by M J Giani
***
Byron didn’t know how to deal with the bomb Anna had dropped on his lap. He took his car keys and his purse and he wondered aimlessly. He finally stopped the car in front of a gay club, and thought for a few minutes whether he should enter or not – he didn’t want to risk finding someone he knew – but then, still feeling unsure, he turned off the car and went there. When he reached the door, the doorman looked at him up and down and winked his eye, while making him a gesture for him to enter. He was glad he didn’t have to wait in the line, and before was able to change his mind and turn around, he walked in.
He had never been to a gay club before. The only man who had always been interested in him in his lifetime was Cole – in fact, everything was always about Cole –, but he was determined to forget him. Byron went to the bar, ordered a pure malt whiskey, and after that, he looked around him: many men were dancing on the dance floor, almost naked, and some were looking at him with interest, but Byron didn’t feel like confraternizing with twinks. In a moment, he turned back to his drink, when he saw the reflection of an almost white hair on the dance floor.
He looked more carefully, his heartracing. It couldn’t be! Without realizing it, Byron got up from the chair and walked to the dance floor, being careful to step away from the dancers, and stood behind the smaller man, who was wearing an open shirt and danced seductively to the music.
***
He hadn’t seen his face, but his body and his heart knew it was him. Byron’s hand touched Cole’s shoulder. He stopped dancing, but he didn’t pull away, and didn’t look back. He simply stood there, and Byron thought maybe it wasn’t him, but his imagination playing tricks on him – maybe his perverted mind had placed Cole in that club to remind him of what he had lost. Suddenly, he turned around very slowly, and Byron saw that fate was on his side: Cole himself was looking at him with his bright eyes and, for a few seconds, it was if he had found a loved one who he hadn’t seen in a long time. Then his memory remembered the past, and his eyes were clouded with anger and sadness.
The old Cole was gone. Byron didn’t understand the motives for that reaction – after all, it was Cole himself who had found freedom. Maybe he thought it was unfortunate to find Byron there, since the club was free for everybody to join, and therefore, he had every right to be there. With a gesture, Cole took his sweaty hair away from his face, and Byron saw a scar he hadn’t seen before: it was uneven and ugly, and it went from his eyebrow to the corner of his lips. However, for Byron, he was still handsome as ever – the most handsome man he had ever seen.
“What are you doing here?” Byron asked him – or at least, that's what Cole thought he was saying, since the music was too loud, which made it difficult to talk, let alone hear.
“I can’t hear you!” Cole said, pointing to his ear. Feeling frustrated for not being heard, he sighed and grabbed Byron’s arm to pull him closer to him, and turn to his dance partner and said him something inside his ear. The guy didn’t look happy, but he nodded, as if agreeing.
Cole took Byron to the hallway that led to the bathroom and leaned against the wall, with his arms folded. Over there, the music was not that loud that prevented them from talking, but none of them spoke. Byron wanted to ask what he was doing there, in his city, what happened to his face, and more important than that, why he had gone. When Cole licked his lips, ready to talk, Byron couldn’t take it anymore, as the mere sight of his rosy lips speaking, those lips that he liked so much, made him lose his mind. Cole kissed that man with a pent-up hunger that he had since that day, on Cole’s father’s front. He moaned.
Finally!
Cole tried to pull away, but the other man was made of steel.
He had decided to go to that club with his friend Kelly Barnes – a nurse at the hospital where he worked – and her brother, who was clearly interested in him. Kelly was like a sister to Cole: they had met on the first day of her residence, when she defended him from one of his colleagues, Billy, who had more envy than common sense and had mocked his scar. Suddenly, Kelly came like a tornado in his defense, and when it was over, Billy never dared speaking badly of him again, or anybody else.
However, if he had known that the output would be part of Kelly’s plan to get him and his brother together, he wouldn’t have gone there, as Cole thought he wasn’t ready to date. He was no saint, he had sex every now and then, but ever since he had been raped, it didn’t feel right to him. He tried, but he got blocked, and there was something broken inside him, until one day, he stopped trying.
