by Cameron Hart
“Harp, you know I love you, right?”
“Yeah, Emma. I love you too.” I smile and look over at her. She’s so fucking innocent, even after everything she’s been through these last few weeks. I love that about her. I love that she’s still open to trusting people. It gives me hope that she’d be able to forgive me one day and still be my bestie.
“I have to leave town for a bit.”
“What? Is this because of the apartment? I can work more hours at the coffee shop or get a second job. You don’t have to leave, Emma. Please?”
God, this girl is killing me.
“No, Harp, it’s not about that. I said I’d get you set up somewhere, and I swear I will. I was planning on leaving even before all of this happened today.” I cringe, knowing how bad that sounds. “It’s…complicated. I can’t tell you about it, but just know I’m okay and I’ll always make sure you’re okay too. I have some shit to deal with.”
Harper is quiet. Too quiet. I look over and see tears running down her cheeks.
“Please don’t cry, Harper. I’m so sorry this is shitty timing. You know I wouldn’t abandon you, right? I just have some stuff to take care of.” I know I’m a broken record, but I don’t know what else to say.
“Does it have to do with the calls you’ve been getting?” She whispers.
I nod, not trusting myself to speak without breaking down.
“Can you tell me about it? I know you are a private person and you have your secrets. I don’t need everything, but can you give me something? Anything? You know I’ll worry about you if you just leave and don’t tell me where you’re going or how long you’ll be gone.”
Fuck. This is so fucking hard. Do I lie to her? Give her some peace of mind even if it’s all fake? That’d be the kind thing to do. But I hate the idea of being anything but honest with Harper. That’s why I don’t say much; I’d rather things be left in the dark than have to lie or cover something up.
I decide to go the same route as I did with Roman.
“My mom died.”
“Emma! Oh my god, why didn’t you say anything?”
I shrug. “I mean, you know how it was between us.”
“Actually, I don’t. You never talk about her. Or anything that happened in Florida.”
Her words sting a bit, but I deserve it.
“There’s not much to tell. She was a junkie, and she finally died doing what she loved – snorting whatever she could up her nose.”
“I’m so sorry, Emma.” She squeezes my hand again.
“So, I have to take care of a few loose ends, pay my respects and all that.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“Fuck no,” I say a little too forcefully.
Harper winces, and I regret my reaction. The thought of her anywhere near Craig and his insidious smile makes me want to punch a hole in the wall.
“Sorry, Harp. It’s just not a good place. You’re doing me a favor by getting us set up here while I’m away, okay?”
I hate myself for lying, for letting her believe it’s a temporary thing, but it’s better this way. I don’t think she’d let me go without a fight if I told her I probably wouldn’t see her again.
Harper looks at me like she knows there’s more to the story, but she lets me have this out.
“Okay, Emma.”
We lay on her bed for a while longer. When Harper drifts off to sleep, I sneak back over to my own bedroom. I have a few more things to take care of before getting Harper set up and skipping town.
Chapter 12
Roman
I call my dad as soon as I land in Vermont. The entire plane ride here was a fucking shit show. Not the flight itself, more my state of mind. I know I need to be here for my family; it’s who I am. I’m the reliable one, I’m the responsible one. My younger sister, Tessa, is a bit of a wild child, though she's cleaned up her act a lot these past few years. I don't mind filling the role of protector, in fact, I find a lot of purpose and identity in that. I'm sure that played a huge part in why I became a cop, and eventually a detective.
However, as soon as I stepped foot on the plane, I longed for Emma. I wanted a fight. Fighting I could do. She seems to want that from me too. We can fight and then we can fuck and then she'll be too worn out to leave me again.
There’s nothing I can do about it right this second. I’ll have to wait to see how mom is doing before I can book a flight back home. I fucking need Emma in my arms. I don’t care what it takes. I’ll follow her around for years, wear her down, beg her to be mine, to trust me. Even if she denies me, I’ll be happy just to keep an eye on her and make sure she’s safe.
“Roman?” My dad catches my attention as soon as I get to the waiting room of the hospital.
“Pops, how’s she doing?” My dad surprises the hell out of me by giving me a hug.
Shit, it must be worse than I thought.
“She’s…well, I think you need to see her, son. It’s good you’re here.”
I follow my dad down the hall and into mom’s room. She’s hooked up to every machine imaginable – one that’s breathing for her, one that’s monitoring her heart and her oxygen, one that’s pumping shit into her veins.
I walk over and gently place a hand over hers. “Hey, mom. It’s Roman.”
“She’s in a coma still. They’re not sure if…” he chokes up but recovers quickly. “Well, they’re just not sure.”
I know what he means without him having to say the words. They’re not sure if she’s going to survive. I nod and take a seat next to the bed.
“Why don’t you go get some food, dad? I can stay here with mom. It’ll be good to have some alone time with her.”
Dad hesitates but eventually leaves the room. He looks like shit and probably hasn't eaten or slept in over twenty-four hours.
I turn my attention back to mom.
“Hey, momma. It’s Roman,” I say as I rub my thumb over her knuckles. “You always were one with the dramatics when I stayed away from you guys for too long.”
