The Ink That Brands Us: A Colorado Ink Novel

by Terra Deason

  My lip trembled and I wiped at my face trying to erase the escaped tears. I didn’t want to become a crying mess in the airport. That would just be sad. June’s had slid into mine. I looked over at her and she gave a small smile. I looked back to Saw, feeling a little more in control.

  “Maybe this will be the perfect time for you to work your own stuff out. You have some serious demons holding you back from something great, big guy and I think you know that. You take care of you and I got our girl.” She looked to me and winked. “We’ll see you soon.”

  She hung up, then smiled at me and I tried to return it, but I just didn’t have it in me. I felt like I was being pulled apart and I didn’t know what to do anymore. I was so out of sorts with everything and I wasn’t sure if leaving was the right move anymore. As much as I wanted to see my parents I wish I hadn’t come; and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

  Twenty-Four

  Three days at my parents’ house was the longest three days of my life. Don’t get me wrong the first day was great and was exactly what I had needed, but after that it was just counting down the minutes that I would be going back home. I missed Colorado. The mountains and the noise of Denver.

  My parents had been over the moon when June, Saw, and I had shown up and without having to be told my mother helped the girls keep me distracted, which they failed at. My mom kept us busy from sunup to sundown. If we weren’t in the kitchen drinking coffee or baking something, we were in town shopping or having lunch.

  They tried really hard to keep my mind off of everything, but they could only do some much and when bedtime rolled around, I found myself thinking about him. I had to give my phone to Saw just to keep myself from calling to check on him.

  The night of day three they each took turns to explain away my feelings for him. They said things like ‘maybe you fell for him because he was the first person to show interest in you’ or maybe you latched onto him because you were still messed up over Josh’. It was all bullshit.

  When that didn’t work they tried to help me figure out what to do when I returned. June and my mom suggested that I ask Jensen to move out, but I couldn’t imagine living there without him now. When I shot that idea down, Saw suggested that I continue dating so that maybe I will find someone who will help me forget all about how I felt for Jensen. I quickly reminded her how horribly that had failed and I wasn’t willingly going through that again.

  The morning of our flight, I was rushing everyone around in my haste to return to Colorado. My parents were sad to see us go, and we promised to come back as soon as we could. I also reminded them that they would see me in a few weeks for Thanksgiving.

  I practically ran out of the airport when we touched down in Denver. I stood right outside the doors, taking in as much mountain air as I could. I closed my eyes and smiled up at the sky.

  “I’m home,” I breathed.

  “Well, that’s the first genuine smile I’ve see on your face in a long time,” Saw noted.

  A grin spread across my face and looked down at her. “I love this place.” The sun was setting and it was casting an array of red and oranges off the mountains in the distance. It was a beautiful sight and I couldn’t imagine calling anywhere else home. This is where I belonged.

  “I’m glad to see a bit of life back in you. I’ll see you guys tomorrow. Maybe we can do lunch?” June said, walking around to face us.

  “Sounds great,” I said and Saw nodded. June gave us one last smile, then headed to find her car. With one last look at the skyline, Saw and I headed towards my Tahoe.

  I had to fight to be patient as we made our way to our apartment building. I couldn’t wait to get home and back in the comfort of my bed. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself. The drive was short, and we were there in on time. I tried not to swell on the fact that the GTO wasn’t wasn’t parked in its usual spot when I pulled into the parking lot.

  “He’s probably still at work,” Saw assured me. I knew she was right. We also hadn’t told anyone when our flight would get in, so there was no way he could have known when we would be back anyway.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Saw said as we trudged up the stairs. “I think I’m going to call it an early night.”

  “Me too,” I agreed.

  It had been a long day of travel and I wanted nothing more than to sleep for the next ten or more hours. Once I was inside my apartment I didn’t stop until I reached my bedroom. I kicked my shoes off and tugged my pants off climbing into bed only in my shirt. I hugged my familiar pillow to my chest and was out.

