Our Song

by Savannah Kade

  They joined the kids in the living room for the rest of the movie, and Kelsey flipped through a magazine. JD did the same.

  “This,” he held up a page, “this is absolutely correct.” It was 10 Things He Wishes You Would Do In Bed. “It’s good to see you women are staying educated.”

  “Uh!” She rolled up her own Cosmo and threatened to whack him with it. “You should just be grateful! I don’t see 7 Ways to Remember Her Birthday or How to Buy Jewelry in your magazines, it’s all just T and A.”

  “Like this isn’t!” He frantically turned pages until he arrived at This Month’s Man Without His Shirt. “Look!”

  “That’s one picture! One! And he’s wearing jeans!”

  “They’re unzipped!” JD held up the photo for her to see.

  It was a blond surfer guy with green eyes, ripped abs, and great arms. He wasn’t her type; as in, he wasn’t JD. Kelsey didn’t say that. “He’s hot, that’s okay. Please, the girls in men’s magazines are in their underwear, if anything.”

  JD conceded, and went back to flipping pages. Kelsey looked up when she saw the credits roll. “All right guys-”

  The phrase died on her lips, the kids were all asleep, piled up like little logs. She turned to tell JD, but he, too, was out cold.

  Extracting herself from the couch, Kelsey tiptoed out of the room and grabbed her old Nikon 70mm. Slowly, she turned the dimmer switch up, then down again, trying to get the light just right, then she began snapping off photos.

  She didn’t know how long she’d been at it, but she stopped herself when she realized that she had an overabundance of pictures of JD. Unlike the digital photos, where she could just erase them, there would be negatives, evidence of what she’d done.

  She shouldered the camera, telling herself she should wake him up, but she just stared. His face was so interesting. As a subject, she told herself. His straight nose looked noble in some way, and dark lashes fanned out against his cut cheekbones. His lips were full, and she could imagine the way his eyes sometimes closed when he sang. Pulling her gaze away, she saw where his shirt had come untucked, and she couldn’t hide a smirk. He could easily give October’s Man Without His Shirt a run for his money.

  She forced herself to put the camera away, then carefully carried each of her kids to bed, thinking she should bring the camera and get some photos of JD and his family tomorrow. She would send them to his mother later. Just to be nice.

  Without much extra thought, she lifted Andie and settled her into the opposite end of Allie’s bed from where Allie was curled into a tight ball. The two girls had shared the bed this way more times than Kelsey could count now. Neither would be upset or surprised if she woke up in the middle of the night.

  Her arms felt light afterwards. JD usually carried the bigger kids, and he did it with such ease. He opened stuck windows. He lifted heavy things for her. Kelsey kept telling herself that it was for Andie. That Andie needed to see Kelsey asking JD for help, and trusting him and his opinion. But she did trust him. It was wonderful having a man around—to have someone find her on a ladder changing a light bulb and feel strong hands grasp the ladder and hold her steady. Or simply shoo her down, and do the job.

  When she entered the living room JD was blinking rapidly, still reclined against the arm of the couch. She grabbed his hand and tugged. “Come on, big guy. I can’t carry you to bed.”

  “Hmmmmmm.”

  She wasn’t sure what that tone had meant, but he’d been thinking about something.

  On unsteady feet, he let her pull him down the hall to the office. She had a futon in there, and she left him in the doorway for a moment to set it up. When she turned back she saw that he’d shucked his shirt.

  Oh, god.

  She tamped that down. She’d seen him in a bathing suit numerous times. This was different though, and her thoughts took off on a wild rampage, while JD seemed to have fallen asleep standing up. It appeared he knew where he was though, because he’d crawled across the bed and sprawled on his stomach.

  Kelsey drew the covers over him. For her, not him. His jeans hugged his ass, and his bare back was giving her thoughts that she was too long without a man. She refused to back-calculate.

  She made it to her own room, where she crawled under her own covers. She couldn’t think this way about JD. She was finally participating in the world. JD and Andie had become her family. It was like when Andrew was mid-swing. When he wasn’t manic, and wasn’t depressed, he was amazing. He was helpful and fun and smart. JD was all of that, and his mood didn’t change unpredictably. Her kids very much needed a male figure in full control of himself.

