WIN THE GAME

by Allison, Ketley

  We took the stairs to Kai’s second-floor walkup, the thin, stained maroon carpeting doing nothing to buffer the creak of the wood as we ascended.

  “Is Marcus here?” I asked.

  My love for Kai’s boyfriend spoke volumes. I was often the third wheel during their dinner dates, yet Kai’s Trinidadian soul mate never once made me feel unwanted. He was funny, upbeat, sweet to Kai during rough days and stern during days of rest. Always wanting to travel, explore, catch elevators to secret floors in the city known only to those that were “in.” They met through a dating app, yet to see them together, you would have thought they were childhood sweethearts. But, the thought of seeing Marcus right now, of putting on a face, had me dreaming of going back to Kai’s car and sleeping the rest of my dire situation off in his backseat.

  Avoidance was my instinct, I’d come to learn. But having consequences smacked into my face, that was my fate.

  “He’s not,” Kai said. He plodded up the stairs in front, my duffel so light it bounced against his hip.

  I zeroed in on his lower back with suspicion. “Why did you say that in such a clipped tone?”

  “No reason.”

  “Why aren’t you talking to me directly?”

  “Because we’re climbing stairs.”

  “But your neck is so stiff, your footsteps really abrupt...” It clicked. “Kai, who do you have in your apartment?”

  Kai sprinted the last two steps like they were taped with the finishing ribbon of a marathon, careening around the corner and flinging open his apartment door before I had my hand off the railing.

  “She’s here!” Kai yelled to someone inside. “Talk some sense into the woman.”

  Kai couldn’t have called Chenko already, could he? Frozen, I clung to the railing, sensing its ability to assist me in increasing my velocity when I pushed off and back down the stairs. In fact, that was a good idea. There were only so many cat lives left. If I were detained now—

  “Scar?”

  A soft outline of hair appeared in the doorway, flashing copper-red from the sunlit windows behind her. Kai chose his apartments based on natural light. He boasted it was because he was a millennial increasingly concerned with environmental conservation, including energy, but we all knew it was so he could save on his electric bills. To which he replied, two birds, one stone, Scar. Quit mouthing off.

  A lean body with toned legs in coral shorts and a plain white tee came next. The exposed skin was slightly freckled, pale to the eye and warm to the touch, nails painted in chipped pink because she couldn’t kick her nervous habit of picking her cuticles. The long neck was bordered by a clavicle I was always jealous of, because it made strapless dresses look stunning on her.

  She carried one difference, though, an addition I hadn’t been witness to, since I’d been in the underground so long. A sparkle of white on her ring finger.

  “Verily,” I whispered. Inexplicably, my vision went wet.

  “Oh my God, Scarlet.”

  Footsteps sounded, heavy and rushed, and before I drew breath she had her arms around me, squeezing, my neck dampening with her tears.

  “You’re okay,” she said, her breath hot on my skin. “You made it back.”

  “I…” I lifted my hands, placed them lightly on her back. Over her shoulder, I tried to find Kai. He wasn’t anywhere I could see.

  Delicately, I pushed back from Verily. “It’s not safe for you to be here. I can’t believe Kai called you.”

  It was only a second, but I caught the burn of hurt in her eyes. “What isn’t safe for me is also dangerous for you.”

  “You don’t understand. The Saxons have—”

  “God, you with the Saxons. The Saxons with you. It doesn’t stop, does it? Will it ever? No. Scarlet.” She caught my arm as I tried to pass her. “I’m here because I love you. I worry about you. You didn’t hear Kai on the other end of the phone, how he sounded. He was terrified for you. And when Kai starts to worry, what do you think that does to me? To your family?”

  I shook her off, avoiding her eye. “Kai’s playing a dirty game.”

  “Why do I have to keep reminding you of how much we love you?” Verily’s voice broke. “And why won’t you come back to us?”

  I paused, turned. “Your ring,” I said, my voice thick. “It’s beautiful. You and Noah deserve a beautiful life. I mean it. But I’m not meant for that.”

  “Oh, Scar. You break my heart.”

