hair off her face before bending to kiss her.

  “Evie, I know you aren’t..well, like real or whatever, but I think I'm falling in love with you and I want us to make this, whatever it is, something more.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Jasper.” She sighed. “I care about you very much, but...”

  “Care about me?”

  Sighing, she bit down harder on her lip. “Okay, maybe that wasn’t the right word to use.”

  “Do you feel the same w
ay about me as I do about you?” When she opened her mouth to answer, he shook his head. “This isn’t about what you think you feel, but about what you know you feel, so I want an honest answer. If you don’t love me, just tell me.”

  For several seconds she did think that would be the better option, but she'd already lied to him more than she cared to admit. “I do love you. That doesn’t mean that this is a good thing. I’m…”

  “Yeah, I know, but it doesn’t matter to me. You are who you are and I want to be with you for the rest of my life however long or short that ends up being. I want us to be in a relationship.”

  “Nothing about this is normal. Being in a relationship with someone like me isn't a good idea. You won’t be able to take me out or introduce me to your friends. It's too complicated. You won’t be able to make me a true part of your life…”

  “Maybe that would matter to someone who had a life, but I have nothing without you. Until I met you, all I wanted...well, now...I have a reason to live.”

  “Who happens to be dead.”

  “So what?”

  Evangeline stood. “I shouldn’t have stayed this long. This should never have happened. I'm such an idiot.” She shook her head, heading for the door. “Don’t you dare do anything stupid.”

  Jasper took hold of her wrist as she went to open the door and she stopped, feeling the warmth of him behind her. “Look, we don’t have to do anything about this. I don’t mind if you don’t want us to be in a relationship. Just don’t leave me.”

  Evangeline tugged her wrist out of his hand, turning to look at him, realizing how much she wanted to stay. Thinking, maybe she should stay, but knowing that she couldn't, she started, “Jasper…”

  “Tell me no if this isn’t what you want.”