  She could not screw that up.

  Having a crush on her younger friend was about the worst thing she could do.

  Chapter 19

  Kelsey sniffed the air, the chicken smelled fabulous. She had spent an hour slicing oranges and added raspberries on top of the seasoned chicken. She wished she had some fancy dish to serve it in, but she didn’t. She’d never bought anything glass or china while Andrew was alive. She examined the danger potential of every object if it were to be broken or thrown. Now, she had to spend her money on camera equipment and kid stuff that was far more important than serving dishes.

  She still wished she had one. Any little thing that would help soothe JD’s Texas housewife mother would be a blessing. Kelsey half expected the woman to show up in white gloves.

  She half expected the woman to comment on the fact that Kelsey had seen her son in his skivvies this morning. Apparently, he’d shucked the jeans, too, sometime during the night. And she hadn’t closed the door all the way. So her walk down the hall to the kids’ rooms yielded a fine look at JD’s backside and the non-returnable knowledge that he wore boxer-briefs. And wore them well.

  She reminded herself that JD was in his twenties. He’d be dating women a good decade younger than her. She reminded herself that if she didn’t check on the chicken she’d burn it, and how was she to explain that one at the dinner table with his parents? Why, yes, I was thinking about your son. He does have a great ass.

  No, that would not go over well.

  She pulled the chicken out and turned off the oven. She loved the steamy heat of the kitchen on cold evenings when the weather was at that stage where it couldn’t quite decide what season it was.

  She hollered out for the kids. “Are you ready?”

  They both appeared in the doorway, carefully dressed to meet the family. “It’s almost time to go.”

  Kelsey spent a few moments getting herself ready, then she lined the kids up and entrusted Daniel with the apple pie she’d made this morning. Grabbing pot holders, she picked up the chicken and marched out the door. Allie was already around the corner and Daniel was following her, apple pie carefully balanced in front of him.

  With measured steps, especially given that she was doing all this in heels, she made her way over to JD’s. She wondered what they were walking into. JD and Andie had spent most of the afternoon with his folks, having rushed off after the soccer game to change and pick up TJ.

  Kelsey saw Allie had reached the back door, knocking her little heart out and yelling, “We’re here.”

  JD opened the door, smiling first at Allie then looking around for the rest of them. She could tell when he spotted her, still out on the sidewalk. He said something over his shoulder and came down the walk to her, thanking her profusely while lifting the heavy dish of chicken like it was a sheet of music.

  He led her up the back step into the kitchen, where more food awaited. He leaned in, placing his mouth near her ear, and Kelsey couldn’t stifle the shiver. It wasn’t his lips she got, but his voice. “She keeps telling Andie that she doesn’t look like me. And she’s made more than one remark about children born out of wedlock being a sin.”

  Kelsey cringed, thoughts of his lips all but forgotten.

  He shook his head, “My only consolation is that Andie doesn’t understand what ‘out of wedlock’ means.”

&nbs
p; TJ gave her a brotherly hug and Kelsey was surprised to see him in pressed pants and a button down shirt. He had even combed his hair out of his face. JD, who had dressed a bit nicer than usual for his parents, hadn’t.

  They all sat down for dinner, and TJ was unfailingly polite. He made every effort to turn the conversation away from Andie and her arrival. He talked about what she’d been doing in kindergarten, and smiled at her. For this he earned his mother’s gratitude for helping out his brother in this ‘untenable’ situation.

  JD was definitely getting the short end of the stick. Mrs. Hewlitt referred to her sons as Johnathan and Thomas, and Kelsey as ‘Mrs. Conklin’. Kelsey didn’t bother to correct that she had never been married. She didn’t think it would reflect well on JD. When she gave it a little thought, it could look pretty bad—two kids, different fathers. Different mothers, too.