  I looked to the ceiling where a single spotlight flickered, laughing dully. “It took me a while to realize it, I admit, and I was really good at burying any reminders, but Theo walked back into my life Ver, and I … I…”

  “Sax. Fucking Theo Saxon.” Verily rubbed at her lips while she said it, distorting the sound and somehow making it angrier.

  “Yes. He’s back. And fighting for his life, because I was too dumb to figure out that he’d returned to protect me.”

  “From what?”

  “His father.”

  Verily slumped, her hip bumping into the railing. “You have to get away from them, Scar. All of them.”

  “It’s too late.”

  “Never. Come with me right now, and I’ll drive you to your parents. You can stay there, recover—”

  “No, Verily.” And I meant it viscerally. “Kai made a mistake asking you to come here.”

  Verily stepped up to me, her eyes searching. I let her, my lips frozen into thin lines. “Since when have you become so mean?” she asked softly. “Your parents are desperate to see you. Noah would love to see you, especially before we get married.”

  “It can’t happen.”

  Through the silence, Verily’s thoughts must have been ticking. Mine were on lockdown, because any weakness, any hesitation, and I’d be in Verily’s arms asking her how she still loved me.

  She broke the quiet by saying, “You know, in another life, in a better one, you would have been my maid of honor.”

  I tossed back, “And in that perfect life, he’d be marrying Cassie, not you.”

  Her gasp singed every space inside me, sucking up the air, hollow black smoking in its wake. Her mouth tremulous, Verily couldn’t think of how to respond. You bitch wasn’t in her vocabulary. Neither was go to hell or fuck you even though I wished she would fling that kind of hurt at me.

  “Go, Verily. You don’t belong here.”

  In my head, the tone was a croak, a barely detectable sound above baritone. But she understood. My best friend let it sink in, filling the vulnerable softness of her expression with stone, and cemented my words with a burning, unforgivable stare.

  “Each time I see you, you get worse,” she said. She paused at the top of the stairs. “Pretty soon, there will be nothing left of you. And before you tell me how little you believe in yourself, how you’ve decided to put no value on your life, think of it another way. Pretty soon, there will be no one left who cares.”

  Her footfalls sounded, laden with the burden of having me back in her life, only to watch me leave again. I clenched my hands, as my fingers trembled and stilled my tremulous lower lip. I blinked back the tears threatening to fall, but there was nothing I could do about the heat in my cheeks, the hot flush of emotion clogging my throat and making it difficult to breathe.

  More footfalls came, these ones different, tentative and hesitant.

  “She left?” Kai dared to ask, and that was all it took.

  “How could you?” I shouted. His reaction was to throw up his hands and startle like a mouse caught with cheese.

  “Shh! Easy, Scarlet, the neighbors are already pissed at Marcus’s and my—”

  “How dare you bring Verily here, to me,” I hissed, but allowed him to usher me into his apartment and shut the door.

  “Think of it as the equivalent to splashing cold water on your face,” Kai hissed back. “It was either your bestie or Chenko waiting in my apartment. I figured you’d appreciate the former.”

  “No, I wouldn’t.” Without anything to pummel, I deferre
d to an open-palm smack on Kai’s maroon stucco walls. They were thin, so the sound was somewhat satisfying. But not enough. Never enough. “If you want to put this to rest so badly, arrest me. Stick me in a room with Chenko. Do not bring Verily near me ever again.”

  “You talk like she has leprosy.” Kai was genuinely shocked. “How could you not want her around, after all this time? I thought you missed her. I thought seeing the normalcy that used to be your day-to-day life would help.”

  It was easy, probably expected, to throw another punch at the wall, this time closed-fisted. Anger, blame, and screaming all served to prove the point that Kai screwed up. But it was oh, so tiring. And I was spent. Dangerously close to giving up. I said, with brine-coated rocks on my tongue, “It only serves to remind me how much danger I’ve put them in. Her. Noah. My parents. Gordon Saxon wants me dead, Kai.”

  At last, Kai was made speechless.

