by M J Giani
“Please, please, please...” Cole moaned, curled up in a ball to protect himself as much as possible. Strong arms pushed him down, and Cole felt his attackers smell. From their breath, he realized they weren’t just drunk guys, but a gang that picked random victims wandering the streets. He heard clothes being taken off, and that was when he began to cry.
“No!” Cole yelled.
“I’ll go first.” He heard one of them say.
“No way. I'll go first, and you're second, that is, if you want to.” The second guy’s voice was so lustful that Cole wanted to die. They were going to rape him!
“No!” Cole cried again “Please! I can give you money, but don’t...” Tears kept falling down his face and wouldn’t stop. He remembered what happened when he was younger, and he couldn’t take going through it once again. He tried fighting back, but it was useless. When he felt the first man penetrating him, merciless and hard, he knew they weren’t going to stop. He was going to be the victim of the worst thing that happened in the world: the violation of one’s own body and soul.
By the time the fourth man was taking his turn, Cole no longer wanted to live and no longer begged to be released, but to die. He felt pain all over his body, his arm seemed broken and he felt warm blood running down his face. His legs were so far apart that he felt everything at its limit.
“Stop...Please...” Cole implored weakly. His cries for help had become more like the noises of a wounded animal. At some point, he must have passed out, because he woke up when he was thrown into what he thought it was a waste container. When he thought he couldn’t take it anymore, he felt something hot being thrown in his face. It was urine. Cole kept crying, not knowing if he was reacting to the pain or the horrible humiliation he was feeling. Feeling like he was going to faint, as he fell by the wayside, he heard something that caused more pain than anything that had just been done to him.
“Do you think he's still alive? You weren’t supposed to kill him...” The voices went away, leaving him alone, but Cole would recognize the last person’s voice anywhere.
It was the voice of his brother John.
4
Three days later
Hot.
It was the first thing he felt when he woke up. It was hot all around him, and then he felt the pain in his legs, and he felt disoriented. Then he thought of Byron.
“Byron!” he whispered. He opened his eyes very carefully, because everything hurt, and with a sneer, he looked to his surroundings. The walls around him were white and it smelled of disinfectant. Did he have too much to drink last night? He had never been a big drinker, how strange! The more he tried to remember what he'd done the night before; his panic grew bigger. He couldn’t remember drinking – in fact, he didn’t remember anything at all.
Was he in a hospital? How did he get there? Where was Byron? When he looked at his arm, wrapped in plaster, and his leg held up, everything came back to him like a film: he had been raped, and his brother was a part of it. He started to cry, when he looked at the door and saw a young girl, which by the looks of his uniform, was the nurse.
“How did I get here?” His voice didn’t sound like his, all hoarse from lack of use and rough, like his throat was made of sandpaper.
“Don’t you remember what happened?” the nurse asked him, as she went next to his bed where he was lying, with her arm stretched to press the button to summon assistance. Before the girl’s frightened look, Cole tried to calm her.
“I remember what happened to get me here. What I want to know is, how did I get to this hospital?” He asked her.
“You were found inside a trashbin, and you were badly wounded. You were brought here by helicopter. The doctors on his way, and he can explain it better than I do.” As if waiting for his queue, an older gentleman who could only be the doctor in question walked into the room.
“Hello, young man! I'm glad you're awake. He gave us a big scare! I am Doctor Alvarez, and here is nurse Parker. I hope you feel...” Cole had had enough of this, since no one answered his question, and before he started becoming paranoid, he chose to be direct.
“Look here, Doctor, I am a medical student, I am used to the small techniques and tecnhical terms. Please tell me what happened to me, you can tell me everything!”
“Alright, we have a future doctor here!” Doctor Alvarez said cheerfully, trying to look unconcerned, but deep down, he felt great pity for the boy. The patient had suffered a serious assault, and he looked so young and innocent, lying in that big bed. Sometimes, he really hated his job.
“Tell me everything, Doctor. I'm ready.” Cole said with more confidence than he actually felt. After all, he was already in his third year in college and he had passed the “How to talk about your patients’ diagnosis - Part One". No time for bulshit. Doctor Alvarez sighed and began by describing what Cole had suffered, and its permanent and temporary consequences. To sum up, he had two broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, a leg reduction of bone, which would give him a limp that could easily be healed with an operation and physiotherapy. He also had lacerations on his back, both inside and outside his body. He would be left with a permanent scar on his face, beginning in the corner of his mouth and ending close to his eyebrow, giving him a sinister smile – he looked like the Joker, without the dark humor and the fancy clothes –, and he would have some temporary scars as well. He didn’t have HIV or other sexually-transmitted diseases, but he would have to re-take the test within a period of a month to confirm. Besides, Cole would also recall that night quite frequently during his lifetime, and memories would come up quite often.
The pity on Dr. Alvarez’s face was too much for him to bear, and when he finished talking, it seemed he was waiting for Cole to break down in tears. But he decided he wasn’t going to do it. Not there, in front of complete strangers.
“What about my family?” he asked instead.
“Nobody came.” And he said it with more pity, as if that was possible.
“Could you try to call Mr Byron Winters?” Cole asked.
