Teach Me

by Danielle Burton

  She stepped back, shaking her head. “You’re right. You aren’t even worth the breath I wasted talking to you. You wanna wallow in your own misery? Fine. I have better things to do than think about some perverted, alcoholic, man whore anyway.” She squared her shoulders, held her head high then disappeared behind the curtain. Damn, she was sexy as hell when she was mad.

  I shook my thoughts of her away along with everything else and flung the sheet from my body. My shirt was gone and a white bandage was wrapped tight around my rib cage. Luckily my pants were present. I wasn’t feeling any pain at the moment so they must’ve given me some type of drugs.

  I grabbed my shoes, which were sitting in a chair next to the bed, and shoved them on my feet. Peeking through the curtain I observed a few nurses and doctors scattered around the ER. Thankfully they were all too busy to notice the shirtless man sneaking away.

  I made it as far as the parking lot before realizing my car wasn’t here. It was also cold as hell with no sun to warm the early spring air. Lady luck chose a hell of a time to be on my side as a cab was dropping someone off at that exact moment. I hopped in for the short trip back to campus.

  After grabbing the bottle of vodka from my car, I headed up to my dorm. It’d probably be awhile before Jay discovered my absence.

  ~ ♥ ~

  I sat in the dimly lit room and took a long swallow while looking down at the gun in my lap. I hadn’t planned on doing it here, but I suppose now was a good a time as any.

  My chest burned and my heart thundered inside. Just do it. End it. I picked up the gun, and took another gulp. Maybe the sperm donor was right. I’d be doing the world a favor by ridding it of the scum that was Benjamin Creed.

  The doorknob rattled and I quickly tucked the gun in the back of my pants.

  I expected Jay to walk through the door, but instead Gabi stepped in and released a heavy sigh. “You had us worried, Benji. You can’t just leave the hospital like that. We looked everywhere for you.”

  “Did you check the dorms?”

  Her gaze narrowed as she stepped in further and shut the door. “Don’t be a smart ass.” She looked at the bottle in my hand and frowned. “Really? You’re drinking while on pain meds. Do you have death wish or something?”

  I wondered how she’d react if I told her that’s exactly what I wished for, had been wishing for as long as I could remember. Instead I shrugged then stood. “You found me. Now what?”

  Her gaze softened and her shoulders sagged. “What is going on with you, Benji? Why are you so intent on pushing everyone away? Just talk to us. We care about you and just want to help.”

  I shook my head and released a bitter chuckle. “I’m beyond help, Gabi. Why can’t y’all see that? Some people can’t be saved. I’m one of ‘em.”

  “Benj–”

  “I mean, how worthy could I be? Mama ain’t want me. My father–fuck him.” My slurred words were barely discernable to my own ears so I’m sure she wasn’t hearing a word I said. I lifted the bottle to my lips again, but she snatched it away.

  “You need to stop. That isn’t helping.” She tossed my liquid pain reliever in the trash, and stared up at me with those big brown eyes Jay could never seem to say no to. “I understand you’re hurting, but you can’t drown yourself in alcohol and loose women. You need real help.”

  “I just want it to stop.”

  “I know.” She came closer and hugged me. “You’re not alone.”

  My arms wrapped around her slim figure, holding on for dear life. The ache in my chest was like Ali had decided to use my heart as a punching bag. My life was beyond fucked up and I couldn’t take it anymore.

  I relaxed after a minute of Gabi rubbing small circles on my back. Jay was lucky to have her. I’d kill to have a woman like Gabi by my side. Someone to relieve me from my torture.

  I pulled back from her, but continued to hold her waist. A rush of feelings washed over me, further clouding my intoxicated mind. Leaning down to her height, I smashed my lips against hers, my hand sliding down to grip her ass.

  Gabi shoved me hard against the wall. My head whipping to the side and the stinging in my left cheek was the only indication that she’d slapped me. “Dammit, Benji!”

  Her face was beet red and her eyes alight with fire.

  I stuttered an apology, damning myself to hell for betraying my brother. “Please don’t tell Jay.”

