Scarlett's Will

by Nicole Marie Jardine

  “Can I get you your pain reliever?” I ask him, as I listen to his heavy breathing.

  “Yes, in my bag, please,” he said with a rasp in his voice. I’m beginning to think that maybe he should still be in the hospital. I open the bag and pull out an envelope. He reaches for it. Taking out a couple of pills he pops them in his mouth.

  “Don’t you need some water?” I ask him. He gulps a few times.

  “Nope, I’m good,” he said smiling up at me. I kiss him, not wanting to stop. I rest my head against his as I listen to his breath.

  “Driver, can you please play Somebody by Depeche Mode,” Buddy orders. I kiss his head and feel his hand rest on my thigh again. I wait for his pain meds to take effect before I try and move closer to him.

  “Is he okay Scarlett?” Dave asks as we drive closer to the border.

  “I think he has fallen asleep,” I said. I see Dave nod. I'm hoping he is staying calm, after his confession about not being good under pressure. I know he’s thinking of what to tell the border patrol. I sigh as I try and wake Will up gently.

  “Buddy, were at the border, are you okay?” I ask him as I try and sit him up. I feel his hands grasp my arms tightly.

  “Scarlett, stay with me,” he whispers.

  “I’m here, I’m with you baby, but you have to wake up,” I tell him, thinking he must be having a dream.

  “I’m awake angel. It’s okay Dave. Just tell them we are going to our friend Ryan’s gig tonight at Lee’s Palace. His band is playing at eight.” Buddy pulls himself together and tells Dave, patting him on the shoulder. He knows he is nervous.

  “Hello, three of you?” the patrol man asks.

  “Yes,” replies Dave.

  “All American?” he asks. Dave nods.

  “Where are you going?” he inquires as he looks back at us. I smile and Buddy nods.

  “We’re going to Lee’s Palace in Toronto to watch a friend of ours perform in his band tonight,” Dave answers. The guy grins, then gestures beside Dave.

  “So where’s your date?” he asks, looking back at me and Buddy again. I grin as I hold Buddy tighter.

  “I’m single tonight,” Dave laughs, responding to the personal question. After a tense moment he waves us through. I hear Buddy gasp as he lowers himself back down beside me. It hurt him to be sitting up but you couldn’t tell by looking at him. He played it so well.

  “It’s okay Will, rest against me. I love you,” I whisper as I kiss his forehead.

  “Can you grab my meds?” he asks me. I carefully reach for the envelope without moving him. I can’t imagine him going back tonight.

  “Dave we have to get a hotel room tonight, Buddy can’t drive back like this. He needs to lay flat and rest,” I explain.

  “Okay, sure. I’ll stop when we get closer to Aurora then,” thankfully he complies. Buddy gulps back two more pills. I wish I had water for him. Why did I allow him to come with me? Dave pulls into a Best Western parking lot. He leans back and Buddy reaches for his wallet. I have cash in it Dave. I want a room alone with my angel,” he orders. Dave nods as he gets out. I am slightly shocked by the way Will orders Dave around. I know they are friends but it seems more like he's his servant sometimes. I think back to when Justin said even in this world we have jobs and when Dave said Will was their leader. I had so many questions but I didn't know how to ask without sounding crazy myself.

  “Oh Will, why did this have to happen to you?” I cried. I feel his hand grip my leg. I almost felt as though I was sinking in some dark dream. I have him near me but he’s in pain and too drugged up to really be with me. This is not how I imagined our last night together, but I’ll take it if it’s all I can get.

  “I’ve got the keys. I’ll just park then I’ll help you get Buddy in,” Dave suggests.

  “Thanks Dave,” I said, grateful for his help tonight. Dave helped Buddy out as I slid out the other side. I reached for my bag and the one Buddy’s friend packed for him. I put the envelope inside it. With Buddy’s arm draped over mine and Dave’s shoulder, we make our way to our room.

  “This is it,” Dave said as we stopped in front of room 17. I wait for Dave to unlock it as Buddy leans against me. He helps me in with him, carefully lowering him onto the bed. I fix the pillows for him to lean against. He just nods that it's okay, before closing his eyes. I stand up and walk out with Dave.

