Teach Me

by Danielle Burton

  I sat for a while, playing with the fringe of my shorts and occasionally looking out over the cemetery. “Dad? I know we never really talked while you were here, but I want to share something. Mostly because I know you can never tell anyone.” I giggled a bit then grew silent. “I think I may be feeling something for Benji. I don’t know what it is, but it scares the hell out of me. The past couple weeks he’s been amazing and I can’t help but wonder if it’s all an act. The kindness, the selfless gestures, the romance…especially the romance. A month in rehab couldn’t really have changed him that much, could it?

  “I keep waiting for him to mess up, for the old him to bubble to the surface. Part of me wants it to because then I won’t have to face any of these feelings.”

  I sighed deeply and readjusted myself so I was sitting cross legged. “He makes me feel important, Daddy. Like I matter. He listens to me. Flirts like crazy, but I know he’d never try anything without my say so.

  “I want to believe that this is the real him, once clouded by alcoholism and the pain of his past. But what if I’m wrong? What if he relapses? What if I can’t pull him back this time? What if he tries to end his life again or worse…succeeds? I can’t let myself get close just to–I won’t survive losing another person I care about.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, sending more tears spilling down my cheeks. “I want to let him in but I’m afraid. I’m so scared, Daddy.” Heavy sobs shook my shoulders and my throat burned.

  Something touched my back, causing me to jump, and then warm arms surrounded me. “It’s okay, Cammie. I’m here. Benji’s got you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  ~ Benji ~

  Camryn Denise Elsbury.

  Beautiful, sassy, fragile…broken. The jagged edges of her soul fit mine perfectly and she hadn’t a clue. That was okay though, I wouldn’t rush her. Especially not when she was finally starting to open up to me. Our talk the night before still had me reeling. Never before had I been so open with anyone or had someone do the same with me.

  Although I’d already had my suspicions, her sharing her issues of trust solidified the reason she was so guarded. I didn’t blame her. Considering my past, trusting me couldn’t have been easy. I wished there was some way I could show her that I’d never do anything to hurt her. If I could just make it past that threshold.

  Our eyes met across the park and she smiled at me then snapped a picture. We’d decided to hold off on our trip to Air Time. Cam hadn’t felt up to it so we were spending the day at the park instead.

  I loved watching her with her camera. The way her face lit up and her eyes sparkled when she found the perfect shot. I’d never considered photography an art form until I’d seen her work. Making a still shot come to life was magic, so I had to give credit where it was due.

  She strolled back to the blanket we had spread out and took her seat, gracing me with that lovely smile. “Thank you for this. I really needed a relaxing day.”

  “No need to thank me, I’m just glad I get to spend it with you.”

  The wind ruffled her white dress, sending her intoxicating fragrance toward me. My gaze slid down her voluptuous body, stopping at her ample breasts. I wished I could taste them. I bet they were succulent.

  “Benji?”

  My eyes flickered to hers. “Yeah?”

  “Did you hear me?”

  “Nah, what’s up?”

  “I said I want some ice cream, which you would’ve heard of you’d stop drooling over my breasts for five minutes.”

  I cursed under my breath and mentally slapped myself. That needed to stop. I didn’t doubt that it was another part of her apprehension toward me, that and my relentless flirting. But damn if I could help it. Her reactions, whether a glare, eye roll, and the occasional blush made me hot under the collar.

  She stood and extended her hand to me.

  Taking it, I rose to my feet and together we walked toward the ice cream vendor. “I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. It won’t happen again.”

  Her bright eyes lifted to mine. “Who said I was uncomfortable?”

  “But…”

  We fell in line behind a gray haired women and Cam turned to face me. “You don’t think I’m used to your gawking by now? Please, you undress me with your eyes every time I walk into a room.”

  The corners of my mouth lifted into a sheepish grin. Clearing my throat, I took a step forward, moving with the line. “So, what’s your favorite flavor?”

