by M J Giani
“Cole came here to start fights in the family, I think the best would be for him to go...” Anna’s voice was soft, but her gaze was scathing, as if she enjoyed it.
“Your father is sick, Anna, and you may think that I have come here to cause discord, but your mother knows I'm the best, so that’s why they asked for my help. But I will not stay where I'm not welcome.”
“Father already has a good doctor, Cole, don’t think you’re the only good one worldwide.” John said “We can call another doctor to help, if that's what Dad wants.”
“John, having the opinion of a second doctor that is expected to come here and do more tests could take weeks. Cole is right, he's good, very good, but they wouldn’t have chosen the head of the Cardiology Service of a private hospital.” Cole was surprised and really happy with this comment from Kelly. It was just an observation, but she was defending him.
“This is my home, and I am still the head of this household.” Walter didn’t like being ignored. “I know what's best for me. John is right. I can pay for a good doctor who will treat me. I'm not invalid, I can wait.”
“Father, you don’t realize, we can’t afford to wait weeks to do the operation.” His father looked at him in amazement and a bit of fear in his eyes.
“Cole, that's enough.” Byron shouted “You mustn’t tell him things like that!” Cole looked around and saw that his stepmother had entered the office, and heard his last comment.
“Cole, you better get out. It was clearly a mistake to have called you.” In the face of the people in the room, you could see several expressions, such as Anna’s satisfaction, the shock of others. He saw that wasn’t going to be supported, in fact, he had crossed the limit.
“I apologize. I won’t bother you anymore.” And from the office, he headed right to the front door. He shouldn’t have come back. His feelings were so mixed and shaken, that he didn’t know what he was doing. He said things that he would’ve never said to any patient, and he still had many things unresolved.
“Cole, wait!” Kelly said, and he looked at her, not knowing what to do. He remembered the last time he was in such a situation, and it had the same end: he was left alone and heartbroken.
“I don’t know what to say. Excuse me. I am so sad!”
“I'm used to this, and honestly, I’ve had worse. “He looked at her calmly. Being with her always soothed him, and this time wasn’t any different. “Will you be alright?”
“I think your father can benefit from my help.” Cole could tell by sadness in her eyes that she wanted to get another kind of answer from him. He knew she was hurt, but still, he wouldn’t change his mind.
“Yes. Take good care of them.”
Once Cole set foot outside the house, he realized it was raining. He looked at the sky, and he let the waterdrops fall down his face, wetting his hair and clothes. He took several deep breaths and felt quietness invading him. In his intimate, he was glad to leave. For starters, he shouldn’t have come back, anyway, but the fact he did taught him a good lesson: that the life hehad was very good. He had a great mother, a great career for one so young, and above all, he had a lot to offer to another. He had been thinking about seeing a therapist to solve his relationship problems, and he thought this finally was finally the time to do it. Who knows, maybe he could get a boyfriend in the future. He had to start living and not just surviving.
***
Byron heard the shouting in father-in-law’s office and saw Cole yelling at his father, unleashing all the sexual frustration he was feeling and not holding back, unaware of his surroundings. The look of sadness and pain in Cole's face, trying with all his strength not to cry, moved Byron to the point of feeling a twinge in his chest – something that all of Anna's tears had never been able to do – and after what was a big fight, Cole left.
Byron looked out the window and saw Cole standing in the rain, with his long blond hair completely wet and wearing a white T-shirt and tight jeans that clung to his body, revealing his abs and long legs. This image was driving him crazy. At that moment, he didn’t seem the great surgeon who had came to the big city, but the young man he had known years ago. He let everyone in the room continue with their discussions, and he ran after Cole, before he got in the car and was gone forever. Cole was still standing there, with his eyes closed and his face turned to the sky, feeling such a pain in his chest it was a miracle that he was still standing.
“You’re so beautiful...” Byron didn’t notice he had spoken aloud, until Cole opened his eyes and looked at him. His lip was quivering, and without realizing, Byron lowered his head and kissed him. He wasn’t the impulsive kind of guy, he never had been, but his body acted before he had time to think. At first, Cole didn’t move, as he was very shocked, but when he finally managed to move, trying to pull himself from that kiss, Byron grabbed him tightly, keeping their bodies so cloe that one couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. There was no space left between them, as their thighs were tightly pressed against each other.
On impulse, Cole put his hand on Byron’s head, feeling the softness of his dark hair, and he wrapped his arms around Byron, afraid that he would go away from him, and he put in that kiss all his feelings and desires. Byron put his tongue in that slight opening of the lips that Cole allowed him, and tried to capture the warmth and taste of Cole's mouth. Suddenly, he let out a sexy roar, as if he had been longing for this for a long time.
That was the kiss Cole always dreamed of, the kind that a person felt through his whole body. But it was already too late...A noise woke Cole from his thoughts, and he remembered that all of this was a mistake. Byron was not his. He was married and had a young son. And while he didn’t care about hurting his half-sister, he could never harm a child, or betraying the person that he was.
Cole pushed him away, and even the gesture cost him as much as his chest was asking for the opposite – to hold him tight and never let him go – he knew it was the right thing.
