Kiss the Witch

by Dana E. Donovan

  “No. It is not like that. I don’t think of you all the time. I swear. It’s just that this….” I gestured a back and forth finger point between her and me. “This, whatever it is we have here, it’s a bit distracting. I can’t get my head around it.”

  “Then you must stop thinking of me.”

  “Easier said, isn’t it? Believe me. I want to stop thinking about you. You’re a married woman now. I don’t need to think about you. I don’t need to think about anyone except for Lilith. I love Lilith. She is plenty to think about as it is. When I’m with her I feel….” I paused only long enough to read the look in her eyes. “You know, Ursula, there’s something, ahm…”

  “Yes?”

  “I don’t know. There is something about you. I cannot put my finger on it. You and I are tied somehow in ways that this witch’s light has nothing to do with.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yes, and you know it. Don’t you? Last night you said something. Made me think. You remember what it was?”

  She shrugged ambiguously. “Pray tell, what?”

  “You said that you were what Lilith made you, and that the fruit did not fall far from the tree. What did you mean by that?”

  “Oh, that.”

  “Yes. Tell me.”

  She crossed her arms at her chest, the way Lilith does sometimes when she feels cornered into admitting she has done something wrong. With Ursula, however, I suspected it was not something she had done; rather something she had not, like tell me the entire truth about herself. Her eyes held mine steadily, seizing me in a grip that nearly seemed physical. At first, I thought she was peering into my soul, reading me, sweeping me for clues to see what I already knew. It is a witch’s thing. I knew that. Lilith employs a similar practice with astonishing success. But almost as soon as I thought it, I realized the opposite was so. She was not reading me. She was opening herself to me, allowing me past her defenses to see her at her most vulnerable. Her words to me then sounded like a confession.

  “When I died,” she said, speaking of her hanging. “They buried my body and cast my soul asunder. `Tis what happened. I blame not one the more for this than I blame thee. `Twas a different time and mine a different life. But when I tell thee, Lilith, my sister of the coven, and I are spun of the same cloth, I jest not. For she hath by whit of magick and some returned my bones to skeletal frame and covered them with flesh. She gave me eyes that I may see and a heart that I may love. Yet she had not the existential essence of my individualism. That which made me who I was did fracture with my soul. To this, she gave of what she had. `Tis the fabric of my sister that thee look upon now––that which thou sees deep within me. What good doth show in me doth dwell alike in thy lover’s soul. If I am shy, `tis the shyness she knows yet shows not to thee. Her temper is mine, though what little she gave me doth hide more.”

  Ursula’s eyes broke from mine in favor of the floor. They settled there in a dim pool of light faded by her shadow. “She gave me love,” she said of Lilith, “or what piece she could afford.” Her eyes came back to me. “`Tis a seed this love. I want it not and yet it grows. A love for thee. Thou hast only but to smile and thy smile doth feed it so. `Tis a curse and a blessing I know. For if not for thee this love I have, I would have no love for my Dominic.”

  I put my hand up to stop her. “Wait. Are you telling me that a part of Lilith lives in you?”

  “Aye, `tis the marrow of her soul what drives my spirit. That which makes her she is also me.”

  “You mean like a clone?”

  “Not so much a clone, as we are more one than a copy of the same.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know that that means.”

  “It means I am she, as she is me.”

  “And we are altogether. Funny. All right. Enough with the Beatles lyrics. What does all this have to do with the witch’s light? Why do we keep meeting like this?”

  “Because thou art in love with me.”

  “No, I am not. I’m in love with Lilith.”

  “I am Lilith.”

  “You are Ursula.”

  She smiled coyly. “But for bones and bonds of time, we are both one and the same.”

  “Maybe, but you’re also very different. I see that every day. You two are as individual as snowflakes.”

  “We are two sides of the same coin, she the heads and I the tails.”

  I laughed at that. “You can both certainly turn heads with your tails.”