  “Strawberry,” she replied, facing forward again. “Yours?”

  “I kinda have an affinity for chocolate.” My eyes went to roaming again, this time to her smooth legs.

  When I lifted my head she was smirking at me. “Chocolate is okay. Caramel is better.” She smiled sweetly before giving me a sexy little wink.

  An unfamiliar tingling surged through my face, warming my cheeks.

  Cam’s eyes widened, her mouth spreading into a wide grin. “Oh my goodness!”

  “What?”

  “Awww.”

  “What?”

  She lifted her hand to my face and gave my cheek a soft pinch. “You’re blushing.”

  I leaned my head away from her hand. “I am not.”

  The older woman glanced over her shoulder and smiled at us. “You are.”

  Cam pinched my cheek again and giggled. “That’s adorable.”

  The heat in my face increased by the second as Cam continued to tease. “Stop that.” I tried my best to frown but my face refused to stay that way, instead lifting into a grin that was a mile wide.

  Smiling, Cam poked at my ribs. “Aww, you mad?”

  I flinched away from her and grabbed her hand.

  Her eyes grew impossibly wide. “You’re ticklish, too?” She poked my ribs some more and then my sides.

  I grabbed at her fast moving hands while laughing my ass off. “Come on, girl. Cut it out.”

  “Nope, never. I own you now.”

  The old woman laughed, taking her vanilla cone. “You two are such a lovely couple. Enjoy the rest of your date,” she said walking off.

  Cam stopped her tickling and cleared her throat before stepping up to the cart to order our cones. Her movements were stiff as she handing me mine.

  “You okay?”

  A small smile curved her lips. “Mhm. Let’s go sit.”

  Taking her hand in mine, I led her back to our spot under a large oak tree. “Ol’ mean self.”

  “How am I mean?”

  “You don’t tickle a man in public.”

  She giggled while licking at her ice cream. “That was so freakin’ adorable. I wonder what other secrets you’re hiding.”

  Relaxing against the trunk of the tree, I crossed my legs at the ankle. “So, you wanna know my secrets, huh? How about we trade? A secret for a secret.” I took a bite of my ice cream as she contemplated my proposition. “Matter of fact, how about we play that question game of yours? And I promise, no sex questions.”

  She scooted closer to me, took off her shoes, and tucked her legs on the side of her. “Okay, let’s play.”

  “You go first.”

  Her lips twisted in thought. “How many women have you slept with?”

  My tongue froze mid lick. “I thought we agreed no sex questions.”

  “I never agreed to that.”

  Staring down at my fast melting cone, I cleared my throat a few times. “I um,” I met her curious gaze and released a deep breath. “I’m not sure.”

  A deep frown creased her brow. “Not sure?”

  “I’ve been…willingly sexually active since I was thirteen and…I’ve never counted.”

  Her deep brown eyes searched mine. “If you had to guess?”

  I opened then closed my mouth. Part of me wanted to lie, or at least downplay the truth. But my heart wouldn’t let me, not to Cam. “I…

  “More than twenty?”

  I sighed.

  “Fifty?”

  “Cam…”

  “M-mor
e than a hundred?”

  “Cammie.” I reached for her hand but she moved it.

  “God, Benji.” She turned her glistening eyes away from me and stared out at the pond.

  Lifting my hand, I turned her face to me again so I could look her in the eye. “I know I haven’t always been a good man, but I’m trying to do better. Trying to be better.” I traced her jawline and brushed her hair behind her ear. “My past ain’t the prettiest and Lord knows I regret it, but it’s part of who I am. I can’t change it, but I can learn from it and grow into a better man. So please don’t condemn me for my past indiscretions, not without allowing me to show you who I can be.”

  She continued to search my eyes then leaned her head on my shoulder. “I’m trying, too.”

  Hugging her near, I trailed my fingers down her arm. “I know you are, my little Cammie.”

