Secretly Hers (Sterling Canyon)

by Jamie Beck

  A surprise after-hours visitor ringing the bell at the front desk interrupted Trip’s unpleasant musing. Kelsey?

  “Coming!” he called while shoving back from the desk and trotting down the hallway. He rounded the corner into the reception area, a flirtatious grin plastered on his face, but then skidded to an abrupt halt. “Mason?”

  His anticipatory euphoria vanished, making room for shock and a little bit of dread.

  Mason stood, hands in his front pockets, glancing around the dated room, clearly unimpressed. “Gunner.”

  In the far recess of Trip’s mind, his dad’s recent plea rattled. He awkwardly stuck his hand out to his brother, and Mason reluctantly shook it.

  “This is a surprise.” Trip crossed his arms and leaned against the counter. Mason was only three and a half years older than him, but his graying hair and thicker build made him look closer to forty. “What are you doing here?”

  “Can’t you guess?” Mason raised one brow.

  Trip shook his head. “Honestly? No. I really can’t.”

  “Dad sent me.” Mason’s face grimaced like he’d been force-fed a shot of cheap whiskey. “Put me in charge of Kessler’s hotel project with the misguided idea it’ll force you and me to deal with each other. Seems he’s still holding out hope for some kind of family reunion. I told him you and I were fine with the status quo, but he’s determined that we become one big happy family. Not sure why. You haven’t seemed all that interested in being part of it for years.”

  Trip couldn’t defend himself against that particular accusation. He had distanced himself from them since college with infrequent, brief phones calls and occasional holiday visits. Of course, Trip could lay some blame on Mason and Deb for their role in the family dynamic, but it didn’t matter. If Trip were a better man or son, he’d have made more effort. “I suppose I can’t argue with you there. I haven’t been a model son.”

  Mason’s brows rose, apparently surprised by Trip’s confession. Someone else might be softened by such an admission, seeing it as a sign of maturity and remorse.

  Not Mason.

  “So this place is what Dad’s been boasting about since he saw you the other week?” He smirked, gesturing around the drab room, with its creaky wooden flooring and fluorescent lighting. Mason eyed Trip from head to toe. “At least you don’t have to wear a tie to the office.”

  In the space of a heartbeat, Trip was right back to being a young teenage boy, defending himself against another insult. One might think, by nearly thirty-six, Mason would’ve finally outgrown his need to best his little brother. Then again, at thirty-two, Trip hadn’t matured much either, as he was about to prove.

  “No tie, no nine-to-five. Just clean air, cliffs, and adrenaline. As for this place, it’s not much to look at, but it’s mine.” Trip pushed away from the counter, standing to his full height, and thus physically, if not otherwise, proving who was the bigger man. “The fact I never rode his coattails is probably why Dad’s impressed. Guess you wouldn’t understand, now, would you?”

  “Or maybe he’s just impressed because he never expected much from you, considering . . .” Mason left the rest unsaid.

  But Trip knew how that sentence ended. He’d overheard it from Deb many times, always muttered out of earshot of his father. What can you expect from him, considering he’s the son of a whore?

  It had always astounded Trip that she and Mason liked to blame the entire affair on his mother, who’d been an unmarried girl of twenty-four, instead of on the married man who’d actually betrayed them.

  “Well, Dad’s little plan is off to a great start.” Trip forced a grin. “How long are you in town?”

  “Leaving today.”

  “Guess you don’t have time for a beer and round of pool, then?” Trip’s sarcasm colored his words. He rested his hands on his hips. “Don’t worry, though. I’ll make sure Dad knows you came to see me. And, hey, we didn’t break any windows this time, so that’s progress.”

  Trip noticed Mason’s uncomfortable reaction to the recollection of the fight they’d had. Mason had walked in on his then-fiancée, Jen, alone with Trip in their dad’s study. It had been an innocent scenario, one in which Jen merely had been trying to learn a little about Trip because they’d never met. But Mason had immediately concluded that Trip had been out to sabotage his relationship.