  “How could you think I’d want Verily near me?” I gestured behind him. “Someone Gordon hired could’ve been in your apartment, or the one next door because he killed your neighbors for a stakeout spot, waiting for me, and instead getting Verily as a bonus. She was alone here, Kai. She was by herself when we both knew there are people out there wanting to kill me, and if that fails, hurting me where it would gut me the most.” I said her name like an elastic snapping in two. “Verily.”

  “Jesus. Scarlet, I’m sorry. I didn’t … when you called me to come home, the first thing I thought of was to surround you with family. And when you told me about the Saxon hit in the car, I’d completely forgotten … no, that’s not an excuse. I’m supposed to be better at this. Sharper. It was a big fuck-up, and I’m lucky Verily wasn’t hurt. I’m sorry, Scarlet. Truly sorry.”

  Kai’s repentance was like a cloud, bloated with acid rain, landing on my shoulders. I felt the weight like it was something I personally gained, but not what I wanted. It was so easy to shrink my world into a pinhole, where only Theo and I existed and our actions solely affected one another. In that shoebox there was no Saxon family, no Kai, no Verily, no parents, and most importantly, no guilt. Zero fear. Since the only person I had to look out for was myself, it was a simple task to barrel forward. I wanted blinders like those poor horses in Central Park, where my periphery was completely black, and I wouldn’t be spooked by crowds of pedestrians, the sudden acceleration and braking of cars, the screech of buses.

  Tunnel vision. That was what I wished for.

  Then I wouldn’t see my parents on the sidelines, Mom’s eyelashes thick and clumped with tears, Dad’s frown lines deepened first by the loss of Cassie, then by watching the slow decay of his remaining daughter.

  “No,” I said. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I should have figured out another way to get back here, without involving you or anyone else I care about.” After a sigh, I realized, “I should’ve just called Chenko.”

  “Now, that’s just stupid.”

  “At this point? Not too much sounds smart.”

  “If you’d brought the task force in, and I mean true, patriotic FBI agents with no attachment to you whatsoever, not even sexually, you’d be in custody and have no way—let me reiterate, zero chance, of figuring out where Theo is and getting to him first.

  “Not to mention,” he continued, finger raised over any counterarguments, “the shit-river I’ve had to cross in order to get us here in the first place. You go down, you take me with you, and hell if I’m going to let that happen. I’ll go down harder. I had Theo in a room—nay, a boat—and I didn’t inform my superiors. I knew where you were the entire time you’ve been listed as a fugitive. I’m aware of Theo’s brand spanking new identifiable scar on his face, a fun fact that I am positive my boss would be over-the-moon to know about.”

  Kai grabbed my shoulders, and repeated, nose-to-nose, “I. Am. Fucked. If you go to the FBI now, you might as well have done it well before betting your body to fucking Neri. Because you’ll be making everything we’ve done up until this point a piece of utterly pointless crap. You might as well shit on me.”

  “All right, I get it.” I held up my hand, pushing his face away from mine. “I’d never betray you.”

  “Same goes, pretty. Now.” Kai leveled his shoulders. “Let me get my gun.”

  “We can’t go anywhere, even with weaponry.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I don’t know where Trace could’ve taken Theo. Not to mention the price on my head.”

  “Then I’ll trade in my pistol for my thinking cap. Come on.” He gestured further into his apartment, seeming how we were both still standing in his small entryway. “Sit your butt on the couch, I’ll brew us some tea, and we can conference.”

  I had one foot forward before my body froze. Stiffness traveled from my toes, rippling up toward my neck, but that was where it stopped. My face, it was left to crumble.

  “Scar. Oh my—okay, come here. Come here.”

  Kai’s arms came around. He was never a light hugger—the kind who tolerated reaching out merely to appear normal. Kai was all in, his bones pressing through his muscles in order to maintain a firm, steady, anchor.

  “There’s been so much delay already,” I said into the fabric of his shoulder. He smelled of beach and ocean, musky with a touch of salt. “And I keep thinking back to why he came back in the first place, why he risked contacting you and seeing me again. It was to try and save my life. And I repaid by—”

  “You didn’t know.”

  “But I should have. Theo wouldn’t just appear out of nowhere to say hi. There’s always something going on under his skin. He was the best cold reader in poker—I should’ve remembered. He knew people’s moves before they did.”

