by HJ Bellus
I lay my hand on the top of Jessie’s thigh, giving it an encouraging squeeze.
“I’m your dad, Whit.” Tears brim in the corner of his eyes. “I’m your dad.”
Silence sits thickly on all of our chests while Whit processes his words. She glances at me then back to Jessie.
“You are?” she whispers.
“Yes, Whit. God, I love you so much.” He caresses her cheek.
“Are you still busy?” she asks, her lower lip trembling.
“Honey.” I rub my hand up and down her back.
Jessie doesn’t let me finish. “No, I’m not busy anymore, and you know what, Whit? I never should’ve been busy in the first place. It’s the biggest regret of my life. And now that you’re here, I’ll never be busy again.”
Whit bursts into tears and buries her face in my chest. I let her process everything, rubbing my hand in rhythmic, soothing circles on her back.
“This is a good thing,” I whisper into the top of her head. “Your daddy is here and loves you. You get one more important person in your life.”
She nods. Her voice comes out muffled as she speaks into the front of my dress. “I’m just scared I won’t be good enough for Jessie to like me now. If he gets busy again—”
Jessie holds out his hands, and I let him take her. She burrows into his chest. “I’ll never be too busy again, Whit. When you get older, I’ll explain everything. I promise from the bottom of my heart that I’ll never leave your side again. I love you, Whit, and I love your mom. I’m all yours.”
He rocks her back and forth for long moments. Whit reaches over, searching for my hand. I hold it as Jessie rocks her to sleep. His cheek rests on the top of her head.
“That hurt,” he finally mutters.
“She’s confused and exhausted.”
“Jules.” He makes eye contact with me. “I’m struggling here. I’m not going to lie. I never thought this day would come. I know there’s no way to erase my past mistake, but I’ll do anything to make it right.”
“All you have to do is love your little girl and be by her side, Jessie.”
He nods. “What about us?”
“I heard about Shayna tonight. Doesn’t seem there can be an us, and maybe it’s for the best.”
He winces. “I don’t love her. Never have. It’s pathetic, but I got tired of everyone harassing me about getting married and moving on.”
“With her?” Bitterness creeps up in the back of my throat. “That was the final nail in the coffin, Jessie. After everything.”
“I get it. All I’m asking for is a chance. Don’t shut me out, Jules. I know that’s asking a lot, but I’m sitting here begging just for a chance.”
“Since we’ve been pretty damn good about ripping back the layers, I need to let you know that even through the devastation and life changes, I never quit loving you, Jessie.”
It happens so fast I don’t react. Hell, I wouldn’t have even if I saw it coming. Jessie leans over, brushing his lips against mine one, two, three times before kissing me. My hands go up to cup his cheek. My fingers run along his scruff of his beard. His tongue sweeps across the seam of my lips, and I melt, opening for him. We face so many obstacles that could take us down forever, but this simple kiss makes everything right in the world for just a few seconds.
He pulls back, dropping his forehead to mine, keeping Whit clutched to his chest. “I just need one chance, Jules, just one.”
I nod, not giving him a definite answer. By no means is my past free and clear of mistakes and sins. There are plenty of things people could use to judge me. I’m home. Whit is cuddled in her dad’s arms, who happens to be the man I never fell out of love with.
Jessie’s cellphone clatters on the tabletop. The shrill ringtone blares in the evening air. He reaches over to silence it before it wakes Whit, but not before I see a selfie of him and Shayna taunting me from the screen. Things change. Sometimes you can never go back, and that might have been the wake-up call I needed.
Chapter 9
Jessie
The roughest fucking night of my life. I barely slept an hour, wanting nothing more than to have Jules and Whit cuddled up to me. I’m going to need all the patience I can muster not to screw this up. It’s so complicated and simple at the same time. I want my girls.
As I expected, Shayna was on my doorstep when I pulled my old truck into my driveway. She was red hot pissed—she’d already heard what’s going on. I wouldn’t expect anything less in a small town. She was so centered in her fit of rage she didn’t even shed one single tear. It cemented the fact she never loved me because this didn’t hurt her. She was only chasing a diamond ring with me.