  She slipped her hands down the backside of her jeans and rubbed her cheeks. “So my Dominic tells me.”

  In that instant, she was naked to my eyes. I saw her as my mind wanted to see her after her suggestive gesture. I closed my eyes and shook my head, remembering then why I could not have her popping up in my thoughts like that. When I opened my eyes again she was gone. I called to her. “Ursula.” She reappeared, dressed in a winter parka, her eyes peeking through a fur-lined hood pulled around her face.

  “Why are wearing that?”

  She turned her palms up empty. “I wear only what––”

  “I know, only what I want you to wear. You are not physically here so I see you the way I want to see you.” I looked down at my naked self. “How do you see me right now?”

  She held the back of her hand to my face and drew it downward, as if stripping away a veil. I looked at myself again and saw my body as a blurred silhouette.

  “This? This is how you see me?”

  “Aye.”

  “But you can see me any way you choose.”

  “Of course.”

  “Okay, see then. What’s the point? Listen, Ursula. We need to break this link between us. I cannot deal with it any longer. Tell me what we need to do.”

  She unzipped the parker, wiggled her shoulders and let it spill off her back. I was glad to see her still in blue jeans with a cotton blouse buttoned to the collar. “To cast the witch’s light, thou must link with another.”

  “Another witch?”

  “Aye.”

  “Lilith?”

  “`Tis only natural, is it not? You and she art thick and thin in love. What better way say thee then to show it?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know, Ursula. I have to ask myself what’s worse, seeing you at every turn or seeing her?”

  “I ask thee not what is worse, but what is right?”

  “What is easiest?”

  “In the end, right is easiest.”

  “Then how do I do it? How do I lose the link with you and link with her, preferably without her knowing?”

  “I do not know.”

  “You have to know. Find out.”

  “As you wish.” And in a blink, she was gone.

  After my shower, I wrapped a towel around me and went out into the kitchen. Carlos was there. He had made himself at home, fixing coffee, eggs, bacon and toast. I told him I was not hungry, but took a cup of coffee back to the bedroom with me while I got dressed. Lilith was still sleeping. I closed the blinds, pulled the covers up over her shoulders and kissed her on the forehead. She cooed softly, rolled on to her side and curled into a ball. It was all I could do not to climb back in bed and spoon her until the sun slipped back into the night. At which point I would return the favors that she had given me. If not for my fears that Ursula might pop up in the equation, I might have done it then. I could not imagine having to explain that one to Lilith, or to Dominic, as I am sure Ursula would tell him. It would be so simple, I thought, so utterly uncomplicated if we were not witches. Yet the thought of that repulsed me. Simple is what I had before I met Lilith. I lived without living and died without dying. It is not so much that she completes me. She does. Those who know me see it, and I wear that distinction like a crown. More importantly, she defines who I am. Gives meaning to my life. Is it magic? Of course, but it is not witchcraft.

  NINETEEN

  Carlos and I drove to work in his Corvette. On the ride out, I told him about the linking thing with Ursula.

  “Really?” he sai
d, his boyish grin pulling at the lines around his eyes. “She comes to you just for thinking about her?”

  “Yes.”

  He looked me up and down suspiciously. “How come she ain’t here now?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’re thinking about her now. Aren’t you?”

  Good question, I thought. “I don’t know. Guess she has to want to come.”

  “Probably a good thing. Where would she sit, in your lap?”

  “She wouldn’t have to sit. She only comes to me in my head.”

  “But you can see her, right?”

  “Of course.”

  “She ever come to you naked?”

  “Carlos.”

  “What? It’s a fair question.”

  “I’m not answering that.”

  “Why? Afraid I’ll tell Dominic?”

  “I know you will tell Dominic.”

  “So, she does.”

  “Carlos.”

  “Tony.”

  “I’m changing the subject. Did we bring Ferguson in last night?”

  “Are you going to tell Lilith?”

