Heat

by K. T Fisher

  I pick up my glass and take it with me to my bedroom; I slam it down on my dresser not bothering to wipe up the spillage, I open my laptop and quickly bring up YouTube. I type Black Inferno with shaky fingers and I laugh at the amount of interviews and music videos that show up, it's not funny but what else can I do. I don't want to cry, even though I can feel my tears. An annoying habit of mine is that I cry when I'm pissed off and right now I am way beyond pissed off! I click on the first music video that I see and ironically it's about a lying cheating girlfriend. As I watch more videos I can't hold back my tears anymore, a mixture of anger and sadness overwhelms me. I feel my heart break a little, is he really coming back or was the goodbye he left me with for good? How could I have been so stupid to not know who he is? My lack of knowledge in rock music has well and truly kicked me in the ass.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Cole

  "Cheer the fuck up man." Tate elbows me in my ribs but all I manage is a frown. I'm in a bad mood because I hated leaving Lacey this morning. I could have held her against me for hours and smelt her hair, she always smells so good.

  I've text Lacey a couple of times already and talked to her. I can't help myself when it comes to her. But no matter how many texts I send it's nothing compared to actually being with her. I really wanted to finally tell her who I am while I spent the past three nights with her, but I could never find the right time. Well I could have made the time but I chickened out, yeah I know I'm a fucking pussy, but I just didn't want to upset her and for her to be angry with me. I might be able to get away for a night or two, to be with her in about two weeks time and I don't want her to be angry while I'm gone. I want to be able to focus and perform on stage, and look forward to her calls, texts and look at her pictures with lust without worry or regret. Fuck me I sound like a pussy but when it comes to Lacey I truly don't give a shit.

  "He looks just as miserable as you fucking do." Tate nods over to Mason sitting opposite us on the leather sofa and I agree. He's staring down at his phone and I can't help but feel guilty at what I've made my brother do. For the whole two months Mason has begged and begged me to finally tell Lacey about who we really are, but I just can't do it. He wants to let Roxie know, but he knows Roxie won't keep that secret from her best friend and really it should come from me and not Roxie. I hear Tate sigh loudly beside me, I know he's trying to start a conversation but I'm just not in the fucking mood to chat, so I grab my black headphones from the table, letting him know that I don't want to talk. When the loud and heavy bass of Be Myself by Linkin Park starts to play, I watch him get up and head in the direction of the back of the bus. I look up to Mason to find that he is staring back at me, his eyebrows drawn together in a scowl. He shakes his head at me and looks back down at his phone. I know he's angry at me and I feel like shit about it, but it's not my fault; I don't want to upset Lacey. If we had told the girls the truth, he was going to ask her to join us for the next month on tour. He would probably be sitting over there right now with her, but because I told him I wanted to wait a little while longer she's not here and neither is Lacey, I know that I probably would have asked her to join us on the tour too; of course, that is if she wasn't too angry with me for obviously keeping such a big secret for so long, I know that by confessing to her that I have lied for over two months it would most likely piss her off. God I would have loved to have spent a month straight with her, falling asleep and waking up with her in my arms, every day and every night. As much as I'd love to throw her over my shoulder and carry her onto the tour bus, I can't do that. I can't keep her on the bus captive, as much as I'd like to.

  I get up and crash on my bunk, close my curtain and shut my eyes. I lose myself in the loud music and screaming lyrics.

  * * *

  I wake up to distant shouting, and then I feel a smack on my face. The music is still blasting in my ears but I don't care to listen to what song is playing because I rip the headphones right off my head. Mason is glaring at me while I'm lying on my bunk. "You fucking bastard!"

  I jump out from my bunk and face Mason, he’s just a step away from me otherwise our chests would be touching. I love my brother, but if he doesn't explain quickly why he just bitch slapped me while I was sleeping, I'll make him wish he hadn't. "Are you gonna explain?"

  I see Tate and Booker looking at us from the other side of the bus; they both look at Mason with a surprised look. Mason is almost red in the face with his fists clenched down at his sides and he looks pissed. "Look at your phone!"

  I frown and take my phone out of my pocket; the screen is blank apart from the background picture which is of Lacey and me. I look back up to Mason and he's looking intently at my phone like the answer to his madness is written on my phone. What has gotten him so angry anyway? Mason isn't usually an angry guy, that title goes to Booker, ever since his girlfriend of three years slept with their neighbour as we were touring. You can't really blame the guy for that! I look back at my phone, confused. "So what am I supposed to be looking at here?"

  He snatches my phone from my hand and frowns down at it, and then he throws it down on my bunk. What the fuck is happening? "Have you heard from Lacey?"

  Immediately my spine stiffens at Lacey's name. If anything has happened to her I don't know what I would do, if anybody harms even a hair on her head I won't hesitate to hurt them. "Has something happened?"

  Mason just snickers under his breath which pisses me off. "Yeah, something like that."

  I step closer to him so now that our bodies are touching and I lean my forehead against his. "You better get talking now!"