The last six words she spewed my way before stomping down the sidewalk pissed me off because I know she’ll make good on her promise.
“You’re going to regret this, Jessie. I’ll destroy you and your future.”
The sneer on Shayna’s face and the venom lacing her voice will never leave my memory. I’ll protect my family from her. I will because Jules and Whit are mine. I wasn’t invited to show up at Jules’ home this morning. And I can’t find two reasons to even care about it. I’ve been by Jack’s side the last four years. He knocked me on my ass and put me in my place, letting me know I had no right to Jules. I took it like a man. Always respected him. The day his death was announced tore me apart. I swear I’ll do him proud.
I shake my head. The ornery bastard upped the ante by not telling me about Whit. He always did have to get the last word in. The joke is on me. Best punchline ever. A beautiful one, equivalent to the sunset and all that other cheesy shit. Hell, I don’t know what I’m talking about. All I do know is they are my life, and I can never thank Jack enough for giving them to me. That’s why I’m here today. Not even earth’s greatest disaster could devour me.
I’m here for my girls.
The front door to Jules’ childhood home bursts open with a flash and whirl of black dashing down the steps.
“Jessie!” Whit pumps her arms as fast and hard as she can until she collides with me. “You came back.”
I kneel down and bring her to my chest and kiss the top of her head. “I’ll always come back. Never leaving you, little one.”
“I’m so happy.” She squeezes my neck.
“Where’s your momma and Nana?” I stand up, beginning to walk slowly, soaking in each second of this tender moment.
“Momma is getting ready, and Nana is making a list in the kitchen.” She pops her head up getting right in my face. “We have some bacon left over. Want some?”
“Duh!” I roll my eyes, earning an eye roll from Whit in return.
Whit wiggles out of my arms, rushing around to fetch a plate as soon as we enter the kitchen. She slides the remainder of the bacon on it and even adds two blueberry muffins.
I walk behind Jane and kiss her cheek, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze. Jules is nowhere in sight. It takes everything inside of me not to ask where she is.
“Morning, Jane.”
She grabs my hand resting on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, and lets out a harsh exhale. “Good to have you here, Jessie. That sweet little girl hasn’t quit worrying if you’d show up.”
I gaze over at Whit, who has her tongue poking out of the corner of her lips while she concentrates on pouring a glass of orange juice. A Waylon Jennings song blares from upstairs. Jane fidgets with her notebook, all the while holding back the impending tears. I keep my hand on her shoulder until my sweet girl brings over my plate of food. She rushes back to the counter to grab the glass of orange juice. It sloshes over the sides, but her smile never breaks.
My girl. Insane how natural that flows from my thoughts. Never have I felt such intense love for a person.
“Jessie, bacon time.” Whit grins up at me, tugging on my hand.
I take the seat next to Jane, moving my hand from her shoulder to clutch her hand on the table. Whit chatters on about not being able to wear a neon tutu. Jane chuckles e
very once in a while.
Whit shoots a finger out at Jane. “You know Papa loved my tutus. He bought me all of them. He’d even let me fall asleep in them. This is crap I can’t wear one the day he goes to see the angels.”
Jane shakes her head; tears spill over her rounded cheeks. They’re happy ones. Ones made of memories. “You’re right, baby girl. Papa never told you no once.”
“See.” Whit plants her hands on her hips, chucking up her chin. “I’m wearing it. I hid it deep in the closet so Momma couldn’t go crazy on it.”
Shit. Okay, this is where I should be stepping in saying something all wisdomey. The reality is I have no goddamn right. I threw that away years ago when I was an arrogant, self-centered asshole.
“Baby girl, you know Nana never tells you no either, but today is a tough day for—”
Jane’s words are cut off when a loud crash from upstairs echoes through the house. I’m up and moving before anyone can stop me. I hear Jane distract Whit as I race up the stairs. The clatter doesn’t cease. It does the opposite and intensifies. The high decibel of glass shattering and ricocheting off walls greets me as I swing open the door to Jules’ bedroom.