  “Which room is yours?” I asked, wanting to know if he would be close by, in case I needed him.

  “I’ll just be in room 23 if you need anything Scarlett,” he said, reassuring me. I’m not sure why but I hugged him. I held him close to me as I sobbed. I felt Dave wrap his arms around me tightly.

  “It’s okay Scarlett, he will be okay. I’ll make sure he gets through this,” he comforted me.

  “Thank you Dave, so much,” I dried my eyes with my sleeve.

  “Hey, how about one last smoke between the two of us?” he asked. I glanced in at Buddy asleep on the bed.

  “Sounds good.” I followed him into his room. He turned on the stereo, turning the dial till he reached a Guns N Roses song, listening to Patience, I try not to crumble in front of Dave. He sat across from me on the bed, picking up an ashtray and lights up.

  “It’s one of my funky smokes,” he says with a grin.

  “Oh great, get me excited when my lover is comatose,” I giggle as I inhale. Dave smiled as he watched me.

  “You’re going to get through this just fine Scarlett. I know you’ll miss him but I think life has great things in store for you,” he said, looking into my eyes.

  “I think you’re going to be okay too Dave, I know Buddy is your best friend but you’re pretty cool on your own too,” I tell him. I know he’s going to miss Buddy when he leaves for college when they get back.

  “Well I should get back to him,” I said, standing up and walking toward the door. I turn to Dave, standing behind me. He reaches for me and hugs me again. I believe he just needed a friend. I hug him back then turn to leave again.

  “Scarlett, wait. Willem will kill me for telling you this but I think that you should know what's really going on, but I can't tell you too much, for your own protection. I can tell you that Will has chosen you. You will be forever his, no matter what happens now or in the next five years, ten years, but one day he will find you again. It is more than just destiny or fate, in our world, it is written in the stars,” he said, sounding so serious. He lifted my hand and gently kissed it. I didn't know how to respond. This isn't the first time I've heard about Will choosing me but I'm too tired to think any more on this tonight.

  “Dave, why did you say I was a witch?” I asked him. He stared at me, shocked by my question.

  “I'm sorry Scarlett, I didn't mean what I said. Just stress, I'm sorry,” he mumbled. I didn't believe him but I could tell he wished he could take it back.

  “Goodnight Dave,” I said as I turned from him.

  “Goodnight Scarlett,” he replied, watching me walk down the hall to my room. I slowly open the door and walk in. Buddy is still sleeping on the bed. I can hear him breathing, he sounds raspy, even painful. I walked over to him and leaned over his face, kissing his forehead.

  “Scarlett, lay with me,” he whispers.

  “I will, just let me get you comfortable,” I tell him as I undo his shoes and take them off. I carefully take off his socks. I reach for his jeans and unbuckle them.

  “I’m going to slowly and gently take your jeans off okay?” I ask him.

  “Absolutely,” he grins. I’m going to miss that grin so much. I unzip them slowly, inch by inch I remove them, dropping them to the floor. I unbutton his shirt, kissing his chest. Without too much movement I remove each arm from the sleeve. I stand at the end of the bed and remove my shorts, panties, tee shirt and bra. I stretch out beside him on the bed, resting my naked body against him. His eyes have been on me, burning into my flesh through all my movements. I know he can’t turn to me, so I carefully climb over him, my knees and elbows supporting my
weight as I kiss him, drinking him in, all of him one last time.

  In the morning I hear a knock at the door. It’s time to go. Buddy is still asleep, I kiss his cheek before getting out of bed. I wrap a robe around my body then answer the door.

  “Hey, sleeping beauty it’s time to check out. Is Will okay?” he asks, grinning.

  “He’s sleeping but he’s fine,” I inform him. “Can you give us about thirty minutes?”

  “Yeah, I’m just going for coffee. Do you want anything?” he asks.

  “No thanks,” I reply. I seem to have lost my appetite, knowing that I have to say goodbye in just a few short hours. I shut the door and try not to cry as I look over at Buddy attempting to sit up. I run over to him.

  “Let me help you,” I offer as I wrap my arm around his shoulder. He looks into my eyes and I see his tears.

  “Are you in pain, can I get you something?” I ask, wanting to comfort him so much.

