by HJ Bellus
“That’s fair.” He snaps his mouth shut. Whatever he was going to say dies on his lips. “I’ll be back for dinner tonight, and we can go from there.”
Jessie tilts back his coffee mug, draining the rest of the coffee. He stands and leaves without another word.
Chapter 7
Jessie
I take my hat off and hold it in front of me when entering the funeral home. Cars line both sides of the road. The place is packed for the viewing. A floral scent intoxicates me. There are dozens and dozens of bouquets. I spot the one I sent over. I know it’s mine because of the different shades of purple. One color. Jules’ favorite.
It takes me long moments before I spot Jules standing next to her grandma. She’s dressed in a simple off-the-shoulder black dress and standing tall and proud, nodding her head listening to whatever is being said. My gaze roams down her exposed tanned legs. I can’t get enough of her. And it’s not because I’ll never have her again. Hell no, it’s true love. The kind that never fades or dies out no matter the amount of years that have gone by.
A twirling motion catches my attention. Whit is snuggled up to her mom’s leg, swinging the bottom of her black dress. Her tiny hands have black gloves on them. Her hair is piled up on her head and tied off with a black headband. When she raises her head, bright red lipstick comes into view. I can’t help the smile that plays out on my face. She’s the sunshine in this storm.
I find myself walking over to them. Whit’s eyes grow in size when she spots me. She drops her mom’s hand and bolts for me. I bend down, catching her in my arms. Her tiny arms wrap around my neck.
“Oh, Jessie, I’m so glad you’re here.”
I stand up, keeping her tucked to my chest. “Yeah?”
“I hate it here.”
“I know, baby girl. I know.” I kiss her head.
“Momma and Nana are so sad, and these people won’t shut up.”
I chuckle. “Oh Whit, you never sugarcoat a thing.”
I step over to Jules’ side. She peers up at me with a small smile. Without thinking, I lean down and kiss her forehead.
“Jules, I’m so sorry.”
“Thank you,” she whispers.
It’s not lost on me she hasn’t stepped away from me or reacted to the kiss. It was natural as if we haven’t missed a single day.
“Can we go, Momma?” Whit runs her hand through the hair on the nape of my neck.
“No, honey. Soon, though.”
She huffs.
I lean back down in a selfish move to whisper into Jules’ ear. Her lilac scent washes over me. My lips glide along the shell of her ear. I have no self-control right now.
“I can take her by the dance studio and introduce her to the teacher, then head home,” I offer.
Jules shakes her head. Her sad eyes stare back up at me. “What if someone says something?”
“They won’t,” I reassure her.
After several long moments, she finally nods. “Okay, thank you. I have a meatloaf at home for dinner tonight.”
“Yuck. I hate meatloaf,” Whit whines.
“Hey.” I tap her nose. “We’ll figure out something. You’ve gotta be a good girl, okay?”
She nods her head. Jules grabs my forearm, tugging me closer to her. She shocks the shit out of me when she reaches up on her tiptoes and kisses my cheek.
“Thank you, Jessie.”
The greedy bastard that I am steals one more kiss. It’s the sweetest hell pulling my lips from her forehead. I weave through the crowd, ignoring all the inquisitive stares. Shit like that in this small town has always driven me fucking nuts. It wore on me after I returned home injured. It was as if I had to prove myself again. I played right into the head games. Not now. There are two important ladies in my life, and they’re all that matter.
“Jessie.” Whit taps my cheek. “I need my booster seat from Momma’s car.”
She points to Jules’ car the same time I hear my name being hollered. I turn around to see Jules jogging down the steps, waving her keys in the air.
“You can take my car.” She extends the keys, breathing heavily.
“No way in hell am I driving that thing,” I reply.
She rolls her eyes. “Jessie, it’s a car.”
“Exactly.” I snag the keys from her hand and grab the booster seat while juggling Whit.
“See, problem fixed.” I hand her back the keys.
