by Aya Mai
Not long after Grayson had left the apartment, Nicole arrived, instantly placing her baby boy into Ava’s open arms. At least, Nicole never treated her as a child. She was tough love, always making her get out of bed or off the sofa. Ava loved her sister. She had no idea what she would do without her.
‘’When are you going to name him?’’ Ava asked her sister while looking down on her nephew, who slept peacefully in her arms.
‘’We have some names up for debate, but so far, me and William haven’t come to an agreement yet. But I promise you’ll be the first to know when we have decided on a name.’’
‘’Good.’’
‘’So what’s going on with you? You look pale and sad.’’
‘’Thank you for noticing,’’ Ava replied bitterly. Grayson hadn’t noticed in his rush to get out of the apartment and away from her.
‘’Am I sensing trouble in paradise?’’
‘’What paradise?’’
‘’Is it that bad? What has Grayson done now?’’
‘’Nothing.’’
‘’Nothing?’’ Nicole asked confused. ‘’What's the problem then?’’
‘’That is the problem. The problem is that he hasn’t done anything.’’
‘’You’re not making much sense, Ava.’’
‘’For the past three weeks, Grayson has been doting on me. He has treated me like I’m a child that has the flu.’’
‘’And that is bad because?’’
‘’All he sees when he looks at me is a sick child, not a woman who is still capable of doing stuff on her own.’’
‘’I’m sure it’s not that bad. He’s probably just worried you’re going to exhaust yourself.’’
‘’It’s not just that,’’ Ava muttered sadly, her face heating with embarrassment. She hadn’t worded her fears out loud yet, because as long as she didn’t say them, they wouldn’t be real.
Nicole grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly, acting the part of a mother patiently waiting for her child to open up. Ava’s mood soured again. Everyone was treating her like a child, even her own bloody sister.
The boy in her arms started to fuss, so Ava moved him around in her embrace, gently bobbing him up and down until he went back to sleep.
‘’You are a natural,’’ Nicole whispered, probably afraid of her son waking up.
‘’Whatever,’’ Ava replied, her emotions creating anarchy inside her. Ava had long ago decided not to have children, but the thought of having children with Grayson got more and more enticing for each day that went by.
‘’Are you going to tell me what’s the matter between you and Grayson, Ava? Or are we going to pretend our earlier unfinished conversation never happened?’’
Ava let out a strangled sound of annoyance. She didn’t want to talk about it, but at the same time, the words were burning on her tongue, wanting to escape.
‘’I think he regrets getting involved with me,’’ Ava muttered.
‘’I disagree,’’ Nicole replied promptly. ‘’I don’t think Grayson regrets getting involved with you, Ava. I think that man loves you like crazy. Why would you even doubt that? Grayson is like a dog, and you’re his favorite bone to chew on. You say fetch, and he goes running. He’s constantly ready to lick up any little breadcrumb you throw him.’’
Ava craved to believe her sister’s words. Clearly, she saw something between her and Grayson that Ava couldn’t see herself.
‘’Things have been different between us since the surgery. Grayson changed after I had my breasts removed. I don’t blame him. I’m not very attractive at the moment.’’
‘’Stop being ridiculous, Ava. You’re strong and beauriful.’’
‘’Then why is it that for the past three weeks, Grayson hasn’t said that he loves me or called me sweetheart or love like he did before the surgery. He only calls me by my name now. And he never looks at me with anything resembling passion or desire, and he never touches me. Even when he gives me sponge baths, he acts the perfect gentleman. Grayson Montgomery is not a gentleman. Grayson Mongomery is a smug, charming jerk.’
‘’You're overreacting, Ava. I saw him kiss you the last time I was here.’’
‘’On the forehead, Nic. That’s how intimate and physical we have gotten the last three weeks. He kisses me on the forehead like I’m a child or a girlfriend that doesn’t know how to take a hint and get the fuck out of his space.’’
‘’Stop yourself and your mopey attitude, Ava!’’