Now, with that enormous man in front of him, trying to posess him with fire and passion, he saw that after all, it wasn’t that rape that broke him. It was Byron. In his arms, he had no difficulty with desire or passion, and even if he wanted to push him away, his arms did the opposite. He noticed that his body was even more pumped than before, due to his workout at the SEALs. Cole took off Byron’s shirt and saw his samurai-tattooed chest, that was so different and yet, so familiar to him.
He was surprised when Byron turned away from him and walked towards the exit. Cole wanted to protest against this – after all, he still had to say goodbye to Kelly, or at least, tell her that where he was going – but he didn’t have time for that.
The cold from the outside stopped him in his tracks, as the sweat dried up, and his body that had been hot from all that dancing, began to cool down. Byron stopped, turned around and gave him the coat he was wearing, leading him to a Mercedes’ latest model. Cole thought how different it was from the old model that he had before. Was it bought by his father? He stopped when Byron opened the door for him.
“Sorry, I can’t!” Cole said, looking at those golden eyes that still looked at him with desire. “You're married to my sister!” – Cole took a step back. “You’ve made your choice, now deal with it!”
“What? But you made your choice!” Byron’s anger had replaced the desire in his eyes. “You said you wait for my answer until the next day, but you left before that!” Suddenly thinking about the suffering he went through when he was left by himself in the hospital, Cole slapped him. The pain he felt in his hand right after didn’t matter to him; he was unleashing the anger that he had repressed for so long, ever since that man broke his heart, and he kept beating him more and more. Cole started crying, as his hands were aching, but still, he didn’t stop hitting him. In an attempt of making Cole stop, Byron held Cole tightly, trying to calm him down.
“You know you'll only hurt yourself.” Byron said softly. Several people who were passing by looked at them with curiosity – after all, it was a big, muscular black man being attacked by a small man who looked like an elf –, but they didn’t stop to help.
“Shhh, calm down.” Byron said. And when Cole finally calmed down, he followed Byron to the car, and told him everything that had happened that night, without leaving anything out. He told Byron how he had been kicked out of the house, how he needed badly him by his side, and then, in tears, Cole told him about the rape and, for the first time, he admitted that his brother witnessed the whole thing. Byron took his man in his arms, wanting to make him feel safe and loved, while in his mind, he was already planning something. He would make John pay for what he had done, and he would see Walter too– he knew that John wouldn’t move a finger without his father's consent – but no one would hurt the little creature who loved him so much.
No one had that right, not even him.
Cole just wanted to be happy. Longing with desire, Byron kissed his thin hair, and then he looked intently at him. He kissed the scar, not caring a bit about its aesthetics – Cole was beautiful with or without it. Cole's mouth moved as if he was struggling to speak, but no sound came out. Byron kissed his mouth, and then, he started going down, as if he was following a trail down his stomach in order to get to his cock.
“Please.” Cole said. Byron laughed, his breath blowing over Cole’s sensitive member.
“What do you want me to do to you?”
“Suck it!” He ord
ered, quivering with desire. And so Byron did. All Cole had to do was ask, and he would give it all. Cole shouted, his body shaking violently, as a thin layer of sweat was covering his body. Not holding it any longer, he pulled the bigger man to his level to look at him and touched the broad chest in front of him, kissing the tattoo that he loved so much. Byron sighed, as he bit Cole’s earlobe. Cole’s breath became harder. Cole knew he was about to reach his climax, so he took out a lubricated condom he had in his back pocket and handed it to Byron. They took off their clothes as best as they could, in that cramped, expensive car, and Cole sat on top of his lover.
“Come, now!” Cole was very bossy for such a small guy, and Byron loved it. Many thought that gay men and little men were fruity, sensitive men, but they obviously had never met Cole, he was one of a kind – and he was all his.
