Why?
It just happened. When you don’t decide ahead of time how you want to feel at the end of the meal, you’re more likely to overeat. In other words, start eating with an intention such as, “I’ll eat only as much as I need to feel comfortable at a 5 or a 6.” You can always change your mind, but don’t let it just happen; decide with full awareness of the consequences.
I’ve been feeling deprived. If you’ve been in a Restrictive Eating Cycle, you’re more likely to overeat when you finally give in to your cravings. Remind yourself that there are no good or bad foods. You’re less likely to feel out of control around food when you know you can have it again whenever you want it.
I was rebelling. If someone said you can’t or shouldn’t eat something, you may eat more to spite them. But ultimately, who have you punished? Since you’re the one in charge of your eating, you get to choose when, what, and how much you’ll eat.
I always overeat in that situation. Many people learn to associate certain events with overeating—Thanksgiving dinner, sporting events, dinner at Grandmother’s house. Be aware of these triggers so you can think them through ahead of time and create new strategies that suit you better.
It was a special occasion. You’re more likely to overeat if you give yourself permission to eat enjoyable foods only on special occasions. You don’t need an excuse to have a wonderful meal. Why use a special occasion as a reason to overeat? Just ask yourself, “If this occasion is so special, why would I want to ruin it by eating until I feel uncomfortable?”
I felt obligated. You may sometimes feel you’re expected to eat, such as when someone else made or bought the food. People push food for many reasons, for example, to make themselves feel good, to show you they care about you, or to avoid eating alone. Feeling obligated can cause you to ignore your body’s signals of satisfaction in order to please someone else—or you may use it as an excuse to overeat. Remember, you eat to meet your body’s needs, so come up with polite but firm responses ahead of time.
I already blew it. I might as well keep eating. Overeating can lead to bingeing because of all or nothing thinking. You classify any amount of overeating as “blowing it” rather than thinking in increments of consumption or in terms of your level of fullness. That gives you temporary permission to eat it all. It also allows you to rationalize what you’re doing because you are planning to get back on track at some point. You change this pattern when you begin to think in smaller increments than all or nothing.
I don’t know how I’ll deal with my life without escaping into bingeing. Occasional overeating—eating when you’re not hungry or eating past the point of fullness—is part of “normal” eating. Bingeing—allowing yourself to slip into a mindless or unconscious state in order to escape your current physical, emotional, or other reality for a little while—is destructive to your body, mind, heart, and spirit. As you practice your new strategies for dealing with your physical, environmental, and emotional triggers, you quite literally rewire your brain to reward these new thoughts, feelings, and actions. Over time, you’ll gain increasing confidence and trust in your ability to cope without escaping into a binge.
When?
I wasn’t hungry when I started eating. When you eat before you’re hungry, just about any amount of food will make you feel full.
I was too hungry when I started eating. When you wait too long to eat, you’re more likely to eat too much, too quickly, and therefore overshoot your stomach’s comfortable capacity. Pay more attention to your hunger cues and be prepared to eat when you get to a 2 or a 3. If you’re at a 1, realize that it’s a potentially high-risk situation. Slow down and just eat a little bit first to allow your blood sugar to come up; then be extra mindful of your choices.
I might be overeating to stuff other feelings. This is the most challenging reason for eating beyond satisfaction. It may also be the most important. If you’re eating—instead of feeling your feelings or coping with your emotions—you aren’t able to meet your true needs. The first step is to become aware of what is happening; thereafter, make a decision to work on it, one step at a time.
What?
It tasted good, so I just kept eating. Your taste buds are the most sensitive when you’re hungry and when you first start to eat, so that’s when food tastes the best. You might keep eating because you want to experience those first wonderful bites again, but at that point, you are really just eating a memory. It won’t taste that wonderful until you’re hungry again.
I wanted to taste everything. Studies have shown that having a lot of food to choose from causes people to eat more. If you know it’s difficult for you when you have a lot of choices, you may wish to avoid buffets and similar settings for now. Better yet, rethink it. Decide that with so many choices, you’ll get to eat exactly what you want. You can be extremely picky; decide that you will only eat what you love and that you won’t bother with anything that’s just so-so.
I was afraid I wouldn’t get that food again. You may convince yourself this is the only time you’ll get to have a particular food, so you should eat all you can. However, it’s rare that a food will never be available again. You can ask for the recipe, take some home, ask if they’ll make it for you again sometime, plan to return to the same restaurant, or enjoy experimenting with similar foods in the future.
I saved the best for last. If you save your favorite food for the end of your meal, you might eat it even if you’re already full (this applies to dessert, too). Instead, have a bite or two when it will taste the best. Then, if you’re too full to finish it, it will be easier to save the rest for later.
I ate food I didn’t enjoy. If you choose food that isn’t really what you want, you’re less likely to feel satisfied. You may continue to eat, trying to reach satisfaction without realizing that the food choice, not the amount, is the problem. If you realize you’re eating a food you’re not really enjoying, stop and choose something else. If there are no other options, eat cautiously and promise yourself you’ll eat something you like at the next meal.