  Mrs. Hewlitt also made comments about the condo. ‘It was nice, for not being a house.’ ‘It would be more suitable to his purposes, if he just fixed it up.’ And she straight out asked what he was doing to remedy the situation of Andie not having a mother.

  Kelsey watched JD snap when his mother asked if he had called ‘that sweet Lisa he had been in love with in Texas.’ She also offered a sugar-coated but pointed look at Kelsey when she referenced that sweet Lisa.

  “Mother, Lisa wasn’t sweet. She was doing cocaine off my counter-tops.”

  Mrs. Hewlitt’s hand went to her chest. “I’ll believe no such thing. She was a sweetheart.”

  Mr. Hewlitt raised his eyebrows, but went no further. He looked like an older version of his two sons. They would age nicely, but neither of them was like him. He was a non-issue in the shadow of his overpowering wife.

  “For the record, I was never in love with her.” JD grumbled.

  Mr. Hewlitt did the one smart thing Kelsey had seen him do all evening: he changed the subject. “Our travel group is actually going to make it to Bethlehem, this time. It’s going to be quite a pilgrimage.”

  After that, each of the adults took turns re-directing Mrs. Hewlitt when she started in on one of her sons. By the time the meal was finished, Kelsey had had enough.

  JD won. Andrew may have thrown things, and yelled, and said things that cut right to the core, but in the end he apologized. Mrs. Hewlitt meant it.

  When everyone got up afterwards to go into the living room Kelsey volunteered to clear, just for some peace. But she was outmaneuvered, and Mrs. Hewlitt cornered her while she was scrubbing her baking dish.

  “It’s so nice of you to help JD with Anderson.”

  “Andie’s a sweet girl, and we love having her.” She braced herself. She could feel it coming, she just couldn’t see from where.

  “Johnathan mentioned that you were older than him. You must be . . . what, thirty-eight? Nine?”

  She spoke through locked teeth. “I’m thirty-two.”

  “I just don’t understand. I’m not sure what a woman your age would want from a man she can’t possibly have a relationship with.”

  Maybe I just want to screw your son’s brains out.

  But she didn’t say it. It wasn’t true anyway, that wasn’t what she got from this relationship. “JD needed help getting adjusted to having a daughter, and my children needed a strong male role model. It just worked out.”

  “Your husband?”

  Kelsey didn’t correct her. She’d felt her own claws pop out and she needed to keep them behind her back if she couldn’t keep them sheathed. “He was ill throughout their whole childhood.”

  “Hmmm.”

  Damn that woman. Even the ‘hmmm’ was disapproving.

  “Mom!” JD’s voice rang sharp from the doorway, “Stop pestering Kelsey, we want you in the living room.”

  His mother smiled as sweet as honey, and turned her back, dismissing him by action as well as words. “I’m needed in here, Kelsey and I are just catching up.”

  JD faced Kelsey behind his mother’s back, looking panic-stricken and helpless. Kelsey smiled at him. “We’re fine.” She wanted to add, I can hold my own.

  When he was gone, his mother started in again. “I’m not trying to be judgmental.”

  That was a crock of shit if Kelsey had ever heard one.

  “But you aren’t really helping my son.”

  “Oh?” This she had to hear.

  “The more you help, the longer he can go on pretending that he’s doing fine. He’s not. He needs a real job and a wife. He needs to fail, so he’ll finally come around. I know it’s hard to watch someone hit rock bottom, but it’s the only way to help.”

  Kelsey closed her mouth.

  Then she found her voice, “I understand what you mean about watching someone hit rock bottom. It is very hard to do. My mother had troubles, and I realized that the more I helped the more I prevented her from getting real help.”

  “I’m so glad you understand-”

  Sweetly, Kelsey cut her off, “Having been through that, I can solidly say that your son is in no such situation. JD has held that band together, and it’s starting to pay off. They’re earning money.” Two could play at this, “It takes a long time to get a venture like that off the ground, but your sons are very talented.”