  Tate and Booker take a couple of steps towards us. Booker may be the angry member of the band but I'm known for loving a good fight, my fists and short fuse has given me quiet a reputation. Mason better be careful with his next words, brother or not. He cocks his head to the side. "Let’s just say that the secrets out now."

  His sly grin and words make me take a step back in shock. "What do you mean?"

  "I could tell you, or you could take a look online and see for yourself." What the fuck is her talking about? He's making no sense at all! This is all just pissing me off even more! I grab my phone from where Mason just threw it on my bed and dial Lacey's number but she doesn't answer. I try it again facing Mason's smug looking face and I get her voice mail.

  "What's going on?"

  Mason just shakes his head and laughs. I throw my phone back on my bed and growl out loud causing Tate to walk closer to Mason. "Maybe you should tell him what you know man."

  Mason chuckles. Fucking chuckles! "I told you that you should have told her! I wanted Roxie to know, but no! Cole Masse gets his own fucking way as usual and now because of you Roxie is pissed at me! All because of you! You're a fucking dick Cole!"

  "Why is she pissed at you?" I have a sickening feeling that I know exactly the reason why she is so angry with Mason.

  "They fucking know Cole! They know we lied to them for two months! There are people outside their home right now! Pictures of us online! Fuck! I knew I should have ignored you and told her anyway!"

  I sit down on the edge of my bed and hold my head in my hands. No wonder Lacey isn't answering her phone. "How do you know?"

  Mason loudly huffs. "Rox text me. She's pissed, but she's not as angry as Lace." I look up at him and frown. "Rox said she's been shouting, cried a little but now she's drinking, a lot. Look I told Rox I wanted to tell her, you made me wait longer and longer Cole. If you had told her the truth we wouldn't be in this mess right now. "

  I try and ring Lacey's number again begging her to answer but it cuts off. I decide to send a text instead.

  Me: Lace babe, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I'll beg if I have 2. I didn't want 2 damage what we had and I couldn't hurt U. Please talk 2 me baby, I really did want 2 tell U but I was just scared I would upset U! Everything else was true, I didn't lie about anything else I promise U. Please talk 2 me baby xxxx

  I quickly hit send and look up to Mason. "Look, I'm sor
ry Mase."

  He comes over and pats my shoulder; at least he doesn't seem as pissed at me anymore. "It's done now."

  He walks away; Tate and Booker following him. Ten minutes later Lacey hasn't text me back so I try her number, but I get her voice mail again. Then I get a text.

  Lacey: Leave me alone Cole, you're a fucking liar! I don't want anything 2 do with U! Go and fuck a groupie whore. That's what U rock starts do right? Bye Cole, have a good life. I know I will.

  Shit! I try again to ring her but she doesn't answer so I text her again.

  Me: I'm not going 2 leave U alone, U mean 2 much 2 me Lace. I don't want anyone but U, nobody even comes close 2 U baby, please xxxx

  I search my name on my phone and I see the pictures from the past three nights. Shit! Why did I fucking lie for so long? Mason was right and this is my entire fucking fault. I want to put my headphones back on and drown my thoughts out with music, but words flash in my mind. When I get the urge to write I never ignore it, you never know when you have a hit on your hands. So I run into the main area at the front of the bus where the leather sofas and kitchen area is, I get my lyric book out and begin to write. I don't stop for three hours. I still don't hear anything back from Lacey.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Lacey

  The texts and phone calls started about two hours after I had found out the truth about Cole. I knew he would have found out some time, but Ria let it slip that it was my dear best friend that had told Mason, who then told Cole. When Mason rang her not only did she tell him we now knew about them but she also told him how pathetic I was acting. The drinking and moping around included! At least she doesn't know I've been watching his videos on YouTube while I've locked myself in my bedroom. I've also downloaded all his albums to have Cole sing me to sleep. Truly pathetic I know but it is what it is.

  I keep thinking over again and again why I didn't catch on? God I am so stupid!

  We hardly went outside my apartment, but I put that down to thinking Cole wanted me as bad as I wanted him. Now I know better, he just most probably didn't want to risk getting seen. Whenever we did go out he would always wear his cap and shades and I see why now because the pictures that are online are when Cole did not have his accessories on to hide himself. I wonder when or if I would have even found out if his fans hadn't uploaded the pictures and revealed him for the liar that he is.

  Unlike me, Roxie has been more forgiving with Mason. His excuse was that Cole had asked him not to say anything because Cole was scared to tell me. So Mason went along with his brothers’ stupidity. I still think Mason is guilty enough on his part but Roxie has forgiven him so that's that. Roxie assured me that if Mason had told her the truth then she would have come straight to me and told me too. I would have preferred to have found out that way than the way I did but beggars can't be choosers. I know the truth now and that's all that matters, even if I do have a shattered heart because of it.