Underneath the sunshine, I can see through Jules’ light layer of make-up. The black lines under her eyes are evident. Not to mention her sagging shoulders.
“You doing okay?” I brush away a stray piece of hair.
“Needed a break from in there.” She brushes her palms down her front. “It’s almost over.”
Jules take a few moments gaining her bearings before kissing Whit and walking back into the funeral home. Whit shows me how to put her seat in my truck. It’s not rocket science, but I listen attentively to each of her instructions. I don’t know much about kids, but I do know airbags are a big no-no as well having little kids sit in the front. Thank God this old gem doesn’t have any airbags or I wouldn’t be able to take my daughter anywhere. I make a note to buy a booster seat to have in my truck.
“Um, Jessie, you’re forgetting something.” Whit points when I settle in behind the steering wheel.
I quirk up an eyebrow in question.
“Seat belt.” She rolls her eyes.
I crack a smile and follow the little queen’s orders. The cab doesn’t stay quiet for long as I pull out on Main Street.
“Jessie?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you think my papa is in heaven?” She stares out the window.
“I sure do. There’s no doubt.” I reach over and grab her petite hand. “He was one of the best guys I ever knew.”
“Does he just sit up there on the clouds? It makes me sad he’s so far away from all of us.”
I gently squeeze her hand the same time a vice crushes my heart. “Naw, he’s up there with all of his friends and animals that have passed. He’s never too far away. He has the perfect seat up there watching everything you do, that’s for certain.”
“Okay.” She bobs her head.
I pull in front of the dance studio on the edge of town. My phone goes off in my pocket. The inevitable call I knew was coming. Shocked as shit it hadn’t happened yet. I haven’t had time to take care of it. I reach in my pocket, sending it straight to voicemail.
“Who was that, Jessie?” Whit keeps her head down, struggling with the buckle on the seatbelt.
“No one important.” The words are bitter rolling off my tongue. It’s a harsh statement, but the truth. Shayna was nothing but a time filler. The next step in life and all that jazz. Settling is an understatement in this situation. In the beginning, I thought there was a good chance it would all work out. I should’ve trusted my gut. Shayna loves the glory of being with the once hometown hero and head football coach. She gloats on the glory and lives it up.
Whit scrambles out of her booster seat and into my lap. We wiggle out of the truck. She takes my hand and begins swinging it as we walk up to the dance studio.
“You know I really love it here. It’s so much better than California.”
“You have no idea how happy that makes me.”
Forty minutes later, Whit is signed up for hip-hop and ballet. Her grin is contagious. I was shocked how shy she was around other kids her age. It took her a bit to warm up, and once she did, it was all over. With her schedule clutched to her chest, she skips to the truck.
“Tuesday, don’t forget, Jessie. You have to take me, okay?”
“It’s a date, sweetie.” I kiss the top of her head and round the front of my truck. “How about pizza for dinner?”
“Yes, yes, yes!” She fist-pumps the air. “This is the best day ever.”
Nerves of fear and anxiety course through me. God, I hope she’ll be thinking that later tonight after dinner. The events of the day settle in on me.
I’m bone tired and only riding the high of being around Whit and Jules.
Chapter 8
Jules
“Doing okay?” Tessi wraps an arm around my shoulders. “What can I get you?”
“I’d say wine and a bed, but I’ll just go with a bed tonight.” I sag into her.
“The turnout was amazing. How’s your grandma holding up?”
I shake my head. “She’s putting on a front. I’m waiting for her to crash. It’s going to be brutal.”
“I know. I’ll be by your side, and honestly, you and Whit are exactly what she needs. Speaking of Whit, I saw Jessie come in earlier.”
She leaves the statement open, waiting on details. If I had the energy to be pissed, I would be. The moment I made eye contact with him, I felt safe and as if I could make it through this living nightmare. His starched Wranglers hugged his ass perfectly. It was his button-down shirt with the few top buttons undone that did me in. The sight, scent, and touch made everything better.