  After a long silence she lifted her head. “You can ask your question now.”

  “What are you so afraid of?”

  Tearing her gaze from mine, her shoulders sagged. “Everything.”

  “Why?”

  Her shoulders lifted in a small shrug. “Because. What if I try…fail? What if it hurts? What if I’m wrong? Or make a horrible decision? What if–”

  “What if you succeed? What if it heals? What if you make a difference? What if it’s amazing?” ‘What if’ has a positive side, too. I understand being afraid. Fear can be damaging. It can break you. Keep you from the best things in life.”

  “I–”

  “How about this ‘what if’? What if you don’t try? Then you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering…What. If.”

  A small smile tugged her lips. “When’d you get so deep?”

  I chuckled and leaned back on the tree again, pulling her with me. “I have my moments.”

  Our laughter died down and she snuggled against me, draping her arm over my chest.

  Biting down on my lip, I tried to slow my steadily increasing heart rate. “Cam?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ve have another question.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Do you know who DeMarco Von is?”

  Her body catapulted from my arms and she gawked at me. “Are you kidding? He’s only the most amazing photographer to ever live.”

  “I’m glad you feel that way, because I have these tickets.”

  “Tickets?”

  “Yes, tickets, to his show in New York City, and…I was wondering if you’d go with me? As friends of course.” I quickly added.

  Her eyes increased in size and a small squeal escaped her. “Ummm, yes. Hell yes!”

  She bounced her way into my arms and squeezed my waist. “I can’t wait. When is it?”

  “Next weekend.”

  She squealed again and rested her head on my chest. Her body molded against mine and she released a contented sigh then whispered. “What if...”

  A wide smile grew on my face as I held her close. “What if...”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  ~ Camryn ~

  “You know I’m going to kill you, right?”

  Benji smiled at me while bouncing the basketball. It was Tuesday evening and we’d decided to hang out at Air Time for a couple hours. “Why would you wanna do that?”

  “How about because you waited until after I agreed to go to New York with you to tell me we’d be staying at a hotel?”

  “It’s a five-hour drive, Cammie, and the show isn’t over until ten at night. Besides, I booked two rooms so we won’t be sleeping together anyway.”

  “Damn right we won’t.”

  He shook his head, a smile twinkling in his eyes, and then tossed me the ball. “Calm down, lil bit. No one’s trying to trick you into anything. It’s just dinner, an art show, and then back to our separate rooms.”

  “Dinner? When did that get added to the schedule?” I held the ball on one hip and placed my hand on the other.

  “Why wouldn’t we have dinner? The show is pretty long. I don’t know about you but I’m not trying to be hungry all night.”

  “Couldn’t we just order room service or something?”

  He stepped closer to me and took the ball back. “It’s New York City, Cammie. Do you really want to spend the whole day sitting in a hotel room?”

  I craned my neck to look up at him. Sometimes I hated being so short. “I guess not.”

  “Good. Because I planned a whole day for us. We leave at five a.m. on Saturday.”

  “Five a.m.!” He was out of his mind if he thought I was getting up that early.

  “Yeah, like I said. We’re spending the whole day there. We’ll arrive around ten, chill at the hotel for a while. Then I want to visit the Natural History Museum, maybe hit up a few shops. Then back to the hotel so we can get ready for dinner. Then we’ll head to DeMarco’s.”

  “Uh huh...question.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Five a.m.?”

  He chuckled while backing away. “Don’t worry, I’ll get you tucked in nice and early the night before.”

  He turned, bounced off of the trampoline, and made a slam dunk, hanging from the rim for a few seconds before dropping. “And that’s how it’s done,” he said, walking back to me with a cocky stride.

  “Show off.” I took the ball from him and bounced up and down on the trampoline. “Why’d you stop playing ball if you’re so good?”

