Yesterday Is Gone

by HJ Bellus

  “Final birthday present,” Jessie announces, tossing his leg over the bench and heading into the house.

  We’ve done it all. Cake, games, ponies, and more games. I had thought she had just opened her last birthday present, but I guess I was wrong. I was also confident the latest episode of Shopkins would be the hit of the party until Jessie brought out a large box wrapped in ballerina paper with a hot pink glitter bow poised on top of it.

  “Here, baby girl.” He sets the box gently on the tabletop then kisses the top of her head. “To all of your birthdays I missed.”

  A whimper escapes from the box, causing tears to spring alive in my eyes. Jessie has pulled out all the stops for his little girl. I want to be pissed off, but when Whit slaps her hands over her mouth then begins shredding the paper on the box, I melt.

  Jessie avoids eye contact even though I stare him down. He runs his finger down his beard then trails it to the back of his neck, massaging out the worry. His t-shirt rises above his jeans, giving me a glimpse of his gorgeous skin. My throat grows dry. I’m distracted from my perusal when Whit squeals and a bark soon follows.

  “Oh my God, Daddy!” Her high-pitch scream echoes around the front yard. The poor puppy in her hands backpedals, scared shitless. “A puppy!”

  The poor ball of fur in her hands continues to squirm from shock and the noise level streaming from Whit. She doesn’t pick up on the fright of the puppy, only brings it to her chest, squeezing the hell out of the blonde Corgi puppy.

  “Daddy!” she screams again. “I’m in love.”

  I rise from the grass, dusting off my ass and sauntering over to the table. All of Whit’s dance friends surround her, oohing and awing over the latest birthday gift. Whit hasn’t let go of her new best friend, keeping the scared puppy clutched to her chest. God bless you, little dog.

  “What are you going to name him?” one of her friends fires off.

  Whit takes her time peering down into the eyes of the puppy. She then jerks her gaze up to Jessie.

  “Daddy, is it a boy or a girl?”

  Jessie clears his throat, not thrilled to be put on the spot. I’m sure he’s backpedaling because of my reaction and what we’ve been through recently.

  “A boy,” he replies.

  Whit looks back down at her new best friend. There are moments of silence before she speaks again. We all wait on pins and needles for the name. And trust me, Whit takes her time deciding, making it all that more epic.

  “His name is Elliot!” Whit screams once again, shocking the hell out of the poor pup.

  A chorus of cheers erupts, only frightening the puppy even more. Whit doesn’t pick up on any of it. She’s elated with her new buddy, clutching him tighter to her and kissing the top of his head.

  “Grandma Carolyn and Grandpa Tim bought you everything you’ll need.” Jessie dips his hand down into the box, pulling out everything imaginable you’d need for a puppy.

  And even though Elliot is a boy, they’d selected the most feminine items with sparkles and every elaborate design you could think of. Soon parents roll up, picking up their children and thanking Jessie. I stand back, soaking it all in even when the plastic tits of some moms get a little too close for comfort. Moments later, we are just left with Nana and Jessie’s family along with his players cleaning up the remnants of the party.

  “Whit, you need to let Elliot walk around a bit,” Jessie says.

  “No, Daddy, he’s scared and needs me.” She peers up at her towering dad.

  Jessie sinks down to his knees, and the moment has arisen where Jessie has to disagree or at least tell his daughter no. “Baby, Elliot has been with his mother and siblings. This is a new environment, and he’s a bit scared. You need to let him roam around. You can stay right by his side while he does.”

  “No, Daddy!” She clutches Elliot tighter to her. “He’s scared.”

  Jessie gives in, plopping into the grass ass first. “He is scared. This is a new place for him. He needs to know he’s safe.”

  Jessie pauses, scratching the beard on his chin. “It’s like when you go with me but know your momma is close and everything is safe. Elliot needs to feel the same way.”

  “Daddy, I can’t,” she replies.

  “Here.” He reaches over, taking the puppy from her hands and placing him on the grass. “Just sit here and watch, baby.”