  Glaring at me, she started to storm past but I grabbed her arm. She snatched away, her fists clenched at her sides like she was fighting control from giving me the right hook I deserved.

  I opened my mouth to speak then shut it. Asking again was futile. She’d never keep anything from him. Besides, I deserved to be hated. Jay was probably the one person who never would, but I needed him to. I needed them all to.

  Gabi gave me one last look of disgust before marching out of the room and slamming the door behind her.

  Chapter Ten

  ~ Camryn ~

  Pissed did not begin to describe my mood. Yet it wasn’t for the reasons one would think. Yes, I was pissed at Benji for being a jackass to everyone, but I was more pissed at myself. There were a number of reasons, the first being that I’d allowed myself to care for such a selfish bastard. The second may come across as strange considering the situation, but I felt like I’d somehow let him down. From the moment I’d walked away from him at the hospital guilt had been eating at me. Sure he’d said some hurtful things, but a fool could see his true intentions.

  Now as we scoured the campus for him, my heart refused to settle down. When someone reached the point Benji had, pulling them back was no easy feat. I recognized that look in eyes, and ignoring it for so long made me the worst kind of person. I had chance here, and I couldn’t blow it, so even if I had to fight tooth and nail to do it, I was going to save Benjamin Creed.

  My phone rang in my purse for the third time in an hour. Hope dissipated yet again as the caller ID showed it was my mom. You’d think she’d take the hint that I didn’t want to talk to her by now. I hit the button to answer it only so I could tell her to stop blowing up my phone. “What, Mom?”

  “Nice to speak with you too, Cammie.”

  I blew out a hard breath and rolled my eyes. “What is it? I’m in the middle of something.”

  “You know, one of these days you’re going to regret being so nasty to me.”

  “Yeah, because you win all the mother of the year awards.”

  “I have been nothing but good to you, Cammie. Do you think those designer clothes magically appeared? I did what I did for you.”

  I shook my head and shifted my weight. My feet were killing me. “Please, Mom, don’t try to use me as an excuse. I never asked you for a damn thing. You chose your own path, and you chose mine for me.”

  “Now, that’s hardly the truth. You had more freedom than any child I’ve ever known.”

  “Freedom, Mom? Are you kidding? Dating guys you choose is freedom? You choosing my extracurricular activities is freedom? You’ve been shaping me into a mini version of you for as long as I can remember, and like a fool I went along with it to gain your acceptance. Because of you I walk through the world trapped inside of a person that isn’t remotely me. I’ve never had any real friends. I’m scared to reach for anything because living with you as a mother I never had to. You never pushed me to try anything the way a parent should. I am so afraid of failing at life that I’ve never even tried. I’m terrified to step out of this shell and discover who I really am because I’m afraid that there’s nothing to discover, that you’ve molded me so well that I really will end up like you. You wanna know what you did for me, mother? You made me afraid.” I ended the call and shoved my phone back in my purse.

  “You alright?”

  I jumped and turned to face Jay. Wiping my tears away, I squared my shoulders and nodded. Cool. Confi–Oh, screw it. “I’m fine. Any luck?”

  “No, you?”

  I shook my head. “Why don’t we see if Gabi had better
luck than us?”

  He nodded and together we walked toward the dorms.

  Just as we made it inside, Gabi was headed for the door. Her face was red and splotchy and her eyes filled with tears.

  Jay raced to her and pulled her into his arms.

  Gabi said something near his ear that I couldn’t make out, but I heard Jay’s response loud and clear.

  “He what!” He eradicated himself from her embrace and moved toward the door that led into the stairwell.

  Gabi tried to grab his arm but he yanked out of her hold and vanished up the steps.

  I made my way over to her and she walked to the elevator. “Gabi, what happened? Did you find him?” By Jay’s reaction I feared the worst. Had Gabi stumbled across him with his brains blown out of the back of his head?

  She hugged herself and waited for the doors to open. “Yeah, he’s up there.”

  “And? What happened? Is he okay?”