  My eyes jerked open as I heard the front door slam shut. I lay there for a moment trying to let sleep take me back under, but I heard another bang and muttered curses coming from the living room. With my own muttered curses, I scrambled from my bed and into the hallway.

  Jensen was standing in front of the closed door with a big box dumped at his feet. He was looking down at it mumbling to himself. As I grew nearer, I noticed that the box contained books. Lots and lots of books and they were all now scattered across the floor.

  “Need some help,” I asked.

  His head snapped up in surprise and his face paled like he had seen a ghost. “Freya?”

  I smiled up at him, tugging at the hem of my shirt as I remembered my pantsless state. I barely had time to brace myself before he slammed into me, taking me to the floor.

  “You’re home,” he mumbled into my neck. I lay frozen underneath him, unsure what to do. WHen he didn’t move after a minute, I patted him on the back. “Okay big guy let me up.”

  He pushed himself up until he was hovering over me. “Freya. I can’t believe you’re back.” The pain on his face was breaking my heart all over again. I couldn’t stand it.

  I pushed at his chest. “Jensen, let me up. Please!” The way he was looking down at me, the emotion on his face was killing me and if he didn’t move I was going to break down. I pushed at them again, but he didn’t move so I settled my eyes on the wall. It was better than looking at the alternative. The wall didn’t make me want to cry.

  He reached down to cup my face and my lip tremble with the contact. “I’ve made such a mess of things, luv.”

  I took a deep breath, then answered. “It’s not your fault.”

  “It’s my fault how I reacted.” He was stroking my cheek now and I couldn’t focus on anything else.

  “It’s okay. We’re still friends, right?”

  His fingers stopped, and he turned my face so that I had to look at him. “I don’t want to be your friend.”

  The words tore through me and I had to squeeze my eye shut to hold the tears in.

  “Look at me, luv.” His voice was gentle and coaxing. With a deep breath, I opened my eyes. “I don’t want to be your friend and I can’t settle for that anymore. I need you to be mine, Freya. I’ve been such a fool and probably ruined my last chance at happiness, but the one thing I’ve learned since you left is that I can’t live without you. So, no luv, I can’t be your friend. My heart demands more.”

  It was like someone had turned on the light in the endless darkness that was my life. “Jensen?” I choked, the tears were falling freely now.

  “I’m in love with you, Freya.”

  My heart slammed in my chest and I felt like it was going to burst. I struggled to focus on what was happening and my mind was telling me that it wasn’t real. There was just no way that this was happening. It was too good to be true.

  “I’m dreaming, aren’t I?” I said, covering my face as the sobs choke me. “I’m still asleep. I have to be because there is no way this makes sense.” I’ve reached a whole other level of breakdown.

  Jensen chuckled low, pulling my hands from my face.

  “No, luv. You are very much awake.” Slowly, he leaned down until his lips brushed mine. It was so gentle and sweet. Without thinking, I wrapped my hands around the back of his head pulling him closer, deepening the kiss.

  He leaned into me, our bodies seemed to mold t
ogether as one. I arched against him causing him to moan into my mouth. His hand pulled at the hem of my shirt and we broke apart long enough for him to pull it over my head. He unclasped my bra baring my breasts before his hand covered on.

  This time it was me who groaned.

  “I’ve wanted you every day since that stupid dare,” he whispered. He kissed the corner of my mouth, then trailed kisses along my jawline. “I’ve been such an idiot and I have to tell you, luv, I learn from my mistakes. I’m never letting you go.” He burned his face in my belly, wrapping his arms around me.

  “Please, please don't let this be a dream,” I whispered to the ceiling.

  Jensen chuckled into my belly, then lifted his head to look up at me. “No, luv. This isn’t a dream though I have dreamt of this many times.”

  I looked down at him with wonder in my eyes. “I only dream of you.”

  He raised up so that he could kiss me on the lips and when he pulled back he had a wicked grin on his face. “I know you do, luv.” My face flamed at the clear reminder of the erotic dream I had of him. He jumped to his feet, pulling me up with him. He scooped me up, and I wrapped my legs around his middle.