  Whit’s tears roll on automatic. Her sobs escalate until the sugar-riddled five year old nears break down mode.

  “Come here, baby.” Jessie scoops her up in his lap.

  “You’re going to take him away. I know it.” Whit rattles on more nonsense until it sounds like a foreign language between her cries and gasps. It’s sheer exhaustion from the excitement of the day.

  “Elliot isn’t going anywhere, baby girl. He’s yours.” Jessie rocks Whit back and forth in his lap. Elliot doesn’t take any more than three steps away from them.

  Soon enough, she quiets down, and Elliot braves climbing up into her lap. The smile that graces her lips will forever be cemented in my memory. When Whit and Elliot both pass out, Jessie carefully stands to his feet and takes them inside of the house.

  I joined Max and the rest of the boys in the effort to pick up the disaster left behind. Once everything is tidied up, the boys give me a nod and head for their trucks, all of them except Max.

  He clears his throat. “Thank you for having me, Jules.”

  “Anytime.” I smile back. “You know Whit has deemed you her honorary brother.”

  A sweet blush covers his cheek. “You have no idea what it means to feel like part of a family. Thanks again, Jules.”

  The strong, young man leaves me speechless as he trots over to his truck of friends. The bravery and heart of Max have only encouraged me to find my own. After the old, rusty truck rolls out of the driveway, I waltz up the sidewalk and onto the porch.

  The inside of Jessie’s childhood home settles with silences. I push open the door to find Whit curled in a ball on the couch. She’s still in her birthday outfit with Elliot snuggled up to her chest. Jessie rounds the corner, drying his hands off on a paper towel.

  “Where’s your mom?” I whisper.

  “Washing up then going to catch up on CSI.” He jerks his chin to the television.

  I nod, catching on to what’s going on. Nana rounds the corner with a glass of wine in her hand, giving me the same reassuring grin. She settles down in a recliner nestled next to the couch.

  Jessie saunters up next to me, his large palms settling on my hips. “Want to take a walk?”

  That desert feeling in my throat attacks once again. I’m only able to nod.

  Chapter 22

  Jules

  The crisp breeze of the summer night whips across my face. It threatens to chill me to the core as we walk up over the hill. Jessie must sense it as he grips my hand tighter in his. The warmth of the action comforts me once again.

  This time when I see the massive fort, my heart doesn’t skitter in panic. My heart feels lighter. I see the picture in the magazine, the idol of our future dreams, and the fact Jessie made it a reality, or at least is in the process of doing so.

  He leads me through every room, explaining all of the intricate details. It’s as if I’m the girl years ago experiencing it all through the pages of a magazine while the love of my life holds me to his chest. I absorb each detail Jessie points out.

  “What’s this?” I point to a bundle of blankets and old chairs.

  Jessie lets go of my hand, leaning back on a half wall, crossing his arms over his chest. “Mom brought a bunch of stuff up for Whit so when I’m working she can have a place to relax and play.”

  I scan the mound of blankets and the IKEA chair that folds out into a single bed. The love surrounding me overwhelms me. It’s time. I’ve craved it for years. Now it’s time to surrender.

  I’m the first to move, stepping towards Jessie. He doesn’t flinch or even move. He stands solid in his place like the first day I rolled into
town. His intentions were always set and glaring in my face. It’s time we seal this deal.

  My fingertips glide across his strong, masculine forearms. He remains a statue before me. I take advantage of it, letting my fingertips drift through his beard. I trail them down his chest and further down until I’m roaming over his hardening dick. It fuels me on. I’ve waited years for this sensation. And now it’s my time.

  I perch up on my tiptoes, attacking his lips. Our tongues glide and dance against each other. It’s all teeth and want merging. I grow drunk on the kiss. This sensation has nothing on the Pussy Pleaser.

  My fingers fumble at the button of his jeans until I have them undone along with his zipper. My hand wraps around his hard, silky shaft. The next thing I know I’m on the bed of blankets with his body covering mine. My legs widen, and he settles between them.