  He’d ordered Jen out of the room before barraging Trip with a slew of heated accusations. Naturally Trip’s glib sarcasm had only enraged Mason, prompting him to toss a thick marble ashtray across the room. The projectile smashed through the palladium window, costing Mason a thousand bucks, not to mention his pride.

  “I should’ve followed my instincts that day and called off the wedding. Could’ve saved myself a lot of aggravation and money.” Mason’s words were full of bravado, but Trip noticed a flicker of real pain in his eyes.

  From what their dad had told him at lunch the other week, Jen might’ve been unfaithful. The parallel with how the Cutler family had been significantly altered by their dad’s infidelity had probably rekindled all of Mason’s antipathy toward Trip. For one second, he felt a trace of compassion for the insecure bully who’d tormented him for decades. Trip also knew Mason’s girls would now suffer because of the family split—a kind of loss Trip could relate to.

  “All our shit aside, Mason, I’m sorry your girls have to go through a divorce.” Trip relaxed his posture in an effort to dispel the tension in the room.

  “Concerned ‘Uncle Gunner’ now?” Mason sighed. He rubbed the back of his neck as he glanced out the window. In a quiet tone, he muttered, “Like you’d even recognize either of my girls if you saw them.”

  Trip raised his hands in the air. “I give up. Honestly, I’ve never been able to win with you. Not at ten, not at twenty, and not now. I wish I knew what the hell I ever did to make you hate me so much.”

  Mason’s incredulous expression stunned Trip. He stared at his brother, trying to read his thoughts.

  Eventually Mason shook his head, and when he spoke, his voice was oddly wistful. “My parents were happy until you arrived and ruined everything. For God’s sake, my poor mom had to deal with Dad’s garbage while having to help raise you. Imagine how she felt.” Trip refrained from commenting that he didn’t have to imagine, because Deb had never kept it a secret from anyone but her husband. When Mason spoke again, his tone had sharpened with disgust. “And Dad fell all over himself to make you feel part of our family. He just loved that you were so much more like him than I was, and you loved taking him away from us.”

  “No, Mason. That part was all in your head.” Trip held up his hand to stop Mason’s oncoming retort. “Trust me, I never wanted your life, and I didn’t enjoy living in a house where the resentment was thicker than mud.” Trip glanced at his feet and then back at Mason. “You know, when my mom introduced me to Dad, I was terrified. She was dying, my grandfather was sad all the time. I didn’t know, or care about, this strange new man in my life. Everything sucked except for one thought—suddenly I had a big brother. The way Dad talked about you made me excited to meet you. But you never even gave me a chance to be a friend, let alone a brother. Given your feelings about me, I’d assume my staying away would’ve made it easier on you. Instead, you slam me for being neglectful. At this point I give up. Let’s just go on avoiding each other like always.”

  “Fine with me,” Mason said, resting his hands on his hips. “Unfortunately, I’ll be back in two weeks and then stuck here for a year or so overseeing the construction, so we’re bound to bump into each other in this small town.”

  Dammit. Memories of the many ways Mason had made life uncomfortable for Trip resurfaced, causing Trip’s stomach to tighten.

  Mason could easily come to town, try to damage Trip’s reputation, and then walk away. Trip, however, had just committed a bunch of money and time to making this his home. He’d be stuck living in the aftermath of whatever Mason threw his way, which meant he was going to have to live wary for twe
lve months or more. And if Mason got a whiff of Trip’s plan to stop Wade’s next deal, he’d probably try to undermine him there, too.

  Trip tamped down a wave of panic, determined not to let Mason see his worry. “For Dad’s sake, let’s call a temporary truce while you’re in town. If we see each other, I’m just fine with us pretending to be polite acquaintances and going about our own business.”

  “Ditto.” Mason glanced at his watch. “Suppose I’ll catch my jet. Always a pleasure, brother.”

  Mason shoved open the door and disappeared around the corner, leaving Trip to stew. His father’s timing sucked. Why would he push Mason into Trip’s life now, when Trip had finally decided to settle down? When he’d decided to give his dad more respect and attention?

  This was what happened when you let people into your heart. Things got messy, and then they usually fell apart. Trip didn’t like messy, and he didn’t like pain. Now both were staring him down, testing him.