  The mention of my dreams reminded me of the night we shared and I wanted nothing more than to be naked and in bed with him again. Having him look at me the way he had that night. Lucky for me I was already naked. I pressed my naked breasts into him and bent down to kiss him before pulled back to let him see the want in my eyes.

  Jensen didn’t waste anytime tightening his grip on me and carrying me into my room. He deposited me onto the edge of the bed and I scooped back until I was laying in the center. He stood at the end of the bed staring at me with so much hunger in his eyes it caused a shiver to run up my spine.

  He pulled off his clothes his eyes never leaving me. I propped myself up on my elbow to get a better view of the show and I couldn’t help but rub my legs together in anticipation when his, hard ready hard, cock sprang free.

  “You keep looking at me like that, luv and I won’t be able to take my time with you.” His voice was husky and I could see the flare in his eyes. He wanted me just as much as I did him.

  I cocked my head to the side biting my lip as I let my eyes roam all over his naked body. I balanced on one elbow and with the other hand I trailed my hand down my breast never taking my eyes off of him.

  “Oh, luv,” he chuckled low. “You’re just asking for it.”

  He crawled onto the bed, pushing my legs apart when he reached me. He kissed me along the inside of my thigh until he was at my core. A shiver ran down my spine at his nearness and when he ran his tongue along my wet folds, I arched against him.

  It was all the invitation he needed. He settled himself in, taking his time with me. It was as if he was trying to memorize every inch of my sex. He kissed me, licked me, and teased me until I was screaming out his name. I wouldn’t be surprised if the neighbors complained.

  I hardly had time to come down from the orgasmic high I was on before he was inside me, burying himself deep. My fingers dug into his back as I adjusted to his size. There was nothing average about Jensen and it was pure bliss.

  He started out slow and I could tell he really wanted to take his time, but I think we both were a little to wound up. I rocked against him urging him to go faster. He reached for each of my legs bring my knees to my chest, letting him in deeper. His pace picked up until he was slamming into me.

  I groaned his name, and he murmured mine. When I was close to coming, he flipped us so that I was riding him. I ground my hips into him and he wrapped his hands around my hips His hands guided me as I rocked on top of him.

  My movements became frantic as my orgasm neared and I could tell Jensen was getting close as his hands tightening into a death grip. I knew there would bruises and I couldn’t care less. They would just be a happy reminder at how beautiful this was.

  I shattered all around him as he came, shouting my name. He pulled me down for a kiss and held me to him. I moved from astride him and headed for the bathroom to clean up. When I returned he was more situated in bed and held his arms out to me in waiting.

  I crawled into bed beside him, letting him curl his big body around me. He held me tight to his chest, and I felt as though my heart was going to burst from how happy I was.

  “I could get used to this,” I sighed, snuggling closer.

  “Good, ‘cause I’m not going anywhere. I never thought I could have this again. Never thought I could be this happy again.” I could hear the sadness in his voice and I wanted know what had caused him to feel this way.

  “Will you tell me about it?” My voice was a whisper.

  He rolled taking me with him. I settled across his chest resting my hands under my chin while he propped himself up with pillows. He looked lost for a moment, then his eyes settled on me.

  “I was married,” he admitted. I sucked in a shocked breath and started to say something, but he continued. “We were young. Nineteen or so. We were high school sweethearts and in love, but after a few years we started having problems. We were trying to get pregnant and it wasn’t going well at all. It was taking a toll on the both of us. Eventually our marriage was on the fritz and on night we had gotten into a nasty fight…” He choked off, and he had to clear his throat. “Kate stormed out. I shouldn’t have let her leave but I couldn’t see past my own anger. I said a lot of unforgivable things and never got the chance to apologize. She was hit by a drunk driver. She died on impact.”