  She so desperately wanted to throw Andie in this woman’s face. That her son had taken on someone else’s child and turned things around, simply because he was needed. Instead, she bit her tongue. “And don’t worry about me getting in the way of him finding a wife. Musicians are sexy as hell, and the women are lining up for him. I’m just his neighbor.” She finished drying the dish and set it on the counter.

  She smiled, saccharine to the core, and turned to lean against the counter. Her hands were on either side of her, in a way that the doctors had always said invited attack. She was just thinking, Bring it on, bitch, when she looked up and saw JD and TJ standing at the entrance to the kitchen. Their eyes were wide as saucers, and they stood dumbfounded.

  Perhaps she had laid it on a little thick.

  His mother was quiet. From what Kelsey could see while she dried one of the dishes absently, Mrs. Hewlitt was planning her next attack.

  Even though she’d clearly gone too far, Kelsey was glad the old battle-axe needed time for a rebuttal to that. She just didn’t want to still be standing here when it came. Shit. She’d brought on World War Three, when she was supposed to be buffering things. She was a trained buffer from the moment it became obvious that her little brother was beyond the scope of normal. Why couldn’t she have held out one more night?

  TJ found his voice first. “Mom, Andie’s been waiting patiently to show you her drawings. Come on.” Unlike JD’s earlier attempt, he brooked no possible disagreement, taking her hand and pulling her away.

  The woman gave one last smile to Kelsey as she followed her son out the arch. It looked sweet, but underneath it was anything but.

  JD walked into the kitchen, and opened his mouth but no sound came.

  Oh, shit. She’d screwed everything up.

  His mouth worked, but still no sound.

  Her chest squeezed. He had every right to hate her, to never speak to her again. She kept her voice hushed, but it rushed like water over rocks. “JD, I’m so sorry, she just made me so mad that I -”

  He closed the distance between them, the arm around her back clasping her tightly to him, in direct contrast to the other that was bracing his hand over her mouth to shut her up.

  “Don’t be sorry. That was amazing. I’ve never seen anyone shut my mother down.”

  He removed his hand from her mouth and smiled.

  For a moment he stood there, holding her flush against him.

  She thought he might kiss her, and she hadn’t yet made up her mind about how she felt about that, when he did.

  On her forehead.

  Chapter 20

  Kelsey stayed in most of the next week, closing one home loan and starting another. The check from the one she’d closed would be big, but wouldn’t show up for another week. Money was
getting tight. So no nights out with Wilder for a bit.

  She booked a family at the elementary school for portraits. She’d placed an ad in the school’s monthly circular, and she’d been getting inquiries.

  Maggie was set to attend the Saturday show at the Troubadour, but the real coup was that Maggie was going to go with her friend Brenda. And Brenda was an agent with one of the smaller local labels.

  Kelsey could feel her own heart beat faster just thinking about it. But she didn’t tell the guys. JD said they played every night like there was an agent in the audience, because you just never knew.

  She tried not to think about JD kissing her on the forehead. Or what it might mean.

  She dragged Allie shopping with her, while Daniel and Andie were at school. The very fact that she had thought that Daniel and Andie were at school today told her how attached she had become to JD and his daughter.

  Somewhere after filling her cart, she found herself standing in front of the music department. She didn’t think she’d bought a CD since college. But she was in the country music section before she knew what she was doing there. Admission came as she scanned for Tim McGraw. Grabbing his latest release, she read the publication date. It was this year. She put it into the cart, ignoring Allie’s pleas to hold on to it.

  She placated her daughter by buying her a My Little Pony miniature that was hanging in the check-out line, something she never did. Allie was happy brushing the pony’s hair and showing off the absurd sparkles on the rump. Kelsey didn’t understand the allure of small, ridiculously colored, plastic horses, but Allie sure did.

  When they got out to the car, Kelsey rummaged through the bags. When she found the CD, she tore apart the cellophane and jabbed the theft-proof stickers with her key until they gave. Popping the disc in her CD player filled the car with Tim McGraw’s unique sound.

  “Mommy, who is this?”

  “It’s Tim McGraw, honey.” But she didn’t say any more. She yanked out the booklet that came with it, and scanned mercilessly until she found what she was after.