  “Are you sure?” Jessie manages to get out.

  I don’t answer with words and attack his lips with mine. I get lost in the mind-blowing kiss as we reunite fully after weeks of tangoing around the want and lust. Jessie’s hand pulls away from my skirt to the side, and then the sound of my panties ripping echoes around the skeleton of the house.

  “This won’t last long,” he hisses into my lips.

  “I don’t care.” My fingernails dig into the flesh of his shoulder blades.

  I feel him rub against my entrance then everything explodes inside of me. He moves slow and seductive. Each movement hypnotizes me into a better place I never want to leave. I dig deeper and mumble his name with each movement. The anticipation in my core builds and builds until it explodes, and that’s when I scream out his name.

  Jessie follows shortly. “Fuck, fuck, fuck Jules. God, it’s only been you. I love you.”

  Then the warmth of our overpowering love coats my insides and runs down between us. I could panic and even freak out, but something inside of me tells me I’m home and it’s okay.

  Jessie relaxes down onto me with most of his weight balanced on his elbows. He drops his forehead to mine, and we remain that way for seconds, minutes, or hell, even hours.

  “This is us,” I murmur into his lips. “We’ve got this, Jessie.”

  I brush his hair away from his forehead. “I know I’ve said this before, but this time I’m all in, and I’ll fight just as hard as you have.”

  His eyes flutter shut. “I’ve waited for years to hear those words since my fatal, dumbass mistake.”

  “You’ve got it,” I reply.

  “I’ve got everything,” he growls.

  He rolls off the top of me, taking me to his side. We both stare up at the skies through the rafters of our future home. The silence bathes and coats us into a soothing cocoon of forever. I cling to him with each beat of peace, and he does it right back.

  The piercing ring of his phone obliterates our slice of happiness and forever. Jessie doesn’t think before reaching over to grab it. I know from our time spent together it’s a player on his team.

  “This is Coach,” he growls into the phone.

  I’m pressed so close to his chest that I hear every word from the other end.

  “Coach,” a stuttering voice echoes out on the other end.

  “Max?”

  “She…she killed herself. She’s gone.” The sobs surround us. Max’s despair shatters and wraps hurt around our hearts.

  “Where are you?” Jessie jerks up, and I follow each of his movements as he rights all his clothes. I’m far enough away not to hear the response on the other end and only Jessie’s. “We are on our way.”

  Jessie ends the call and tucks his phone in his pocket. I know the first half of the story, but not the rest. “Max went home to find his mom dead. He’s at the hospital. I have to—”

  I clutch his hand through his manic pacing. “We have to go. I’ll drive.”

  Chapter 23

  Jules

  “Momma.” Whit twirls her noodles around the twines of her fork. “Why doesn’t Daddy come over for dinner anymore?”

  Elliot races between my feet and underneath Whit’s chair. Whit owns the dog’s heart and soul, but when it comes to food, Elliot loves everyone.

  I rinse the last pot from dinner, resting it on the towel next to the sink. “He’s been super busy with football.”

  Whit’s fork clatters to her plate, and I recognize my mistake within seconds.

  “He’s busy, Momma?”

  I turn to Whit, going to her and dropping to my knees so we are eye to eye. I brush back the frizz around her ponytail.

  “Yes, he’s busy like when Momma has to be on her computer all the time. It’s the same difference.”

  “Is it the busy where he’s going to leave us again?” Her chin trembles.

  I’ve failed as a mom. There’s no way around it. Until this day, I’ll never figure out how to tell a little girl how young and dumb Jessie and I were.

  “He’s working?” She tilts her head in question.

  “Yes. This is like Daddy’s deadline, and he has to put it all in.”

  “Like when you have to put all your words in?”

  “Exactly!” I hug her tight to me. “I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your daddy will be there for every single thing you do. He’s just awesome like that.” I brush a fingertip along her cheek. “And I love him so damn much. Daddy is a part of us.”