  “No. Yes. Maybe. Tell me about Ferguson.”

  “Corporal Olson brought him in. She is going to find out, you know?”

  “Olson?”

  “Lilith.”

  “Yes, I know. Is he talking?”

  “Ferguson? He’s talking. What do you think she’ll do?”

  “Who?”

  “Lilith.”

  “I don’t know. What’s he saying?”

  “The shit is going to hit the fan.”

  “Ferguson said that?”

  “No. I’m saying that. With Lilith.”

  “I’m talking about Ferguson.”

  “Does he know about you and Ursula?”

  “Ferguson?”

  “Dominic.”

  “Carlos, please. Can we talk about just one thing at a time here?”

  “Sure.” He fixed his gaze on the road ahead, but I saw his eyes squint with a brewing smile. “Does she kiss like Lilith?”

  “Carlos, we are not having this conversation.”

  “Does that mean she doesn’t?”

  “Carlos.”

  He soured his face at me. “Ferguson says he’ll talk. Wants to make a plea deal.”

  “That’s good.”

  “No it’s not. He said he will only talk to the Feds.”

  “We’ll tell him no.”

  “Too late. The D.A. already said yes. We have to turn him over to the FBI. Dominic called his buddy from the Bureau. He’s coming in this morning to conduct an interview with him.”

  “Dominic is working today?”

  “Dominic works every day.”

  “Yes, but not on the day after his wedding. What’s wrong with that boy?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe he had a fight with his wife because she keeps running off in her dreams to be with another man.”

  I shook my finger at him. “I’m warning you, Carlos. I’ll shut you off completely.”

  “No. Come on, Tony. You know I live vicariously through you.”

  “Then behave.”

  And he did. For the rest of the ride all we talked about was how much it sucked that we had to turn Ferguson over to the FBI. At the office, Dominic seemed even more disappointed than we did. Though admittedly, his hangover may have exaggerated that disappointment. Carlos and I caught up with him in the Detective’s lounge, nursing a hangover while sipping black coffee through a straw.

  “There’s the happy bridegroom,” I said. I came up behind him and put my arm around his shoulder. “How’s it going? Married life treating you well?”

  “Please,” he said, rubbing his temples briskly. “Not so loud. Have some respect for the dearly departed brain cells.”

  “Hung over are we?”

  “Don’t know about we, but I am.”

  “So, how was your first night as a married man?”

  Spinelli lifted his head from his hands and tried to smile. “It was nice,” he said, his eyes squinting for the bright lights in the break room.

  “So, you’re no longer a vir––”

  “Carlos. Stop it.”

  Spinelli’s head went back into his hand. “That’s okay. You can say it. I’m no longer a virgin. I waited until my wedding night. I’m proud I can say that.”

  “As well you should be,” I told him.

  “I wasn’t going to say that,” Carlos complained.

  “No? What were you going to say?”

  “Well, I don’t know now. I forgot.”

  “Dominic.” I patted him lightly on the back. “I just wanted to say congratulations again. You and Ursula make a wonderful couple.”

  “Thanks, Tony.”

  “Yeah, Dom.” Carlos patted him in turn. “Congrats buddy. May she make an honest man out of you, and you of her. No more secrets. You hear?”

  Spinelli’s head came up again. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Yeah, Carlos.” I shot him the evil eye. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “Nothing. It’s just a saying, right?”

  “No. That’s not a saying for a newlywed.”

  “Do you know something?” Spinelli asked.

  “What? Me? No.” I saw his eye begin to twitch. “I don’t know anything. Do I, Tony?”

  I swear I wanted to hit him. “He means nothing, Dominic. Why, is something on your mind?”

  He took a sip of coffee through his straw and settled back into his seat. “Nothing. It’s just that….”

  “That what?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s a witch thing.”

  “What is?”

  “Let me ask you, Tony. Have you ever walked in on Lilith only to find her just sitting there staring off into space?”