“Yeah, he took Whit to the dance studio. This has been hard as hell on her. She’s resilient but acting out a bit.”
“God, the way he looks at her and you. It’s something else, but I’m surprised Shayna wasn’t by his side.”
This gets my attention. I pop up in a standing position. “Shayna?”
“Yeah, they’ve been together for a while now.” Tessi’s face softens in remorse.
“As in Shayna Morten? As in the bitch who made it her life’s mission to make my life a living hell?”
She nods and nibbles down on her bottom lip. “I’m sorry, Jules.”
I wave her off. “It doesn’t matter.”
The biggest lie that has ever left my lips. I’m not stupid, knowing damn well there have been other women in Jessie’s life, but Shayna? Looks like she won in the long end. Anger brews up low in my belly. I see red. I have no idea why I’m feeling this way, and it only pisses me off even more. A tiny voice in the back of my head whispers the truth…because you’re still in love with him.
“A few nights ago, her cousin proposed to one of her friends at Gravy Dave’s. The word on the street is she flipped out on Jessie, making a whole scene. He settled with her. He doesn’t love her.”
I hold up a hand. “None of my business. Seriously, I have enough shit to work through. I have to focus on Whit and my grandma.”
“Okay, okay.” She wraps me up in a hug. “I’m sorry about all of this. Are you sure you don’t want that wine?”
I grumble. “I seriously think I’m still hung-over, so that’s a big fat no. Thank you for being here, Tessi.”
Once the final person leaves the viewing, Grandma and I walk out to my car hand in hand.
“That was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do.” She stops walking and breaks down. “How am I going to do this?”
I drop her hand and tuck her head to my shoulder, letting her cry. This is her rock bottom. Never in all of the years has she broken down in public, let alone on Main Street. I give her time before getting her settled in the car.
“Jessie and Whit are meeting us at home.” I break the silence first.
“She loves him. Makes my heart happy,” she replies.
“He’s with Shayna.” The statement comes out before I can think it over.
Nana clutches her purse in her lap. “He is. No one can stand her. Much hasn’t changed. Jessie is miserable with her.”
She goes on to tell me about the latest gossip and proposal disaster. It turns out it was the night I drove back into town and the reason Gravy Dave’s was packed. It’s enough information to make me sick. My heart races in my chest, and sweat beads form on my forehead. The thought of Jessie proposing to another woman, let alone Shayna, devastates me. Then a vicious cycle of hating and hurting begins.
“Jules.” Nana reaches over and grabs my hand. I keep my vision steady on the road. “What Jessie did was wrong. Nobody will ever question that. He was young and dumb and caught up in the moment. He destroyed you, but you kept pushing on, and now you have an amazing little girl.”
“Nana, don’t—” I try to cut her off.
“You need to hear this.” She squeezes my hand. “Jessie came home destroyed, and it wasn’t because of his knee injury. It was you. He begged Papa for information on you. He never cracked. Jessie stopped asking the day Papa laid his ass out in the barn and gave him a real ass chewing. From that moment on, Jessie came by to help us out, kept his head down, and never asked another question. He’s never been the same.”
I pull into my parking space in front of the house. The porch lights glow in the dusk of the evening. Jessie and Whit both sit cross-legged facing each other with a deck of cards between them. Whit slaps Jessie’s hand when he reaches for a card in the deck.
“Well, neither have I.” I slam my hand on the steering wheel. “Whit has been my priority. I’ve had a handful of dates and only two relationships I thought could go somewhere. It was all put on the back burner while he was here fucking Shayna and still being the hometown hero now as the head winning football coach. It hurts, and that pisses me off. I don’t want it to hurt, and it’s killing me.”
“Jules, he’s hurting, too. The moment you came back into town, everything changed for the both of you. All I can tell you is that you have two choices here, baby girl. You can stay pissed off and bitter or find peace somewhere in all of this. And to me, the peace is easy when you watch those two together. Dig deep and let go of the past. Your grandpa pissed me off so many times. I’d react, slam doors, ignore him, and cuss his ass out. It wasn’t worth it. None of it was. I’d give anything to have just one more day with him.”