The depressing country song fades into “Jack & Diane” by John Mellencamp. I have no idea what I’ve just walked into. My Jules is crumpled in the middle of the floor along with the shards of glass. A picture frame lies feet away from her, and then I see the photo of the two of us crumpled against her closet.
None of that phases me. I couldn’t care less if the love of my life just threw me out the window. No, it’s her crushed stature that halts me and breaks my heart all in the same moment. It’s as if the years of stress, heartache, and joy have taken their toll and she’s calling it quits.
Her pale pink fingernails clutch to a shiny black leather strap around her ankle where she’s inches away from buckling it. Her tanned, toned legs peek out from underneath a sleek black dress that shakes as her cries take over.
“Jules.” I take a step towards her.
She doesn’t hear me. Jules is wrapped up in her storm of torment and torture. The violent circles of clouds and rain pummel her, not giving any sign of relenting. She’s held it all together for everyone. The invisible dam gave out. The bricks are crumbling to the ground.
I call her name one more time, getting no response. It’s too much for my tender and regretful heart to take. Old habits take over. I stride to her, scoop her up in my arms, and settle on the edge of her bed to avoid any shards of glass.
“Jules, baby, you’re okay.”
Still, she doesn’t respond. Her entire body rattles against my chest. The wetness of her sadness soaks into my white dress shirt. Jules doesn’t tense up or battle back. Instead, she curls up into my chest.
Her body is exhausted from the past days, and I’m no fool, knowing she’s worn down from the last several years. Her soul can’t take another beating because there’s nothing to back her up.
“Shhhh, baby, shhhh. I got you.” I rock back and forth, keeping her cradled to my chest. “Let it out, Jules, I got you.”
“I hate you.”
I barely make out her muffled cries. The words pierce my heart with a damn sharp, heated dagger. I deserve every single shard of her hatred.
“I hate you.” She balls up her fists, pounding into my chest. “I hate you because I fucking still love you and you told me to take care of it. I did. My papa is dead. My world is once again crumbling around my feet, and I can’t do a damn thing.”
Jules rambles on, beating out all of our past, letting it land square on my chest. She holds nothing back. I can’t speak a single word because every syllable that escapes her lips is God’s honest truth.
All I can do is rock her back and forth. It’s my due punishment for my past sins. A Chris Stapleton song begins to stream throughout the bedroom, and the soothing melody calms Jules’ angry cries into pure sorrow.
“She loved him. Papa was Whit’s greatest joy every month he visited. They were peas in a pod. She hasn’t fully realized what has happened. Then we threw out the whole ‘dad’ card. She’s going to crash and tumble like I have since graduation. And how is my nana going to go on? It’s too much, Jessie. God, make it stop.” She balls her fists around my collar, tugging me closer to her.
I don’t hesitate, giving in to her. I shelter her with my whole being and will continue to do so. It’s the reason I was put on this earth. I fucked up, and that’s no secret. But the thing is I’ll continue to fix that fuck up until my dying day. I remain silent, letting Jules get everything out.
One hand clutches her ass while the other one roams up her back while I continue rocking back and forth. Several more songs flow by until I realize Jules’ sobs have slowed. Her still frame lies limp in my arms. I reach down and buckle her damn high heel, the demon that catapulted Jules into her turmoil. I’m no damn fool, knowing it was the final straw that broke her. I can only thank God I’m the one to hold her as she captures herself once again.
I’ve spent endless nights knowing precisely what it meant for her to come back to this small, one-horse town. It wasn’t an easy task for her. Hell, I know above anyone else all the demons she’s beat to get here.
My palms warm against her flesh. I grip her ass to me, relishing the feel. Old memories attack, and I want nothing more to have her back in my life. I’ll never stop until it happens.
Her sobs quiet and body goes still. I brush a hand through her long, loose curls and kiss the top of her head.
