Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat for Binge Eating

by Michelle May M. D.

  To give you more examples of how to reduce, rethink, and recreate your triggers, we’ll explore four common types of triggers: the sight and smell of food; special occasions and holidays; social events; and high-risk times. These are only examples; explore your own triggers and experiment with various options to see what’s most effective for you.

  TRIGGER: The sight and smell of food

  Most people are food-suggestible. Just seeing or smelling appetizing food can trigger the urge to eat. We live in a food-abundant environment so food is everywhere—on billboards, on television, and in magazines—ironically, often next to the articles about the latest wonder diet! That’s because marketers know how food-suggestible most people are. There is serious marketing science for the retail store layout and food placement to trigger impulse purchases. Have you ever wondered why there is candy in the checkout lane at hardware and craft stores?

  Reduce: Experiment with the following ways of decreasing your exposure to the sight and smell of food when you’re not hungry: Put tempting foods behind other foods in your cabinets and refrigerator—you’ll be surprised by how often you actually forget about them. If other family members or coworkers leave food out, politely ask them to put it away where it can’t be seen. Make a list of specific grocery items and shop around the perimeter of the store, only venturing down the aisles for items on your list. You can also leave the room during the television commercials, skip cooking shows, and page quickly past the food ads, diets, and recipes in magazines.

  Rethink: When you’re in a nonfood establishment such as a hardware store that has tempting snack displays, tell yourself, “I won’t be a puppet for their profit!” When you’re exposed to food marketing, remind yourself that you’re the one who decides when and what you’ll eat.

  Recreate: If you see appetizing food and suddenly feel like eating, move away from it for a quick Body-Mind-Heart Scan. If you’re not hungry, you can still appreciate the appearance and aroma without eating it—just think of it as a feast for the eyes. Then look for other ways to delight your senses, such as flowers or candles, and find opportunities to create pleasure for yourself that don’t involve food. If you are hungry, for example, while preparing a meal, turn your focus instead to the mindful experience of cooking. Admire and smell each ingredient. Notice the movements of your hands as you chop and stir. If you need to taste to adjust seasonings, take only a small amount and notice whether you’re less hungry at mealtime as a result. If you feel overly hungry while you’re cooking, perhaps you take a break to eat your salad first to take the edge off.

  TRIGGER: Special Occasions and Holidays

  Food and celebration have been intimately connected throughout history—mothers and grandmothers cooking special meals for their families, couples sharing romantic dinners on Valentine’s Day. Holidays can be especially challenging because of all the social ties to traditional foods and certain people. Special occasion mentality is more likely to trigger bingeing when you think in all or nothing terms. Likewise, if you only give yourself permission to eat enjoyable foods on special occasions, it perpetuates scarcity thinking—the belief that there isn’t enough so you have to get as much as you can, when you can.

  Reduce: Since these special occasions come around on a predictable schedule, you can plan ahead to reduce your exposure to your trigger foods and situations. Steer away from the holiday candy aisles and wait until the last minute to buy holiday foods. Plan special events around activities other than eating.

  Rethink: Be aware of automatic scarcity thoughts like, “I love Grandma’s cookies! I’ll get my fill now since I won’t have them again until next year!” Cultivate abundance thinking instead: “These holiday cookies will be back before I know it!” or “I can make turkey and mashed potatoes anytime I want.”

  Recreate: Rather than feeling that you have to break the food-celebration link altogether, you can enjoy special meals while still using hunger and fullness to guide you. When you notice yourself thinking, “I’ll have a little bit more; it’s a special occasion!” you could think, “I don’t need an excuse to have a wonderful meal so why use a special occasion as a reason to overeat?” or, “If this occasion is so special, why would I want to ruin it by eating until I feel uncomfortable?” Keep in mind that special foods will be even more special when you eat them mindfully, focusing on the appearance and flavors of the food, the ambience, the other people, and the reason you’re all together. You could choose to think, “It’s wonderful that Grandma is passing on these traditions. I’ll savor every bite and every moment!”

  TRIGGER: Social Events

  Most social events are full of Pavlovian bells for habitual eating—movies and popcorn, sports and hot dogs, dates and dinners, networking and appetizers—the list goes on and on! Social norms and pressure to eat certain types and quantities of food can distract you from paying attention to your own body’s needs so it’s pretty easy to ignore your hunger signals, eat mindlessly, and become distracted from noticing fullness.

  Reduce: Instead of making food the main event, focus on the movie, the game, and other people. Find ways to socialize that don’t center on eating. For example, you could treat your family to a trip to the science museum instead of going out for lunch or ice cream. If business entertaining usually involves food and drinks, make plans to do business while playing golf or during walk-and-talk meetings.

  Rethink: If you notice yourself thinking, “Wow, there’s so much great food! I have to try everything,” you could change your thought to “Wow, there’s so much great food! I can find exactly what I want” or “I don’t want to fill up on ordinary foods so I won’t enjoy the foods I really love.”

