Heart's Design: A Contemporary Christian Romance

by JoAnn Durgin

  “Seth—”

  “Dad was forced out of the contracting business and scraped by for years doing odd jobs here and there. And that’s not the half of it. My mother suffered a mental breakdown and then somewhere along the way it became dementia.”

  Anger mixed with unbelievable hurt surged through her. Stay calm. Her breath came out in small gasps and she moved her hand over her heart. She nodded to the book on his lap. “What do you have there?”

  “I was thirteen at the time of the trial. In middle school. My mom was in Boston for the duration, but she wouldn’t allow me to attend the trial.” He shook his head but made no move to open the book. “I’m not even sure I would have been allowed. My grandparents lived in Augusta at the time and they kept me for the two months of the trial. They tried to shield me from the news reports, but it was a big deal all over New England. The kids in school caught wind of what was happening and the teasing started. The bullying on the school grounds. The name calling on the bus. The eggs and other much more foul things thrown at our house and also on my grandparents’ house. The accusations, the horrible jokes, the insensitive remarks even from my teachers.”

  “I’m so sorry, Seth.” Never had she been at such a loss for words. He’d endured effects of the justice system she’d never witnessed except from a distance. This man she’d grown to care for had suffered so much.

  And he blamed her father.

  Hear him out, let him speak. Then she’d try to deal with this situation.

  “I snuck out of my grandparents’ house and rode my bike into town and bought the Boston newspaper almost every day during the time of the trial. It’s like I had this almost morbid fascination with the trial, and I needed to know what was happening. Part of me was mad that Mom wouldn’t tell me anything. I was allowed to talk to Dad on the phone but that’s all. Never allowed to see him. I wrote him letters but he never answered them. I’m not even sure if he received them. Mom told me once, before she stopped communicating, that he’d read them all but was too ashamed to respond.”

  Seth looked up at her then, and all the anguish of the thirteen-year-old boy he’d once been revealed itself to her. It was in those eyes, those incredible clear eyes. He’d been so hurt, and was still hurting.

  “Your scrapbook is filled with news clippings from the trial?” When he nodded, Caroline looked away, unsure how to respond, her heart heavy. Seth offered it to her. Caroline sat staring at it, not moving. Finally, she shook her head. “I don’t want to see your book. I hope it helped you in some way at the time of the trial, but talking about it more now, and looking at it, will only serve to fuel your anger with my father and stir the seeds of hate deeper into your soul than they apparently already are.”

  “Caroline, a wise woman once told me that hate is a strong word. You have to know that I pray every day that the Lord will remove this anger from my soul. I know the Bible verses about how I should forgive my enemy—”

  She gasped. “You actually consider my dad your enemy?”

  He stared at her, not speaking, for so long that Caroline rose to her feet. Her entire body shook but whether from cold, or anger, or disbelief, she didn’t know. All she understood was that her emotions were numb.

  “Seth, do you remember when I mentioned my idea that perhaps I’d been branded by my association with Kat and Paulina? By their behavior the weekend we were in Evergreen for the wedding?” She didn’t wait for his answer but she could tell that he remembered. His forehead was creased and he’d risen to his feet to face her.

  “Are you branding me by association with my father? Because if you are, that’s wrong. That’s so…wrong.” She turned, crossing her arms over her chest.

  I will not cry. I will not cry. In spite of her resolve, a tear slipped down her cheek and to the ground. When another fell, a dark ring spread on the dirt path.

  He made no move to comfort her neither did she want his comfort. “I was only a child at the time of the trial. We were actually forbidden to speak of the trials Dad lost—or believed he’d lost,” she said before Seth could refute that statement. He’d already made himself perfectly clear.

  “I know how pointless and…stupid…it must sound, but that’s the way it was. You want to know one of the reasons that, deep down in my heart, I knew I didn’t want to become a lawyer?”

  “Tell me,” Seth said, his voice quiet. “What’s that?”