I smile at her, but the guilt trip I’m giving myself is a little too real.
“I need you to wake up, mom. I finally met someone. I know you thought I’d be a lonely bastard for the rest of my life, but it turns out I was just waiting for the perfect woman to come my way. You’d love her. I can’t wait to bring her back here to meet you soon.”
I smile and tear up a bit at the thought of Emma meeting my mom. Her own mother was a waste of space, but I know my mom will make up for that in spades. My mom is so kind and generous, and always one to give a hug. That being said, she’s also tough as nails and won’t hesitate to set you straight.
I continue to tell my mom about Emma. It helps me deal with the fact that I’m half a country away from her, and also feels like I can kind of introduce them, even under these circumstances.
“Emma is beautiful, mom. She’s a tiny little spitfire who gives me a run for my money. She hasn’t had an easy life and she doesn’t trust easily, but I’m trying to treat her right and love her well. I have you and pops to thank for that. You both showed me how to sacrifice for the ones you love. And I do love her. So, you see, you have to pull through this. You have to meet her, mom.”
She just lays there, still and silent while the machines sustain her. I sit by her side until I fall asleep, dreaming of Emma.
“Roman?”
I blink my groggy eyes open, unsure of where I’m at for a moment. My back and neck are stiff, my left leg is asleep, and I have a pounding headache.
“Roman?” The scratchy but familiar voice finally snaps me out of my sleepy haze.
“Mom?” I shoot up out of my chair and pop every joint in my body in the process.
“It’s so good to see you, boy. Did you come all this way for little old me?”
“Jesus, mom, are you okay? Can I get you something? I’m going to call a nurse.”
She squeezes my hand and I stand still.
“Roman! Language! I taught
you better than that.”
I suppress the urge to roll my eyes at her. Here she is, half-dead in a hospital bed, scolding me for using the Lord's name in vain.
“Sorry, ma.” I get her a glass of water and hit the call button for the nurse.
Two nurses come in, along with a doctor. While they are checking her out, I call dad and let him know mom is awake. I give them a few minutes together and step out to call Emma. I know she probably won’t answer, but I need to try anyway.
When I walk back into the room, it's just mom and dad. Mom's sleeping and dad looks like he got hit by a fucking bus.
“What did the doctor say, pops?”
He's holding my mom's hand in a possessive grip. I can't imagine what he's gone through these last few days. If anything like this ever happened to Emma, I'd be a wreck.
“We won’t know about the mental or emotional side effects of the stroke for a while, but she is paralyzed on the right side of her body and her vision is very weak. She can start rehab next week. They hope with some exercises, she can regain most of the feeling in her arm and leg.”
“Good, that’s good dad.”
He nods and leans forward, resting his head on mom's shoulder. He openly cries as he hugs her. The man has seen war, killed people, watched his brothers die in front of him, but his wife getting sick has brought him to his knees. I get it. I fucking get it.
“What do you need from me, dad?” Even though we know mom isn’t going to die, there’s still a long road to recovery and I can’t abandon my dad now. I know I’d need support if I were in his position, and my pops doesn’t have very many people in his life.
Dad clears his throat and wipes a hand down his face. He’s in no state of mind to figure any of this shit out, so I step up and call some shots.
“How about I stay here for a bit with mom and you can take a shower and get some rest. Then while you’re here tomorrow, I can work on moving some stuff into the guest bedroom downstairs for mom. I’m guessing she won’t be able to tackle the stairs for a while.”
Dad just nods his head, the exhaustion clearly setting in.
“Yeah…Yeah, that sounds good son.”
He kisses mom on the cheek before getting up and stretching.
“Thank you, Roman. I don’t know what I would have done if…well, just thanks, son.” He leans in for a hug again. This whole thing really shook him up, to the point of making him a hugger. Who would have guessed?
“Of course, dad. This is what family is for.”
“I know. But it still means a lot. Especially knowing you left a young woman behind for us.”
“You heard that, huh?” I rub a hand on my back of my neck self-consciously.
"Sure did. I also heard the part where you learned a lot from your mom and me, on how to treat someone right."
I meet his gaze and nod. “It’s true, pops. You and mom love each other, and you’ve modeled that for Tessa and me. It’s not always easy, but you both know how to fight for what you have every day.”
He gets a faraway look in his eye and the corner of his lip ticks up in a small smile. “I knew your mother was it for me as soon as I looked her in the eyes. She, however, tried running away at every turn,” he chuckles at the memory.
“Really? I never knew that.”
“Oh, yes. She thought she could get away from me, but I wore her down and put a ring on her finger.” His smile drops and he searches my eyes. “Is your little lady like that, son? A runner?”
I nod in confirmation. “She’s running from more than just me though. She’s…” I search for the right words. “She has a past. One she thinks is too scary for me to handle. But I know she loves me. I just have to get her to see that.”
“You knew it from the first time you saw her, didn’t you?”
“I did. She’s it for me.”
Dad claps a hand on my shoulder and chuckles again. “I know where you’re at, son. But when you finally get your girl, well…it’s everything. It’s worth the late nights, the fights, the frustration, and the pain. Are you sure you want to be here with us?”