  “I’m in pain, but not from my ribs, it’s a deeper pain, more in my heart,” he sighs as his hand runs through my hair, he pulls me to him, kissing me like he did on his roof, the first time. His hand runs down my back as he eases me onto him. He’s still kissing me, licking my lips and that familiar throbbing returns. I slowly and carefully allow him to take me as I gasp for air, enjoying his touch, his smell, his love. I cry his name, gripping his arms, forgetting to be gentle. I feel him tremble as he kisses me.

  “Oh Scarlett, why did you bump into me?” he whispers as he holds me close. I can feel my tears starting again, I quickly wipe them away. I have to be strong, there is no other option. For Buddy to change his life he has to accept this scholarship and he can’t take me with him.

  “I’m just going to wash up,” I tell him as I remove myself from his grasp. I hear him sigh as he leans back onto the pillows.

  “I want to shower with you,” I hear him pout. I smile as I close the door. Leaning against it I let my tears flow. I quickly shower then dry off. Wrapping myself in a towel, I comb my hair then put on my mascara and lipstick. I walk out to find Buddy and Dave sitting at the table having a smoke.

  “I just need my clothes,” I said, slightly embarrassed. They were both staring at me, watching me reach for my backpack. Buddy smacks Dave’s arm and he quickly looks away from me. I just smile and wink at Buddy before closing the door. It’s hot and muggy already. I decided on my black tank top and frayed jean shorts. I walk back out and Buddy hands me a pastry.

  “Eat angel,” he orders as I take it from him.

  “Thank you,” I said before taking a bite. He kisses my forehead then walks into the bathroom. I sit across from Dave at the table. MTV is on, I listen to Madonna ask ‘do you believe in love?’ I do believe. I sigh as I try and eat.

  “Will seems better this morning,” Dave comments.

  “Yeah, it’s good to see him moving around so much. He's healing quickly,” I reply but talking is beginning to hurt. I can’t pretend anymore that everything is normal.

  “Have him get out and move around on the way back okay? I don’t want him to get stiff and the blood needs to circulate,” I order Dave as I chuck the rest of my pastry in the garbage. He just nods, watching me closely. He’s about to say something when Buddy comes out, washed and dressed.

  “You didn’t need my help?” I asked as I placed my hands on his hips. He looks into my eyes and kisses me. I feel his hands on my back as he pulls me closer to him.

  “All set?” Dave asks, as he walks to the door. Buddy releases me and I gather up our stuff. I wrap my arm around his waist as we leave. Sitting in the back with Will again, he leans on me as he gets comfortable. He reaches for my hand and I place mine in his. He kisses my fingers, making me giggle.

  “Are you sure there's no other way Scarlett? Maybe you can come with me, maybe I can get a bigger dorm room or maybe I can rent an apartment?” he suggests as I squeeze his hand. He sits up so he’s looking at me. He kisses my cheeks, my closed eyes, my lips. I slowly open my eyes watching him as he kisses me. His hands rise to my cheeks, he kisses me harder, then he stops. His head falls to my shoulder and I feel his warm breath on my neck. I feel his lips on my skin.

  “I can’t let you go baby,” he moans. Close To Me is playing on the radio as my grip on Buddy keeps slipping. I know it’s almost over now as Dave takes the Aurora exit. I give him directions to Cas' house. I’ll figure out where to live tomorrow. Buddy looks up at me.

  “Will you write to me Scarlett?” he asks, knowing I will.

  “Of course, send me your address as soon as you get settled,” I tell him.

  “Are you going to go back home?”

  “I hope so but my mother will give me your letters if I don’t,” at least I hoped she would. Forever Young plays on the radio when he pulls up out front Cas' house. Dave gets out, leaving Buddy and I alone in the car. I try to stop my tears but I can’t. I want to go back to that playground by the lake with Will. I want to stay with him. I have a horribly painful lump in my throat making it hard for me to breath. I read once that people hold grief and moments of pain in their throats. I believed it now, as I tried to speak.

  “Oh angel, this hurts but I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m so happy that I met you, I’m so happy that you bumped into my life. I love you and I always will Scarlett Rayne,” he cried, looking into my eyes.