  “Because I didn’t like the man my father had become. He was my daddy. When I was little, he did the things for me my mom should have done. The one thing he did—or tried to do once—that showed me how much he loved me was when he tried to braid my hair for school. My nanny wasn’t there for some reason and Mother didn’t know how. He failed miserably at it, but bless his heart, Dad—the man you refer to as the almighty Duncan Prescott—tried his best to please his little girl.”

  More tears slipped down her cheeks. She let them go. “He tried, Seth. I know you think my dad is a horrible person, but he was only doing his job in your dad’s trial. A job he’d trained for and did exceedingly well. For better or for worse. Dad’s record was unprecedented in the Boston legal system. Still is. You have to know that he didn’t go into that courtroom intent on destroying your father in any way. He was doing what his client paid him to do, no more, no less. And, in my dad’s eyes, he failed.”

  “All I know,” Seth said, “was that my dad was an innocent man but your dad went at him with a vengeance. I’m not sure he cared who he hurt or even whether or not my dad was innocent or guilty. He just wanted to win. And then my mom suffered as a direct consequence.”

  She stared at him in disbelief. “Surely you’re not blaming your mom’s illness on my father!”

  “To be honest, I’d like to, but I can’t. In some ways, I always have, but I can admit that’s wrong. I’ve asked forgiveness of the Lord, and I’m asking for yours now.”

  Caroline nodded. “I can forgive you for that, Seth, but it seems the issue here is whether or not you can ever forgive my dad for his perceived wrongs against your father.”

  “I won’t apologize for my father’s innocence causing a blemish on your dad’s illustrious career.”

  “I’m not asking you to apologize, but it seems your guilt is prompting you to do so. All these years later, you’re angry, you’re hurt, and you’re making my dad your scapegoat. Or maybe it’s transference from when your childhood friend, Jared, was killed.”

  “What could Jared possibly have to do with this?”

  “You said you were the last person to see him alive. You were with him that day. And you told me how guilty you felt because you couldn’t do anything to save your friend. Perhaps you’re somehow transferring your guilt from that situation into your dad’s trial. Just like with Jared, you couldn’t spare, or save, your dad from the pain of what happened in the courtroom. But you didn’t have anyone like Jared’s dad to say It’s okay, and I forgive you this time.”

  “That makes no sense.” Seth shook his head.

  Caroline shook her head. “Maybe it does and maybe it doesn’t. I’m not a psychologist, but I call things as I see them. I think it makes sense if you can be objective and sit back and examine the facts. The question is whether or not you’ll ever be able to do that?”

  The color drained from Seth’s face and he appeared stunned.

  She stepped closer to him. “I’ll ask you again: can you find it in your heart to forgive my father?”

  “I can say the words you want to hear, but in my heart…no, I can’t. But I want to, Caroline. More than you know.”

  “I see. Then I think you’ve said enough.” Taking in a deep breath, shaking, sadness weighed down her soul. Never had Caroline felt so bone weary. So emptied. Sadness for Seth’s family, sadness for her family overwhelmed her. For the two of them. For what could have been and would never be between them. Not now. After this, how could they ever share a future together?

  His heart was hardened and hers was trampled.

  Caroli
ne’s gaze dropped to the ground. “I guess there’s not much else left to say, is there? If you thought I’d scream, or stomp around and wave my fists, or curse God, or you, or my Dad, then you’re wrong.” Her hands shook but she was powerless to stop them.

  The rest of the hike back to Seth’s truck was miserable. What had started out as a day of uncertainty but filled with the hint of promise had been ruined by this man’s inability to forgive. And now her inability to forget.

  They only spoke when she asked him to stop at a roadside gas station. She lost the contents of her stomach in the ladies room. Wiping her mouth with a paper towel, Caroline stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her shoulders slumped. She’d thought she might have a future with Seth. How could she have been so wrong?

  When Seth pulled the truck into her driveway late in the afternoon, she put one hand on the door.

  “Can we please give this some time and then go to dinner or something? I don’t want to lose your friendship, Caroline. I don’t think this is insurmountable. We’ll get past it somehow.”