  These last ten days and nights I've had to listen in to Roxie's side of her mushy phone conversations with Mason while I ignore Cole. I can tell when Mason asks Roxie about me because she answers with one word, her tone of voice is strained and she doesn't smile. Cole tries to get in touch, usually about twenty times a day, maybe more but I ignore him. I don't answer his calls or reply to his texts. Roxie recently told me that he has started dedicating a song to me during his bands shows. As soon as Roxie told me what Mason had told her I looked online and his loyal fans had helped me yet again. The videos were already uploaded to YouTube and I watched them all. Cole was singing to me and I had no idea what song it was but I could feel the lyrics. I looked through the comments to see what song it is and saw it was I Miss You by Incubus. The song tore at my heart, I felt every lyric. I downloaded the song and added it to my heartbroken playlist but when I listened to it, it wasn't the same. I wanted to listen to Cole singing it, so even though the song made me cry, I continued to listen to Cole singing to me.

  I haven't gone outside of my apartment since that eventful day. I only came out of my room two days ago and that was only because Roxie forced me to. She was shouting and moaning at me, telling me how I'm acting like a teenage fool and I need to snap out of it, blah blah blah! I don't give a shit how I'm acting. She might be able to forgive Mason but I don't think I could do the same for Cole.

  The front door opens and I look up to see Roxie and she’s holding up a big bag for me to see. "I got us some dinner on my way home from work." She disappears into the kitchen and I hear the banging of the dishes. When she places down a pizza on the table in front of where I'm sitting on the sofa, I quickly bring up my work so she doesn’t see what I was really doing. I see she has bought my favorite pizza, barbecue with bacon and chicken, but I still turn my nose at it. I just don't have an appetite anymore and nothing looks appealing to me. Roxie sighs when she sees I'm not going to eat the pizza. "You need to eat Lace."

  "I'm fine."

  I get a scowl from Roxie in return. "No you're not. You're losing weight. You need to eat."

  I roll my eyes. "I do eat."

  "Chocolate and ice cream don't count." I keep quiet because that is all I've been eating. Roxie's face hardens and points to my pizza. "Eat it!" I look down at the pizza and it does look nice and I sniff up the aroma, it sure does smell good. "Now, eat Lacey!" I huff and reach for a slice. My mouth suddenly salivates once I take a bite. Damn this is good. Before I know it, the whole pizza is gone. Roxie smiles at me but she doesn't look happy. She nods at my laptop. "What have you been up to?"

  I look to make sure the video of Cole singing I Miss You still isn't up. "I’m working."

  I did manage a little work today but I won't lie, it is hard to read about romance at the minute. I find myself eye rolling when it comes to the mushy shit, hard to believe a short while ago I was comparing myself to these characters.

  Silly little Lacey!

  Roxie raises her eyebrows and nods her head in a way that tells me she doesn't believe me. "I couldn't get a hold of you today."

  "My phone is off." It has been for about a week now. I turn it on once a day to delete Cole's texts and voice mails without listening or reading them.

  "Can't you at least hear him out?"

  "Nope."

  "Not even a text?"

  "And why would I do that?"

  "He's sorry Lace! Please just talk to him, you're a mess."

  "Gee thanks."

  "You know what I mean. Just talk to him please. He's just as miserable as you are."

  "And whose fault is that?"

  "I know this is all on Cole but I hate seeing you so sad Lacey and he really does seem sorry."

  "I'm sorry Rox, are you my friend or Cole's?"

  She frowns at me. "I'm yours and you know that! I think you're making a mistake."

  Her phone vibrates and I see her quickly glance at it then back at me. We both stare at each other as it continues to ring and I continue to chip my nail varnish off when it stops. "I bet he's just fine now anyway, with all those 'ladies' he seems to love so much." I snicker quietly trying to ignore the ache in my heart.

  Roxie shakes her head at me. "Mason said he goes with Cole straight back to the bus and he listens to his music. He only wants you." I will admit that I like the sound of that. Why should I suffer by myself? Her phone vibrates again and she looks at me. I know who it is before she tells me. "It's Cole." I continue chipping away at my nails. "Please Lace?" I reach out to her and she quickly places her phone in my hand. I answer the phone without saying a word and close my eyes when I hear his voice and it hits me deep in my chest.

  "Roxie?"

  I swallow hard and prepare myself.

  "Rox? Is Lacey OK?"

  "It's me."

  He sounds like he breathes a sigh of relief. "Oh God Lace! It's so good to hear your voice. I'm so sorry baby, please forgive me? I can come and see you in-"

  I cut him off. "Cole. Listen. I'm sorry but I just wanted to tell you to forget me."

  "What
?"

  I take a deep breath. "Move on Cole, I am."

  He voice is deep and commanding. "No Lacey I can't because I lo-"

  "Don't Cole, please." I cut him off before he says those words. I really wanted to hear him say those words but I don't want to hear them in these circumstances.

  "Lacey!"

  "Stop ringing me please. Bye Cole." I close my eyes as I hang up as a couple of tears run down my cheeks. Fuck that was hard. The phone starts to ring again in my hand and I stare at Cole's name on the screen. I throw it beside Roxie who now is looking a little angry.