Making sure that he was ready, Byron put the lubricated condom, which was a little tight for his big cock, and feeling quite horny, he penetrated him slowly, in his Elf’s sweet channel. Cole groaned, completely focused on the sensations that Byron did, teasing him impatiently by wiggling his hips, forcing the big man’s cock entering him completely.
“Oh, God!” Cole shouted with pleasure. Anyone who might’ve been passing the parking lot knew exactly what they were doing, but he didn’t care, as all that mattered was that man inside him now. He pursed his lips and when words of love started naturally coming of him, he bit them. He couldn’t say them. Byron pressed his penis vigorously, and Cole arched his back with pleasure.
“Yes! Like that!” He leaned against Byron’s body. When Byron bit his shoulder by grabbing his own cock, Cole couldn’t hold himself anymore, letting a cry escape his lips, while his sperm was leaving his body and fell to the dark chest in front of him. Cole’s smell, his cry and the way he moved his body left Byron in a frenzy from pure pleasure, and after two more thrusts, he came.
“Cole!” Byron shouted, feeling exhausted, but happy. He saw that Cole was already half asleep, as he always did after an orgasm, and he smiled. He was so beautiful. Then, he wondered how he would react when told him about the baby.
Byron closed his eyes, feeling at peace for the first time, in a long time. Could a person die of too much passion? He thought, holding the smaller man in his arms.
6
Cole woke up an hour later and looked around him. He was still in Byron’s car, who was looking at him. He must’ve been quite uncomfortable, holding him in that position all night.
“Sorry, I fell asleep!” Cole said, stating the obvious, rubbing his eyes with one hand.
“I'm used to it” Byron smiled fondly seeing his elf’s sleepy faces. “Do you know I always fall asleep after a good orgasm?”
“Silly!” Cole said, hitting the other man, even though he didn’t have the strength to really hurt him. Suddenly, he noticed that Byron was still inside him, and slowly, Byron removed his penis from Cole.
“Ouch! Oh, shit!” Cole saw the condom had completely shrunk, leaving the sperm out. “Look at this!”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up. Relax, you know that as a military, I'm tested regularly. If there was any danger, I would never have done it with you” Byron assured him.
“Well, one can never be too careful” assured Cole. “As a doctor, I’ve seen many patients who thought they took every precaution and then they found out about it in the worst possible way.”
“Okay, we can go take a test if you want.” Byron offered, as all he wanted was to see that man at peace.
“You bet!” Cole said. “We could go to the hospital tomorrow.”, but what he really wanted to know was whether Byron would return, so they can see each other again.
“Yes...Wait, I can’t! Anna has to go do some tests and...” Cole left his lap like a hurricane.
“Oh, my God! I’m so dumb!” Cole slapped his own forehead. “You’re still with her?” Cole shouted.
“It's not what you think.” Byron raised his hands, trying to calm Cole down, he had to hear it until the end. “She's pregnant and-” A slap interrupted his explanation. Cole looked as shocked as he did, but being already half-dressed and with his crumpled shirt in hand, he got out of the car. After recovering from the shock, Byron opened the door and followed Cole through the icy streets. It was probably about five o'clock in the morning, and a mist hovered over the town, but Cole didn’t feel the cold, he only felt angry.
“Wait Cole, come on! Byron had to run to catch up with him – he could be small, but when when Cole was angry, he was scary.
“I’m really stupid! You came all soft to me, and once again, I fell into the old “my wife doesn’t get me” story”.”
“That's not it! I've been away for two months, and I can almost count the times we had sex in my hand.”
“I honestly don’t want to hear about your sex life with another woman.” Cole looked to Byron, as if he could kill him in that empty street, jealous of hearing him talk about having sex with another woman. It made him boil with anger. Upset, he turned away and kept walking, determined not to hear anything the other man said. Fool, he was such a fool! And he believed him. Again!