“I do. I wouldn’t be a man worthy of her love if I abandoned my family in their time of need.”
“You are a good man, Roman. Your mom and I are so proud of you.” He hugs me again, and I swear I see tears in his eyes.
“Thanks, pops. Now get some sleep, you look like shit.”
He barks a laugh. “Don’t let your mom hear you say that,” my dad chuckles as he walks out of the room.
I sit with my mom for a bit and then step out to call Tyler.
“Hey, Roman, what’s going on?”
“Tyler, it’s been a hell of a day.”
“Everything okay, man? You sound exhausted.”
“Yeah. I’m in Vermont, my mom had a stroke. She’s okay, but the recovery time is a lot longer than expected. I’m not sure how long I’ll be out here.”
“Shit, Roman, I’m sorry to hear that. Do you need anything? How’s your girl? Sarah wants to know when we can have you two over for dinner.”
Tyler, ever the romantic.
“Emma and I sort of…” I huff out a breath. What do I even say? “Well, she’s running from something.”
“I figured as much when you called me that first time. Is she okay?”
“Yeah. No. I mean, yes. For now. She’s skittish. We…fuck, this shit is hard to talk about.”
“Take your time.”
“I love her, man.”
“I know,” he laughs. “You’re not very subtle.”
I can’t help but laugh with him. “Right. Well, we had an amazing couple of weeks. But she’s scared to commit, scared to mean anything to anyone. I woke up yesterday morning and she had left me in the middle of the night. I was going to go find her, but then my dad called and now I’m here.”
“Shit, Roman. That sucks. Did you guys have a fight?”
"Kind of. She tried leaving me earlier, but I caught her sneaking out. She was trying so damn hard to push me away, telling me all of this bullshit about how she's no good, how she just wanted to fuck me, how she can't be with me. I talked her down and we went back to bed, but then in the morning, she was gone again. I'm going out of my damn mind."
"I assume you've tried contacting her and haven't gotten ahold of her?"
“Yup. I tried calling and texting to let her know where I was. I don’t want her to think I just left her, especially since I think I’m going to be here for a few weeks. What the fuck do I do, Tyler? I should have found her and made her come with me.”
“Roman, I think we both know that would have been a terrible idea.”
I groan into the phone. “At least I would have her here, even If she hated me.”
"Listen up. I think this could be a good thing. She's clearly not ready for the intensity of your relationship. I'm not saying she won't get there – you are nothing if not persistent, my friend, but if she keeps trying to get some space, maybe you should give it to her. I love you like you're my own brother, but you can be suffocating sometimes."
I scoff at his accusation, but I know he’s right. “So, what, just leave her alone? What if she needs me? What if whoever she’s running from finds her? I don’t know how to let her go, Tyler.”
“You’re not letting her go. You’re giving her room to breathe. You’re giving her a chance to miss you. Give it some time, Roman. She has your number, right? She can get a hold of you if she needs to. Do you think she’d call you if she got into trouble?”
My mind flashes to the night she showed up at my house when she found out her mom died.
“I do. I think she knows I’ll always protect her.”
“Okay, then. Give her some space. You sort your shit out, let her sort her shit out, and then you can find her when you get back. If she calls you and needs help, you know I’ll be there and do what I can.”
“I don’t like this plan,” I grunt.
"I know, big guy. It sucks knowing you can strong-arm everything and
everyone."
I roll my eyes. I can practically hear his grin over the phone.
“I should get back to my mom. Thanks for talking with me, Tyler.”
“Anytime, Roman. Keep me posted about your mom and about your girl. See you when you get back.”
We hang up and I take a deep breath. I fucking miss Emma and I hate that we left things in such a state of uncertainty. Well, for her. I am certain about our future. I'll have to get her off the pill as soon as I get back. I refuse to wait a second longer than necessary to start the rest of our lives together.
Chapter 13
Emma
It’s been almost two weeks since I left Harper and Roman. I rented the cheapest motel for Harp and paid for two weeks upfront, despite her protests. I felt bad about the quality of the place, but Harper understood we were on a tight budget. I quit both of my jobs and have been focusing on my schoolwork. I’m glad I decided to take my last semester online, though now I think I’m going to have to drop out for good.
I had to put some distance between Harper and me in case Craig finds me. I don't want her to be harmed in any way. I plan to get farther away once she's settled, but I can't seem to leave her completely till she's out of the motel. When I see her new place, I'll be able to leave her for good.
I thought it’d be harder to avoid Roman, but so far, I haven’t seen or heard from him at all. Granted, I ditched my phone the day after Tracy kicked us out and bought a burner phone. Harper is the only one with my number, and I made her promise not to give it to anyone.
Still, Roman knows the neighborhood I’d be in and I thought for sure he’d track me down. I keep telling myself it’s a good thing that he’s moved on. I just thought that for all of his sweet words and promises, he wouldn’t give up so easily.
Doesn’t matter. I’m staying in my car for the time being – Ramona and I against the world – and then I’m gonna sell the old girl and use that money to buy a bus ticket somewhere far, far away. Maybe Seattle? That’s about as far away from Florida as you can get.