  “I wouldn’t change anything either. I have loved every minute I have spent with you, except for when you were attacked. I hated those minutes,” I smiled beneath my tears as they trickled down my cheeks. “I love you Will, so much, too much,” I tell him. His lips land on mine one more time.

  “Bye Willem and good luck, I love you,” I whisper as our foreheads rest against each other. It’s so hard to pry my body away from him.

  “One more,” he begs as he kisses me deeply once more, making me tingle in that way only he can. All the memories of us making love flash through my mind and I want him one more time but I know I can’t. He’s not mine anymore. I have to let him go. I look up into his eyes and he nods. He knows this is it.

  “I can’t say goodbye,” he cries, tears pouring from his beautiful deep blue eyes. I wrap him in my arms once more, kissing his cheeks, his eyes, his lips.

  “Then don’t, say I'll see you soon,” I smile as he releases his grip on me.

  “I'll see you soon,” he whispers as I slide out of the car, grabbing my backpack. I quickly hug Dave then race towards Cas' house. I turn to wave but I see Buddy has managed to get out of the car and he’s walking towards me. I drop my bag and race to him. I decide not to jump on him this time. I just throw my arms around his neck. He holds me firmly, close to his body. I can feel his muscles tense.

  “Just one more,” he said grinning as he tilts my chin up to look at him. I’d love to give him a thousand more.

  “Yes, one more,” I gasp as his lips find mine. In that final moment it feels like the world has fallen away and only the two of us exist.

  “I am going to come back for you one day my little treasure,” he whispers in my ear.

  “I'll be waiting for you,” I whisper back. He releases me and I watch him limp back to the car. I walk up the steps to the front door, turning to wave as Dave shuts the car door. I watch until Dave's black car vanishes from my sight before I knock on Cas' door.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Lying on my bed I look over at his picture, framed on my nightstand. He’s smiling in that goofy cute way, with his Mohawk spiked hair wearing a black suit with a red cummerbund and a red handkerchief sticking out of his breast pocket. ‘I have to get over you,’ I whisper as I run my finger along the rope still burned onto my wrist, ‘but not yet.’ Tears roll down my cheeks as I try to sleep, tomorrow I will go back to school again. After staying with Cas for a few days, I called my mother to tell her I was back.

  “Scarlett, come home, please,” she begged, surprising me.

  “But what about-” I tried to ask but she cut me off.

  “He’s moved out, left the provi
nce for work apparently. He took all his things,” she told me.

  “I’m coming home.”

  It had been three months since I went back to school and the last time I saw Will when I decided to cut off the rope. As much as I didn't want to, but my mother kept telling me it was dirty, it could be harboring bacteria. The color of the rope had darkened, but I knew the longer I kept it on the longer I would mourn the loss of our relationship. I sat in my bedroom surrounded by candles, listening to Somebody as I took the camping knife from the kitchen and cut through it. The rope actually seemed to burn as I held it in my hand. I rubbed my wrist and quickly put the rope in my jewelry box, next to Lily's bracelet.

  Strangely, moments later he called me. I was surprised but happy to hear from him. I had only called him once since our last day together. I just had to hear his voice but after the call it was like we had just said goodbye again, I felt sick, couldn’t eat for days and I cried too much. I had to stop calling him, if I was to recover.

  “Hello,” I answered, knowing it was him somehow. There was a silence on the line, then I heard him sigh, I knew it was him. Our connection always surprised me.

  “Hi angel,” he whispered. I smiled, so happy to hear his voice, I wanted to kiss him.

  “Hey you,” I whispered back.

  “I know you told me not to call but I missed you so much, I just needed to hear that you’re okay. Are you feeling okay? Has anything happened?” he asked suspiciously. I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that he knew I cut off the rope. I don't know how he could have known though.

  “I’m okay, still missing you but otherwise I'm okay. How is school going?” I asked, hoping to change the subject. I have been quite sick lately but I didn't want to tell him that either.

  “It’s good, not that I like studying much but it is good here. Scarlett, I need to see you?” he pleaded. This was the first time he has asked to see me again. I was shocked and tried to hold back my tears. He knew what my answer would be. He was deliberately hurting me.