  Recreate: Enjoy the whole experience and make eating a conscious part of the activity. When food is a natural part of an event, it helps to time social meals to match your natural hunger rhythms or adjust your eating that day so you’ll be hungry (but not too hungry!) so you can enjoy the food. And there is no need to deprive yourself; just focus on quality and enjoyment rather than quantity and habit. For example, if you really love movie popcorn, buy an amount that will be satisfying and savor it one delicious kernel at a time rather than consuming a whole bucket mindlessly.

  Trigger: High-Risk Times

  Most people have times of the day that are high risk for overeating or bingeing. For example, you may experience a late afternoon energy slump, have a tendency to munch when you come home from work, or binge late at night while watching TV. These high-risk times might correspond to your natural hunger rhythms, or they might be times when you’re tired, lonely, bored, or otherwise at risk for a binge. For many people who struggle with binge eating, being alone is a potentially high-risk time because it creates the opportunity and privacy for their secret binge activity.

  Reduce: Think about the times when you are most at risk and develop alternate plans. For example, you could schedule a class or other activities before dinner.

  Rethink: Since eating is sometimes used as a transition, for example, from work to home or from evening to night, think about other ways to help you relax or unwind. Perhaps you create a special recharge or transition ritual, such as saving a favorite magazine or book to read, calling a friend, walking your dog, or taking a hot bath.

  Recreate: Rather than looking forward to being alone to binge, think of it as an opportunity to practice self-care. “I can take a bubble bath without interruption” or “I can play my music as loud as I want or dance if I want to!”

  Let’s see how Samantha used Reduce, Rethink, and Recreate to change her mind.

  I reduced one of my triggers for bingeing on ice cream by taking a different route home from work to avoid that billboard. I also needed to rethink my all or nothing attitude about ice cream, because clearly, it wasn’t working. I decided that I could go out for an ice cream cone whenever I wanted, but for now, I won’t keep ice cream in the house. My self-care voice helped me recreate my thoughts by reminding me that I deserve sweetness in my life. I
came up with a dozen other ways to bring more pleasure and happiness into each and every day. One of my favorite ways to add joy is picking my granddaughter up from school and having an ice cream cone together!

  CHAPTER 5

  WHAT AM I REALLY HUNGRY FOR?

  All week Cathy had been daydreaming about her weekend.

  TGIF! I had such a stressful week at work—it seemed like it was never going to end—but I had big plans for Friday night! I had already picked out a movie and I knew exactly what I was going to wear. I just needed to stop at the store for a few things for the weekend and pick up some take-out for dinner, and I’d be ready.

  I was kind of in a hurry but I went up and down most of the aisles to make sure I hadn’t missed anything. I stopped into my favorite Chinese restaurant and ordered egg rolls and a #6 and a #11. When I got home, I dumped the Chinese food in the living room and my groceries on the kitchen counter. I poured myself a glass of wine and rushed upstairs to slip into something a little more comfortable.

  I got the movie ready then laid everything out on the coffee table—enough food to feed an army as mother used to say. I settled into the couch, just me, in my favorite pajamas, and my best friend—food.

  Whether they recognize it or not, nearly everyone is an “emotional eater.” Emotional connections to food are woven into the fabric of our social experience. From birth you were held and fed; you went to birthday parties for cake and ice cream; you go out for dinner to celebrate a new job or a raise. Think about how common it is for people to use food as a way to bond, nurture, soothe, reward, love, celebrate, and create pleasure and excitement.

  WHEN DO I WANT TO EAT?

  Emotions and Needs

  Emotions are also common triggers for overeating and bingeing because eating is a way to change or manage emotions quickly, such as denying or calming down feelings in an attempt to bring yourself back into balance. And it works—at least temporarily. Here are some of the reasons it works:

  •Certain foods such as those high in sugar or fat and highly processed foods can temporarily activate the pleasure centers in the brain by triggering a release of feel good chemicals like serotonin and dopamine.

  •Crunching and chewing may have a calming effect on the body.

  •Emotions manifest themselves in the body as “feelings” or sensations that may be mistaken for hunger. Many feelings are felt in the throat, chest, or stomach. Swallowing food can literally stuff or push down the feelings that rise up in the body.

  Although you may feel better while you’re eating and for a short time afterward, the pleasure or peacefulness is short-lived. Furthermore, eating doesn’t address the issue that caused the emotional discomfort in the first place. Soon the emotional discomfort returns, compounded by the physical discomfort that results from bingeing. This usually turns on your critical voice, as in, “I’m no good,” or “I’m so out of control.” Cathy knew that voice well.

  I guess I eat because of my stressful job, though I really love what I do and I think I’m pretty good at it. As the week goes by though, I feel myself anticipating my Friday night binge. I always promise myself that I won’t do it again, but the truth is that was a pretty typical Friday night for me.

  I buy all of my favorite foods: bags of chips, an assortment of deli meats and rolls, a platter of shrimp with cocktail sauce, some kind of candy, and brownie mix. If the cashier asks me if I’m having a party, I’ll lie and say yes, then go to a different store the next week. Afterwards I always pick up dinner for two. I started doing that because I didn’t want them to think I was lonely and pathetic. At first I figured I’d have leftovers for the whole weekend, but I never do.