  As the doors slid open she faced me and shook her head. “He kissed me, Cam.”

  She had to pull me into the elevator because my body refused to budge. “H-he what?”

  “Kissed me. He’s drunk and really out of it.”

  All I could do was nod and lean against the wall.

  When we made it to their floor, Gabi had to drag me once again. I was nearly running to keep up with her long strides.

  Gabi flung open the door and what I saw inside affected me in a way I didn’t expect.

  Jay had Benji pinned to the bed, wailing away on him, and Benji just lay there not even attempting to block the hits.

  My fists tightened and my breathing grew heavy as I marched over to them and pulled at Jay’s arm. “Stop it! You’re gonna kill him.”

  Jay continued despite me now pounding on his shoulder. When he still didn’t stop I leapt onto his back and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Get off of him!”

  He stopped long enough to pry me off and toss me gently on the bed next to Benji before reaching for him again.

  I did what any sane person would do at that point, I threw myself on top of Benji. “That’s enough! He isn’t even fighting back.” I lifted my head to make sure the reason for that wasn’t because he’d stopped breathing.

  A groan let me know he was still conscious.

  I helped Benji sit up then turned and glared at Jay. “Was all that necessary?”

  He looked past me and addressed Benji. “After everything I’ve done for you. All the times I’ve been there, and do this?” He backed away slowly and shook his head. “Fuck you, Benji. I’m done, and this time I mean it. Go to hell.” He turned to leave, grabbing a wide eyed Gabi’s hand and dragging her with him. The door slammed with enough force to knock a bottle of cologne off the dresser.

  I turned to Benji who had yet to speak, and looked over his face. Blood dripped from his nose and mouth and the cut he’d suffered the earlier had reopened. “I’m gonna run to the bathroom and get some things to fix you up. Okay?”

  Nothing.

  I rummaged through the medicine cabinet while trying to sort through my thoughts. I should’ve been pissed at Benji for what he’d done, and I was, but at the same time I felt bad for him. He was in a bad place and while Jay had every right to be upset, he didn’t have to go that far.

  With supplies in hand, I went back out to tend to Benji, only there was no Benji. The door was wide open and he was nowhere to be found. “Dammit.”

  I dropped everything where I stood and rushed out the door, bypassing the elevator and heading for the stairs. Bracing myself on the wall, I kicked off my pumps so I wouldn’t break my neck and then bolted down the steps.

  By the time I made it to the parking lot Benji’s car was speeding around the corner. “Shit!”

  ~ ♥ ~

  My nerves stayed on edge for the rest of the night and well into the next day. Benji was MIA...again. Jay, who was still pissed, had put aside his anger for the time being to help me and Gabi call every hospital in the surrounding area, but not before stating that once Benji was back in one piece he could go fuck himself.

  It was closing in on twenty-four hours since he’d gone missing and I was in an Uber headed to Isaac’s, hoping he’d be there. My phone rang in my purse and my heart leapt. Please be him. His name flashed across the screen and I released the breath I was holding. “Benji?”

  “Heeyyy, Cammie.” His words slurred out and he chuckled a bit. It was a pitiful sound.

  “Benji, where are you?”

  “Ummm, in my…car.”

  I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “And where is your car, Benji?”

  The phone was silent for a beat, and then he sung my name. “Did I ever tell you...you were beautiful? Because I don’t think I did, annnd you should know that. Every girl should be told she’s beautiful, even the ugly ones. Wait…that’s not what I meant to say.”

  “Benji, will you please just tell me where you are?”

  “No, because then you’ll come here and you’ll find me. I don’t want you to see me like that, Cammie. I need you to…just remember me.”

  I squeezed my burning eyes shut and sniffled. “Benji, please.”

  “I need you to do something for me, Cammie. Tell Jay–”

  “No! I’m not going to do that because you aren’t going to do this. Now tell me where you are.”

  He chuckled into the receiver. “There’s my Cammie. Sassy. Let’s make a deal. You give Jay my message and I’ll tell you where I am.”