  Adrenaline pumped through his veins as he recalled Mason’s smug remarks. What he needed was a release of the energy coiling in his gut. Without a destination in mind, he stormed out of the building and started walking.

  Chapter Seven

  Kelsey dragged herself to her sister’s for dinner at six o’clock to hear some “big announcement.” Based on Maura’s tendency to exaggerate the significance of minor events, Kelsey suspected the announcement could relate to anything from buying new drapes to whatever participation award Fee might have won at summer camp that week.

  She arrived just in time to help get the food to the table. While her parents and Bill were seating the kids in the dining room, Kelsey followed Maura into the kitchen.

  “Don’t think I didn’t notice how you’ve been avoiding me these past ten days,” Maura scolded as she tossed the salad. “And don’t think you can escape questions about how it’s going with you-know-who.”

  “It went fine. Better than fine.” Kelsey transferred rice and beans from the pot to a serving bowl. She kept her heated face hidden from her sister. “In fact, it was awesome.”

  “In what way?” Maura set down the salad tongs. “I mean, is there more between you two than the purely physical nonsense you tried to sell me?”

  “No.” Kelsey snapped her head toward Maura. “I told you, I’m in control of the situation. It was just one much-needed, extremely exciting interlude that I’ll remember for a long, long time. I don’t know if it will happen again, and I don’t care.” Liar, liar.

  Kelsey speared the rice bowl with a serving spoon before lifting it from the counter. “Now let’s go eat so I can hear this big announcement.”

  “You know I just want you to be happy, Kelsey.” Maura looked somewhat pained. “I want you to find someone to love so we can raise our families together.”

  “So do I. Trust me, Maura. My fling with Trip won’t interfere with my life or my happiness. Now wipe that worried look off your face before everyone else starts asking questions.”

  The sisters entered the dining room and took their seats in time to say grace with the family.

  “Okay, you two. Don’t keep us in the dark any longer. What’s the news?” Kelsey’s dad asked just before he shoveled a heaping spoonful of rice into his mouth.

  Her mom looked across the table at Maura with a knowing smile, which told Kelsey she either knew or guessed the secret. Bill grasped Maura’s hand and kissed it, and then he turned to the table. “We’re pregnant.”

  Kelsey tightened her grip on her fork, stunned. She hadn’t expected this news. News that normally would make her crow with excitement. A rush of self-loathing blew through her for the envy eating away at her heart.

  “A new baby!” Fee’s joyous shout snapped Kelsey out of her daze. Forcing a smile, she kept her gaze on Fee while she collected her spinning thoughts. Fee frowned at fat little Ty, who’d smashed peas in his hair and all over his high chair. “Mommy, I want a sister.”

  “We’ll see, honey.” Maura looked at Fee, her expression glowing.

  “Another baby?” Kelsey’s dad shook his head, smiling. “Bill, you’re keeping busy.”

  Maura slapped her dad’s shoulder. “Dad, the kids!”

  Kelsey finally offered heartfelt congratulations and managed to maintain a bright smile, but her insides were wrung tight. Maura was having her third child, her home becoming richer with family, while Kelsey’s life stagnated. Big paychecks, real estate investments, and fancy trips to Mexico wouldn’t fill up the hole in her heart or make her more lovable, no matter how much she hoped they might.

  Lively chatter about the pregnancy carried on around her while Kelsey picked at her food. At one point, she glanced across the table and saw a private moment between her sister and Bill, in which he placed his hand over Maura’s belly. The intimacy and love Kelsey witnessed plunged her once more into the depths of her own thoughts, doubts, and fears of never being loved, never being needed, never being any man’s “someone special.”

  Fee crawled onto her lap and hugged her. “Aunt Kelsey, when can I have a sleepover at your house?”

  Kelsey snuggled with Fee, uncaring that sticky little fingers tugged at her hair. “Soon, peanut. I promise.”