“Stop!” He couldn’t look into the eyes of the man he had always loved, and feel that desire to look at him, after the passionate kiss they had just shared.
“Cole, please...” Byron’s voice was so hoarse it was a miracle that Cole could understand what he was saying.
“No! What we had in the past hurt me once, and I won’t give you the opportunity of hurting me again. You have the woman you chose for yourself, and you have the life you’ve always wanted.”
“Anna was a mistake! We’re separated and...”
“Enough! I don’t want to hear what have to say. Do you have any idea what you made me go through? From what I have suffered for your uncertainty? This scar is not an accessory, it is a constant reminder of your choice, and if I can live with it, you can also live your life. Consider yourself happy that your choice has brought you a son, and only a few years of unhappiness.”
“It was an impossible choice; I was doomed for failure!” Byron’s despair grew as he felt this was the end of their love story.
“Yes, I know. It’s one more thing that you’ll have to learn to live with.” Cole turned around and walked toward his car. He was going back to his life, no more suffering for the undeserving. It was a zero for Byron, this victory was his. He only hoped that he could win the war, and that his body learned not to react to one man in the world.
That would be perfect, but what a most unfortunate victory...
***
When Anna showed up in the morning and Byron saw her dilated eyes, it was the last straw. He asked for the divorce, and in response, she left him with a headache that threatened to ruin his whole day. When screaming lost its effect on him, she tried tears, and then resorted to blackmail, threatening to run away with the child to a place he could never find them. He didn’t hold himself back with this threat and told her that he would put her in court, if necessary, to let everyone know that she was a drug addict and that she spent more time running after drug dealers than taking care of her son. He was also to blame, as for a long tim
e, he took refuge in their own problems with intimacy, but now it was the time of becoming a father. After all, Jason deserved better, as he wasn’t guilty of the adult’s problems.
***
When Cole returned to the hospital, he could finally breathe properly. Ever since he had left his father's house that he had a heavy heart, as if moving away from there cost him more now than it did, eight years ago, which was saying a lot.
The nurses in the infirmary saw Cole and flinched, as if he were Frankenstein.
“Good morning, Doctor.” they said at the same time.
“Good morning, ladies, how are you?” They were preparing to leave, but stopped in amazement. The man who was nicknamed Frozen had not only answered their question, but had also done a courteous question.
“Uhm, fine?”
“Are you asking me or answering me? Cole asked, amused with their reactions. He looked at the other nurses now, who were as surprised as two of his colleagues who were listening to the conversation.
“Hum, what to say? I mean, yes, yes. We’re well, aren’t we, Maria?” She asked her colleague, who apparently, she was the bravest of the two.
“Yes, we’re fine, thanks for asking.” He thought that he had made her suffer enough now, so he decided to let them work. Now that he had taken the weight of the suffering he was carrying, he saw that in the past, his attitude didn’t help him making friends. Since he was aware of his looks and intelligence, he had become a snob, but now, he would do everything to change that. He didn’t want to live in the shadow of the past anymore.
“Well, have a nice day.” When he went away, he heard the whispers behind him, but instead of getting frustrated or upset, he laughed, which made him stop with the shock. Going to his parents' home had its low points, but it also had its advantages. Since he had come back, he actually felt lighter and smiled more often, and even his scar didn’t bother him as before.
He got out of his office, with the intention of eating something and take a break, but had an appointment at Dr. Marlowe’s office. Dr. Marlowe was the psychologist who worked at the hospital, and she always wanted to make him sit on her couch and undress his soul – as well as his clothes – which made him want to get away from there as fast he could. So it was no wonder that he saw the confusion and delight on her face when he stopped at her door. After all, it was the opposite of what he usually did.
“Dr. Taylor, what a pleasure.” Was it just him or she was purring? “What can I do for you?”
“In fact, Doctor, I was wondering if you had a little time to see me...” He closed the door behind him and headed for the long dark blue couch in the room. Cole hoped she really had lots of spare time, as it would take a long time before that session was over.
***
Anna was a headache. Again. Was it possible that every time she opened her mouth, the conclusion would be the same?
“I told you, and it's my final word. I want a divorce and Jason will come with me. If you try to do anything, I will tell you parents the truth, and I doubt that they will continue supporting your addictions, when they know how you use the money they gave you.”
“You wouldn’t do this, I doubt it. I would tell your parents the real reason you want a divorce.”
“The difference between the two of us is that I’m not afraid of who I really am.”
He left home that day, taking Jason with him and the few belongings he had, and went to Manhattan to live with one of his army buddies, Jeff. Byron knew it wasn’t worth going back to his parents’ house, because they were against divorce, and even more against being gay. Besides, he was afraid of the comments that they would do, if they knew that their gay son was out of service, had filed for divorce and had taken his son away from the child’s mother to live with him. And worse than that, he had decided to live his life honestly, with no more lies. Yes, it was better not to imagine anything at all.
Looking around Jeff's guest room, he saw that he had to find an apartment for him and his son. Jeff was a great guy, but his house was not suitable for a child who liked to walk. Thank God, Jason was asleep now, but during the day, he would walk and try to explore his surroundings.