  She stared at him and tried to tamp down her anger. It wasn’t working well. In fact, not at all. “You tell me you hate my father and can’t find it in your heart to forgive him. This means, in essence, that you’re telling me nothing can ever happen between us. At least now I know why you seemed vaguely familiar to me in some way. It’s your last name and the association to your father that’s familiar.”

  “And you look somewhat like your father. I studied those newspaper articles enough to memorize his features. You have the same face shape, the same fire that he does. It’s in your eyes and the set of your mouth.” He dropped his gaze. “It’s in the way you’re looking at me right now.”

  “You can’t blame me for my parentage, Seth. You can’t blame me for my father’s actions.”

  “I realize that, Caroline. Trust me. It’s not fair, and I understand your anger with me right now. I’d give anything to take it away, but at this point…I can’t.”

  Caroline threw open the door of the truck. “You changed my life for the better when you gave me your Bible. And now you’ve spoiled everything by showing me another book that’s a testament as to how you believe my father ruined your life.”

  He blew out a breath. “I didn’t say your father—”

  “Have a nice life, Seth Barnes.”

  Then she climbed out and slammed the door of that white truck. Hard.

  Chapter 22

  ~~♥~~

  Meredith, her neighbor Hannah’s daughter, walked down the front steps of the church beside Caroline the next morning. Not surprisingly, Seth hadn’t attended the service. Most likely he’d returned home. Not seeing him was probably best for her current state of mind. If he had been there, she might have said or done something she might regret in the house of the Lord. She hadn’t been able to sleep well and was still a little fuzzy. Grogginess plus leftover anger was never a good combination, and she planned on spending the rest of the day in solitude, keeping her thoughts to herself, charitable or not.

  “Caroline, I wanted to tell you that I got an interesting phone call at the store late yesterday.”

  “Oh? Who from?” Caroline walked with Meredith toward the busy mom’s van parked in the church lot. Meredith always drove Hannah to and from church and usually ended up waiting for her teenage twin daughters to come out of their Sunday school class.

  “A jewelry store owner in the Boston area. Seems they have a client who’s requested an original necklace from the Oxford Hills area. Apparently, they’ve heard about the jewelry made here with the locally mined gemstones and they want a necklace designed using pink amethysts.”

  “They specified that? Interesting,” Caroline said. “They should just come and visit the area and pick one out. I’d highly recommend it.”

  Meredith shrugged. “I agree, but maybe they’re too busy and don’t have the time. Or they don’t want to come for whatever reason, as difficult as that is to believe. You know how people are. Some just want to pay and have it delivered. He said they’re willing to pay top dollar.”

  “Really? That’s great. Let’s make sure and get a deposit.”

  “Of course, but wait. It gets even better.” They talked a minute with Meredith’s girls, Ashley and Kaitlyn, as they climbed into the back of the van.

  “The client wants you to design the necklace,” Meredith said, her light brown eyes lit with excitement. “I mean, they asked for you by name, Caroline. Isn’t that exciting? Your reputation is growing and is more widespread than we’d hoped. Congratulations, you’re in demand!”

  “I’m surprised, but very flattered. Did you get a name or a phone number for the client?”

  “No, the store owner said they wanted to keep this a private sale, as he called it. He’ll be handling the transaction. I took that to mean the client doesn’t want their name known.” She shrugged. “Who knows? They must have their reasons. As long as they’re a paying customer, it’s fine by me.”

  Intriguing. Caroline had to wonder if someone she knew in Boston had commissioned the necklace. “Did they leave any instructions about the shape or size of the stones, basic design, length, anything?”

  “I have the specifications written down at the store. I can call you with them first thing in the morning, but the owner also said he’d email them to you directly. I hope it’s okay that I gave him your contact information.”

  “Of course,” Caroline said. “Thanks for telling me, Meredith. I’ll be on the lookout for it.”