  She loved Fee, and, moreover, she loved the way Fee loved her. If she never found her own true love, could this be enough? She clung to her niece and kissed her head. Their special bond filled Kelsey’s heart with emotion she couldn’t even put to words. And yet that void remained—one she believed would only be filled when she fell in love with someone who returned her feelings and, together, they created their own family.

  For the next thirty minutes, Kelsey celebrated the happy news with her family, but deep down she wanted to escape.

  That chance came after cake. Kelsey helped her mom load the dishwasher and dry the pots, making excuses about being exhausted from a long day. She gave Bill another congratulatory kiss, then grabbed Maura and hugged her. “I love you, sis. I can’t wait to meet my next niece or nephew.”

  She meant every word, too, despite her self-absorption.

  “Thanks, Kels.” Maura’s eyes glistened, and Kelsey knew right then that, despite her attempts to hide her private sorrow, she’d failed. “Call me tomorrow.”

  Kelsey grabbed her keys, jogged to her car, and drove home, letting her tears flow. If she’d moved from Sterling Canyon to a bigger city years ago, might she have increased her chances of finding someone? At the time, she couldn’t have imagined ever wanting to leave her family and closest friends.

  Yet tonight the ridges of the San Juan mountain range encircling town felt claustrophobic rather than majestic. Familiar town streets cluttered with antique buildings seemed stagnant instead of charming. Perhaps she needed to take more drastic steps toward happiness than just playing secret sex games with Trip Lexington.

  Two minutes later, she parked her car in the alley behind her building. A quick glance in the mirror reflected self-pity. Scowling, she slapped her cheek to snap herself out of her funk. Maura’s pregnancy was great news for their family. And it would give Kelsey another infant to love.

  As she made her way between her building and her neighbors’, focused on those positive thoughts, her phone rang. She dug into her bag and saw Trip’s name on the display. She stopped. Bit her lower lip. The last thing she could handle at that moment was talking to Trip, who, despite his appeal, personified the opposite of the kind of man she really needed. Tossing the phone back into her purse, she rounded the bend toward the front door.

  When a man appeared out of the shadows, her heart skittered and her limbs went numb. “Oh!”

  “Ignoring my call?” Trip asked, clearly insulted, as he caught her by the elbow before she stumbled.

  “Trip! You scared me.” Despite her attempt to stifle her emotions, she sniffled.

  “Sorry.” He tipped her chin up toward the glow from the porch light and studied her face with concern. As his thumb brushed away her last tear, his tone shifted to something fierce. “Okay, whose as
s do I need to kick?”

  “What?” Kelsey felt her forehead crease in confusion.

  “You’ve been crying. Who upset you?” He loomed above her, chest puffed out. “I’ll make him pay, just give me a name.”

  Utterly unexpected. Trip wanted to defend her. For some ridiculous reason, his concern made her happy. God, what a screwed-up pair they were.

  “Not a he, and there are no asses that need to be kicked, so stand down.” She raised one hand. “But I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “I’ve never seen you cry, princess.” He shocked her again by pulling her against his chest and murmuring, “Gotta say, I don’t like it.”

  Her muscles relaxed in his embrace. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth and strength he offered. The soothing sound of his strong heartbeat pounded against her ear, so she stayed there for a few extra seconds before easing away. “I’m fine. I’ll be fine, really. But why are you here?”

  Trip cocked his head, looking like he might continue to press the topic, but then he backed down. “Honestly? I didn’t plan on coming. I bolted from the office to blow off steam and ended up here.” The look on his face proved he was as surprised as she by that admission.

  “To blow off steam?” She unlocked her door, already knowing she would let him come in. She didn’t want to be alone just yet, and apparently neither did he.

  “Among other things.” Trip restored his playboy persona with the innuendo of his words and delivery. He followed her up the stairs and into her apartment and then proceeded to pace back and forth.

  She tossed her purse to the floor, switched on a lamp and the gas fireplace, then grabbed a bottle of zinfandel and two glasses.

  “Got any beer?” Trip asked while picking up various pictures and knickknacks to study them with a curious smile.

  “Wine or water, sorry.”

  Trip motioned for the bottle with one hand then poured them each an extra-large glass. “Not sure who needs this more, you or me.”