  “Exactly right. Which is why you couldn’t have predicted what was going on in his head. Or tried.”

  “He’s hurt, Kai. I know he is. He wouldn’t have left without fighting…”

  Kai released his grip, rubbing the sides of my arms instead. “You’re close. Remember that much. You’ve made it back to New York, with my assistance, of course, but you’re walking the same soil he is. We’ll find him. I have extensive notes on the Saxons, as you well know. Trace’s habits are like my own at this point, and I will go through them with a fine-tooth comb, with you by my side, and we’ll figure out where Trace would have him.”

  “I was going to betray him.” I swiped a hand across my eyes, dissolving the mist, but it didn’t do anything to quell the ache, deep under my ribs. “Theo was trying to save me and I was willing to hand him over to the FBI.”

  “You need to remember.” Kai kept his tone low, steady. “He’s not a good guy. Sax has done a lot of bad things. It’s not like you were sending an innocent lamb to slaughter. More like a wolf.”

  I looked at Kai then.

  Kai’s phone buzzed. It was loud enough that I heard the vibration through his pants. He pulled it out while apologizing, muttering that it was probably Marcus and if he didn’t text something back within ten minutes, Marcus would likely call an ambulance.

  That was pretty much the M.O. to anyone hanging out with me these days. Leaving worry in my wake. I wondered if Marcus even liked me anymore.

  “Oh, Jesus.”

  “What?” I asked automatically, trying to read the look of surprise on Kai’s face. “What is it?”

  “Well…” Kai swallowed. Actually, he gulped. “I don’t believe our research will do any good anymore.”

  “Did the cops find Theo?” I almost whispered it. I was so terrified it was true.

  “Uh. No.”

  “Did Theo just text you?” That would have been the ultimate, wonderful dream come true.

  “Not that, either.”

  “Fucking tell me.” My voice had risen to a crescendo—no hesitation allowed. Spit, however, was absolutely welcome when aiming to scream my point in panic mode.

  “It’s … it’s…”

  “Goddammit, Kai.” I swiped the phone from him, read the text myself.

  Literally felt
the blood leaving my cheeks. Pooling at my collarbone.

  “Oh, Jesus,” I echoed.

  Glad you made it back safe and sound, Scarlet.

  If you’re able, please come to my home at 8pm this evening.

  I promise, no assassins.

  Just my sons.

  - G.S.

  24 How To Deal With Subway Rats

  “He must have a man outside. Even though we disguised you as best we could, Gordon Saxon figured out you were back.” Kai paced the apartment, the wide-paneled wood floors unable to buffer the scrapes of his heels. “Where did we go wrong? No one is involved in this—literally no one. And I didn’t fucking leak anything.”

  I shook my head, Kai’s phone hanging loosely in my hand. “We were idiots to think otherwise. This man has more power than the FBI. More men than the … the president. It was a matter of time.”

  “He’s not going to get you.” Kai dug his fingers into his hair, a motion that banged a vision of Theo into my mind doing the exact same thing.

  Theo…

  The answer was obvious. “I have to go.”

  “No. Nope. You were right before. We need to loop in Chenko.”

  “It’s too late.”

  “They can go in your place. I’m sure we could get a warrant, harboring two fugitives. Yeah … yes, we can do this. That text!” Kai pointed to his phone at my thigh. “Gordon admitted to having his sons, two of the Most Wanted. It’s enough for any judge.”

  Again, I shook my head. “He’d kill them first before ever handing them over to the police.”

  Kai paused mid-reach for his cell. “You can’t be serious. He wouldn’t kill his sons rather than…”

  “He’d still have one left. Ward. That’s all he needs to run an empire.”

  I handed over the phone. Kai said, “Jeez. That’s cold.”

  “I’ve never had any deep conversations with the Saxon brothers’ sire, but I doubt that description even comes close to what he actually is.”

  “Either way, you’re not going. This has gone too far. This man has put a fucking hit on you for falling in love with Sax. You cannot dip a pinky toe near his moat. Understand?”