How?
I mindlessly picked at the leftovers. When you reach the level of fullness you intended, get up from the table, clear the food or have someone remove your plate, and package up leftovers for another meal. If you stay at the table, push your plate away or cover it with a napkin so you don’t pick at the remaining food unconsciously.
I ate too fast. When you eat quickly, your brain may not realize your stomach is full until it’s too late. Slow down and pause for a couple of minutes in the middle of eating to reconnect and ask yourself where you are on the Hunger and Fullness Scale.
I wasn’t paying attention as I ate. You can’t pay full attention to two things at once, so when you eat while you’re doing something else, you’re less likely to enjoy your food or notice when you’ve had enough. In fact, you may even stop being aware that you’re eating long before you actually stop eating. When you’re eating a delicious food, try not to get so caught up in the experience that you don’t notice how you actually feel or forget how it feels to overeat. Check in and remind yourself that if you keep eating, the discomfort will eventually outweigh the enjoyment. As you practice eating mindfully, you’ll begin to appreciate and prefer the pleasure of savoring each bite without other distractions while staying connected to your body’s signals of satiety and comfort.
I intentionally “checked-out.” A binge is often intentionally carried out in a distracted state, for example while watching T.V., in order to escape your situation, thoughts, or feelings. Distraction makes it easier to consume a large amount of food and ignore the emotional and physical discomfort. As you heal your relationship with food and your body, the purpose of bingeing is replaced by the intention to stay engaged in eating—and your life.
How much?
I had too much food on my plate. Studies have shown that the larger the serving size, the more food people will eat. Make it a point to serve yourself only as much as you think you’ll need. When you
’ve been given a larger portion than you need, divide it into a more appropriate portion—or better yet, have the extra wrapped to go.
I was keeping up with someone else. You may overeat when someone else is eating a lot or eating very fast. You might be afraid you won’t get your share or think you’re not eating that much compared to the other person. Remember that you are eating for you, no one else!
I’m used to feeling full after a meal. Over time, you may have grown used to that full feeling you get from overeating. In the past, it may have even been your only signal to stop. If you’re having difficulty letting that go, try drinking water when you eat, eating soup before your meal, and enjoying plenty of high-fiber fruits and vegetables and salads to fill you up without adding a lot more fuel than your body needs. Also practice noticing all the negative consequences that come from feeling too full. Eventually, most people begin to view fullness as an unpleasant state they want to avoid.
I wanted to get my money’s worth. When you’ve paid for something, you may be tempted to eat more than you need so you won’t feel you’ve wasted your money. You might also be tempted to buy (and then eat) more than you need because it’s a better value. However, whenever you eat more than your body needs, your money has been wasted anyway.
I hate to let food go to waste. This may come from your childhood: “Eat all your dinner; there are starving children in (fill in the blank).” Eating all your food doesn’t help children anywhere. If you’re concerned about wasting food, take smaller portions, share meals, and save leftovers to eat later.
I wanted to earn my dessert. You are an adult now; you don’t have to clean your plate if you want dessert. Instead, remember that other familiar phrase: “Save room for dessert!”
Where?
I kept eating to avoid or postpone doing something else. Sometimes eating is a lot easier or more fun than whatever else you think you should be doing. To combat this problem, make sure you have something to look forward to (or at least that you don’t dread doing) when you’ve finished eating.
I’d rather eat than do just about anything else. If you don’t have other things you enjoy doing and that make you feel good, you may eat for pleasure and to “fill yourself up.” See chapter 10 for other ways to nourish your body, mind, heart, and spirit.
If your underlying reasons for overeating or bingeing still aren’t apparent, they may be protected by other coping mechanisms. Find an eating disorder therapist and therapy group for people struggling with binge eating to safely and effectively navigate this process of self-discovery.
Joyce used the Mindful Eating Cycle to explore the reasons she overate, then binged. This process gave her some powerful and very useful information.
Believe me, figuring this out took some time and contemplation. I needed to think through each decision point. I had to keep asking myself, “What else?” to get to the real reasons.
Why? Mexican restaurant = overeating in my mind. I associated it with huge portions of salty, savory, delicious food. Before I even entered the restaurant, I’d decided to overeat. After we got home, my overeating turned into a full-blown binge because I was thinking, “I’ve already blown it anyway!”
When? Since we don’t go out to dinner very often, I felt like I needed to get as much as I could. It seems like I’m worried that I won’t get enough of what I love. When I think my husband is trying to control my food, it makes me feel rebellious and even more afraid of not getting enough of what I need. I think that’s why I keep a stash of sweets hidden in the office.
What? It was all about what I wanted to eat. I didn’t even stop to consider what I needed.
How? I say I love Mexican food, but I don’t think I even remember much about how it tasted after the chips and first Margarita. I was busy talking to my friends, but on the inside, I was fighting to suppress my self-critical thoughts and my fear of being judged by my husband. Later, the fear (or was it excitement?) about the possibility of getting caught, created a rushed frenzy to eat. I didn’t even enjoy the experience. Thinking back, it was more punishing than nurturing.