“We'll call him!” Dr Alvarez said quickly, suddenly talking to the nure and including her in the conversation, as if he was afraid that Cole would accuse him of negligence.
” But they said that...” The nurse didn’t finish the sentence. “Nobody’s coming” she repeated. Both looked at him, surely afraid that Cole would look surprised, or even sadder.
“It doesn’t matter. Would you try to call one last person for me? Her name is Lady Eva, she’s on my cellphone list.”
“Yes, of course!” the nurse replied, looking more than glad to leave the room.
“How long should I stay? With the bills and ...”
“Don’t worry about it, the bill was paid by your father. You will have to stick around for five days, at the very least, and then we will have to schedule the surgery on you leg.” Cole sighed. At least he didn’t need to worry about money – not for five days, at least.
“The police are waiting outside; they want to talk to you. They have some questions regarding the aggression.” Cole said nothing, thinking about what he would say to the agents. Should he tell the truth? Should he accuse his brother?
“Oh, and I almost forgot. I have this letter from your father, he asked me to give it to you when he woke up.” Doctor Alvarez left the room. Cole waited for the agents to enter the room, but by the voices he heard in the hallway, he guessed that the doctor was giving them a full report on his diagnosis. He took the chance of the fact that he was alone to open the letter. It only had one line. An informative and very painful line.
There’s no need for you to come back home, Byron chose Anna.
Wdv.
He heard a strange noise in the room, a deep and miserable wail, and it took him a few seconds to realize that he was making those sounds.
Lady Eva came on that same day. She asked his father for permission to visit him, but he only allowed her to leave the service at midday. It was then that Lady Eva literally and figuratively hand
ed the apron to his father, and quit the job she had for over 20 years to see the boy she loved – her own her words. Faced with such love, Cole finally cried freely, in the loving arms of the only person who, apparently, loved him the most in the whole world.
***
After the horrific event that he had gone through, Cole was living with Lady Eva. She decided to take him in and became his guardian, after having all documents signed by his father in order to do so. Lady Eva’s love and patience were what took him out of his dark cave of emotional and physical pain, even if the emotional pain still hadn’t completely disappeared, and Cole doubted that one day, it ever would. However, he started becoming used to it: quite often the, depression would bring him down, and in those times, any shadow, noise or even if somebody got close to him would cast him into a bottomless pit, and he would only leave the house after three or four days. One day, Mrs. Eva was done with his self-pity and forced him to see a psychologist, and after that, it took him a few months to stop being afraid of everything and everyone, and further on, to leave the house alone.
A year passed, and Cole finally returned to college and resumed his classes where he had stopped. He kept doing his appointments, thanks to Dr. Beverly’s capacity, and Lady Eva’s unconditional love, who urged him to call her his mother, which he did with pleasure. She tried to contact Cole’s birthmother, so that he knew he needed her, but the usual silence was the answer she had, until one day, she finally gave up.
Next to Lady Eve, Cole lived a normal life – or at least, as normal as possible. Thanks to his great intelligence, not only he easily caught up with school, but also, his favorite teacher arranged a scholarship for him that paid for his tuition at Harvard, which God only knew how expensive that was. Even his father didn’t admit that he was a genius, who already had some recognition. The college would benefit with a student like him, and he decided to do everything to deserve that trust, because he had nothing to worry or to lose, so he was focused in class. Teachers noticed his intelligence and dedication, and soon, he became a favourite, and by the time he began his internship in one of the city's best hospitals, he already had a reputation. And if some people didn’t like his rise, others took the opportunity to study with him, or ask him questions. Cole knew that everyone just wanted to take advantage of him – some of them to have better grades, others for his help in the investigations – but he didn’t care. He didn’t have many friends, but the ones he had, he knew he could count on them: his adoptive mother and his favorite teacher, Dr. Prescott-Reid.
When he graduated, it was no surprise that he received a large number of job proposals from five of the best hospitals in the country. Cole ended up chosing the Prescott-Reid University Hospital, where he could continue to grow, both personally and professionally. Meanwhile, he never thought of Byron. In fact, he did everything he could to avoid it. Cole just thought about him a hundred times a day now, but it was a good start.
5
Two years later.
After going on a mission for two months, Byron finally went home, and he had been standing on the front door for thirty minutes, at least, but he didn’t dare enter. Just the thought of seeing Anna made him want to turn around and go back to the country at war he had just left, as it was better than coming back home, anyway. Their marriage was a disaster: he didn’t love Anna, and he doubted that she loved him. They lived together, but they were more like flatmates. If before their marriage, sex was already very little, after their marriage, it was null. Also, he thought she cheated on him, but he didn’t care, for it would be a relief if she asked for divorce. However, Anna wanted to keep the facade of the perfect person, now that he knew she wasn’t.
Once again, he thought about Cole.
How could he miss a person so much, that he had only met for such a short time? He didn’t know.
He had already spoken with Anna about it, since he couldn’t marry her without letting her know what happened with Cole, and that day, he was entitled to all sorts of insults and cries from her, as well as the shame of being replaced by a man. Byron saw, then, how jealous and hateful Anna was towards her half-brother. He was relieved after his confession, but soon after that, Walter reported that Cole was gone and he was never going to return.