  I opened my mouth to speak, but no words come out. My throat was so thick with emotion and tears clouded my vision. I couldn’t imagine living with that kind of pain. Losing someone you love. It something that one would never really get over. Pile that on top of the regret it must be crippling.

  “I am so very sorry,” I murmured once I found my voice. “I couldn’t ever imagine that kind of pain. What you’ve been living with.”

  He reached up and wiped the tears that had escaped down my cheeks. “At first it was almost unbearable. I couldn’t be in our house longer than a few minutes without wanting to lose my mind. I had to avoid certain shops or anything that help memory of her. That’s why I ended up moving here.” He looked so ashamed. “My miss my family so much. They didn’t understand why I left, but I knew that if I stayed I wouldn’t have been able to survive much longer.”

  I had so much going through my head trying to process it all. “Thank you for telling me and thank you for letting me be the one to make you feel again.” He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close like he would never let me go.

  We spend the whole day Sunday in the apartment giving a whole new meaning to Roommate day. I forgot how much I missed sitting around and reading with him and this time it was so much better because we snuggled the entire time and it ended with Jensen carrying me off to bed.

  When Monday morning rolled around, I wished I could turn back time. I wanted to spend forever tucked away in our apartment together. The day before had been something like heaven and I wasn’t sure I would ever have anything day like that one.

  However trying to get ready Monday morning turned out to be eventful. Jensen kept distracting me by pulling at me as I tried to put clothes on or kissing my neck as I tried to fix my hair. A few times we ended up rolling around on the floor feeling each other up. I almost skipped class, but didn’t want to start a bad habit.

  I ended up rushing out the door, meeting Saw at my Tahoe.

  “Running late? That’s so unlike you.” Saw was leaning against my passenger door as I hurried to the driver side.

  “I actually slept.” Was the only answer I offered.

  “That’s good,” she said, slowly. I expected her to say more, but she just kept quiet.

  By the time class ended my stomach was in knots and I was anxious to get to work. I could hardly believe it was real, and I was afraid that when I arrived at work Jensen would just act like nothing had changed. I had to take care not to run into the building like a crazy pe
rson.

  Saw wasn’t fooled by my faux calm and side eyed me as we walked into the building.

  When the door opened a hand reached out and pulled me inside. I fell into Jensen’s arms and he wrapped me into a rib breaking hug. I sighed in relief wrapping my arms around him, burying my face into his chest. All of my worries disappeared.

  “I missed you, luv,” he whispered into my hair.

  I opened my mouth to respond, but Saw beat me to it.

  “Thank fuck!” She shouted, walking past me.

  I peeked at her and smiled shyly. Jensen rumbled with laughter and tightening his hold on me.

  “Why are you shouting now?” Derek asked, walking down the hall. Jensen turned is so that we could both see him. Behind him Tyler and Mack filed into the room.

  “Does this mean you guys are friends again?” Tyler said when he noticed me in Jensen’s arms.

  I looked up at Jensen and he grinned down at me.

  “Something like that,” he murmured, then bent his head down pressing his lips to mine.

  “OH. MY. GOD!” Saw shrieked, barrelling into us. “I’m so friggin happy for you guys.”

  “About time,” Mack muttered, then disappeared down the hall.

  “I knew you’d figure it out, punk.” Saw took a step back to grin at us.

  “Know it all,” Jensen joked, reaching out to ruffle her hair. She stuck her tongue out at him and kissed me on the cheek. With a parting wink she too disappeared down the hall. Derek and Tyler offered their congratulations and went back to work, too.

  Jensen pressed another kiss to my mouth then pulled out of my arms. “I gotta get to work, luv. I’ll come hang out in a bit, yeah?”

  “Get to work big guy,” I smiled, slapping him on the ass as I walked towards my desk.

  I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to stop grinning.

  Twenty-Five

  I was walking across Campus the next morning on my way to meet Saw at the Campus Cafe. My phone buzzed and I groaned pulling it out of my pocket. I had expected it to be Saw telling me to hurry, again, but to my surprise it was from Alex.