  Having a special jewelry piece to design would help keep her mind from dwelling on the situation with Seth, if that’s what it was. She’d seen the stricken look on Seth’s face when she’d said those mean-spirited words. Then she’d slammed his truck door and stomped into the house. When she’d peeked out the front window a few minutes later, he’d still been sitting there. Arms crossed, head down, leaning over the steering wheel. The same posturing she’d assumed in the parking lot outside the Antique Barn when she’d seen Seth there with Jessica. Jenica. The name was different.

  The sound of a bird caught her attention. A huge hawk soared above her, and she studied it. Gliding across the sky, carefree, and majestic. Funny how she’d believed that by getting away from her family, by physically removing herself from being around them, she’d be free.

  No, you’re not free.

  Caroline continued to watch the hawk as it moved in and out of her view. She could run away all she wanted but until she was willing to take the steps toward healing the broken relationship with her parents, she could never be at peace.

  Seth wasn’t the only one with issues to resolve.

  The primary question in her mind now: how to make amends with her family?

  Caroline hoped the Lord would give her the answers she needed because she hadn’t a clue. Although she was tired, the day was beautiful, the air a bit crisp. Tugging her sweater tighter about her, she walked in the direction of Evergreen Park and the gazebo.

  “Ah, to be young and in love.” Lost in thought, Caroline startled. A white-haired woman sat on a park bench close to the sidewalk. A stranger, and yet Caroline knew she’d seen her in the past.

  A hand-carved cane rested against the bench beside the woman as she scooted over to make room for Caroline. “Care to sit with me for a bit?”

  “Thanks. Have we met?” Caroline seated herself beside her. “You seem familiar. May I ask your name?”

  “Marla, dear. I’ve lived here in Evergreen a long time, raised my family here.”

  Caroline thought for a moment then gazed at the woman’s white hair. “Yes, Marla!” The older woman’s kind blue eyes held a hint of sparkle. “I first visited Evergreen in August a little over two years ago. You sat on a bench outside a jewelry store talking with my friend. Short dark hair. Pretty? Spunky?”

  A sweet smile creased Marla’s face. “Yes. I remember her. How is Paulina?”

  For a moment, Caroline was stunned. What a memory this woman mus
t possess. “She’s in Philadelphia, busy and successful with her marketing career. We don’t talk as often as we used to, but we keep in touch.” Caroline fiddled with the hem of her skirt and crossed one boot-covered foot over the other. “I have to ask, why did you say that about my being in love?” Was she being obvious or was this woman unusually perceptive?

  She heard Marla’s quiet laugh. “Are you denying it?”

  Caroline hesitated. “No.” How good it felt to admit it to someone else out loud. Liesel would be so proud.

  Marla moved one hand over her heart. She was a tiny woman, almost painfully thin, and the veins in her hand were quite pronounced. If a strong gust of wind blew through town, this woman might very well be carried away with it.

  “What’s in your heart can never betray you. It’s the barometer of all that makes you happy, of all that makes you sad, of all you love.” She turned to look Caroline fully in the face. “Of those whom you love. Never doubt the strength or the power of that love.”

  Caroline smiled. “You’re very wise.”

  “Oh, I’m not really all that wise. I’m an old woman who’s been blessed.” Her gaze clouded. “I’ve loved and lost, but I’m all the better for it. I wouldn’t trade a moment of my life for it’s made me who and what I am today. It’s my legacy to pass on to my family.” She paused a long moment. “Does your young man know you love him, dear?”

  Caroline hesitated. “I don’t know. I think he might believe he’s in love with someone else.” She met Marla’s kind eyes. “But he’s not. He has some…issues…he needs to resolve.”

  “Internal or external influences?”

  Caroline considered the question. “Internal for the most part.”

  The older woman nodded. “That can be a problem, but not an insurmountable one, dear. Do you know Jesus, child?”

  “Yes, I do. I’ve become well-acquainted with Him. I met him in the months following my first visit here. My friend gave me his Bible. It was well-worn and loved.”