“I don’t know if the baby is mine! Cole, she has other men and on top of that, she’s also doing drugs.”
“What?” Cole turned to Byron, feeling furious. “This is what? You have an open marriage, now? As she has other lovers, you think you were right to come after me for another round of sex?” He didn’t give a shit about him and their marriage arrangements, he wouldn’t be a part of it.
“There was none of that. We’re not together anymore. I asked for a divorce and she gave me this. I ordered a paternity test and everything. I can’t leave until I’m sure the baby is well taken care of, and if it’s mine or not.”
“That, as well?” Cole was infuriated by this uncotrolable curiosity growing inside him, but he couldn’t ask anything.
“I told you. She’s using drugs and she’s still doing it, knowing she’s pregnant. I have to make sure the baby is well.” Byron said a bit calmly, as if if Cole would hear it, it might give them a chance of ending up together.
“If you’re doubting the baby is yours, it means that there is a possibility that at some time, you had sex with her.”
“Oh, there was that time time I drank so much that I can not remember, and I'm ashamed to admit it. What we have seems so natural, but it just happens with you, it’s never like that with anyone else. It never was.” Byron confessed.
“What do you meen? You're gonna tell me you're almost a virgin?” Cole was skeptical at this, since Byron was the best partner he had in his life.
“No, of course not. It doesn’t have that hot and passionate fire, you know, as if we’re burning the bed.” He laughed with that, since it was a ridiculous explanation, but it was the best way he could describe it. Cole shivered and started rubbing his arms, trying to warm himself up.
“Come on, I'll take you home.” Byron offered. When he parked the car at the front door Cole told him, he was silent. He knew that Cole had a lot to think about, and it what Byron was wasking was no easy task. As Cole said nothing, Byron sighed and broke the silence.
“I know what I’m asking is too much, but as soon as the baby is born, if he’s not mine, I’ll ask for the divorce. I promise.”
“What I don’t understand is, can’t you take care of her if you’re just her friend? If it's so bad, you will need medical help, your help alone is not enough. There’s no logic that you’re living with a woman who doesn’t love you, especially in these conditions.”
“I know it's hard, but try to understand. She is not well and honestly, I don’t know if I can keep her in rehab against her will, especially if she’s pregnant.”
“I don’t think you’ve got the courage to come out, anyway. It shouldn’t be easy dealing with your family. I understand everything, but don’t ask me to wait for you.”
“Please, Cole!” Byron begged. “My family doesn’t know, but once everything is clear with Ann
a, I’ll talk to them and tell them the truth.”
“I can’t promise anything!” He had left the man to turn into into something that he didn’t like: a penniless lover, and he couldn’t let him get another piece of him, eventually losing his soul in the way.
“Do what you have to do, but do it for you. Because that's what you want to do, don’t do it for me. That way, you’ll end up hating me. If I still love you, if I’m still available, then maybe ...” Cole left before letting Byron speak. He knew he was having the right attitude. He couldn’t give himself away more than he already had. He loved Byron madly, but he also needed to remember that he had to love himself first.
***
Byron waited until Cole entered the building where he lived and after that, he started the car to go home. He knew Anna must’ve been asleep, so he did as little noise as possible. As soon as he got home, he noticed things seemed worse than before: Anna clothes that she wore to go to the club were scattered everywhere, and Anna herself was not there. He couldn’t believe the mess she had left behind her.
He would wait until she arrived. They needed to talk, and now, he knew what he wanted: he would stay away until the baby was born, as long as she guaranteed she wouldn’t harm the child. As soon as he was born, he would inform everyone –Anna, her family and the De Veres – about the divorce. If the child was his, he would take him away from that awful family and he would take care of him, even if he had to leave the military, no problem. He just had to make time to go visit Cole’s brother John and teach him a lesson he wouldn’t forget so soon. He clenched his fists when he remembered what Cole had told him.