He sat on the bed, gently, careful so as to not wake the baby who was sleeping next to him, and picked up a pen and a notebook. He made a to-do list, though he knew what he wanted: first, he would first have to seek two properties, one for his security company and another one for him to live with his son. When he had them both furnished and ready, he would have to deal with third part of his plan: to bring Cole back. He had much time to think there, and he saw that he had been unfair to Cole in his parents’ house, and now, he would do everything in his power to erase the bitterness he had seen in the young man’s eyes.
Byron hoped he would still be willing to give him one more chance.
He was afraid of the answer, but taking refuge in fear had never been a good choice, and what had happened in the past couldn’t stop him from having a future with the only person he loved. He looked at his son’s face and corrected his own thinking: with the second person he loved the most in the world.
He turned off the light and laid down as quietly as he could: Jason was a very light sleeper, it was as if he knew he had so many changes to face that he slept very little, but not once Jason had cried, calling for Anna. It hurt him to see that Jason didn’t miss his own mother. Anna had just gotten pregnant to make sure that he wouldn’t leave her, and maybe if he hadn’t appeared in her life, she might’ve been a good person and especially, a good mother. However, her addiction, her constant infidelities and the number of times she had left the child at her sister’s or her mother made him realize it was a risk to leave the child at her side. He tried to sleep, and just before sleep took a hold of him, he smiled with his last thought: Did Cole like children? And would he like Jason?
12
Cole looked around the club, and he thought it was a good idea to have gone there. He had been invited by another doctor, Roy, who was in his last year of residency and had just been transferred to the Prescott-Reid University Hospital. He didn’t know him, and though the nurses liked to talk about the doctors’ lives, Roy didn’t seem interested in gossip. Earlier that day, he had gone up to Cole with an innocent expression and a simple question that had taken Cole out of his usual coldness.
“How did you get that scar? Is it true that you were kidnapped as a child?” It took him a few minutes for Cole to compose himself and answer his questions spontaneously, especially made by a person who didn’t know about the story.
“Sorry, what?” He must’ve kept his mouth open, because Roy closed it with a finger.
“Those are the rumors going around the hospital. I don’t believe them, but I thought about getting that story clear.” He said, laughing mischeviously.
“Are you always so...so...” Cole was looking for a more diplomatic word than "idiot", but he was failing miserably.
“Extrovert? Super-cute?”
“Okay, I was going to say something like "nosy", but I've heard stuff like that before, so...” Cole could only laugh at this boy’s refreshing attitude, and do something that he hadn’t done in a long time
“I'm Cole Taylor, nice to meet you.” Cole held out his hand to the other man.
“Yes, I know who you are. I'm Roy Quinn, and I am a resident, in the fourth year of college.”
“Really? How come I’ve never seen you before?
“I was at the Memorial Hospital, in Atlanta, but I caught my boyfriend in bed with a girl, so I thought I needed a change and, voila!” He gestured with his hand to accompany the word, as if talking to a perfect stranger about things from his personal life was something completely normal.
“Okay. Well done for you!” Cole didn’t really know what to say, but it was nice talking to a person who had never seen him before.
“You know? I’ve heard of a new gay nightclub that opened recently, it’s called Black Arrow, what do you think about going there?” Roy asked sudden
ly. What? Without understanding, Cole gave a vague answer. It seemed that Roy started a conversation in his mind, that he ended talking aloud, or vise versa, which turned everything into a complicated monologue.
“Yes, it sounds good.” He wasn’t sure what answer Roy wanted to hear. In fact, it had been a long time that Cole hadn’t gone out to have fun in a gay bar, but he wouldn’t say it to a complete stranger –jJust because Roy enjoyed telling his life to the first person he saw, it didn’t mean others were like that.
“Good!” Roy said, rising from his chair. “I’ll be waiting for you, at ten o’clock, when the club opens.”
“Wait!” Cole didn’t have time to say anything else, but Roy was gone. Oh, my gosh! In the midst of this weird one-way conversation, had he accepted to go clubbing with a perfect stranger? He didn’t know, but the truth was that, at ten o'clock, he was dressed in his best clothes in the said nightclub, waiting for a person who he had just met for five minutes. When he was thinking about giving up, Roy came from the other side of the road, waving at him.
“Cole, here!” Roy shouted, as he ran down the road, paying attention to the passing cars. “Have you been here for a long time?” Cole looked at him up and down, and he had to admit that Roy was magnificent, wearing tight denim pants with a few holes here and there, and a short white T-shirt.
“No, I’ve only gotten here like, five minutes ago or soomething. Let's go to the queue.”
“It isn’t neccessary, my roommate works as a security here. Come on.” Roy grabbed his arm and pulled him to the door, ignoring the jeers of the people who had already been in line for several hours.
“Roy! Who is your friend?” Cole looked at the man who spoke with his new friend and he almost choked. Though he looked 5 years younger he could almost be Byron’s twin brother: he was tall, with beautiful chocolate skin, his head was shaved, and his eyes were brown, instead of the Byron’s golden eyes. But apart from that, he was almost alike.