‘’Easy for you to say, you have it all - a loving man, a wonderful child, a blossoming career, and no deadly sickness to worry about.’’
A tense silence fell over the room. All Ava wanted was to go to sleep and ignore all her problems.
Nicole gently removed her child from Ava’s embrace, making her feel empty and lonely. Ava knew she had been unfair with her words, but she didn’t have it in her to apologize.
‘’Maybe you should try and talk to Grayson about it,’’ Nicole said lowly.
‘’But what do I do if the things I fear are real? What if he doesn’t love me? What if he has changed his mind about him and me?’’
‘’Then you have to deal with it, Ava. You can’t just keep quiet and ignore your fears. It won’t do anybody any good. But for the record, I think you're wrong. Maybe Grayson is just as afraid of making a mistake as you are. Have you tried to kiss him? Have you tried to tell him how you feel about him? Have you told him you love him? Have you called him anything but his name?’’
‘’I hate it when you’re right,’’ Ava grumbled.
‘’I know,’’ Nicole replied with a big smile on her beautiful face.
The door to the apartment burst open. Grayson walked in, holding a large bouquet of flowers in his arms.
‘’Are those for me?’’ Nicole asked jokingly.
‘’No, make your own man get you some. These are for my girl,’’ he responded, placing them in Ava’s arms before kissing her on the forehead. What was it with this man and her forehead? What was wrong with her lips?
‘’Well lucky you, Ava,’’ Nicole said with a victorious smile on her face. ‘’I wish my man would do something like that for me,’’ Nic complained in a fake tone. William was the best man a girl could ask for. He gave Nic everything she wanted.
‘’Here, let me take them,’’ Grayson said, retrieving the flowers from Ava.
‘’I can put them in some water,’’ Ava argued.
‘’No need,’’ Grayson shouted from the kitchen.
Ava rolled her eyes at him. Everybody acted as though she was completely helpless. Nicole smiled at her before leaving her alone with Grayson, her insecurities, and all her worries.
Grayson quickly came back, placing the beautiful bouquet on the sofa table, moving Martin’s bouquet to the bookcase behind her, out of her sight.
‘’They look nice, don’t they?’’ Grayson asked, looking down on his work with satisfaction.
‘’They’re lovely. But so was Martin’s bouquet,’’ Ava quipped, testing the waters. Maybe Grayson was jealous. That would mean he still cared about her, right?
‘’Sure,’’ Grayson grumbled. ‘’But mine is nicer, right?’’
All the air left Ava’s body as Grayson gazed at her with a passionate determination. She didn't know if they were still talking about the flowers or something else, but Ava decided to follow Nicole’s advice and initiate contact.
‘’Of course, they are, honey,’’ Ava said, using an endearment for the first time since her surgery. A lot of people wouldn’t consider it a big deal, but for Ava, it was huge. She had never used endearments like that before.
‘’Great,’’ Grayson exclaimed, clapping his hands together. ‘’Have you had a chance to look at the manuscript I gave you?’’
Disappointment rushed through Ava’s body at lightning speed. She understood that people didn’t think endearments were a big deal, but she had thought Grayson would have noticed. She most definitely hadn’
t anticipated his indifferent, uncaring response. She had thought he would have been thrilled, but all he cared about was Annabelle Hart’s manuscript.
‘’Not yet,’’ Ava replied, feeling more defeated and tired than she had all day.
‘’That’s okay. Have you done your exercises?’’
Ava nodded. Grayson asked her about her stupid exercises all the time. The doctor had given her a few exercises to do that would help ease the stiffness she felt in her upper body and chest area.
Grayson moved around the apartment the rest of the day like a handsome lion, reading papers, making her snacks, fluffing her pillow, working out. Ava was close to losing her marbles when he started walking around the place without a shirt on, making her mad with insanity and lust.
The need to jump Grayson like a cat jumped its prey was growing bigger for every second that passed. Ava craved to feel his skin under her fingers and his lips against hers.