“You’re going to get through this, baby. Jules, you are one of the strongest women I know. Your papa was always so damn proud of you and would want you there today holding Nana and Whit’s hands. I’m going to be right by your side.”
She doesn’t say a word. I take it as a good sign and stand up. I walk carefully over to her bathroom. Beams of sunlight shine through the open window, giving off the perfect glow. I grimace once I set her ass on the counter; the loss of contact kills me. Jules doesn’t let go, keeping her arms laced around my neck.
“Let’s get this cleaned up and make your papa proud.” I swipe along the mascara cascading below both of her gorgeous eyes. The light makeup she was wearing smears down her face in sorrow and grief.
Jules doesn’t move, acknowledging my touch. It’s everything and nothing at all. I get these few raw and honest moments with her when she lets down her shield.
“Jessie.”
“Yeah, baby.” I run my hand up into her hair. My palm sizzles against the flesh of her cheeks.
“Take it all away. You were the only person that ever could.”
Fuck, I know more than anyone else I don’t deserve this. But like a dry desert that needs water, I lean forward. Her lips are the water I crave. Once our lips connect, it’s powerful and dangerous. It’s like the old times. The chemistry entangles us into a damn tangled thorned-up bush that you fall deeper and deeper into the more you struggle to get free.
Her skin tastes the same from years ago. It’s perfection and sweetness at its honesty. Jules leans forward, dipping her tongue into my mouth. My knees buckle, yet I don’t pull away. I enjoy and devour every lap and the taste of my girl. Her torso melts into mine. Her fists balled into my collar tug me down closer to her.
A door slams from downstairs, snapping us from our lust-bound trance. I don’t miss the wince vibrating from Jules as if she’s recognized her mistake. I ignore it, dropping my forehead to hers. Her eyes snap shut, and the pain and hurt lace every single one of her features. This isn’t going to be easy, but I know one thing for damn sure—I’m not giving up this time. I’ll chase this woman across the country.
“Jules, don’t.”
She doesn’t respond.
“Don’t close up on me, please. We have to handle this.”
“Jessie, there’s nothing to handle.” Her knuckles grow white, still clutching to my shirt.
“You know that’s a damn lie, and that kiss just proved it.”
“Jessie—”
“Listen to me, please.” I gently raise her face to mine and wait until she shoots those beautiful cornflower blue eyes my direction. “Friends. We can be friends. We have so much to work through. I ask you please don’t shut me out.”
Beats of silence vibrate between us. An eternity passes before Jules parts those perfect plump lips.
“I can do that,” she whispers.
“Yeah?” I jerk my chin, keeping her chin tilted up to me.
She nods while a slight pink blush covers her cheeks.
Her eyes flutter shut. “Yes, Jessie. As much as I hate admitting it, I need you back in my life.”
“I fucking promise, Jules. I’m here and not leaving or pushing you away, nor will I accept you pushing me away. I don’t deserve you, but goddammit, I’m going to fight like hell for you. If friendship is all you can give me, I’ll accept it like a hungry beggar on the corner.”
She nods once again. It’s not the answer I was hoping for but better than an ass chewing. She’s exhausted and defeated. Today can’t get over fast enough. Once the service and dinner is over, I’m hauling her ass right back here and letting her sleep while I hang out with Whit.
I do my best to wipe away the streaks of black from her face, dotting a tissue under her eyes.
“You look gorgeous.” I lean down and kiss her forehead. “Let’s go,” I whisper into her temple, allowing my lips to stay put for several seconds as I lace our fingers together.
Jules hops off the counter, tightening her hand in mine. I lead her out of her room and down the stairs. A mess of a black dress fluttering around the bottom steps comes into view. Whit’s twirling and hopping from toe to toe to the beat of an old Elvis song.
The creaking of the old stairs gains her attention. She freezes mid-move, all her attention focused solely on Jules and me. Her gaze goes between our faces then down to our linked hands. The slice of time freezes for what feels like an eternity.
Jane walks up behind Whit with her game face on for the funeral. Only those who know her well would pick up on the fact she’s seconds away from crumbling just like her daughter did.