  Whit throws her arms around my neck; her spaghetti-scented breath tickles the nape of my neck. “So how about that pony?”

  This makes me laugh hard, pulling her down onto the vinyl floor with me.

  “No pony, baby girl.”

  And I damn well know that Jessie will have a pony in his daughter’s life very soon. That’s a secret I’ll keep until it’s exposed.

  “But maybe in the tomorrows?” she asks, Whit now rubbing my back to reassure me.

  “Maybe,” I mumble into her sweetness, knowing that damn pony is coming very soon. Jessie has been researching and visiting ponies all over the local counties. He has to have the perfect one for Whit.

  She nods enthusiastically. “He makes you happy, Momma.”

  “He does, but you know what?” I pause, ignoring all the emotions. “You make me even happier.”

  A horn blares, startling the both of us. Whit beams at me. “It’s Daddy!”

  “Sure is.”

  She cups my cheeks. “It’s our last rehearsal before the talent show. He has Max, Cody, Shawn, and Larry running lights and music like we are really on stage before tonight’s performance.”

  “Are you excited?” I can’t help but pick up on her enthusiasm.

  “So much, Momma.” Her gaze darts over to the pot of noodles still on the stovetop. “Can I take Max some paghetti? He’s always hungry.”

  “Of course.” I kiss her one more time before lifting her off my lap and standing up. Max has been living with Jessie since his mother passed. He’s become a fixture in our household. I love him like he was my own son in the short time he’s been in our lives. “Get your things ready for Daddy, and I’ll get him a plate.”

  I catch movement out of the corner of my eye. It’s Jessie leaning up against the wall watching us. Sneaky, sexy man. My insides pool and sink into lust, love, and forever. The man will always own me.

  “Ready, Momma.”

  I finish sealing the aluminum foil around the edges of the thick paper plate before turning to my girl.

  “Here’s Max’s food.” I bend down, handing her the plate. “Go take it to him out in the pasture and tell him it’s time to go.”

  Whit rushes out the door, making sure Max gets a plate of food before he heads over to the football field to run the light show for Whit and Jessie’s last rehearsal. Their big performance is tonight right after the town parade that kicks off the county fair. It’s the town’s grand finale celebration, ending summer and jumping into fall.

  Jessie and I have never been closer even though we haven’t seen each other that much. He’s been finishing up harvest while I’ve been pounding
away the story of my life. The front door slams shut, and Jessie advances. I don’t run, waiting eagerly until he has me in his arms.

  “I swear to God time needs to slow down. I need you,” he growls into my ear.

  “I want you,” I reply.

  The next thing I know, my shorts are ripped down my legs, and he’s entering me. The counter bites into the tender skin of my back as he thrusts inside of me. I bite and swallow down my growl, knowing time and distance aren’t on our side. With each movement, I’m a goner. I fall, tumble, hell even dive head first over the edge, drowning in the ecstasy of forever.

  “I’m about to go,” he hisses into my ear as he pumps in and out of me.

  “Me too. Please, Jessie, oh God, please,” I chant out.

  I melt between him and the counter. Jessie catches me as he releases inside of me. Time isn’t our friend. We both know this. He steps back, cleaning up and righting his clothes. I’m left with his hot seed dripping down my thighs. I don’t race or rush around to clean up. I can do that once he goes with Whit.

  “See you at seven?” I wink.

  “Yeah.” He jerks and leans in for a quick kiss. “I hate this.”

  “It’s okay, baby.” I strum my fingers in his beard. “Everything will slow down soon, and remember, I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Thank you,” he exhales.

  “You do know I’ll be recording the whole thing, right?” I change the subject.

  “Wouldn’t expect anything less.” Jessie winks, turning his back on me.

  I swat his ass as he walks away. His playful growl makes me laugh. His sexy voice echoes around the house as he calls for the kids from the porch.

  It’s time I put on my big girl panties and show this town I’m here to stay and that I belong to Jessie. I square my shoulders and keep self-doubt at bay.