  The morning after, I feel almost hung over. I tell myself I’ll go to the gym but I end up having my ‘personal party’ for the rest of the weekend. I can’t believe how pathetic I am!

  Ironically, what began as an attempt to feel better leaves you with both the original emotional discomfort and the additional physical and emotional consequences of the binge. So what do you do about it?

  Peeling Back the Layers

  Sometimes the triggers for eating when you’re not hungry (or continuing to eat when you’re full) are obvious and easily dealt with. For example, when you notice that you feel compelled to clean your plate to avoid wasting food, you can decide to take less or save the extra for another meal (and enjoy it all over again).

  Other times resolving emotional eating requires you to peel back a few layers to figure out what lies beneath the superficial stuff. Therapists often refer to this as peeling the onion, but we like to think of it as a rose instead because it hints at the potential beauty that awaits. When a rose is shipped directly from the field to the florist, a few guard petals are left on to protect it on its journey. Those outer petals may or may not appear bruised or torn, but they have taken the brunt of the journey; the rose underneath is still perfect. If those outer petals aren’t removed, the rose can’t open up fully. It’s as if those protective petals restrain the healthy petals underneath from revealing their full beauty. Cathy peeled back the layers by asking, “What else?” to get to the root of a problem with bingeing during the holidays.

  At first I thought, of course I binge on holiday goodies! There are so many special treats that I don’t let myself eat the rest of the year. That was true, but when I asked myself, “What else?” I realized that they remind me of my childhood. What else? They remind me of the comfort and joy of those simpler times. What else? I wish I didn’t have so many adult obligations to deal with, and the holidays just add more to my to-do list. Ahhh. Now I was getting somewhere. I asked myself, what else, in addition to enjoying some of my favorite holiday treats, could I do to experience comfort, joy, and balance in my life?

  Admittedly, it is more challenging to uncover the issues that drive overeating and bingeing. Sometimes everything appears to be fine on the outside so it’s tempting to avoid the risk of disturbing the illusion. Or perhaps you cling to old behaviors out of fear of what might happen when the protective layers are taken away. For example, maybe you clean your plate because long ago that’s how you got dessert, earned approval, or even prevented abuse. But when those layers no longer serve their purpose, they become a limitation. Now cleaning your plate leads to undesirable consequences like feeling uncomfortable or causing a spike in blood sugar. Without awareness that the underlying reason no longer serves you, you’ll feel powerless to change the habit.

  If you’ve struggled with emotional eating—eating because you’re happy, sad, mad, stressed, or any other emotion—you may see it as a negative, dysfunctional behavior. We often hear people say, “I am an emotional eater,” as if they are confessing that they are a terrible person. In actuality, if you eat for emotional reasons, you have discovered a way to regulate and balance your emotions: eating can elevate your mood or calm you down. It is important to be gentle with yourself and validate the role that bingeing has had along your journey. You may find it helpful to acknowledge this by saying, “Of course!”

  While eating to manage your emotions works temporarily, it creates other problems. For example, Cathy said that when she felt sad, bingeing on brownies made her feel happy for a little while.

  I wondered how I could be so successful at work, yet still be such a failure at life? I think food had become a drug for me. Of course! I crunched on chips to calm my stress and anxiety, but once the stress was back under control, I’d feel this huge, lonely, empty hole. I shoveled in food as fast as I could, but it was a bottomless pit. That’s when I’d switch to sugar to erase the pain and anger. After eating all that food, I just felt numb so even though I didn’t feel the pain anymore, I was losing my ability to feel joy too.

  As you continue to read this chapter, imagine yourself peeling back these layers. Don’t worry; in the following sections we’ll take you through this process step-by-step. First, you’ll learn how to describe and identify your emotions and get in touch with your feelings. Then you’ll learn techniq
ues for managing your emotions. You’ll also learn to use your emotions to identify your underlying needs and take action steps to meet those needs. As you peel these guard petals away, you will discover how beautiful and full your life can become.

  MINDFUL MOMENT: When a craving doesn’t come from hunger, eating will never satisfy it.

  DESCRIBE YOUR EMOTIONS

  Let’s start by reviewing the language of emotions. The following are six basic categories of emotions: joy, sadness, anger, fear, loneliness, shame. Keep in mind that emotions fall on a continuum. Anger, for instance, can range from annoyed to enraged; sadness can range from disappointed to despair. A feeling can usually be described in two or three words like, “I feel sad,” or “I am mad” whereas a thought is usually a sentence or phrase like, “I probably shouldn’t eat that or I’ll gain weight.” Here are some words that you can use to describe your emotions:

  Joy: amused, happy, pleasure, enjoyment, joyful, warmth, fondness, love, satisfied, content, hopeful, optimistic, eager, enthusiastic, excited, elated, exhilarated, blissful

  Sadness: disappointed, unhappy, empathetic, gloomy, hopeless, miserable, grief-stricken, anguish, despair

  Anger: annoyed, irritated, grouchy, frustrated, aggravated, envious, jealous, disgusted, agitated, furious, enraged

  Fear: edgy, uneasy, tense, uncertain, insecure, apprehensive, jumpy, nervous, worried, anxious, distressed, overwhelmed, chaotic, panicky, frightened