Byron went after him at their hotel to asked for an explanation, but the owner told him that he wasn’t there, and after several similar attempts at college and his dorm, it was clear to him that Cole didn’t want to be found – after all, he didn’t even leave a letter or a phone number. After that, he returned for what he had left in the De Vere’s house, and fell for the mistake of hearing Anna's explanations, asking him for another chance. He knew now that he should have been strong then, and he should have just gone back home and forget about that whole family, except Cole – the only one that mattered to him –, but he didn’t. And now he was paying the price, feeling emptier and emptier as each day passed.
He was looking at the closed door, as if he was facing the door of a prison cell. Byron was more than willing to turn around and flee, but instead, he sighed and opened the door. He entered the house, and the first thing he noticed was a bra lying on the couch near the hallway. The whole room was so dirty that it looked like it hadn’t been cleaned for weeks. Suddenly, he heard a noise in another room, and when he got there, he saw complete chaos: Anna was lying on the bed, fully naked, and it was quite easy to guess what had just happened there – at least, she had saved him from cliché of finding her in the arms of a man.
As for him, he only felt tired.
He just wanted to go home and take a good shower, not cleaning the house and deal with the woman that was passed out in the bed. He got close to her to wake her up, when he saw the faded lines of white powder on the bedside table. Damn it, since when did she do drugs? How didn’t he notice it before? Was he so focused on his work that he missed the signs?
“Anna!” he called her, shaking her by the arm. “Wake up.”
“Let me sleep!” She demanded, turning her head to the other side. Byron felt the sour smell of sweat and sex on her, as well as the sheets, and wondered how long she had been lying there.
“Come on, we need to take a shower. You can’t stay like this.” He said.
“Go away, and leave me alone, I told you.” Fed up with that attitude, Byron took her in his arms and put her in the shower, turning on the cold water, which was enough for her to start screaming and kicking like crazy.
“What do you think you're doing? Let me go!” She continued fighting, but he continued mercilessly. When he was sure she was awake, he helped her out, leaving her alone in the room to dress herself, and he went to the kitchen to make strong coffee. She looked miserable, wearing her robe, sitting on the bed with a cup in her hand.
“How long?” Byron asked.
“How long what?” She snapped “You'll have to be more specific than that, my dear husband!” Her voice contained all the irony and the scorn she felt for him.
“Do you think I didn’t know about your lovers? I’ve always known, but what about the drugs?” Byron pointed to the table. “Are you stupid? Don’t you know what this will do to you?”
“It helps me relax, and I can stop when I want to.”
“Yes, that’s what everyone says. This will kill you.”
“And are you worried about me, by any chance? It’s your fault! You're not a real man! You don’t give me affection, and I need it so badly!” she yelled. Frustrated, Byron ran his hands through his hair. It was always his fault: she was unhappy, but she didn’t want to take the plunge and get a divorce – or maybe, it was time to get him to take the initiative. The last time he tried, she had threatened to kill herself, but with the way things were progressing, she would end up dead, so he had to be a reasonable person and do what was necessary for both of them.
“Look, Anna, I think we’re not happy together, but I can help you. We can be friends, we don’t need to be married for that –“She interrupted him with a hysterical laugh.
“Now you want to get rid of me?” Anna pointed to her chest, leaving her rope open and exposing her breasts. “What for, so you can run after that guy?” It was always the same conversation.
“That's not it. I have nobody else, and Cole's part of the past. Maybe the person you are...”
“It’s not worth it putting the blame on me. Unlike you, I’ve only loved you.” Anna said with tears in her eyes. “The others were nothing to me.”
“Anna, I want a divorce. I know it is the best for us.” Byron said firmly.
“I don’t think so, especially because...I'm pregnant.” Anna’s smile of contentment made Byron want to do something that had never done before: hit a woman.
“This is impossible! We' haven’t had sex in a long time and even if it is true, I doubt it's mine.” He pointed to the bed, where it seemed that a lot of action went on while he was gone. “I won’t fall for that.” Upset, Byron got up and fetched a suitcase. He was leaving, as that relationship was no longer anything, but toxic.
“There you go.” Anna threw something on his open suitcase on the bed. He looked and saw that it was of a pregnancy test with two pink lines in the small window.
“You see? I'm right, and the child is yours. I wouldn’t be stupid enough about having another guy’s baby!” Anna went to the bathroom, leaving him alone with the test in his hand. Byron ran to the bathroom, and with no regard for decorum, he opened the door.
“You're a liar! It can’t be mine! I want a paternity test.”
“Fine, but until then, you’ll have to wait for the baby’s birth, and I will not be alone in this.”
“How can you be so cruel? Do you realize that the drugs you’ve taken, the nights out and lack of rest can be harmful to the baby? Have you even thought about it?”
“Oh, Byron, you’re so boring and hypocrite! I don’t know what I saw in you. If you’re so worried, you’ll just have to stay with me to make sure I'm not going to hurt your son.” Anna closed the door in his face and left him there, lost in a whirlwind of contradictory feelings.