  I fought back a sob and nodded before realizing he couldn’t see me. “Okay.”

  “Tell him I’m sorry, Gabi too, and that I spent my last moment regretting what I did. ...I’m at the lake. But don’t come here, Cammie. I mean it.”

  There was some shuffling in the background and I knew he was about to hang up the phone.

  “Wait!”

  More shuffling. “Yeah?”

  “What’s your favorite position?” I needed to do something, anything to keep him talking so I blurted out the first thing that popped into my head.

  “What?”

  “I bet you like doggy style. Right?”

  The phone was silent for a long moment and I feared he’d hung up. “I know what you’re doing, Cam.”

  I covered my phone and redirected the driver to the lake before responding. “Did I ever tell you how flexible I am? I used to be a cheerleader, you know. I can do the splits and I’m pretty sure I can still get my leg behind my head.”

  He breathed heavily into the phone. “Stop it, Cam. It ain’t gonna work.” His voice broke, betraying his words.

  “I’m wearing a thong right now. I bet you’d like to see that, while I twerk for you.”

  The driver eyed me in the mirror but I ignored him.

  “It’s pink...and lace.”

  “Cam...”

  “You’ve seen my ass, Benji. Imagine it naked, while I ride you reverse cowgirl. Do you like that?”

  The line clicked off. Shit. I dialed him back but he didn’t answer. I banged on the headrest the driver. “Could you speed it up, please?”

  We weren’t far from the lake now, but still I wished for a miracle. Please don’t do it, Benji. I called him again and my call went straight to voicemail.

  Close to ten minutes later the Uber arrived at the lake. In the parking lot designated for guests, I spotted Benji’s car parked haphazardly.

  I ordered the driver to stop, then tossed some bills at him and hopped out.

  My heart pounded with each step I took toward his car. I could just make out his form inside. He was slumped over the steering wheel which caused my heart to quicken even more.

  As I made my way to the driver’s side I noticed the window was rolled down. “Benji?”

  No reply.

  “Benji!” I reached a shaking hand out to tap his shoulder and he popped straight up, scaring a few drops of pee out of me. “Shit! I thought you were–”

  “I told you not to come.”

  “Since when do I liste
n to you?”

  He leaned his head back against the seat and released a shaky breath. “You shouldn’t have come. I don’t want to do this in front of you, so please, just go.” Moonlight glinted off of the gun in his hand.

  “Benji...can you please put that down?”

  He squeezed his eyes shut, but didn’t oblige my request.

  What I was about to do was a huge risk, but I was all out of options. Taking a deep breath, I gripped the door handle and pulled it open.

  His eyes popped open and he frowned at me. “What are you doing?

  My hand shook violently as I reached in and eased the gun from his grip. “This is me…saving you.”

  Once I secured the weapon, I stood and tossed it into the back seat.

  He looked up at me with tears in his eye. “Why?”

  “Because...you’re worth it.”

  He slid out of the car and dropped to his knees. His arms wrapped around my waist and he sobbed into my jacket.

  I hugged him back as best I could at the odd angle and rubbed the back of his neck.

  Fifteen minutes passed before he composed himself enough to look up at me. “I don’t wanna be like this no more, Cammie.”

  “Then don’t.”

  “I need help.”

  I nodded and ran my fingers through his hair. “You do.”

  “Help me, Cammie.”

  ~ ♥ ~

  Benji sat on my bed sipping on a black coffee while I tended to his wounds that had obviously been ignored for many hours. I’d texted Gabi ‘protocol’ to signal her of company so she wouldn’t drop in unexpected.

  After washing the caked blood from his face, I cleaned the cut on his head by dabbing it with an alcohol pad. I had my shoes off and with Benji seated we were finally the same height.

  Benji gazed at me and lifted his hand to my hip. “Are you really gonna twerk for me?”

  I added pressure to the alcohol swab and scowled at him.

  “Arghh.” He groaned and ducked away from me. “Damn woman.”

  “Does that answer your question?”

  “Hey, you were the one making promises.”