It wasn’t that she was sexually frustrated, because the surgery and the pain relievers she was currently taking were killing her libido, and she didn’t feel like a sexy woman at all. But that didn’t mean she didn’t want to make out with Grayson. Besides, she personally knew his sex drive, and she was worried sick that it woulnd’t be long now before he found someone else to satisfy his needs. He was Grayson effing Montgomery after all. He took what he wanted and waited for no one.
Maybe he didn’t want her, a mean voice whispered into Ava’s ear. She wasn’t a sexy woman anymore, scars littered her flat chest. Of course, Grayson Montgomery didn’t want her, the mean voice spoke again. He didn’t even sneak peeks at her when he helped her shower.
In an attempt to think about something else, Ava focused on the script Grayson had given her. So far, she liked it too. It was well-written, and she could easily see herself get drawn into the story, unable to put it down until she had turned the last page.
Ava’s curiosity got the better of her. She googled Annabelle Hart. Like an FBI agent, she quickly found Annabelle’s Facebook page.
What she discovered, had Ava boiling with rage. Why did Grayson always have to find stunning female authors and throw them in her face?
Annabelle Hart was flawless. Her skin glowed, and her beautiful brown curls encashed her face perfectly. Her facebook showed her love for animals, books, and cooking. She was the ideal future housewife. Apparently, there wasn’t anything she couldn’t do.
Ava clicked on her photos and studied Annabelle’s beautiful face. Her and Ava looked quite similar. They both had brown hair and eyes. It was like Ava was looking at herself, or the person she was before her surgery. Annabelle was beautiful. She wasn’t fake or wore much makeup; she was a natural beauty. Ava could easily imagine how enticing Annabelle’s red lips could be for a man.
Ava studied all of Annabelle’s pictures and selfies. She was around Ava’s height, but the biggest and most significant difference between them was Annabelle’s bulging cleavage. Her breasts were bigger than Ava’s had ever been. Ava gently touched her chest, feeling more flat-chested than ever before.
With anger, she threw her phone and Annabelle’s manuscript away. Her sudden movements made her cry out in pain. She hated how weak she was. Grayson came rushing like a knight in shining armor, telling her to take it easy. Ava roared at him, pulling away from him.
Grayson moved back, waving his hands like a white flag, making her feel horrible for being mean to him when he was just trying to help.
‘’I’m sorry, I just…’’ Ava stopped talking when she realized she had no idea how to explain that she had just needed to cry out the pain the burning jealousy caused when she thought of Grayson with another woman.
The silence that followed was deafening. Ava looked up at him, but as usual, Grayson didn’t look back. His face was contorted into an emotion Ava couldn’t decipher.
‘’Did you like the book?’’ Grayson asked with renewed energy, gazing firmly on the script she had thrown to the side.
Ava desperately wanted to say no, but that would be a lie, and she would never let her personal feelings get in the way for a good author to get his or her book published. She had no legitimate reason to hate Annabelle Hart. Ava definitely couldn't hate her for being a replica of her, a replica with breasts.
‘’Yeah, I liked it. It’s good….great even,’’ Ava replied honestly. ‘’It would be a catch for CPH if we could land a deal with Miss Hart,’’ Anna said, using her surname, acting the utmost professional.
‘’Great, I’ll do my best to convince her tonight,’’ Grayson said, looking down on his Rolex. ‘’I need to get going if I want to get to the office in time for our meeting.
‘’Wait, what?’’ Ava asked, moving around on the couch, flinching in discomfort when she once again made an unpleasant movement with her shoulders.
‘’I have a meeting with Annabelle Hart tonight. I really want to nail her. I have to convince her that CPH would be the perfect fit. She didn’t have time to meet tomorrow, so I convinced her to stop by the office tonight. Rumor has it that Browns Publishing House also has an eye on her and that they have a meeting tomorrow.’’
‘’You are meeting with Annabelle Hart tonight?’’ Ava asked, trying and failing to control her worry and insecurity.
‘’Yes.’’
‘’In your office?’’
‘’Yes, where else?’’
‘’After office hours?’’ Ava asked, holding her breath as she prepared to receive her answer.