  “Are you kidding? Sometimes I think Lilith is in space. Why do you ask?”

  “Last night,” he paused to gaze into the sheen of his coffee. “I fell asleep after Ursula and I ahm…you know.”

  Carlos interrupted. “Yeah, I always get sleepy after sex, too.”

  “Carlos.”

  “Well, I do.”

  “Go on, Dominic.”

  “Anyway, I fell asleep, but I guess for just a few minutes. When I awoke, Ursula was no longer in bed with me. I figured she probably got up to go to the bathroom or something.”

  Carlos said, “Yeah, that’s the other thing I always have to do right afterwards.”

  This time a look is all it took. I don’t think Spinelli even heard him though. He picked up his straw and began stirring his coffee absentmindedly. “After a while, when she didn’t come back to bed, I went looking for her, you know, to make sure she was all right.”

  “Yes, of course. And was she?”

  “I don’t know. I mean, she was, but I didn’t know it then. I walked into the bathroom and found her sitting on the edge of the tub in her nightgown, staring off into space. I called to her, but she didn’t seem to hear me.”

  “Was she sleeping?”

  “I don’t know. Her eyes were open. I walked over and touched her on the arm. She felt cold. I started to worry. I shook her and called her name, and then she heard me. She blinked. Looked at me. Smiled. And then stood up and gave me a hug.”

  “Aww,” said Carlos. “How romantic.”

  “Has that ever happened to Lilith?”

  I dismissed his question as routine. “Oh, sure. Happens all the time,” I said, lying through my teeth. “It’s nothing.”

  “Really?”

  “It’s a witch thing. A sort of meditation. It means they’re happy.”

  I could see the relief washing over him. “Oh, man, you don’t know how glad I am to hear that. I thought she was having second thoughts about marrying me.”

  “What?” My heart fell. “Dominic. Ursula loves you to no end. Don’t ever forget that. There is not another man in the world that could take your place.”

  “You think?
”

  “Of course.” And just as I said that, I noticed that electric blue vein of light stretching from my feet, through the open door and down the hall. Carlos and Spinelli were looking too, but I knew they could not see it. They were simply looking at me looking at it.

  “Excuse me,” I said. I followed it down the hall and around the corner where it disappeared under the door leading to the stairwell. Not knowing what else to do, I pushed the door open and stepped over the threshold. The light at my feet erupted in a brilliant flash of blue and white. It blinded me for an instant and left me dazed. I reached for the handrail and instead found myself holding on to the edge of a kitchen counter top. My eyes began readjusting to the ambient light. No longer was I in the stairwell. I was home. I thought. Only things were not exactly the same as home. Ursula was there, her back to the wall, tucked in the shadows. She wore a black overcoat and hat, and looked positively surreptitious.

  “Ursula?” I approached her with trepidation. “What are you doing here? Is this my house?”

  She stepped forward into the light. “You are in my house. We are linking.”

  “I came to you?”

  She nodded.

  “So then, I’m not really here. I’m still in the stairwell at the office.”

  “Aye.”

  “Why did you pull me away like that?” I thought linking meant we could talk without anyone seeing us, and everything moves in slow motion.”

  She shook her head. “That is so only when we are both physically present,” she said. “Only then do thoughts exchange at light speed. The same is not so at greater distances. What thoughts we share at sight, we share in time unbroken. Apart, our thoughts are stretched and time must stretch along the witch’s line.”

  “Time stretches?”

  “Aye, as thin a line doth stretch to thee, so too doth time resist.”

  “A lag time.”

  “Aye.”

  “That’s why Dominic found you in a trance last night in the bathroom. You were talking to me.”

  “`Tis a matter of matter, dark and heavy.”

  I gestured at her attire. “Why the cloak and dagger getup?”

  She laughed timidly. “Ask thyself as thou wilt know.”

  “I see. I did that,” I said, realizing I had dressed her in garb de`clandestine. “It’s the detective in me.”