With that, she opens the door and walks up the sidewalk. Whit bounds off the porch, rushing to Nana and hugging the hell out of her. Jessie stands to his feet, stretching out his back, and then rests his hands on his hip. His gaze goes straight to me. My heart sinks to my toes knowing the conversation that’s going to take place tonight. I have to be honest with him even though it will leave me in a vulnerable and nasty place. I’ve guarded my heart for years, and now it’s time to peel away that shield.
“Momma.” Whit races up to me, meeting me at the gate with her arms raised in the air. I scoop her up. “I’m in dance! And we got pizza for dinner. Jessie knew your favorite kind without me telling him. He knows you like pepperoni and jalapenos.”
She twists up her face. That combination has always disgusted her.
“Sounds good.” I kiss her cheek and walk the rest of the way up the sidewalk.
“And look!” She points to the table on the porch. “We set the table.”
Flickering candles come into view, and I laugh. Whit has been obsessed with romantic dinners for months now after watching princess movies. Paper plates frame the table with a dandelion in the center of each. A bottle of white wine sits on the table, a beer in front of one plate, and a tall glass of milk in front of another plate. My stomach doesn’t roll at the sight of the wine. I’m excited to see it. The hangover from hell finally has relented.
Whit ushers each of us in our spot, proud as hell at the setup.
“Joe Dandy still makes pizza?” I ask, taking a huge bite out of the slice. I groan through the mouthful of mozzarella cheese and tangy pizza sauce. “Still the best ever.”
“Sure does.” Nana cuts a piece of her pizza off. “Their son took it over a few years back and didn’t change a thing.”
Whit devours her slice of cheese pizza then makes me proud when she digs into a green salad next to her.
“Still eat that nasty pizza.” I point my slice over to Jessie. “I’ll never understand how anyone thinks it’s okay to put pineapple on pizza.”
He smirks. “The only kind I eat.”
Whit rattles on about her dance class. Her enthusiasm is well needed. Nana stands from her spot, kisses Whit on top of the head, and excuses herself for bed. When I go to follow her to make sure she’s okay, she pushes me away. I let her go because I know all too well how much silence
and some alone time is needed right now.
I sit back down to find Whit looking between Jessie and me. It’s as if she knows what’s coming and just waiting for one of us to speak up. Jessie shows no signs of talking, so I take charge, needing this to be over.
“Come here, Whitty girl.” I pat my lap. She wastes no time climbing into it. I run my hands through her silky curls and kiss the top of her head. “Jessie and I have something we want to talk to you about.”
“Yes!” She clutches her hands to her chest. “I knew it. You guys are getting married, buying me a pony, and we are living here forever.”
Jessie chokes on the swallow of his beer. I shake my head and smile. I’m thinking Whit is going to take this news like a champ. At least that’s the hope I’m clinging to.
“Not quite.” I shuffle her around in my lap so she’s facing me. Jessie drags his chair to our side of the table. It’s the first time he’s been by my side while dealing with our little girl.
“Then what is it?” She cranes her neck, flicking her lip with her index finger.
Jessie clears his throat. I give him time. In these moments, my nerves amp up. I sound like a broken record, but this is something I never thought I’d have to face.
“Whit.” He reaches over, taking her hand. “You know your momma grew up in this house and town, right?”
She nods her head. “She was the homecoming queen. I want to be that when I grow up and have a dress. Jessie, will you buy me a dress?”
A crooked smirk appears on his face. “Of course, but stay with me here on this, okay? Your momma and I were best friends growing up since we were able to walk. She was my favorite person.” He pauses. “She’s still one of my favorite people. We fell in love and were high school sweethearts. I’ve never loved anyone like her until I met you, and then there was room in my heart for two endless loves.”
“Okay-y-y…” Whit draws out with her eyebrows scrunched up in confusion.