‘’Yes,’’ Grayson replied, looking down on his wristwatch again, stomping his foot against the floor in impatience. ‘’Listen, I need to go if I have to make it in time. I’ll see you later, you don't have to wait up for me,’’ Grayson said, tugging one of Ava’s loose strands behind her ear. For a moment, she thought he would lean down and kiss her, but she was thoroughly disappointed when he instead of moving closer, stepped away, his hand clenching into a fist as it let go of her hair. ‘’And remember not to exert yourself. Your doctor said you need all the rest you can get.’’
Ava nodded, not caring about her doctor’s or Grayson’s orders She could deal with the pain in her upper body. What she couldn’t deal with was the breaking of her heart.
All the signs were staring her in the face. Grayson had found her replacement - someone just like Ava, but with breasts and no cancer. Ava could so easily picture Grayson and Annabelle together that she stood up, her feet getting caught in the blanket, making her stumble into the sofa table. The vase with Grayson’s flowers tumbled to the floor, breaking into a thousand pieces, resembling her heart.
The colorful flowers laid scattered on the floor. She wanted to pick them up and keep them safe, but what was the point? Why should she love them when they didn’t feel the same about her? Ava knew better than most what happened in Grayson’s office after office hours. He wanted to nail Annabelle. He wanted Annabelle, the amazing author that actually looked like a woman and not some church mouse with a flat chest.
A tiny, logical voice whispered that she was being paranoid and emotional and that Grayson still cared deeply for her. Breasts or no breasts. The kindness he had shown her these past weeks melted her heart. Grayson wouldn’t do anything with Annabelle, she was sure of it. A sudden calmness rushed through Ava. She trusted Grayson. The realization floored her to the ground. Damn Grayson Montgomery to Hell for making her break her rules.
Ava took a deep breath. She knew the mastectomy would change her and the way she viewed herself, but she was still surprised how much it had affected her confidence and self-worth. Nicole had been right, Ava needed to be the one to make a move. A bigger move than to call Grayson honey. They needed to talk. But before that could happen, Ava needed a clear head. She needed a couple of hours of not being surrounded by Grayson’s scent and belongings. She needed some time alone.
After having packed a bag, Ava looked down on the broken vase and colorful flowers, swearing she would fix everything.
She sent Grayson a text, letting
him know she needed some time to think and was going to spend the night at her own apartment. When she didn’t get an instant reply, she quickly pocketed her phone and left his apartment.
Chapter 14 - Grayson
It was late. The meeting with Annabelle Hart had lasted longer than Grayson had anticipated. Darkness surrounded him when he had finally made it back to the apartment. He couldn’t wait to snuggle up to a sleeping Ava.
Grayson didn't bother turning on the lights as he tiptoed through the apartment, he didn’t want to risk waking Ava. She needed her rest and sleep so she could heal properly.
The sight of the splintered vase on the floor together with the colorful flowers made him on high alert. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. He sprinted toward the bedroom and found it drowned in darkness, the bed still perfectly made, holding no Ava in its embrace.
Grayson grabbed his phone and was about to call Ava, then Nicole, then her father, and if he hadn’t found her by then, then the police would have to deal with him. But before any of that became necessary, he saw a text Ava had sent him several hours ago, telling him she needed space and time to think.
A roar ripped through Grayson as he trashed his phone against the wall, walking back to the living room, watching the flowers he had given her lying destroyed on the floor.
The red roses on the bookshelf from Martin Johnson caught his eye; they were still standing tall and proud. Grayson gritted his teeth and launched for the bouquet, grabbing it and tossing it against the wall. It felt good throwing things against his apartment walls. It was damn liberating.
He hunched down and carefully picked up the flowers he had gotten Ava. Some of them were broken, but some were still salvageable. Worry overtook Grayson. What had he done wrong? He had tried to do everything right. He had taken good care of Ava since the surgery, he made her want for nothing. So why did she need space and time to think? What did she need to think about? She shouldn't be on her own thinking, she should be busy sleeping in his bed, recuperating and getting better.