  He bounced with me. “Same reason I majored in pre-med. Tryna be like Jay. He excelled at so many things. I thought if I could succeed at even a portion of what he’d done my parents would love me, like his did him. In all honesty, I hated running and pre-med is boring as hell. I spent a lot of years trying to fill Jay’s shoes and I lost myself along the way. Now I gotta figure out what I wanna do with my life.”

  “Any ideas of what that is yet? Are you going back to college in the fall?”

  “Haven’t decided, maybe. Junior actually has me thinking a lot. Killa too.”

  “About what?”

  “Dog training. Not just tricks though. During the time I spent with Killa she really helped my mood. I’ve been doing some research and from what I’ve found, animals can be very therapeutic, dogs especially. They’re called therapy dogs. They help people who suffer from depression, people with illnesses, stuff like that. So, if I do go back to school, that’s what I wanna do.”

  I smiled, thinking of how far he’d come. “That’s amazing. I bet you’d be good at it.”

  “Thanks.”

  We continued to bounce around on the trampolines, tossing the ball back and forth. Benji bounced too close causing me to lose my footing. I grabbed onto his shirt, trying to keep myself from falling and ended up bringing him down on top of me. His hard body on mine combined with the sweet oil he wore sent heat rushing between my legs, reminding me how long it’d been since I’d had sex. A soft moan escaped my lips.

  He must have mistaken it for a groan of pain because he lifted up and looked me over. “You okay?”

  “Yes, but you’re heavy, get off.”

  He got to his knees but kept his arms on either side of my body, trapping me in place. His gaze drifted over my face, pausing at my lips. He licked his then looked into my eyes.

  “Don’t you even think about it.”

  The right side of his mouth lifted into a smirk. “Think about what?”

  I wiggled, looking for an escape. “Kissing me. That’s what.”

  His smirk spread into a smile. “Is that what you’re thinking about, Cammie, kissing me?”

  “No, not at–”

  His face moved closer to mine.

  “Benji…”

  His lips inched even closer and my breathing become ragged. When his mouth was a mere inch from mine, he ducked his head to the side. His lips tickled my ear as he whispered, “What if…”

  Sparks flew into my skin, rippling through my entire body. I was beyond horny and he needed to stop. So caught up in my thoughts, ones involving him naked, I didn’t even notice he’d
moved until he’d called my name.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  I stared up at him for a moment then nodded. “I’m fine. Just help me up.”

  ~ ♥ ~

  The week rolled by quickly and soon we were pulling up to our hotel. Once inside my room I made sure the adjoining door between me and Benji’s room was locked, then stripped down and headed for the bathroom. That car ride had me stiff as a board. A nice relaxing bath was in order.

  After turning on the water and adjusting the temperature I went to grab my bubble bath. The fibers of the carpet tickled my feet as I padded across the room. Pulling out my phone, I called Gabi on Skype while rummaging through my overnight bag.

  Her chipper voice came through the speaker. “What’s up sister from another mister?”

  I giggled, and popped open the half full bottle of soap while heading back to the bathroom. “Hey, crazy.”

  She made a face and laughed. “What are you up to?”

  “Getting ready to take a bath.” I squeezing a healthy amount of liquid into the water and soon the air was filled with the sweet fragrance of raspberry sorbet.

  “Oooooh, getting ready for your date?”

  “Ugh, for the last time, it is not a date. Say that again and I’m going to drive to Chicago and drag you by the hair.” I sat on the edge of the tub and crossed my legs, waiting for it to fill.

  She gave me the finger. “Whatever.”

  I hated telling this girl things sometimes. Ever since I’d informed her about the trip to New York she kept insisting it was a date, while Benji kept insisting it was not. I wasn’t sure whose words to trust. I couldn’t help feeling that Benji had bamboozled me into something. But the odd thing was, anger never entered my mind. Being there, with him, I couldn’t place the feeling. My heart beat like crazy, my stomach fluttered mercilessly, and I kept finding myself smiling every few minutes.