How much? Of course I cleaned my plate! I was thinking that I don’t get Mexican food very often, we paid for it, and therefore, I was going to eat it all. The second margarita probably added to my mindlessness. I was already stuffed when I went after my sugar stash. That was more about finishing it; after all, the damage was already done.
Where? I felt physically sick and tired and full of fear and shame. It is putting more distance between my husband and me because of this power struggle over food.
I Ate Too Much! Now What?
After eating, sit quietly for a few moments and become completely aware of how you feel and where your energy is going. When you’ve eaten too much, your stomach is distended and you may feel sluggish as your body processes and stores the fuel. Again, don’t beat yourself up; just focus on the sensations so you can remember them in detail. That way, the next time you’re tempted to overeat you can recall how you felt when you were too full. You’ll be less likely to repeat that mistake.
When you overeat, it’s important to reenter the Mindful Eating Cycle at your next decision point. By listening to your body wisdom, you can compensate for occasional overeating.
Why? People who eat instinctively sometimes overeat. However, although they probably feel regretful and uncomfortable, they don’t typically feel guilty. Therefore, they don’t think, “Well, I’ve already blown it; I might as well keep eating then start my diet tomorrow.” Those thoughts would only trap them in an eat-repent-repeat cycle. Instead, they just listen to their body and return to eating instinctively by allowing hunger to drive their next cycle.
When? When you’ve overeaten, wait and see when you get hungry again. Rather than continue to eat out of guilt or because it’s time, listen to your body. It probably won’t need food again as soon; therefore, you may not be hungry for your usual snack or even your next meal.
What? Don’t penalize yourself or try to compensate for overeating by restricting yourself. If you try to make yourself eat foods you don’t really want, you’ll feel deprived and punished—and you’ll fuel your eat-repent-repeat cycle. When you get hungry again, ask yourself: “What do I want?” and “What do I need?” Trust and respect your body wisdom because it’s likely that it will naturally seek balance, variety, and moderation. You might notice you are hungry for something small or something light, maybe a bowl of soup or cereal, a piece of fruit, or a salad.
How? Eat mindfully with intention and attention and you’ll be less likely to repeat your recent mistake.
How much? You may not be as hungry, so pay close attention to how much you serve, order, prepare, and eat.
Where? Don’t use exercise to punish yourself for overeating. Be active and use your fuel to live a full and satisfying life!
Soon you’ll prefer to feel content and comfortable after you eat. And when you feel too full, you have strategies for figuring out why and for developing a plan for what you’ll do differently next time. Perfection isn’t possible, or even necessary, so return to your Mindful Eating Cycle. Wait to see when you get hungry again and what you’re hungry for. With practice, it becomes easier and more natural to stop eating when you feel just right.
Joyce realized that there was more going on than she originally thought.
I realized the answer isn’t avoiding Mexican restaurants. That would only be a temporary solution. I’m learning to challenge my belief system and rethink the experience of going out to eat. After all, rather than leaving feeling stuffed, I can eat leftovers again the next day. I’m listening to my self-care voice, reassuring myself that I’m going to get enough and that my needs will be met. I’m challenging my all or nothing thinking so I don’t keep turning occasional overeating into a full-blown binge.
GOODBYE BINGEING
Sometimes people feel a sense of loss when they stop bingeing, as if they are losing a friend. But bingeing is like a poor choice in friends—a friend
who makes rebellious, risky behaviors seem worth it at least in the moment. Recovery requires a conscious decision that bingeing is no longer an option—in other words, a deliberate choice to break up with your friend because the relationship is no longer serving your needs and your intention for your life. That doesn’t mean that you’ll never binge again; after all, finding balance requires you to give up the expectation of perfection. It means that you say, “Good riddance!” and recognize that during times of vulnerability, you may experience feelings of loss, grief, anger, bargaining, sadness, or depression.
Joyce realized that having a back-up plan, such as keeping her stash, was giving her an option that distracted her from focusing on all of the new strategies she had learned.
I tried to get rid of my stash but I felt overcome by fear and something that felt like grief from losing a friend. After the death of my father, the leader of my grief support group had us write a “Goodbye Letter.” I decided to write a letter to say goodbye to my “friend,” bingeing.
Dear Bingeing,
I want to thank you for being there for me all these years. I wonder how I would have survived some periods of my life without you. But being friends with you has also brought me pain. I don’t feel good about myself when I hang out with you. I have worked really hard to learn new strategies for coping with everything my life throws at me, yet I find myself holding on to you as a security blanket in case things get too hard. I can see that that is fear. But I am learning that I can trust myself to respond to situations, thoughts, and feelings as they arise. I am becoming more open to the idea that I have enough and I am enough! So, without hesitation, I have decided to say goodbye to you. I don’t need you in my life anymore.
Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat for Binge Eating Page 14